I woke up the next morning with a massive headache. I groaned as I rolled over towards Louis.

“Not feeling well?” He asked, chuckling. He kissed my forehead and brushed the hair out of my eyes.

“Stop making fun of me,” I grumbled. “Why don't you have a headache? You drank more than I did.”

“Because I'm used to drinking, at least more than you are. And I do have a little headache, but it was worth it to watch you let loose last night.”

“Shut up!” I said, burying my face in the pillow.

He went to the kitchen to get us both some water, and he brought me some Tylenol. I sat up and took it, but then I slumped back against the head board. “Ugh. What was I thinking?”

“You were on top of the world. You kicked some serious ass yesterday, and I'm proud of you.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Veronica and I told Harry off, too.” Louis burst out laughing, demanding that I tell him the whole story.

When I finished, I asked, “Did I make a fool of myself last night? I mean, you know...with you?” I bit my lip, feeling slightly humiliated at the way I'd thrown myself at him.

“Did you mean what you said?” He asked.

“That I want to give myself to you? Yes.”

“Then, no, you didn't make a fool of yourself. I'm honored that you trust me that way. I hope I didn't hurt you, I just want to wait until the time is right, you know. Once we can tell your parents the truth and not hide anymore. And once I figure out what I'll be doing after the summer...” He trailed off, knowing that I was uncomfortable with the fact that we had no plans for the future yet.

I closed my eyes and nodded slightly. I understood where he was coming from, but it hurt a little to know he wasn't just going to jump at the chance to come with me.

“Do you remember how my brother started going on about how all I'd ever wanted was to go to Harvard?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well, that wasn't an exaggeration. That was truly all I ever wanted – to go to Harvard and to become a doctor. I worked my ass off and got excellent grades, and you know me – I participated in every sport and extracurricular there was. I had all the confidence in the world and I think I communicated that very well on my application and essay. But it still wasn't enough.”

He bit his lip, and I knew that this was a sensitive topic for him. He continued, “If I go to Boston with you, I'll be your servant-”

“No, that's the thing," I interrupted. "You won't be my servant. My parents will just think you are so that we can be together.”

“Let me finish,” he said. “I will be a servant because your parents will be paying me, whether you want to acknowledge that or not. So while I'm making a servant's wage, I'll be watching you...going to Harvard.” He was getting a little choked up. He finished in a whisper. “You'll be living my dream."

“If it makes you feel any better, I don't even want to go to Harvard,” I said.

“No!” He snapped. “That doesn't make me feel better! I can't even begin to understand how you would not want this opportunity! So, not only will I have to watch you go to class every day, but I'll probably have to listen to you piss and moan about it.”

“Louis,” I said, not even trying to mask the hurt in my voice. “Why would you say that?”

He moved a little closer to me and grabbed my hand. “I didn't mean it like that. It's natural to get stressed out about college, and I just don't know if I can handle watching you do the college thing at my dream university....while I work for you.”

“I'm so sorry. None of that occurred to me. I'm sorry. I guess being an entitled little bitch has its drawbacks,” I said mournfully.

He leaned in and kissed me. “Oh, honey, I don't think of you that way. I just...this is just something I have to work through on my own. I just wanted you to know why I'm hesitating. I don't want to hurt you.”

“Yeah,” I said. “I understand.”

Louis cradled my face in his hands and drew me close. He pressed his soft lips against mine and gave me the most intimate kiss, moving his mouth against mine, pressing deep.

When he backed away, I asked, “What was that for?”

“For being patient with me while I figure things out,” he said.

“Well, then, I must owe you something for taking such good care of me.” This time, I reached around his neck with one hand and pulled him back to me, kissing him just as sweetly as he had done. I felt that familiar tingle in my body when he went deeper, flicking his tongue against mine. When we separated, I fell against the pillows again and sighed, “I love you, Lou.”

This time it was painfully obvious when he didn't say it back. I knew he cared about me and that he wanted things to work between us, but then why was he afraid to say I love you? I thought that maybe he was trying to talk himself into feeling more for me, like Richard had done, forcing our relationship for years.

“Lou?” I asked quietly. “You can tell me the truth. Is it that you just don't want to be with me that way?” I hoped he understood that I was referring to sex. I was still a little shy about the subject.

He rushed in, saying, “No, Ash. That's not it at all. I told you, I just don't think it's the right time for us yet. We have to get past some things.”

Another thought occurred to me, so I asked while I still had the courage. “Would I be your first?”

He hung his head down. “Sadly, no.”

I just sat back and waited for him to continue.

“Katie,” he said, and I understood. “I don't regret giving myself to her, but sex creates a bond that's much more than just physical. I'm sure I would have been devastated over losing her even if we hadn't had sex. But making love to her was so...it made me feel as if she was mine, and only mine. When she died, part of me was violently ripped away – the part of myself that I'd given to her.”

