**Sensitive Material

Later on that evening, they were all sitting around a bon fire at the beach. Except for Harry and Julie. They hadn't arrived yet. Amanda was starting to get impatient. Finally, she saw them walking towards them. "Niall, I'm going to go talk to JJ for a few minutes. I'll be right back."

"Alright, I will be waiting." He said and kissed her.

She got up and took JJ by the arm and walked her down the beach to a private spot so they could talk.

"What's going on?" Julie asked her.

"Niall asked if he could tell the next interviewer that asked him if he was single, no. He asked if he could say he had a girlfriend. Me! Can you believe it?" Amanda said to her.

"Of course, I can. He would be dumb not to want to call you that." She hugged her. "I'm so happy for you."

"Me too! It's so great." Amanda said excitedly.

"Ok, well then, let's get you back to him." Julie said as she started to walk back to everyone else.

"No wait." Amanda said as she grabbed her arm. "We need to talk about other things, JJ. It's past time. You're going to lose an amazing man if you don't tell someone what's really going on."

"Amanda, please, you just got some of the best news of your life. Why would you want to do this?" Julie said. "I really just wish you would let it go."

"I can't. I love you. If you don't think you can trust me, then tell Harry. You're going to lose him, JJ. He's patient and kind, but he can only take so much." Amanda knew she was walking a fine line, but she had to do it.

"I can't, Amanda. There are just some things that should remain in the past." Julie said.

"But it isn't remaining in the past. It's affecting your present and possibly your future. JJ, please. I thought you trusted me. Don't you know by now I will always stand by you? No matter what?" Amanda said.

"Of course, Amanda. I just. You just have no idea what you're asking me." Julie sat down in the sand. "Just stop pushing. You don't know what you're getting into."

Oh she's called me Amanda and twice, she thought. Can't be good. "Tell me or tell Harry. JJ, please." She sat down next to her.

Harry and Niall were both watching the girls. It looked pretty intense. They weren't sure what to do. Harry wished he knew what was being said. It was like Niall read his mind. "I really wish I could hear what they're saying."

"Yeah, me too; but we probably never will." Harry said. "Just hope it helps Julie or Amanda or both."

"Yeah, me too. Amanda agreed to let me, well basically, say she's my girlfriend tonight. I finally get to answer the 'Are you single' question with a no." Niall smiled.

"That's great, man! You're a lucky guy. She's a lucky girl. You guys are great for each other." Harry said. He meant it. He just wished he could figure out what his relationship status was.

"I can't tell Harry, Amanda. How can I?" Julie took a deep breath. "How can I tell him how much of a weak fool I was? How can I tell him that I thought I was in love once? How can I tell him I was so weak that I let a man make me believe I was worthless in every possible way? After you're told something for so long you just start to believe it. How can I tell him that I wasn't strong enough to leave for a long time? I believed him when he said no one else would ever want me. I still might. How can I tell him it took me moving to LA and changing everything known to me to get away? How can I tell him that I let someone put his hands on me and give me scars because I was too weak to walk away?" She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't that weak person anymore. She sure had been acting like it the past few days especially. It couldn't keep happening.

Amanda didn't know what to say. Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. JJ had experienced emotional and physical abuse by someone she thought she'd loved. No wonder she was so messed up. So scared. "JJ, I can't believe you never told me this. Two years, and you never mentioned anything. How could you not think I would support you in every way possible?" She was full out crying now.

"Don't you get it? I have to be strong enough for myself. I can't count on anyone else. I thought he was perfect for me. It started out that way. But then little things started showing up. It started slowly and just built up to everyday. I had to try and be perfect, and the more I tried the worse it got. I was never good enough. And even though I finally left, and even though I've tried to convince myself I am good enough, I still..." Julie was spilling everything now. It was almost as if she couldn't stop now that the plug was pulled.

"Try and be perfect." She laid her head on JJ's shoulder. She understood so much better now. "JJ, those are such unrealistic expectations to have. He was the loser in this. You are the perfect you."

