Niall put his suitcase by the front door and walked back into Amanda's room.  She was still sitting on the bed where he'd left her.  He went and sat next to her.  "Hey Princess, it's just about that time."  He took her hand and held it in his lap.

"I know."  Amanda sighed.  "Was hoping for more time, but I know."  She looked at their joined hands.

"Two months.  It will go fast.  I'm sure of it."  Niall said kissing her hand.  He didn't actually think that.  He thought for sure it would be the longest two months of his career.  Even though he knew he would be extremely busy, all his downtime would be spent wanting to be with her.  The combination of love and the road was so difficult.  He'd never thought it would be this hard.

"Right.  We'll both be busy.  I know I will stay busy."  Amanda said.  She sniffled a little and then looked up at him.  "I'm going to miss you so much."

"God, I'm going to miss you, too.  More than I care to admit right now."  He pulled her into his arms.  "I lied completely.  This will be the longest two months of my life.  I just wish you could come.  I wish this was easier."  He buried his face in her shoulder tearing up.  He so did not want to leave.

Amanda wrapped her arms around him.  Seeing him struggle with his emotions.  Seeing him want her around so badly actually made her stronger.  Made her want to comfort him and protect him.  Nothing would break them apart.  They were made for each other.  She truly believed it.  She had never felt such a deep connection to anyone ever.  She knew they belonged together, so for some reason, even though she was sad he had to leave and go on tour, she was somehow ok with it.  She somehow knew that no matter how much time passed when they came back together, they would be fine.  "I love you, babe.  That's what makes this ok.  Our love can outlast any tour, any distance, any time."

Niall held onto her tightly.  His eyes were filled with tears.  This time it hit him harder than any other time.  They were always apart for so long and then hardly had any time together.  He'd fought the thought of a break from the band the hardest of any of the guys, but maybe it was time to rethink that.  Maybe it was time to get more free time so that he could spend it with Amanda.  He was going to talk to everyone also. They had a scheduled break from April until June to work on their new album, maybe they could spend most of that in LA to write and record.  He could hope.  They usually did some in London and LA; but this time, he was hoping for mostly LA.  He figured Harry would be up for it. Hopefully, the rest would as well.  "I know, Princess, I know."  He sat up and wiped his eyes.  "Sorry, I'm really sorry.  I just wish you could come with me."

"I know, Niall.  But I do have work, and I do have JJ.  I'm not quite sure I'm ready to leave her on her own for two months yet.  She still needs someone."  She rubbed his back and kissed him.  "We will be ok.  We will be more than ok."

"I know, but Harry wouldn't complain if JJ came along too.  I'm sure he's thought about it also."  Niall said looking at her beautiful face.

"I'm sure he has.  But she needs home, she needs stability, and she needs to accept she's capable.  Running around to different countries with the constant chaos wouldn't promote healing.  She needs to heal, Niall.  I need to be here for her."  Amanda hugged him tightly again.

"Ok, I know.  You're an amazing friend.  I get it.  I do.  But right now, I hate it."  He pulled back and kissed her again and again.  Then he kissed her deeply.  "I want to be selfish, and I want you to be selfish."  He sighed and then looked at her again.  "But there will come a time, I suppose.  You're right; we are meant to be together.  So, this will be ok.  I'm proud of you.  For everything you do.  For being an amazing nurse who saves lives, who make people feel like they will be ok.  For being an amazing friend to JJ, who needs that more than anything.  And for being such an amazing person to everyone.  I am proud to call you my girlfriend."  He kissed her hand and then her lips.  He had to go.  He was late already.  He was going to have to hurry through the airport.  Lucky he had connections.  He stood up and took her hands, so she stood up with him.  "I love you.  Please take care of yourself.  Call me all the time."  He said as he kissed and hugged her tightly again.

"I will.  You can call me at any time too."  She hugged and kissed him a couple more times.  She took his hand and walked him to the door where she couldn't resist another long hug and some more kisses.  "Ok, Ok.  I will make you miss your flight.  The tour will be awesome, Niall.  Enjoy yourself.  I can't wait to hear all about it. Love you."  She kissed him once more.

