Everyone had just finished up breakfast but were still gathered together in the banquet room.  Harry watched Julie sitting on a table talking to Louis and Liam.  He was leaning against a table by the back wall, observing.  He watched Liam hug her and then walk away.  After Liam left, she got off the table and sat in front of Louis putting her hands over his as he leaned his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him.  Julie was leaning in talking quietly to him.  Harry guessed he knew why.  Louis had just broken up with Eleanor, so he was dealing with that as well as Zayn's departure.  Harry watched as Julie cupped Louis' cheeks and said something to him, and then hugged him tightly.  Whether she knew it or not, she had a wonderful comforting quality about her.  He was glad she was talking to Louis, but he was quite caught off guard when he also felt that tinge of jealousy again.  With Louis?  Maybe she was right, maybe he was going insane.  It was amazing watching her transformation.  Louis and Julie had always had a sassy, sarcastic relationship.  Harry knew he shouldn't be surprised really, that side of their personalities was very similar.  Usually when she and Louis were speaking though, the conversation was quick and witty.  This time it was calm and emotional.  Once again just as she had read him, she read Louis.  She knew what Louis needed when he needed it.  Julie went from the one needing all the comfort and understanding to the one giving it.  He smiled and shook his head.  So much change.  No one could say things were boring right now.  He looked over when he felt someone lean back on the table next to him.  "Hey, Amanda.  I was wondering when you would find me."

"Yeah, guess you know me too by now, huh?"  Amanda said pulling herself onto the table, sitting next to Harry and swinging her legs.

"I guess I do now, huh?"  Harry asked smiling at her.  He looked down and lost his smile when she raised her eyebrows at him.  "Look, Amanda I know I was wrong.  I know that I was mean and took things way too far, that I took things out on her when they weren't about her necessarily.  But I can tell you that she's strong.  Stronger than I thought she would be this quickly.  She knew before I did what I needed.  Even though I may not have deserved it in the moment, she still gave it to me.  She was selfless and kind.  But she was also brave and confident.  She stood right up to me and called me on my bullshit.  When we just talked, this morning, she was calm, yet made it very clear how she felt."  He raised his head and looked over at Amanda.  "She's changing.  Quickly."

"Yeah, Harry, I know how she is.  She's my best friend.  I've spent lots of time with her recently."  Amanda said a bit annoyed.

"Yeah, I know that."  Harry sighed.  "Look, you may be angry at me, and I understand that.  I'm angry at myself.  I'm angry at Zayn. I'm angry at the situation.  I'm angry at some of the circumstances.  But I'm not angry at her.  She was there.  It's not right, and it wasn't fair.  But I'm not perfect.  I never claimed to be."

"No one said you had to be perfect, Harry."  Amanda finally looked at him.  "But there's no way you should have treated her with so much disregard."

"I know.  I was jealous and angry at everything.  I still can't figure out what Zayn wants with her.  Why he would have even called her.  What's his agenda?  She makes it out like his phone calls are no big deal, but right now I think it's a big deal.  Why would he call her?"  Harry couldn't help but question the motivations.

"You have no right to question her like that.  She never gave you any reason to question her."  Amanda said.  But was she being a hypocrite?  She questioned her in the cab.  She questioned Zayn calling JJ too.  She didn't know why he would have.  She knew that they spoke when everyone was together.  She had even heard them on the phone every now and again, and she'd just assumed Harry had been around.  "I don't believe for a second she would cheat on you.  She thinks you saved her remember; why would she do that?"  That was true.  Amanda didn't think JJ would ever cheat on Harry.  No matter what was going on with Zayn.  She never questioned JJ's love for Harry.

"I know.  Maybe it's not all sane and rational, but what is anymore?"  Harry looked back over at Julie and Louis. Julie had now started gently rubbing Louis back by his shoulder.  Still quietly comforting him.  "I am sorry, Amanda, not only for taking all my anger out on Julie, but for snapping at you also.  You know I love the fact that you always have her back.  I worry, constantly, but I worry less because I know that you will protect her.  Even from me.  Even though at the time, I didn't quite see it that way."  He put his arm around Amanda's shoulder and pulled her into a sort of side hug.  "Think you can ever forgive me?"

Amanda sighed and looked up at Harry when he put his arm around her.  She didn't want to stay mad at him.  She did find it difficult not to hold his reactions against him though.  "JJ loves you.  So, I wouldn't try to come between that.  But you can count on the fact that I will be watching you closely.  I don't expect your relationship to go on without a hitch, but I do expect you to remember going forward that she's not your punching bag."

"I'm not trying to make her my punching bag.  I will make it up to her.  She doesn't seem to think I need to, but I will.  It is hard though when she doesn't seem to need me as much anymore."  Harry said as he took his arm from around Amanda.  "I'm trying to set up an excursion tomorrow for us while we're here."