"I wish it were that simple. But it's not." Julie said.

Amanda noticed that JJ was stoic and unemotional. She went right back to that place. The place where she didn't feel anything. A place she must have hid in for a long time. "JJ, you have to tell Harry. No, don't protest. Listen. Harry isn't that guy. He's already shown to you he thinks you're worth it. He's held you tight when you wanted to run. He's not perfect, but he's trying to show you he wants to stick around. Let him understand what he's up against. If you insist on keeping him at an arms distance, at least let him know why. Maybe it's not love yet, but maybe it could be." She watched JJ shake her head no. "Yes, JJ. I don't ask you to do anything very often. I've learned I can't out stubborn you, but this time I'm right; and I will keep telling you. And if you don't tell him, I hate to do this to you, but I will."

"No, Amanda. Don't make me regret telling you." Julie said.

"You already do. And if you hate me for doing it, then I will live with that. I won't let you push Harry away because of some jackass who didn't know how to treat you." Amanda said.

"How could he respect me after I tell him I let someone break me like this? Emotionally, especially. Physical wounds heal. Emotional wounds take a lot longer. How can you respect me knowing?"

"It's not your fault. Not everything is your fault. Realize that please. No judgements, and Harry doesn't seem to judge either. Talk to him." Amanda said getting up. "I will send him over here." She was surprised when JJ didn't protest or try and stop her. She just sat there, arms resting on her knees, staring out into the dark water. Amanda wiped her eyes as she got closer to the guys. She sat down between Niall and Harry and felt Niall put his arm around her. She looked up at Harry, and the tears started flowing again. "She needs to talk to you. And Harry, it won't be easy, and please, don't let her down."

Harry looked down at her. "You're kind of scaring me. So, she told you?"

"Yeah, and it won't be easy for her to tell you. It wasn't easy for me to hear. But let her tell you. Be patient, be kind, and be understanding. So, just be yourself." She leaned against Niall as Harry walked away. Then she buried her head in between his shoulder and his neck.

"That bad?" Niall asked rubbing her back.

"I will tell you; just not right this second. And let's just say, I understand her a lot more than I did before. I needed to know, but I'm not sure I'm better off knowing." Amanda said.

"Well, that's cryptic." Niall said holding her close. "Whenever you're ready to talk, I will always listen."

Harry sat down next to Julie. "Amanda said you wanted to talk."

"No, Amanda thinks I need to talk to you." She said.

He just nodded. "But you don't think so?"

"Doesn't much matter what I think, apparently; because she said if I don't tell you, she would." Julie said.

"It matters to me what you think." He said.

"Of course it does; but if she's going to tell you anyway, guess it might as well be me. You wanna know why I'm the way I am, right? Why I'm closed off and guarded and afraid? Why you scare me? Why I don't want feelings getting in the way?" She asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"I thought I was in love once. Thought someone loved me back." She watched him cringe. "I was wrong. Especially about the him loving me part. How was I supposed to tell you that I let another man break me? How was I supposed to tell you that I let someone tell me I was worthless and ugly for so long that I started to believe it?" She just sat there the same way staring at the ocean.

He wanted to reach for her but was afraid to. She was talking. He didn't like what he was hearing, but she was talking.

"How could I tell you I let him convince me I would never be wanted by anyone else and that my only option was to stay with him no matter how many times he put his hands on me when I wasn't perfect enough? And by the way I was never perfect enough. It took me 2 years and a move across the country to be able to leave. I don't want to feel, because it hurts too much. It causes too much pain and sorrow. I'm afraid, because I know I will never be good enough for anyone. I'm strong and stubborn because I never want to let anyone make me feel like that again. I push you away because I don't want to fall for you anymore than I already have. Because I know if I do, I will go right back to being weak and worthless. I'm mad at myself for letting it happen. I'm a mess. I'm broken, and you really don't need to deal with this mess." She put her head in her hands.

Harry couldn't stop the tears. They ran down his face as he grabbed her. "He wasn't a man, Julie. He was wrong in every possible way. No one's perfect, but you're so far from worthless. I would never put my hands on you like that. I would never tell you anything like that. I'm not him."

