Alexei Smirnov

"You just had to ruin the day!"
Tammy is visibly worried.

Alexei understands, maybe, why Tammy would be, but he's annoyed at this point. He sits in his chair watching her pace. The Ferris wheel wasn't the right time to come clean, but when he saw how hurt Tammy was over Mark, Alexei knew he never wanted to see her hurt like that because of him. He knew he wanted Tammy to choose him and he didn't want to share her with Mark.

Alexei doesn't just want Tammy to choose him but choose him freely. He won't get what he's craving from that choice if Tammy only does it because of the brand or agreement. He never should have branded Tammy, he shouldn't have branded anyone. Alexei feels sick realizing who he's been up until now. Every time he tries to be a better person, Alexei feels he's defeated before he tries because his past is always catching up and he's always realizing how terrible a person he is.

Alexei knows he needs to be vulnerable and rid, of some, of these secrets. Spending the day with his daughter and Tammy has been the most beautiful moment, he's had in a long time and he wants that in his life, in Angela's life.

Today, Tammy entertain him and the possibilities between them. Tammy makes Alexei believe that she is leaning towards him. Tammy laughs musically at his jokes; she got his jokes. Tammy made his daughter laugh and it might sound crazy, but Alexei looks at Tammy in these moments and knows; he could marry Tammy.

Alexei finds he talks about things with Tammy that he never talks to other people about. They ended up talking more about his faith in God when she asked about the day he was praying. They began blessing food together everything they all age together. He wants that normalcy and he wants Tammy by his side. He knows Tammy has to make that choice in free will.

"I'm sorry for taking you off guard. I didn't mean to upset you.  I don't believe there is a way to say the things I need to say that isn't upsetting. Please allow me to explain. " Alexei ignores her remark about ruining the day.

It had been a beautiful day.

They felt like a couple just having a day at the mall with their child. Alexei knows that Tammy is good for Angela too. Alexei saw today that  Tammy is so much more beautiful than he'd been experiencing. When Tammy smiles, she glows and Alexei loves being the reason she smiles.

"Why? Why would you brand me? Why all of this, you're fucking insane. "Tammy doesn't yell, but Alexei flinches at the tears in her voice.

In Tammy's strained tone, Alexei hears that she'd liked him today. He hadn't been experiencing today alone but now he's afraid Tammy views him the way she did in that bathroom, he's shattering. Tammy is disillusioned with him. 

"Especially when YOU'RE THE ONE BETRAYING YOUR FAMILY!" Tammy angrily grits through clenched teeth but fights to cry. "Why Alexei?"

"Tammy, please sit down and..." Alexei doesn't get to finish as she cuts him off quickly.

"You don't tell me what to do!"
Alexei raises his eyebrow at her retort.

"I'll make you," Alexei says the powerful words but in a weak begging tone.

Tammy meets his look with watery eyes. Her lip trembles so slightly and Alexei wonders why he can't kiss her right now. She's hot and cold. He doesn't know when it's okay and when it isn't with her. He says the words in a plea, a warning of sorts. Alexei can't lose her before he even gains her. If she chooses, then maybe, Tammy can choose to love him. He watches her body language give into hearing him out.

"Now, sit the fuck down. " Alexei allows an authority to flood his voice which makes Tammy visibly stiffen before nodding and sitting. His head hurts after all of her shoutings.

"Okay. Talk..." Tammy folds her arms looking him dead on.

Tammy wants to like him. Alexei can hear it in her tone. She's asking him to make it all make sense so she can continue to like him and Alexei wants her to like him so very badly.
His fingers tap the table a bodily tick to reveal his anxiety.

Where to begin? He hadn't thought this through, he just knew it is necessary. Alexei is convicted and wants to immediately do better than he knows Mark is doing to her. Alexei wants to be better for her.

"Some, very powerful, people made contact with me. They want to call the shots on how things operate. I want out. I don't want to be in crime anymore. I want a better life for me and Angie and they are offering a clean break if I give them the Italian side of the family.

Once I eliminate Mark's family, I'll go down in history as ruthless. My entire family will revere me. The plan is to gain that complete respect so I then introduce the plot of this organization to the family, and over time begin to insert their people. Eventually, this organization takes the family.  I gradually get out of all this. I believed them because I wanted that out so badly.

However, I have reason to believe that Mark has received a similar deal. Only his deal, likely, more lucrative, because that little shit loves this life and can't wait to be the shot caller. He and I have very bad blood between us."
Alexei pauses.

Mark is complex and when he decided to take over the family, Mark made it clear to Alexei that he will be in possible danger if they don't reconcile. Alexei couldn't have Mark challenging him for the head of the family when Alexei needs to obtain this deal. He wants out of crime and he's going to get out by any means.

Alexei no longer trusts the envelopes and must get a new plan out.

"Alexei, how powerful are these people and why would you betray the family? I'm not pro-crime or anything but family is family. "
Tammy is softening up towards him, again.

Alexei laughs bitterly.  "You sound like your father. He used to always say things like that when I was growing up."

Tammy

"What do you mean?"Tammy scrunches her face.

Alexei must have his facts wrong because her father wouldn't know him. Russel isn't a gangster and only got in bed with the mob to start a legitimate business. Tammy feels worried as she begins to look over the decisions her father has made in life. She doesn't want to believe Alexei but why would he lie?

"Your father's hands are dirtier than he allows you to believe. "Alexei looks out the window.

"Are you trying to say my dad is a liar?" Tammy feels sick. She knows her father is a liar.

"I'm sure he has a great reason for not allowing you to know the truth of his full involvement in the family. Many fathers lie to their daughters and that's why I won't lie to Angie. "
Alexei shrugs.

The matter of her father's involvement or lack of involvement doesn't matter to Alexei.