"That's not going to fix things, Harry."  Amanda said looking at him.  "But yes, I get the 'her not needing you as much anymore' thing.  She doesn't seem to need me anymore either.  Guess we got that in common.  Niall thinks I'm nuts.  That I should like watching her become so strong.  Guess I'm just a bit crazy, wanting her to need me just a bit yet."

"Then I'm sure Niall would think I'm nuts too.  It's taking a lot to get used to it.  Probably because I haven't been around much to actually see it.  I expected more trouble than it's been, I guess."  He looked at Amanda.  "I know it won't fix things; however, I still want to do these things for her, with her."

"Well I do just want to see her happy, and if it's you that does it, then I will always support it.  I know how good you are for her mostly, Harry.  But this has been rough for me to watch.  Seeing it, just looked like she was letting you do it, not standing up for herself.  Letting you take it out on her and taking it.  Just as she must have done previously."

Harry thought back to the night before.  She definitely didn't just sit back and take it.  In any way.  He couldn't help but smile.  The night might have started out horribly, but it ended amazingly.  "Oh, I can promise she wasn't like that.  She was calm and patient, but she made sure I knew what she thought, and what she felt."

"Ok, well I will say it again."  Amanda said getting off the table.  "I will be watching you."

"So, watch my step?"  He grabbed Amanda and hugged her.  "I'm glad she has you.  I keep saying it.  I know what I'm in for when I misstep.  From you and now from her."  He let go and looked at Amanda.  "I know we are going to work it out.  We will be there for each other."  He meant it.  Julie amazed him.  She'd got through so much, so quickly.  And at least with him, she stood up for herself.  She was going to walk out the door a couple of times, but looking back, she wasn't running.  She was just tired of being accused of whatever was going on in his brain or imagination at times.  His words had to hurt.  Hearing her say that she felt he had a low opinion of her hit him right in the heart.  That's not how he meant it.  He didn't trust Zayn right now.  He took it out on the wrong person.  But she was the one there; she was the one willing to take it at that time.  He sighed and picked up his phone when it rang.  He really wanted to take her out in South Africa.  He really wanted to prove to her he was sorry.  He walked to a quieter part of the room to work out some details.

Julie got up and went and got Louis a bottle of water and brought it back to him.  "I know you probably want something stronger than this, but how about we start with this."  She said handing it to him.

"Thanks.  Yeah, stronger would be nice.  I've tried not to talk about all this, but somehow you seemed to have gotten it out of me pretty quickly."  Louis said taking the water, opening it, and taking a drink.

"It's part of my magical charm.  I put a spell on all of you the night we met.  Didn't you know?"  She said sitting back down next to him.

Louis couldn't help but laugh.  "Yes, of course you did.  Thanks, JJ.  Really.  It's been a tough time.  Lots of things changing.  Including you it appears.  I haven't seen you lately, but you definitely come across a bit different."  He reached out and tapped her chin.  "Looks good on you."

"Thanks Louis.  But I don't think I'm that different.  Just choose not to hide so much I guess.  Don't bottle everything up as tight.  I'm still struggling some, but I got a lot of help.  Starting with all of you.  And of course, Harry."  She said smiling at Louis.

"He seems to be pretty into you also, love."  Louis said sitting back.  "How are you two anyway?  I could tell there was some tension.  I know Harry can be an ass when he's confused and angry."

"Yeah, he left a lot to be desired for a while.  But I get most of it.  It's a lot.  I'm pretty good at pushing people away and taking things out on people who don't deserve it.  So even though some of the things he said hurt a lot, I tried to remember where it was coming from.  He's been very patient with me, and kind and understanding.  I ran more than once, pushed him away constantly, and he stayed for me.  He came back after I disappeared for weeks.  I think it's only fair I at least give him the benefit of the doubt."  Julie said picking up her water bottle and peeling at the label.

Louis watched her for a minute.  "Something he said really bothered you, didn't it?"

"How did we get onto this topic?  We were talking about you."  Julie said looking at him.

"Yes, we were, and we've done that enough.  I don't want to do that anymore."  Louis said.  "Come on, you can tell me."

"You're one of Harry's best friends.  I would never ask you to take sides.  Maybe we should just forget about it."  Julie said. 

"Now why would I take sides?  We're just talking.  I just spilled my guts to you, in great detail I might add.  I think maybe you owe me a little bit here."  Louis said to her as he leaned back in his chair.  Eyes on her.