"I know you're not. I never said you would. It's not that simple." She said as she still just sat there.

"I've already fallen for you. Hard. I want you. That proves he was wrong." Harry said. He was having a really hard time with this.

"Don't say that. Don't say you've fallen for me. Please." She said. "After what I've put you through, come on."

"I said it, and I will say it again. I've already fallen. I don't want or need you to be anything other than who you are. No matter how hard you fight, I will make sure every day you know you're worth a hell of a lot." He was shocked. He wasn't expecting this. It was a lot to take in. This was not the reason he was expecting. It made a lot of sense now. She made more sense now.

She rubbed her face. "I'm so broken, Harry. I run hot and cold; I know that. I'm not oblivious to it. I'm just so scared."

"We can put the pieces back together; you and I, together, Julie. Piece by piece if we have to. I will be there for you every step. Just let me." He still couldn't stop the tears.

She turned towards him and wiped his tears with her thumbs. "I can try, that's all I've got. Because when I feel scared or overwhelmed or like I've lost control...." She started.

"You will run, and you will push people away. I get it. I will just have to hold tighter." He wrapped her in his arms and just sat there with her. What he would do if he knew who this guy was. Someone needed to teach him a lesson, and he wished it could be him.

"Yeah, like before." She kissed his chin and buried her head in his shoulder.

Amanda watched Harry and Julie walk up to them quite some time later. Harry looked positively miserable, so she knew that JJ told him. When he sat next to her, she instinctively hugged him. It made them both cry again.

When Niall looked at Julie, she just shrugged. He got up and hugged her. "Not sure what is going on, but seemed like the right thing to do since you made them both cry."

"Yeah, sorry Niall." She gave him a quick hug.

"Let's give them a minute. Let's go talk to Louis, Liam, and Zayn." He took her by the hand to the other side of the fire.

Louis came right up to her and hugged her tightly. "Thanks for the assist the other night. Next time though, Rocky, wait to start a fight til I'm there to see it."

"I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry. I hope I didn't cause you any trouble." She said.

"Are you kidding? I would have paid to see it!" He said stepping back from her.

"You might experience it firsthand if you don't let it go, Tomlinson." She said.

"Oh, yes. C'mon then." He playfully put his fists up.

"I don't want to hurt you." She patted his shoulder and walked by.

"Ouch." He said laughing and playfully grabbing his chest.

Harry and Amanda finally pulled back from each other. Harry looked down at her. "You didn't know at all?"

Amanda shook her head. "Not even a clue. I always thought she was just too busy for a relationship. Before you, she'd never agreed to even let anyone close. I just thought she didn't have time. Now I know. I wish she would've told me a long time ago."

"I hate it. How could anyone treat someone that way? To think about someone hurting her. Telling her awful lies. I don't know what to do." He said, tears still sliding down his face.

"We have to be there for her. It won't be easy. But I'm glad she found you. You're kindness and your patience could possibly be the best thing to happen to her." Amanda said.

"I hope I'm able to be what she needs. I also wish I knew who this guy was. See if he can push someone other than a tortured woman around." He said.

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't say that to her yet Harry." She smiled at him.

"Yeah, probably not. Now where did your boyfriend take my girlfriend?" He asked.

"Your girlfriend?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, thought I'd try it out and see how it felt. You think she'll go for it?" He asked.

"How'd it feel? And yeah, I'm not sure right this moment. Let me know how you fair." She said.

"Felt right. Yeah, I have a feeling that might take some convincing. Maybe I will say it when she's not around for now." He laughed.

"She's gone through more than anyone knew. I'm just sad she didn't feel that she could tell me. But let's just get through this night. I'm sure we are going to have to deal with her some more later." She got up.

"Yeah, let's go find them." He said getting up and going towards everyone.

Niall grabbed his guitar and sat down. "Let's sing some songs."

