Shauna wants me to wear the most exquisite things the store has to offer. I have different ideas. I look for plain, regular shirts; she looks for frilly blouses and even dresses. Finally she caves and tells me to wear whatever I want. So I get the normal kinds of things I always wear (a few with longer sleeves to cover my stitches), and new shoes exactly like the ones I already have. It's not like I'm dressing trashy; she really should be fine with it.

"Why don't you want to wear something cute?" she asks.

"Because! I don't like to draw attention to myself!"

She scowls but pays for the things anyway.

At home, Caylen and I play a board game until Shauna announces it's time to go to bed. Tomorrow will bring a new day of school, hopefully more successful than the first.

---------------------------------------------

Caylen tells me plans for today's prank while we walk.

"I'll put the frog in her desk, and when she opens it, the whole class'll go nuts!"

"Where did you even get that frog?" I ask.

"The lake. At least it's just a small one."

"I wish I could see this go down," I say.

"Perks of being Caylen's age! You get to see everything! But if you tell even one person about the things I do, we can't be friends."

"I've got no one to talk to anyway. I think you're good."

"You won't feel tempted to tell that Aethelmaer kid?"

"Even if I told him anything, who's he got to tell?"

"I dunno, Natalie. He's a really good student. You never know - he might tell a teacher or something."

"He's a good student?" Honestly, this surprises me.

"Yeah. His grades are top notch. Only he's not a teacher's pet. Those are the kids that participate in class discussion and ask stupid questions. He's the kid who's never late to class, always turns in work, and never flunks a test, but he keeps his mouth shut. I wouldn't be surprised if the teachers found him a little creepy, too."

"He doesn't seem like that kind of person. I would've thought he ditched class four times a week."

"Me too. I can't believe you sat with him."

"There was nowhere else! And-"

Oops. I can't say he saved me from the creek; that would only make him seem more creepy. Just showing up out of nowhere and pulling me out, then not even walking me to the hospital. I can't give anyone anything to gossip about. Surely he can't like being considered creepy, right?

"Here we are!" Caylen says as we approach the school. Then he points to Kian, who's sitting alone at one of the picnic tables. "And there he is!"

"Caylen! It's not nice to point!"

"He probably gets it a lot, anyway."

I scowl in disappointment. I'm okay with him sticking a frog in some girl's desk, but I'm all defensive about Kian. What's my problem?

"Well," Caylen says, "I've got a frog in my backpack that has somewhere to be. See you after school!"

He walks away, leaving me standing alone. I don't like standing awkward and lonesome, so I just walk over to Kian's picnic table and sit across from him, just like yesterday.

He looks at me expectantly, as if I've come to shoot him down and he just wants it over with.

"Hey," I say.

"What do you want?" he asks.

"I'm not sure, but I know you can't possibly enjoy being alone every second of every day."

"What if I do?"

"That's not normal! It's not humane to be alone all the time! Don't you ever ache for someone to talk to?"

He stops to think for a second, and then says, "No."

I just sit in silence. He won't look at me. He's afraid I'll see right through him. I'm right and he knows I am.

"Kian," I say quietly, "have you ever had a friend before?"

"No."

"Has anyone ever tried to be your friend?"

"Of course."

"You pushed them away." It's really not a question.

"You don't understand, Natalie," he says calmly, finally looking at me.

"You're right. I don't. I'm just trying to, but you're not letting me."

"Leave me alone, please."

I pause, trying to choose my words carefully, but I just end up saying, "This isn't over." And with that, I get up and leave. Right as the bell rings, too. Perfect timing.

In Mr. London's class, Jessica tries to talk to me, but I just ignore her. That, there, is a sunken boat.

In computers, with Ms. Mayberry, Hayden talks to me.

"When did you move here?" he asks.

"I've always lived here," I reply.

"Were you homeschooled?"

I nod. "I...I was at Madame Catherine's orphanage."

"Orphanage?"

"Yes."

"So you were adopted?"

I nod.

He seems speechless, because he doesn't say anything else.

"Well," he says after a while, "I think that's just fine. Thanks for sharing."

"Sure. I thought if I was going to make friends, I can't just keep everything to myself."

"Speaking of friends, why in the world were you sitting with Kian Aethelmaer yesterday?"