"Come on, Louis.  Everything's fine.  Really."  When Louis just kept staring at her, she sighed.  "Fine.  But don't say I didn't warn you.  When I got tired of being talked too like I meant nothing, I decided I was just going to go Amanda and Niall's room and then go home.  He asked me if I was going to go to Bradford to comfort Zayn.  Swore something was going on with Zayn because I took his call.  Felt like he had such a low opinion of me to even think I would do that to him.  Even though I understood he was angry with Zayn and upset and hurt, that just, seemed to be really harsh.  I tried to understand.  I knew how I felt when he met Kendall in Paris.  But I NEVER had anything with Zayn.  I don't know; guess that's what I'm having the hardest time getting over."

"Well, that is pretty harsh.  But I can tell you, I don't think he really meant it.  He loves you.  I see it.  I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.  He's an ass sometimes.  And he shouldn't have said those things.  But give him some time.  Did you tell him how you felt?"  Louis asked her.

"Yes, earlier today.  I told him that his having such a low opinion of me hurt the most."  She kept playing with the label on her bottle.

"Look, we're men.  We won't always see things that way.  I'm sure that's not how he meant it."  He got up and kissed her cheek when he saw Harry walking over to her.  "Keep at it, keep talking it out.  Love is always a lot of work, but in the end, it could be worth the struggle."  He walked past Harry and clapped him on the shoulder.

Harry sat in the chair Louis just vacated.  "Hey, you ok?"  He said taking the bottle from her hand.  He had noticed she had a nervous habit of playing with things. Usually it was his fingers.  Sometimes it was water bottle labels.  "Seemed pretty intense over here for a while."

"Yeah, I'm ok.  Louis seems to be having a hard time with his break up and then Zayn.  Gotta be tough to go through both those at the same time."  She said picking at the fabric of her jeans.

"Yeah, I imagine.  I did a pretty good job trying to get us to that point too.  I really am sorry."  He said picking her hand up and kissing it.

"You thought we were going to break up?"  She asked, surprised.

"No, yes, maybe.  I don't know.  I was acting like an ass.  Saying things I'm not sure I would forgive.  I wouldn't have blamed you if you dropped my ass right then."  He said.

She didn't know what to say.  Breaking up?  Losing her relationship over a nonexistent affair?  She'd never even thought about it.  "I don't want to break up, Harry."

"Oh, neither do I.  Baby, I'm not saying that at all.  I'm just glad you seem to get me better than I do right now."  He took her other hand and held both of them in between the two of them.  "I want a chance to make it up to you.  Show you how sorry I am."

"I'm not asking you to make anything up to me, Harry.  I told you, I get it.  There's only one part of this that I can't seem to get past quickly, but I will get there."  Julie said to him.

"You thinking I have a low opinion of you?"  Harry sighed.  He understood why that would bother her.  But he didn't mean it to come out that way.  "I don't.  I swear."

"I want to just forget it and believe you, but it hit me hard, and I don't just want to push my feelings aside anymore.  We know where that got me in the past."  Julie said sitting back and grabbing the water bottle again.

Harry watched her take her hands from his.  Ok, so he definitely had some work to do.  But he would do it.  Julie wasn't asking for it, but he was still going to anyway.  "I understand.  Baby, I know I messed up.  I knew saying those things would hurt, but I never thought about it the way you did.  I'm sorry I tried to hurt you as much as I was hurting."

"I love you, Harry.  We will be ok.  We are ok.  I'm just going to need a little bit of time to figure out how this makes me feel.  All I know is this is where I want to be.  You are who I want to be with.  We will be fine."  Julie said to him.  And she knew they would be.  She was struggling with the various emotions running through her head.  Harry had hurt her with the words he'd thrown at her.  But Julie knew she would be ok.  They would be ok.

"Ok, well I just got off the phone. I was setting up some plans for us tomorrow.  I really want to take you somewhere and surprise you.  Will you let me do that?"  Harry asked her.

"You don't have to take me places to make it up to me."  Julie said to him shaking her head.  She didn't want him to think he had to do anything like that.

"I know, stubborn.  I want to though.  Please?"  He asked taking the bottle again and taking her hands.  He pulled her to him and sat her on his lap.  "Let me.  I promise you will love it."

"I'm sure I will.  That's not what I meant."  Julie looked at him and then kissed him quickly.  She laid her head on his shoulder.  "I will go anywhere with you, Harry."

He could tell that she was still hurting.  And he knew he'd done that.  But she was trying really hard not to make him feel bad or guilty.  Julie shouldn't be the one having to try so hard though.  He already felt guilty on his own.  He loved that she was trying hard to give him a break, but after finally hearing how she felt and how his words had affected her, Harry couldn't help but feel guilty.  He had a very high opinion of her and cared for her deeply, not just as a girlfriend. He admired her as a person.  He wanted to make sure she felt that also.  He needed her to feel his love.  To know how much he wanted her, needed her, cared about her.  "That's good, because I don't want to be anywhere without you right now."