Amanda sat next to Julie and wrapped her arm with Julie's arm and laid her head on her shoulder. Julie kissed her head and leaned her head on Amanda's. The other girls came and sat with them. They watched the guys sit across the fire from them, and Niall start to strum the guitar. They sang a few cover songs; ones they used to sing when they first started out. Amanda and Julie were mesmerized. Maybe the other girls were used to it, but this was the first time they were seeing them sit down with just Niall's guitar and sing. It was spectacular. They watched them talk quietly for a few minutes. Seemed like they were working out some details. After a few minutes they started a very stripped down version of their song Diana. The song which was normally high tempo with a sick beat had a completely different tone when slowed down and sang acoustically. Julie held Amanda's arm tighter and closed her eyes. She knew immediately this was Harry's idea. She could feel his eyes on her even though she had her eyes closed. The guys didn't know what she had told him and Amanda, but the lyrics said exactly what Harry wanted to say. She tried really hard not to get up and disappear. She was afraid everyone would figure it out. How? Not sure, but she was sure they would.

Amanda could sense JJ's restlessness. She held on to her arm and put her hand on top of JJ's. She knew too where this choice of song had came from. She whispered to her, "It's ok."

Julie nodded and opened her eyes. She looked at Harry who was still watching her. When he got up and came and knelt in front of her, she held Amanda's arm tighter. He was such an amazing guy; she wished that she could just let herself be with him completely. She just couldn't. There was still that part of her that couldn't give him every part of her. When the song was over and she saw tears in his eyes again, she finally let go of Amanda and knelt in front of him. "Please, stop crying." She whispered to him. "I can't deal with all of this."

He took her face in his hands and leaned his forehead on hers. He looked into her eyes. "I just wish I could have been there to tell you he was wrong before all this happened."

"Harry, just stop, please. I think I've explained enough tonight, and everyone is staring." She said.

"Ok, ok; I'm sorry." He kissed her. He stood and helped her up. He sat down where she was sitting and pulled her onto his lap.

Niall patted the space beside him that Harry had just vacated and looked at Amanda. She got up and walked over to him and sat down. Everyone who had been watching Harry and Julie looked at them. Niall and Amanda knew they were all wondering what was going on.

Niall shrugged. "I honestly have no idea. They talked; that's all I know." He was almost glad he didn't know right now, so he couldn't say anything.

Amanda looked at her hands. "All I will say right now is she needs her friends more than ever."

"Amanda, you can't just say that and not tell us anymore." Liam said.

"I can't. Not right now. Please. Just believe me." She said.

"Ok, for now." Louis said. "Luckily, we can be pretty good friends."

"Yes, you can." Amanda said. "I've learned that already."

Niall started playing "Little Things" on the guitar, and the rest of the guys went to sit with their girls. Amanda watched Niall. There was something about him playing the guitar that got to her. She loved it. He looked her in the eyes, and she stared back into his. She couldn't believe that this was all happening. It was definitely one of the best things that had ever happened to her. Maybe even the best.

Julie watched Zayn, Liam, and Louis sing their parts. Watched the interactions with their girls. It was so sweet. When it came to Harry's part, she pulled away a little so she could watch him and really listen to him. He had such an amazing voice. She couldn't look at him when the "I'm in love with you" part came up. She knew they were just song lyrics, but it was just too much right now. He and Niall sounded amazing together. When it was Niall's turn to sing his solo, she turned to watch him and Amanda. He never took his eyes off Amandas. She couldn't help but smile. They were such a great couple.

Amanda smiled at Niall. For the moment, the worries and troubles of the night took a back seat to what was happening now. This could easily be love. Maybe it was too soon to know for sure. But it sure felt pretty real in her heart. She could love this man. She knew it.

When the song was over, everyone decided it was time to go their separate ways. They put the fire out and walked back to the hotel all coupled up. They said their good nights, and each went to their rooms.

Amanda hugged Harry and JJ and went with Niall to his room. She watched JJ go into Harry's room with him. JJ was quiet the whole night. She hoped things would be ok.

