Alexei Smirnov

"What did I do..." The words in but a shattered whisper escape his mouth as Alexei sits in a ball, rocking back and forth.

Everything slipped, quickly and irrevocable damage has been done. Alexei hates himself for what he did. He hates it so much because there was so much satisfaction. He didn't blackout this time, Alexei more so was just in the back seat of his consciousness. Maybe, if he tried hard, he could have stopped things.

Alexei couldn't stay in that house any longer. He didn't want to attempt to put the pieces together in that soiled place. So once he finished sobbing at the end of everything he thought had been good, Alexei set in course to flee to the only place that always would be home.

Tammy

Her eyes slowly flutter behind her closed lids before looking around the room, in a daze. The shirt on her body clings, dampened with perspiration. Something inside Tammy knows that she isn't in Russia anymore. The thought is only confirmed by the impossibly bright light that suddenly pours into the room and flooding her sensitive eyes.

As Tammy held an arm up to shield her sight, she recognizes Alexei moving the curtains open. He is wearing a patterned short-sleeved button-up with chinos and grey vans with black crew polo socks. He's cut his hair. It is still long just more tapered and trimmed to fall exactly at his collar. He doesn't say anything as he sat in a chair and glares at her.

Tammy's throat is dry.

She smells salty and felt grimy. After gathering more of her senses she pulls herself into an upright position. This feeling is familiar to when Mark chloroformed her, she thinks bitterly about how this all began. Tammy feels ill remembering Mark in the car mirror. She feels pure sick thinking about Mark kissing her in the bed that night. Tammy feels like screaming as she remembers Alexei and Ivan showing up.

The room is majority white with stainless steel and grey accents. Small hints of yellows and greens are scattered throughout the room.
The room gives off very minimal vibes. While nothing screams cheap, everything around appears to have a purpose. Now Tammy only needs to figure out her purpose here.

It is hard to think with her lips feeling more chapped than Dutchess of Black Ink Crew.

"Where are we?" Tammy finally cracks with the understanding Alexei is comfortable in the silence.

"Somewhere I like to go to be alone." he rested his chin on his folded hands. "We're somewhere tropical. I'm sure Angela and yourself will like the new weather improvement whenever I allow you two recreational outside time."

"Excuse me?" her voice breaks a little from thirst. Her eyes follow Alexei.

Alexei moves to a stand in the room removing glass from sealed plastic and then pouring water into the glass from a Brita pitcher. He appears to enjoy the small task of adding drops of lemon to the water and garnishing it from a mini-fridge that also sat on the stand. He places a black straw into the glass ensuring the end still had a wrapper on it and that he'd never touched the exposed end. Then he brought the water to Tammy and she began to sip it feeling nervous under his heavy stare.

"I can't trust you two." Alexei sat back down looking at her absentmindedly. His elbow on the arm of the chair and thumb involuntarily tracing his bottom lip as it seems he repeats the words more so for his hearing in his apparent disassociation.

"I only left the bed because I didn't want you to wake up and hate that I was still there. " Tammy attempts to speak sense to Alexei.

Alexei looks at Tammy and she saw the emotion in his eyes. She held her breath feeling like she's gained a point in getting him to see reason. Alexei has been so void this entire time. "Why did you think that? I was trusting you, Tammy."

"I don't know what to think about you. " Angrily her hand swipes at tears that began to fall. "You're so dark, twisted, and confusing. And I worry Alexei, I worry for myself. So when I woke up and realized how much you gave me of you...I was afraid you would feel embarrassed and hate me for being there in the morning."

Alexei walks over to her. He cups her face forcing her to look up at him and her tears took this as the moment to pour. As his eyes searches hers, she took in his questioning. Tammy could feel when he was going to pull away and touched her hand to his wrist holding his hand to her cheek.

Tammy needs Alexei to see he is hurting her, that he was scaring her. She needed him to know with the silent screams behind her eyes that she is confused. She hates him, she pities him, and Tammy doesn't want to pretend she's strong. Alexei gently tugs and Tammy held his wrist tighter her eyes begging him to stop the chaos inside her.

Tammy didn't have the words to express the elixir of emotion that had been running through her since that day in his office. Her mind couldn't reconcile hating him but fall asleep in warmth in his arms.