"I love you, too.  And I will try, but it would be much better if you were there with me."  He kissed her and then grabbed his bag.  "See you soon, Princess.  I love you."  He waved when he walked out the door and then turned to go.  This was too hard.  He hated it.  He willed himself to keep walking; he just wanted to turn back around.  He made it out to the car and turned and looked back at the door.  Damn it.  He unwillingly got into the car.  This really sucked.

Amanda closed the door and walked to the couch.  She started crying now.  She hated it.  But they would be ok.  She loved him, and she wouldn't change him.  She would be ok.  Now, if JJ would just hurry her ass up and get home so she had a distraction.  Damn it.  Two months.  The longest two months there would ever be!

Julie had just finished packing her bags.  Time to go to the airport in a couple hours.  She wasn't ready for this separation.  The past four days had gone by way too fast.  She wasn't ready to leave Harry.  She was starting to feel the panic again.  The panic that disappeared when she was here with him.  She zipped her bag and sighed.  She closed her eyes when she felt Harry's arms wrapping around her waist from behind.  She put her hands on his in front of her.  She couldn't say anything.

"I don't want you to go."  Harry said burying his face in her hair.  He took in her scent.  He didn't want her to go.  He wanted her to stay.  He knew he was leaving in the morning on tour.  He knew she had to go home.  But damn it, he didn't want her to.  "I want you to stay.  I want you here.  I want you with me."  He mumbled into her hair.

Julie tried to steady her emotions and cleared her throat.  "I don't want to go either, Harry.  That's how it's supposed to be, right?  We shouldn't want to be away from each other.  But, it's how it is."  She was trying to be strong.  Trying to be confident in herself and in them.  But just like in Tahoe, she was having a difficult time with it.  The month in LA had been tough; but as soon as she was back in his arms, she felt relieved.  God, she knew she had to do this for herself.  She knew she had to be strong for her and for them, but she just was so tired of fighting everything.  Being here, in his arms was so simple.  She craved that simple.  "Two months, right?  Piece of cake."  She lied to them both.  It was in no way going to be a piece of cake.

"Julie."  He said turning her towards him.  "It's so not a piece of cake."  He held her arms and looked down at her.  He wanted to tell her that he wanted her to come.  He wanted to tell her that he needed her with him.  That HE needed HER.  But he couldn't.  It was almost too much for him to realize that he needed her.  He wasn't afraid of feelings.  He wasn't afraid of love.  He just was caught off guard a bit at how hard this was.  He didn't want to let her go.  Nothing had ever hit him quite this hard, leaving on tour.

"I know, Harry."  She reached up and cupped his cheek.  "I know.  I do.  But we're ok now.  We're closer than ever.  We love each other.  We believe in that love, right?  I mean.  We will be ok.  We will talk to each other as much as we can and we will make it."  She sort of shrugged her shoulders.  She couldn't be like she was in Tahoe.  She couldn't let that overwhelming emotion of being without him get to her.  She couldn't break down.  She'd struggled with that breakdown for a while after Tahoe.  He would be back.  She could do this.  She could.  Then why did it feel like she couldn't?

"Yes, of course Julie.  But that's not it."  He took a step back and then started to pace the room.  "I don't know why this is so hard.  When we left Tahoe, I actually thought I would see you sooner than this, and it was hard.  Now, I know I'm not going to see you for two months.  That's a long time."

"Harry."  Julie stepped up to him and stopped him by grabbing his arms.  She looked up into his eyes.  "I know.  Yes, it's hard.  No, I don't like it.  No, I don't want it to happen.  But it's going to.  No matter how hard we fight it."

"Come with me."  He looked down at her.  He hadn't been going to say it.  He wasn't going to ask.  He knew he shouldn't have.  But it came out.  He wanted her with him. Why couldn't he just bring her along?  What was his status if he couldn't have the woman he loved with him?

Julie sort of laughed.  "Yeah, right."  She ran her hands down his arms and held onto his hands.

"I'm serious.  Why not?  Why shouldn't you?"  He laced his fingers through hers with both hands.

