(⚠️ Chapter Touches Domestic Violence And Enablist/ Addiction Behaviors)

Once Tammy thinks she is happy enough with her appearance, she goes out to the public area.

Alexei is angrily pulling a red-haired woman out with him. Tammy's body tensed, and she felt ill. She doesn't need to see him. He's a dirty stain in her consciousness and toxic. Without any effort, Alexei helps her release the worst part of herself.

Alexei makes eye contact with her as they cross paths. Tammy has to acknowledge that she notices the same self-loathing and confusing feelings in Alexei's eyes. She feels it too. She hates herself. Tears threaten to fall, and she has to pull herself together. What makes it worse, Alexei seems to notice she's hurting and almost comes to her side, but ultimately doesn't.

What's done is done.

Maybe, they won't cross paths like that again. It is a one-time fuck up that she should take to her grave. Alexei Smirnov makes her feel things are too complicated. Alexei Smirnov makes Tammy want to go to therapy.

"Tammy, come sit with me. " Amber appears by her side and seems bored. "Alexei is leaving, and I don't want to sit alone. "

"Come sit with Mark and me. " Tammy says, trying to act as normal as possible.

She can't trust what Amber may pick up on or not. Tammy knows how to act as though there isn't anything wrong because of her family. Fraud and putting on airs it has been ingrained within, from before Tammy can remember, she's had to know how to present a way she doesn't feel.

Her family hadn't been perfect.

Being with Mark, and now these run-ins with Alexei, have been forcing Tammy to accept that her family was toxic. Her father had been physically abusive at one point. Russell is a very hard man to please and highly suspicious. He cares too much about what others think about his achievements. He will do anything to have power and respect, even within his own home.

All Tammy can think about is if Mark has anything on him that can make her feel calmer. She notices his pupils. Mark always has something on him. He sometimes has a few things on him. They take those things from time to time.

Tammy can't say they have a problem.

It's mainly on the weekends, and it's never for hours. They take a little bit of something and relax. They watch movies, talk, read, and listen to music. They never overindulge.

Mark's eyes fall on her as Amber takes a seat. Already the blond is smiling at someone and flirting. Tammy feels Mark's clinical gaze admiring her. Mark says something to the table that makes an excuse for their absence while pulling, with care, her to the side.

His thumb smooths over her cheek, immediately passing her a cup.

Mark's gaze is downcast, causing her stomach to leap as he lifts his warm honey brown eyes to her own, with a look undecipherable. She remembers Cookie telling her about this look. She remembers Cookie told her to take care of herself.

Suddenly Tammy wants to bawl her eyes out over Cookie. She misses the motherly figure and hates herself further for crossing the woman. She shouldn't have returned Cookie's kindness by sleeping with her man. It doesn't matter if others say Mark and Cookie weren't in love. Mark had belonged to Cookie.

Tammy drinks the cup Mark gives, without question. She's praying for a sedative feeling from something within it. She doesn't need to feel right now. Her body hurts her mind and her heart.

"If you want to talk, I'll listen, but if you don't want to talk, I understand. " Mark feels safe, and selfishly she is happy for his presence.

His words stop her breath.

Mark knows what's happened. He knows, and he's not confronting her. Her eyes begin to water as Mark, with the slightest movement, shakes his head, no. Tammy feels his hand squeeze her held hand. She feels herself crumbling and tears blurring her eyes as she wants to say, 'I slept with Alexei.' Mark confirms, saying, 'I know, but instead Mark helps her remain standing with delicate care and shakes his head 'no,' invoking her silence and kissing her delicately on the forehead.

Tammy didn't want to ruin the way Mark cared.

Her college rape happened because her boyfriend no longer cared about her with her sexual appetites and openness. She has learned since then. She knew not to ask for what she wants in bed, and she stopped watching porn because it was unethical. Tammy stopped having casual sex and went celibate outside of serious relationships.

Her college boyfriend said he allowed her to be hurt so they could have a better future. . . How could she have a future with someone she would never again feel safe with?

Tammy still internalizes why he truly made his decision.

She doesn't believe it was because he loved her at all. He'd always been prepared to discard her if she wouldn't have accepted what he said would be law. Just like. . . Her parents. That's all Tammy knows love to be, conditional and based on what someone expects of you.

"What do you have? " Tammy looks up at Mark when she emotionally is stable.

She's kind of in a corner with Mark's body shielding her from the eyes and cameras. Mark knows, and Tammy doesn't know why he's taking action he's taking. Mark knows Tammy is asking about drugs. He appears sober, but Tammy knows better by now.

Honestly, she's almost barely sober herself, but she still can't say they have a problem.

"I have coke, and I have downers. "Mark says cautiously and looks her over. "Only one. . ." He warns her with a gentle tone.

Tammy feels like his baby, like in this moment, Mark wouldn't allow anything to happen to her. He would never do anything terrible to her. Tammy's never felt that in her entire life. She's always had to look over her shoulder and understand people are using her for something.

"The downers. "Mark laces their fingers, pulling her somewhere else.

In a more secluded area, Mark gives her two pills. One by one, he placed them sensually into her mouth, and Tammy drank the rest of the strong drink. Mark hugs her, and Tammy fights the urge to cry. Before pulling away, he gives her the sweetest kiss. Why is Mark so amazing to her?

Tammy has never loathed herself more in her life.

Maybe Mark had been correct, in the beginning, when he pondered what had her fucked up. She has to be fucked up, and it's the only way to explain what just happened. It's the only way to explain why Mark seems to know what happened, but instead of hating her, he cherishes her.
Only Tammy, being fucked up, can explain how she could still want Mark, as he pretends not to know. They won't speak on it. He won't allow it to change anything.

They are toxic.