Their gazes are still locked as silence hums around them. Her mind thought about the moments of intimacy between them in that bed.
He gave her so much security in being enveloped in his strength. His hands felt like soothing warm water with oil as he explored her skin as though he'd only ever held a woman for the first time in his life.

Tammy had held her breath when she first felt his hand move over her waist with the weight of a butterfly. Next for him to place languid kisses over her neck and shoulder. He'd even kissed her arm. Tammy lay there wondering if he thought she'd been asleep when he held her close to him.

Even though he'd violated her a handful of times nothing had felt more stripping or naked than sleeping in that bed with him without sex.

"Let me go," Alexei says as though he could hear her like he wants to run.

Tammy shook her head with fresh tears. "Don't, I need you to help me understand."

"Tammy let me go now."

"Please, please just try to talk. I just can't keep doing this."

He pushes her off of him and she knows he wanted her to hurt. She didn't care right now. She would hurt if he would stay. He backs away from her and she thought she saw a tear before he whirls to the door. He pauses not looking back.

"Now you need me as I needed you when I woke up alone. Alone like everyone leaves me."

He slams the door behind him and Tammy snaps. She hates him and she hates Mark. She hates her father. She hates that she came out of that closet. It all just whirls past her in real-time as she threw whatever she could get her hands on. And she screams and yells. 

Most of all she hates herself.

Tammy hates that she is the main blame for being here with that psychopathic asshole and she hates that something in her just liked it.  Yeah, something likes it a lot. And that something is ticking away right now like a bomb. That something is tired of her ignoring it and maybe it would stay pushed down a little longer but baby wanted out of that corner and Alexei is the Patrick Swayze it wants to run to.

*************

This room is where Tammy stayed, all day. She showered and found a drawer of clothes that belong to Alexei. Tammy hadn't bothered with any of the pants but opted for one of his shirts, which fit her as a nightdress. She didn't have anything to put under it and she didn't care. Day turned into night as she sat on the bed looking out of the window.

There is an uncommon peace to this home and this room. From what Tammy could see out of the window, the scenery is beautiful around the home. It is pleasant inside, even though it is warm outside, even without Central air. Tammy has nothing but this peace and her troubling thoughts all day.

It was pretty dark in the room at the moment, when the door clicks and slowly opens. Angela seems to have let go of a breath she had been holding. Then spots Tammy on the bed in the corner. Angela sat on the edge of the bed.

Angela's hair is damp and hanging down her back. "I was waiting for him to come to talk to me all day, but he isn't here right now. I'm so sorry he did all of this. My father, he isn't well."

"Where are we?" Tammy asks.

"We are in Brazil. This was my grandmother's favorite place. My dad only brought me here a few times." Angela looks out the window thoughtfully. "He's never hit me before."

Tammy tore her gaze from the window and looked at Angela. If she got out of here, she would always worry for Angela. Alexei would not want to hurt his daughter, but Tammy knew without her, Alexei wouldn't be able to take care of Angela. Tammy wouldn't be able to sleep at night wondering about the young lady.

Angela needs someone like her. Yet, could she stay? Is Alexei too broken to reach? She found it hard to see him as a monster again, even after what he did to Angie and herself. She knew deep inside, he was someone who wanted to be well.

"What happens to him? I know he has anger problems but I've seen him just change before my eyes. It's almost like..." Tammy spoke finally but felt frustrated because she just wasn't expressing her thoughts as freely.

Angela's gaze shot to the ground.
"I've never really told anyone, but I think my dad is really sick. I think he changes people or something but it doesn't happen all the time. There are times where he is stable for a long time and then he just spirals one day.

I remember being a little girl and my Dad just didn't remember me one day. He didn't remember he had me or my name. He was acting differently and dressed differently. He even sounded differently. I swear Tammy. He stayed that way for a month before he snapped out and then I began boarding school. "

Tammy's stomach drops.
Both Tammy and Angela go silent at the opening and closing of a door.  Alexei is back. Both women look at each other with nerves. They didn't know who he would be. Tammy reached out and squeezes Angela's hand, giving what she hopes is a smile. The footsteps loom nearer. Tammy took a steadying breath.

Angela stood as the door opened. Alexei walks in and casually looks at the two of them. "Angela there is food on your bed."

Tammy watched as Angela nods in acknowledgment of the dismissal and silence left the room. Tammy looks at Alexei who seems to carefully avoid looking at her. She can tell he's back to normal as she takes in the information Angela just shared with her.