"I'm not going to lie to you, Harry.  It hurts.  A lot.  The things you said.  So many things coming back.  Feeling low and not worthy.  Like everything was my fault.  I'm trying really hard to separate everything right now.  You and me versus me and my past.  But words do hurt.  Sometimes just as much or more than the physical pain.  And I think they hurt more coming from you.  Because I love you, and I think so much of you, and think about how great you are.  I never wanted to disappoint you.  And even though I know you don't look at it that way,  I do.  Part of me knows it's not all my fault.  But part of me now wonders what I did to screw up.  It's the constant struggle I have.  Wondering if I will ever just be good enough."  Julie said quietly to him.  She was stronger.  She knew it.  She could tell the moment he raised his voice to her, and she didn't panic completely.  She trusted him.  She never thought she would ever be able trust anyone so completely.  Especially a boyfriend.  But she did.  Even when things seemed to be going bad, it didn't take long for her to trust him.  To know nothing would happen.  But still his words hurt.  When Harry seemed to think she would actually go to Zayn and comfort Zayn over him, Julie could feel the pain in her heart.

"I know."  He said swallowing the lump in his throat.  "I'm grateful, seriously, that you didn't just walk out on me."

"I know I've hurt you too.  I never expected to get through a relationship without being hurt at some point.  You're a great man, Harry.  And you're real.  You're allowed to make mistakes.  I don't want you to be perfect.  I want you to be you.  But just like when I hurt you, and you needed time.  I need some now.  I'm not going anywhere.  I want to be here, with you, by you, for you.  But I'm going to have some ups and downs.  It's hard to forget."  She put her hand on his cheek.  "But I already forgive you."

"I didn't help your recovery at all, did I?  In fact, I hurt it, didn't I?"  Harry asked her sighing.

"Harry, don't worry so much about me.  I'm ok.  I'm learning to get through things.  Yes, this is my first true test.  But so far, I'm ok.  I would prefer you not to flip out on me again anytime soon, but for now, I'm good.  Separating my past from my present is what I'm really trying to do.  You're not him.  I can't expect everything to be like my past.  Did it scare me when you grabbed me and pushed me against the wall?  Yes.  Did I automatically protect myself when you yelled and came towards me?  Yes, out of instinct.  I didn't even know I was doing it.  You've never yelled at me before.  My instincts took over.  I was protecting myself.  Doesn't mean I really thought you were going to do anything."  Julie took a deep breath.  "My past will always be here.  It's always going to play a part in my reactions.  I can't change that.  I'm sorry."

"No, please, don't be sorry.  I shouldn't have done it.  I would never hurt you though.  Not like that.  I know I hurt you with my words, but I would never hurt you like that.  And never on purpose.  I should have stopped and thought more about things."  He took his thumb and ran it over her cheek when he noticed a tear trickle from her eye.  It was the first time Julie had actually shed a tear since she'd been here with him.  He just realized that.  She'd fought her tears every other time.  He just realized she hadn't wanted him to react to her tears.  That she didn't want him to feel bad for her.  "You, are, you, Julie..." he stuttered trying to get out what he meant.  "You don't have to pretend to be completely strong.  I hurt you.  You shouldn't have hidden that."

"I didn't hide it."  She shook her head.  "It wasn't the time.  I could tell you weren't dealing with things well.  My tears wouldn't have gone over well.  You would have just gotten more upset."  She sighed.  "I don't want to argue about it, or even talk about it anymore.  Not right now.  We're fine.  At least, I think so.  Guess the rest is up to you."  She said shrugging her shoulders.  Julie still felt that he was the one that didn't trust her completely right now.

"No, I mean, of course we're fine."  Harry pulled her to him gently and hugged her.  His questioning all of this really seemed to get to her.  "I'm really sorry.  Really, really sorry."  He rubbed her back gently and closed his eyes when he felt her arms go around his neck.

"It's ok."  Julie whispered holding onto him.  "I forgive you.  I love you."

Harry fought his own tears.  Right now, he didn't think he deserved her forgiveness.  Her comfort.  But Julie was still here giving it to him.  He couldn't wait to take her out tomorrow.  Maybe he would talk to Niall and see if he wanted to bring Amanda.  They could spend some time together.  Maybe things could go back to normal.  It would be fun.  Yes, that's what he would do.  "I love you too, baby."  More than you realize, he thought to himself.

This chapter is dedicated to Skimbo1994 and LucyReynolds459 without your complete faith in me and this story I would not be posting my 59th Chapter with lots more to come.  Your blind faith in me in this journey and your complete belief in these characters continues to impress me everyday! Love you both!!! (Here we Toronto and Indy)

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