"Babe.  I have a job.  I can't just run out on my responsibilities and go on the road with you.  I need to have a routine.  I have to continue to figure things out."  She took a deep breath; it ran through her mind.  Running off with him. Letting him just take care of her.  Why not?  She knew he would.  But she had to be strong on her own as she kept saying.  She had to learn to stand on her own, so she could stand with him.  It was hard. It wasn't what she wanted to say, but she believed she needed to say it.

"You can.  You can figure things out with me.  You can be there, and we can do it together.  We can make you stronger; we can be what each other needs."  He said to her.  He wasn't even sure why it seemed so important.  Just the thought of her leaving out of his door in a couple of hours was too much for him right now.

"We are what each other needs, Harry."  She took another deep breath.  "Harry, please don't make this harder than it is.  You knew, as I did, that this was how it was going to be.  We knew it would be hard.  We knew you would go on tour, and I would be home, working.  We never discussed me going on tour with you at all."  She was getting antsy now.  This was taking on a whole new turn.  She did not at all expect him to ask her to go with him.  Not out of the blue like this.

"I know, and I'm not trying to make it harder."  He leaned his forehead against hers.  "I did know it was coming.  But now that it's here, I just don't want it to.  Four days after a month of not seeing you is just not enough.  It seems like you just got here."

"I know, Harry.  I wish it would have worked out differently, but it didn't.  At least, I got to see you before you left on tour.  For a while, I was afraid I wasn't even going to be able to do that."  She kissed his lips.  "Will you just hold me until I have to go?  Please?"

"You don't even have to ask."  He wrapped his arms around her waist, picked her up, and carried her to the bed.  He set her on it and crawled up and sat leaning against the headboard.  When she sat back against him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her closely.  "This is where I want you.  This is what I'm going to miss the most when I'm on tour.  This is what I wish could happen after every show."  He kissed her cheek and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I know.  This is the place I feel the safest.  In your arms. No matter where your arms are."  She played with his fingers in front of her.  "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, of course you can.  Always."  He closed his eyes, once again breathing in her scent.

"What did you mean in Tahoe, when you said you discussed a break?"  She asked.  She had wondered since he'd said it.

"Oh, just, we talked about taking a break.  We've been on tour and recording albums for, well it will be five albums and five years non-stop after this tour and album.  Some of us more than others feel it may be time to slow down a bit."  He said.  Saying it out loud to her made it all seem that much more real.  But why shouldn't he say it to her.  He trusted her with his life.  He knew she wouldn't say anything.

"Wow.  That's....big.  I couldn't even imagine a world without One Direction right now.  Ever since I moved in with Amanda, I haven't been able to get away.  And now, I'm even dating a member.  I mean.  Wow."  She said.  She didn't know what else to say.  She never thought about what would happen if he wasn't out touring or recording or doing promotion.  Would he be around more?  That's what she wanted, right?  But what a change that would be.  More change.  Wow.

Harry looked down at her.  She seemed conflicted.  She said she wanted him around more.  Needed him around.  Why would she seem conflicted about that?  He needed her; there was no confliction with him.  He pushed it aside though.  He was worrying about nothing.  He had a tour to do now for most of the year.  There was no need to fret about it.  There wasn't anything to worry about anyway, right?  "You wouldn't like it?  Me not having to run around the world?"  He had to ask.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure I would.  It's just, that's all you've done for years.  It's all I know about you when it comes to the music and your career.  It's just odd to think about for me. I can't even imagine what would be going on with you guys.  All your adult life has been making music non-stop and performing in front of legions of fans.  I can imagine it's a difficult thing to think about."  She looked back at him and kissed his chin.  "But you work really hard. I'm sure a break would be nice.  A bit of downtime."

"Yeah, of course.  It's a bit difficult.  But I think it would be good.  I wish it was now though.  I really would love to be here for you while you're going through this."  He kissed her head.

Julie looked at the watch on Harry's wrist.  It was just about time for her to go.  She turned around and kneeled in front of him and put her arms on his shoulders.  "Harry, no one has ever been there for me as much as you have.  You don't have to physically be in my presence to be exactly what I need.  I'll be ok.  And when I see you again, I will prove to you that I'm ok."