"Hey Princess, you wanna shower first? Or how about together?" Niall asked.

"Haha, Niall. Not tonight. You can first." Amanda said.

"Thought I'd try. Ok, be out soon." He said and went to shower. When he came out, he saw Amanda sitting on the floor against the wall, head on her arms, resting on her bent knees, crying. He rushed to her. "Ok, now I'm really freaking out here. Time to talk to me."

"It's JJ. Niall. I can't believe. OMG, I never knew how much she went through, I wish I had known. I wish I would've figured it out. My heart literally is breaking." She said crying even harder.

"I'm listening Amanda. What happened? What did she tell you?" He helped her up and sat on the bed with her holding her in his arms.

She tried to compose herself. "I don't even want to say it. I can't imagine how hard it was for her. And she kept it in for years."

"Please tell me. Let me help you." He said.

"She needs help. Not me." Amanda said.

"Ok, ok; I will start by being here for you. We can both be there for her." He said.

"She, her ex-boyfriend, if you can even call him that...." She stood up and started pacing before continuing. She was hurt and angry and did not know how to process this or even how to say it. "He told her she was worthless, every day, told her no one could ever want her, and when she didn't meet his definition of perfection, he beat her. Niall, I don't even know how to handle this." She said, starting to sob. She fell to her knees.

Niall was immediately by her side. He didn't know what to say. He knew it was serious whatever she and Harry had found out because of the way they reacted. But he would never have even thought that this was what it was, even for a second. He was angry. How could anyone do that to a woman? He held Amanda tighter. "Amanda, I don't....." He fought back his own tears. "I don't know what to say."

"For 2 years, she stayed with him because she believed him. He said it so much, she believed his bullshit. I can't even think about how many times he would've put his hands on her, how many bruises she would have gotten in those 2 years. I can't even handle this!" She pretty much lost it. "I watched her go to that place."

"What place?" He asked.

"The place in her head she must've gone to every time he hit her. The place she feels nothing. Behind her wall. But I understand it now. I understand why she goes there now. Why she'd want to hide and not feel. I wanted to know so badly, and now, I'm not so sure I wanna anymore. I gave her such a hard time for not opening up to me. I told her she was stupid for being closed off, and now I feel so guilty." She sobbed.

"You didn't know. Amanda, you love her; you prove it every day. How could you know? She wouldn't tell you. I can't stand seeing you this way." Niall said rubbing her back.

"You should feel bad for her, not me! I wish I could have done something!" Amanda said. She couldn't stop the tears. This was so much worse than what she had imagined.

"You only met her after; she only moved to LA after." He tried comforting her.

"To get away from him! She only moved to LA to get away from a nasty bully who convinced her she was nothing! Niall, I can't even wrap my head around that." She stated.

"Maybe you were the plan, Amanda. Maybe you came into her life because you were the one who could help her through. She let you in more than anyone else. You became quick friends from what you told me, even though she keeps everyone else at a distance. I don't know why things happen the way they do, but I believe you were meant to come into her life for a reason." He said.

She held onto him and just cried. She didn't care to be rational right now. Her best friend had gone through something that she couldn't even believe and that she hadn't known for 2 years. Rational or not, she felt like she failed to protect her. She'd seen the scars on JJ's body, but she just assumed they were from childhood accidents. To think that some asshole had caused them on purpose completely broke her heart and made her so angry. She told Harry that he shouldn't tell JJ that he wished someone would teach the guy a lesson, but she wished he would. Just the thought of that guy putting his hands on her friend pushed her to a place she hadn't gone before.

"Come on; let's get you to bed. I don't know what to do, but I know I can hold you as long as you need me to." Niall said getting up and helping her off the floor.

"I haven't even showered yet." She said.