It was almost embarrassing to hear him speak so candidly about making love to someone else, but I was glad he felt comfortable enough to share this with me.

I sighed. “And I'll never be Katie.”

“No,” he said emphatically. “That's not my point either. It's just that sex is so intimate, so profound. I think people take it much too lightly when it's supposed to be unifying, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.”

I still didn't quite follow, but I didn't want to push him into expressing his feelings for me. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the real reason for his hesitation, except what he'd already revealed – that he didn't want to be unified with me in that way. At least not yet.

He continued. “But that's not all. I did some really stupid things after Katie died.” He closed his eyes as if he was trying to keep control over his emotions. I held his hand and leaned my head on his shoulder. “About six months after her death, I was so lost and so empty that I started trying to fill the void with the kind of connection I had with her. So, I uh...slept around basically. With several girls. I ignored the hurt and just went for the physical connection, hoping it would replace something of what I lost when she died."

He squeezed his eyes together more tightly. “But it didn't. After another six months, I was hanging out with one of my um, partners, because we also happened to be pretty good friends. She told me she was in love with me and I lost it. I just broke down and freaked out because that wasn't what I wanted. I never wanted to hurt her or anyone else, but I'd given her the idea that I cared for her when I really didn't. At least not that way. She was devastated and I completely destroyed our friendship because of my selfishness. After that, I swore I'd never do that to another girl again.”

I wasn't sure how I felt about all that. I didn't think any less of Louis because everyone makes mistakes, after all. But it was so...heavy. I guess I had just assumed that he didn't have any deep, dark secrets.

“I'm sorry, Lou. That must have been such a rough time. But you're human, you know. Everyone messes up sometimes.”

“I was inhuman. I hated myself after that. I just couldn't forgive myself for doing that to her, or to any of the girls I'd been with.”

“Have you forgiven yourself now?” I asked. “That was a long time ago.”

“I think so,” he finally said. “I never did that again.” Then he started to laugh a little. “And I haven't had sex since then either. I'm having a little bit of a dry spell.”

It was a relief to see his face lighten up after such a heavy discussion. “I won't push you then, and you won't push me. We'll just take it slow and hopefully we'll both know when the time is right.”

“Deal,” he said, winking.

We got up and ate some breakfast. That helped immensely with my headache. Then I decided to gather up some of my stuff and bring it back to my room. I asked Louis to help me carry some things, but we would have to be stealthy about it. As soon as he set my things on my bed, he spun me around and kissed me deeply.

I giggled through the kiss, then asked, “What was that all about?”

“I just realized that I'd never kissed you in your room, that's all.”

“Ahh, I see,” I said, nodding my head. “We've been practically living together for the past week, so it will be an adjustment to sleep in this big bed without you.”

“Your bed is twice the size of mine, so maybe I could sleep here with you some time," he said with that cute little smirk on his face.

“You're welcome to do that any time you'd like,” I assured him. “I won't pressure you, but if you move to Boston with me, we'll already know that we enjoy being room-mates. So, just keep that in mind, okay?”

I grabbed both his hands and stood in front of him, my chest pressed to his.

“I'll definitely remember that,” he said, wrapping both arms around mine and pulling me close.

He had to go to work, lest my parents notice his prolonged absences and fire him. But he promised he would come with me to get my stitches out tomorrow.

I surveyed my closet for a while, trying to decide what kinds of things I would need to take with me to Boston. Daddy had the house furnished for me, but of course, I still needed my clothes and some of my own things. I soon found the task overwhelming, so I decided that I would have to ask Danielle to help me make some decisions later on.

I took a leisurely bath in my own over-sized tub. I didn't realize how much I'd missed it until I stepped into the luxurious bubbles. I laid back and let the steaming water caress my skin. It still stung a little when it washed over my stitches, but not much. It was almost healed, although I knew it would leave a scar. I figured I would go to a cosmetic surgeon at some point to figure out what to do about it, but I was in no hurry.

Louis made me feel beautiful even when I was wearing one of his plain old t-shirts and a pair of pajama shorts. He loved something about me that was more than money and possessions, but I didn't know what it was. I didn't feel like anything special, especially now that I was beginning to understand that money was just a superficial source of happiness. And of course, all I could say about my personality was that I used to be a selfish bitch and now I was less of one. 

If money didn't make me special, what was it? I'd never really thought about who I was, and it was actually hard to come up with reasons to like myself that weren't related to my looks or my social status.

One thing that I was beginning to grasp was that I enjoyed giving others a glimpse of the little happinesses that money can buy, like when I bought the dress for Danielle, or when I gave the old woman in the subway money for food.

And just like that, I had another spectacular idea! I knew how I could use money to most definitely make someone happy. It was a foolproof plan!

As long as I could get my father to agree to it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, Louis isn't quite as perfect as you might have thought. I mean, he's still darn near perfect, but I had to give him some weaknesses! You'll be finding out a little more about him in the coming chapters. :D