"Why not?"

"I don't know.... He's just really weird. No one has tried to sit with him since, like, freshman year."

"Yeah, he doesn't seem to like it very much."

"Definitely."

"Could you...give me some examples of his behavior? Because right now, be doesn't seem like a bad guy."

"Well, let's see. He's always rude to people-"

"Because he's trying to be alone," I cut him off. "Got it. Any reasons why?"

"That, I do not know. He's been like that as long as I can remember. He moved here in...uh...third grade. I always thought of him as a curse, because that's when The Red started affecting our town. It's like they moved here with him or something."

"Well, that's a terrible coincidence for you to hold against him! He-"

"Shh!" Ms. Mayberry shushes me. I totally forgot we were in a classroom.

So maybe that's why people don't like him. He's rude to them, sure, but The Red affected our town at the same time. I could just see the whole thing in my head:

"The Red are killing people in our town! It's the mean kid's fault!"

And then I think, Kian, if only you'd been nicer, people wouldn't have blamed anything on you.

"Do you have anyone to sit with today?" Hayden whispers. "You could sit with me."

"No. I've got somewhere to sit."

And it's true.

✯ ✯ ✯

I get to lunch earlier than yesterday, so there are a few more open seats than before. I even see both Jessica and Hayden. Yet, I head straight over to Kian's table. When I sit down, he inhales deeply and looks at me with a very irritated face.

"Please!" I hold my hands out before he can say anything. "Please, because I'm the new kid and I have no friends."

"I think those kids would beg to differ." He looks behind me. I, too, look, and I see that nearly every head in the cafeteria is staring at me in awe.

I turn back to Kian. "Were they staring yesterday?"

"Yes."

"Why is this so wrong?"

"I told you. They think I'm creepy."

"I don't get you. You push me away, but you saved my life the other day! Can you please just be my friend?"

"Are you one of those people who just has to be loved by everyone?"

My face drops. "No. Absolutely not."

"What's so good about me?"

"You're way more interesting than any of them."

He gives me a small smile. "Seriously?"

I feel my face flush. "...Yes."

"Well-"

"Don't you dare tell me you prefer to be alone, because I know that's not true."

He still has that small smile. It doesn't get bigger, but it doesn't go away, either. I'm grinning like a fool when he says, "You're going to regret this."

We walk outside together and sit by that tree he was at yesterday. I want him to just tell me everything about himself so I don't have to be confused about his loneliness anymore. But that might be a bit too pushy, so I just wait for him to talk.

Minutes go by, but Kian just plays with his hands.

I clear my throat. "Do you, uh...wanna talk?"

He looks at me. "I'm sorry. It's been a really long time since I've had an actual conversation."

"What about your parents?"

He looks down again. "I prefer not to talk about them."

"Oh." Maybe his parents died, just like mine. Maybe that's why he pushes people away. Maybe he doesn't want to grow close to someone if they're just going to be taken away. ...That makes a lot of sense.

"Tell me about yourself," I say. "But only what you're comfortable sharing."

"There isn't much I'm comfortable with."

"Sure there is. What's your favorite color? What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you do on weekends?"

"Well," he starts, "I like blue. Dark blue, like my hoodie. When I grow up, I want to be far away from here. On the weekends, and after school, I work at the grocery store."

"Why do you work?"

"Because."

Somehow, he wasn't comfortable with sharing that. I'll figure it out someday.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks. "Why are you so anxious to be my friend?"

I don't know. Why am I so anxious to be his friend? I know a few other people I could hang out with, yet I chose the person that no one likes. Which is also a little hard to understand. Why don't people like him? He's definitely not bad looking. People think he's rude, but it's so obvious that he's had a tough life. Why don't people give him a chance? Well, maybe I'm the only one who can tell he's been hurt. Maybe I chose him because he's interesting.

"Natalie?" he says quietly, breaking me from my thoughts. "Why?"

"I don't know," I say. "I...I don't know."

"You really deserve better friends than me. Don't feel like you have to make me happy."

"You're not happy."

"Yes-"

"Don't lie," I say, my voice rising. "Don't tell me you're happy because I can clearly see that you're not. If you're happy, then I don't know what happy means."

"Maybe you're right Natalie. I'm not happy. But I don't think you can fix it."