He put his hands on her waist and looked at her face.  He was going to miss that face.  His eyes wandered over her.  And that chest and stomach and legs and...."Damn it."  He kissed her.  Deeply.  Why did it seem like she was ok and he was the one struggling with this?  Why was she so calm about this? Ok, so he didn't really enjoy her emotional breakdown in Tahoe, but he was leaving for longer.  He was going to be gone for two months, and she seemed calm.  Relieved?  Was she relieved he was leaving?  He closed his eyes for a minute.  He was reading too much into this.  This was more her, at least how she was before Tahoe.  Maybe he selfishly wanted her to need him so badly.  He was slightly caught off guard with how much he seemed to need her.  Ok, he needed to slow down.  His brain was on fire trying to run through all the scenarios in his head right now.  What would happen if she no longer needed him so much?

"Harry?"  Julie said.  He was so deep in thought, she had just been watching him sit there with his eyes closed for a couple of minutes.  "Babe?  Are you ok?"

"Yeah.  Sorry."  He said opening his eyes.  "I just really can't believe you're leaving here in just a few more minutes.  It seems like you just got here."  He hugged her tightly to him.

"I know."  She wrapped him tightly in her arms.  "I know.  I wish there was more time.  But I do have to go.  I'm sure the car will be here shortly."  She said squeezing him tighter and then pulling back a little.

"I hate every second of this."  He said as she squeezed him.  He didn't want to let her go.  He did so reluctantly.  He watched her get off the bed and go to her bag.  He got up and walked up behind her.  "God, just don't go."

She took a deep breath.  He was breaking her heart.  She couldn't deal with this.  She had shut down part of it already to not lose control.  She turned to him and put her hands on his chest.  She looked up into his eyes.  "We will be fine.  There's nothing to worry about."  She was worried though.  Two months, on the road, without her around.  She always had that doubt he wouldn't realize how simple it was when she wasn't around.  But she didn't want to think about that.  She loved him completely.

"Right."  He took her bag and her hand and walked her down the stairs to the front door.  He hated it when she hid and didn't show her feelings.  He could tell she was internalizing something.  He hated when she was so calm.

"Hey, don't do that."  She said turning to him when they got to the door.  "I love you, Harry, with everything I have.  This is hard.  But we can't change it.  And what am I supposed to do?  Nothing I do can change what this is.  I have to accept that."

He closed his eyes and then opened them and looked at her.  "I know. I do.  But I don't want you to go.  And I just wish you didn't either."

"I don't want to go Harry.  I just can't go through another Tahoe.  I trust us.  I believe in us.  You make me whole and that won't change while you're off ruling the world.  I love you, very much."  She reached up and kissed him as they heard the car pull into his driveway.  Shit.  She had to walk away.  She didn't want to.  God, she didn't want to.  She pulled back and touched his cheek.  "Go, do what you do best.  Make me proud."  She winked at him.

"I would never disappoint you."  He said.  "I love you, Julie."  He ran his thumb over her lips and then kissed her again.  He wanted to say don't go one more time, but he didn't.  "Be safe.  Call me when you land.  God, I love you."  He kissed her one more time.  He opened the door and took her bag to the car.  He watched her go to the open door of the car.  Don't go!  He wanted to scream it but he didn't.  "Please be safe, babe.  Talk to you soon, my love."

She smiled as tears formed in her eyes.  "I love you, I'll be safe.  You be safe.  Be you.  Have fun, kick ass."  She winked at him again and got in the car.  When the driver shut the door, she closed her eyes and started to cry.  When the car started to move, she struggled to breathe.  She wanted to tell him to stop.  She wanted to get out and never leave.  Instead, she sat back and cried quietly until they arrived at the airport.

Harry watched the car turn onto the street.  He wanted to run after it.  He wanted her to stay.  He'd asked her to stay.  God, what had gotten into him.  He almost didn't recognize himself.  This is how it is Styles.  This is what you do.  It's what you want.  Suck it up.  He turned and went back into his house.  He closed the door and then leaned his back against it.  No, it's not.  He wanted her.  He needed her.  Why couldn't she just stay, damn it?  He slid down and sat on the floor against the door.  April could not come soon enough.

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*the story is complete fan fiction