Felicity's POV.

I wake up from a deep sleep not being able to remember when I even fell asleep, I seem to be sleeping a lot lately, all I remember was talking to Dan and him putting his hand on my knee and then- oh no! What have I done?

I still can't remember everything, just bits and pieces, some of what happened is still a little foggy. Is Dan still alive? I certainly hope so; it would pain me to know I hurt him badly. I look around to see I'm alone, they left me in here unguarded after what I did? That's when I hear them, I expand me scope of hearing and listen to the quiet voices. By their tone of voices I can tell that there are two men outside my door. I breathe the air in deeply with my nose, trying to identify who they are.

By the smell my nose identifies that it's two men from my pack, Warren must have told them to guard my room after what happened. The real question is: are they keeping people outside from coming in here, or are they keeping me from getting out. If it's the latter, well then maybe it's for the best. If they think that it's too dangerous for me to be left unguarded I will deal with it.

Finally the door opens and the one face I was hoping to see again enters, "Kendrick." He smiles at me, "Hello, my love. How are you feeling?" I look at him and the slightly uplifting joy I feel when I see him slowly fades from my expression and body as I look at him, I choke on my breath and struggle to release the words from my mouth as guilt settles in "D-Dan. Is he- did I- kill him? I did, didn't I! Oh goodness! I can't remember all that happened, what did I do to him?!"

The hysteria sets in the pit of my stomach and I can't hear anything but the sound of my own heartbeat. I remember how I tore at the flesh of his hand, everything else is a blur, images mixed together and I can't picture anything clearly. 'Ana! What did we do!! How come we attacked Dan?' He was- no is- my friend, I still don't know if he's alive. 'I don't know Felicity, I don't know. It was as if I was blocked out, just the same as you I couldn't control myself. It was like we both were pushed back and this wild creature came to the surface. I don't know how it happened Felicity, I really dont. It was just pure anger and I couldn't stop myself no matter how much I wanted to.' I listen to my wolf and her worries, I begin to feel a sort of panic but I still reassure her 'Ana, it's okay. Even though we're not sure how this happened I know we'll be okay. We'll be okay.' The words feel dry in my mouth, although I'm saying them I'm not sure how much I believe in them, but I guess we'll find out.

"Felicity!! Are you alright?! Nothing, nothing happened to Dan, you didn't kill him. He's still alive!" Being brought back into reality feels like the world has just began to turn again, I focus on Kendrick again instead of freaking myself other more. "He's hurt but you didn't kill him, we stopped you in time. Although some of us still got a bit injured you didn't kill anyone." I look down in shame, "but I could have. I could have hurt everyone even worse than they are now or I could have killed them. I can understand why you have the guards outside then, I think that was a smart idea. No one needs a crazed wolf on the loose." I look up to see him standing, hand reaching out and body angled towards me, but not standing too close so he doesn't scare me, I guess he's realized like me that when I'm touch the reaction is not a good one. It's better for everyone if I just stayed locked up in here, it seems just like how my father was a monster so am I. What's that old saying? 'Like father, like son?' Well in this case its more 'like father, like daughter.'

I truly don't deserve to be Kendrick's mate, and I certainly don't have what it takes to be an Alpha Female. I've got nothing to give. I'm what society calls 'damaged goods' so why would his pack want me? That's where the line is drawn, they wouldn't.

Self hatred overwhelms me and any attempt at being positive I see has turned negative. Maybe I should reject Kendrick so he finds a more suitable mate. One that will treat him right and love him in the way he deserves, one that will lead his pack the way she should. I am not that person, I never saw myself as such and I doubt even if I tried I'd fail. I begin to think of rejecting Drik but the thought brakes my heart and although I don't think I'm the right one for him, I just can't seem to find the strength to give him up. I need him too much in my life and I am not letting him go. That's what my father wanted and I am not giving into him, even if he's dead!

I've finally found the one person that will change my world forever and I am not letting him go. I look into his eyes and see this deep emotion in it, but since I've never been looked at in the way he's staring at me now, I wouldn't know what it is. Having Kendrick so close and wanting to touch him, I almost reach out to grab his hand but I don't. Any attempt I make to receive physical contact from anyone, I still get tense. It's like there is a switch inside my head and whenever people touch me, I lose it. I really want the comfort my mate offers but it seems I've been traumatized too much, hence the 'damaged goods' reference. Maybe I should have let my father kill me, then I wouldn't be in this situation. I'm so messed up, half the time I don't know how much.

Even though I know it would be easier to have let my father kill me, I couldn't do it. That's practically suicide and in a way...that's selfishness on my part because I think I would have people that would miss me. Like Warren, Lana, Dan, and most of all Kendrick. Even if it happened before we met, he would still feel the lose of me and I couldn't do that to him. It was the one thing my mother told me never to give up on. If I just gave up I would be letting her down, and everyone else even if they didn't even realize it. Death is not worth it, life is. Although we all have our struggles, the great thing about living is we can change it, we can make a difference. We just have to put the effort in and decide we want to go after something wonderful. Life doesn't just happen, we make it what we want it to be.

So I'm not going to give up. Although I'm messed up I can get better, I just have to fight for it. I will not let it win, I will not let my father win. He wanted to destroy me and tear me down? Not going to happen, I am going to live the best life I can to show him and myself, he didn't crush me. These damage goods are going to turn into great goods, I may not be perfect but I don't have to be. I am going to prove every single person that said something bad about me that they can't put me down, but I'm not doing it for them, I am doing this for me. I will not put myself down! Now the real battle begins!