Tammy took in the words. Her father? Is Alexei telling her what she thinks? Does she have time to ponder this? One thing she knows, her own life is more important than her father's secrets.

"Man, fuck all that Alexei! Mark is going to kill me if he finds out! Why did you involve me in this?! I just wanted to serve my time and then try to put my life together. "

"Don't lose yourself." Alexei rolls his eyes. "You gave the plan to spy for me. I saw the usefulness or I would have killed you, just like Cookie, to maintain my complete enmity. "Alexei's fingers tap on the desk.

"Oh my god! You killed Cookie?! "
Tammy begins pacing once again.

Suddenly, Tammy can remember that night clearly. She did offer to help Alexei after finding enough to know he was an enemy to Mark. That's what happened as she blacked out. Her lip quivers as tears fill her eyes.

Mark will probably kill her no matter how much time goes by! There was no way to get out of this mess she's created for herself. Tammy has never felt so alone and abandoned. How could she have let herself down this hard? These blackouts are more serious than she realized.

"Tammy please calm down. You're shaking." Alexei is by her side. "Okay, I know everything is overwhelming. Maybe. . . If I tell you some more personal things about me, you'll see I'm truly just looking, to be honest with you. "

He sat her down. Tammy stays looking into his eyes. Alexei did seem to be concerned about her. Tammy feels herself crying but it doesn't feel real that she's crying. Everything feels numb.

"I told you a little about Cassandra,"
Alexei knelt before her. "She made me do all these things, and I found out eventually I wasn't the only one. Cassandra and Mark had sex a few times. I confronted both of them. Mark didn't see what Cassandra was doing as wrong but he was younger than me.

I just knew my father was going to do something but said it was a part of becoming a man. He scorned me and the more depressed and withdrawn I became the more he felt I needed to man up. He talked Mark into beating me an inch into consciousness. Mark felt he had to prove he was a man and he was upset with me for telling about Cassandra.

I tried telling on her three more times but everyone said I was wrong. I made myself believe I was in love with her and I liked it. Sometimes I did like it because it felt good. Sometimes I didn't like it and that messed me up. When it came time to be with regular girls my age I couldn't.

I felt so dirty. I felt they deserved someone who hadn't done the things I'd done and had s black hole in their life. I was so depressed, lonely, and angry. I was doing drugs and partying so much.

One day, I couldn't pretend anymore. I couldn't stand Cassandra and she knew it.  For a moment, she enjoyed knowing I couldn't stand her anymore and I enjoyed the feeling of her humiliating me. I couldn't even understand myself for that..."

"Alexei..." Tammy holds his hand feeling so hurt for him.

Tammy wipes away her tears realizing his eyes have become glazed over and his speech has slowed. Now he sounds different, almost younger. Tammy can't put her finger on it but something seems wrong with him and she's worried.

"Alexei." She tries to shake him. It almost is like he's asleep but he's not.

He is visibly ignoring her.

"Alexei. . . You're okay. " Tammy says the words gently and strokes his hair, hoping to help with whatever is happening.

Slowly but surely void blue eyes stare back. Then she saw it, they both are afraid of everything after this moment. Alexei's told her as much of the truth he can. He's shown that he trusts her so much and it made Tammy feel so many things. Why would he trust her? She didn't deserve anyone to trust her like this.

"I can't believe she's Angela's mom. "
Tammy barely dared to speak, so the words tumbled out in an almost inaudible whisper. 

"Yes." Alexei agrees with the word broken. Their eyes met and her heart burned to try to make the pain she saw in his better.

Tammy couldn't seem to look away as they viewed every reaction one another had at the moment.

Alexei witnesses Tammy's pity and gave her his guilt and shame. She sees his brokenness give way to dark, fear, and loneliness but Alexei views Tammy's repulsion to the understanding that Alexei loves Cassandra, in some sick way. And to that...he gives all he has to give left, his anger, his rage as Tammy kisses him.

She slides off the chair into his lap and feels him pull the scrunchie from her hair so it falls and planting bruising kisses and bites on her neck, his hands in her pants. Tammy fists her hand in Alexei's hair tugging sharp to bring his lips back to her own.

She bites her bottom lip looking into his brilliant blue eyes and seeing for the first time how beautiful Alexei is and vulnerable. His eyes are bright, innocent, and angelic like with dark brown full and lengthy eyelashes framing them.

Alexei's hands slip into Tammy's shirt before bringing it over her head. Tammy feels the tears on her face because her heart is broken in so many pieces for the both of them. Right now feels like the first time she's ever seen him and it's easy to imagine him as some kid being hurt. She just wants to make him feel better, maybe even loved. Tammy begins to think she could love Alexei.
Tammy's fingers find their way to the button of his jeans when he stopped her.

"We can't. "Alexei moves away from her running his fingers through his hair. "We can't keep doing whatever this is."

Tammy picks up her shirt and puts her head down in shame. Alexei is right. There is something wrong with how they affected each other. The way they made each other act out is stronger than any drug or any drink. Yet, this is the real them. They are broken. Tammy looks at him with much consideration. Maybe broken works for them. Maybe Alexei is the one for her.

Alexei gazes at her with such intensity. The innocence dissipating and that mask of non-emotion replaced. "I need you to leave. "

Tammy stood up and her eyes sweep him over carefully. His cool energy and sudden distance hurt a little. She feels pushed away and shut out but at the same time understands he wants her to make up her mind.  Tammy finally puts the shirt on and begins to snap out of her fog. Alexei catches her hand before leaving the room.

"I know you don't realize it, but you make me want you. You play a part in whatever this is between us and I realize that you don't see your part.
I can't keep being made to feel as though I'm forcing you. I can't touch you again until I know, for certain, you want me." Alexei then let her go.