"It doesn't matter." He laid her down on the bed, turned off the lights, and climbed in beside her. He wrapped her in his arms and held her. He knew it may take a while, but he hoped she would fall asleep. She was taking it hard. He understood. He couldn't really process what happened. He didn't understand it. He patiently waited for Amanda to fall asleep and then laid back. What a nightmare, he thought. But maybe they'd all came into JJ's life for a reason. Maybe a lot of people would be put off for having to deal with this, but he believed they could help her. He knew Amanda wouldn't give up, so neither would he. He felt horrible as a friend; he wondered how Harry was dealing with it. He knew Amanda wasn't dealing well. So how was Harry? Amanda was right about one thing. JJ was definitely going to need her friends.

By the time Harry got out of the shower, Julie was asleep. Curled up in a ball on the couch. He just stood there and stared at her. He wanted to take away her pain. He wanted to rewind time and meet her before all this happened to her. Granted, if he added correctly, he would have only been about 15 or so and not even have started Xfactor, would have still been in the UK, but none of that mattered. Nobody deserved what she went through. And she had shown moments of brilliance. A fun, sassy, funny, smart girl. He only imagined how bright she would shine if someone hadn't dimmed her light. If she hadn't had to deal with the nastiness she experienced, what would she have been like? But if she didn't go through what she did, then she wouldn't have moved to LA, wouldn't have taken care of Niall, and he wouldn't know her. He couldn't change the past, but hopefully, he could help make the present and future better. He bent down and started to pick her up to carry her to bed. He was startled when she practically jumped from his arms and stepped back with her hands up.

Julie was startled. She blinked a few times and shook her head to clear it. She dropped her hands and let out a sigh of relief when she realized it was Harry. She must have been dreaming. Bringing all of that up must have caused her to dream, or more like have a nightmare, about her past. "Sorry. I must have been dreaming." She said as she sat down at the edge of the couch.

"You thought I was going to hurt you?" He said.

"No, not you." She said.

"Oh," he sat down next to her. She was dreaming of him. Damn it.

As if she could read his mind, she said, "I used to dream about him all the time. Nightmares more like. Always waking up wondering if he really was there. Haven't in a while. Guess talking about it brought it back into my subconscious. Once I realized it was you, I was relieved."

"I'm sorry about all of this. I honestly didn't know this is what you were hiding. I didn't know you were dealing with this much. I'm sorry I pushed so hard." He said, trying not to cry again. He wanted to be strong for her, but it was difficult.

"I suppose, if we ever wanted a relationship beyond what we have, it would have had to come up. Now, if we ever do, I guess we don't have to discuss it." She got up and started wandering around the room. "I understand completely if you just want to walk away now. No one wants a screwed up mess, and you have so much going on; you don't really have time for the ups and downs of this."

"Wait. Seriously? Is that what you think I meant? Julie, why would I walk away now? Look, I get you don't realize how wonderful you are. And yeah, I get you have moments of confusion and fear. But you also have moments of warmth and brilliance. When your relaxed and in the now, you light up a room. Now more than ever, I understand. I also know to have survived what you have that you're very strong and resilient." He looked at her face. "And I also see that you're completely uncomfortable with compliments. But it's the truth."

"I wish I could run away from it. But I have no choice. You do." She said.

"I do. And I choose to stay. You can't get rid of me that easily." He walked up behind her slowly and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. She jumped and stiffened and that bothered him, but he knew why. Bringing all that past up must have made her remember every time she was touched before she had something to fear. He practically felt her will herself to relax. "Let's just get some sleep. I would really like to just hold you tonight."

It took her a minute to answer. She was thinking that she wanted to be alone for the night. Harry was hurting though; she could tell. He was being so kind and gracious. She nodded. "Ok, sounds perfect." She walked over to his bed and climbed in. She heard him let out a breath of relief and felt him climb in beside her. He pulled her gently to him and rested his head on hers. She put her arm over his and closed her eyes.

She hadn't shed a tear, and he was worried about that a little. She still seemed pretty unattached to any emotion and that concerned him. Maybe she just needed some time. It was a hell of a story to have to tell and twice. He didn't sleep well; he kept waking up to make sure she was ok.

*if you are enjoying the story please vote/comment/share. I would love to be able to respond.

*the story is complete fan fiction