Alexei Smirnov

"Did you sleep with her!" Adriana, his long-term for hire girlfriend, beats on his chest with curled fists and tears streaming down her perfect artificially enhanced face.

Alexei hates when women yell and scream. He hates the shrill tone and how high their voices sound. He is thoroughly annoyed. This woman isn't even an actual romantic partner. Alexei finds himself needing to be alone. He got more than he bargained for sleeping with Tammy. His head is all messed up, and he feels terrible.

Alexei feels so terrible.

"Shut up, Adrianna!" He rubs his aching temples. "Why the fuck do you care?"

Alexei knows what he did.

He knows what he did in that restroom, but he doesn't remember everything about it. What Alexei did was utterly inappropriate. Alexei feels disgusted in his body. He hates himself, and he hates what happened in that bathroom. The anger and disgust in his body are making Alexei shake as he pours a drink. Something is wrong with Tammy, but this isn't all her fault.

Alexei should have been a gentleman. He should have wooed her and made sure Tammy was begging and saying yes. He shouldn't have forced consent or whatever those blurred lines were in the bathroom.

The problem is, he hadn't been himself.

Alexei didn't remember being in the bathroom. He remembers following Tammy and then nothing else. The next thing Alexei remembers, clearly, is that Tammy was cumming all over him with tears all over her face.

He did that to her.

Tammy looks like art when she cries. He now knows all her portraits of the sobbing woman, and they were all herself. Tammy finds herself beautiful when she cries. Alexei remembers when he regained consciousness because he wanted to hurl when his dick throbbed while he lusted over how attractive Tammy looked crying.

"Because I'm supposed to be your girlfriend. " Adrianna screeched and followed him over to the bar. He couldn't react to her quickly enough as he was lost in his thoughts and emotions.

Adriana's fists are hitting his chest and jerking Alexei from his thoughts. He can't believe after all this time, Adriana wants to play the jealous girlfriend role. She's only concerned with her money. She knows what he did with Tammy in that restroom, and it's so out of his character.

She is afraid of being replaced.

"I pay you to be my fucking girlfriend!" Alexei cruelly laughs and conjuring a condescending tone. "Why do you care? You went to an event, and you got your tabloid photos. You showed me and all the glamour on your social media. As far as the world is concerned, I am with you. What else do you want? "

"You barely ever sleep with me! I began to think you aren't straight...
Isn't your cousin in love with her?! " Adrianna has tears in her eyes. Alexei never understood why women got this way over him when he gave them no cause to love him.

"You don't know what you're talking about. " Alexei states in a calm that's becoming harder to maintain. He feels terrible as she throws that fact at him.

Mark is in love with Tammy.

"What is it that you want from me? How can I make you see me?" Adrianna sounds desperate, and it's such an ugly sound from a usually sophisticated and put-together woman.

Alexei's patience is thin. He grabs Adriana's wrists to stop her from hitting him and physically lashing out. She's becoming inconsolable. Alexei is sickened by her emotional act and knows he'll be rid of her.

"Tell. Me . The. Truth." Adrianna demands, the words almost a growl.

For a moment, Alexei sincerely doesn't care the extent of the damage he inflicts on her. "You don't even know what you're talking about! I didn't fuck her! " Alexei lies easily.

He didn't cum. Did that count?

He savored Tammy. What he experienced had been unlike anything he'd felt for such a long time. He wouldn't call what happened fucking. Then again, he still needs to be alone to come to terms with what that moment is.

"I don't believe you!" She claws at him, and the tears stream now.

Alexei holds her firmly, resisting the urge to slap her. "You don't have to believe me! Believe the fucking money I put in your accounts! Believe the fact you've never seen me with another woman anywhere.
Fuck, you want to get fucked more...fine! FINE!!!"

Alexei was so angry and feeling cornered. He yelled, hitting the wall next to the trembling woman's face, leaving a crater-like hole. He doesn't feel like arguing.
Whirling around, he needs space between them. Alexei
angrily knocks down glass items and revels in the crashing sounds.

"Calm down..." Adrianna stutters and reaches out in an attempt to soothe. Her body is taut with fear.

Alexei has his bat in his hands, furiously shattering mirrors. "No, no! Don't you fucking touch me! No one fucking touch ME!!!"

The familiar all-consuming rage is taking over him. Alexei hates how vulnerable he'd felt in that bathroom. He remembers coming to and seeing her face smeared with tears and red as her body left evidence of its physical release on his phallus. Alexei didn't want to feel the rejection that he knew would be waiting. She hadn't wanted to share that moment with him.

What was supposed to be a quickie turned into too much more than either had been ready for.

Alexei hates the way that broken boy still lives inside. The same broken boy is desperately seeking the approval of the same fucking witch, who toyed with his young mind and hormones, ensuring he would be lost forever.

Alexei had needed to get away and come home. No, another vampire ass bitch is here. CRASH. He swung one window out, only seeing red. Adrianna, having now given up calling him and sits in defeat, crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Adrianna sounds broken and frantic.

He didn't care.

"Daddy..."

Alexei freezes at the voice.

What is she doing here? Was fate fucking with him? He looks at his daughter. Angela's blue eyes are on him, confused and worried. She looks like himself and Cassandra. Alexei has a whole new reason to feel low. He never wanted his daughter to see him like this again. He doesn't want to damage her, and it seems to be all he can do.

The petite mulatto teenager's blue eyes are comprehensive, and she is shaking. "Daddy...I ... Is everything okay? "

Alexei watches his daughter and Adrianna exchange glances before both turns to look at him. "Who brought you here?"

"...I came...to surprise you. Are you mad?" Angela looks around nervously, more than likely know the apparent answer implied by the scene before her.

YES. "No." Alexei drops the bat looking around at the mess.

Rain beats into the room from the shattered windows. He swallows hard. FUCK.