After their two shows in Johannesburg, South Africa, the guys were off two days before their next show in Cape Town.  They flew from Johannesburg to Cape Town right after the second show.  The next day everyone was able to sleep in.  Harry woke up, and Julie wasn't in bed with him.  He sat up and saw her looking out of the balcony doors through the small crack in the curtains.  There were a ton of fans outside the hotel so he guessed she didn't want them to really notice her.  He saw her run her hand through her hair and sort of sigh.  He guessed he knew why.  She had spent so much time with him and others.  She'd hardly had any alone time.  She was dealing with a lot of emotion and feelings.  He was proud of her for doing that, but he also recalled telling her when he felt she needed her space he would give it to her.  He got up and walked up behind her wrapping his arms around her.  "Good Morning, baby."

"Good Morning."  She said holding onto his arms in front of her.  "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, of course.  I usually do when you're with me.  Time for me to let you be for a while, huh?"  He asked turning her towards him.  He looked down at her and could see it in her face.  She was drained.  He put his hand on her cheek and kissed her nose.  "I can go out for a while and bring back some coffee and some food."

"I'm not trying to get rid of you, Harry."  She said.  She did feel a bit overwhelmed today for some reason.  She knew she had dealt with a lot since she received that phone call from Zayn, but she was dealing with it well.  Until now.  Now she felt like there was just so much running around in her head, and she was having a hard time sorting through it.

"I know you aren't, baby."  He kissed her lips.  "But, you need some Julie time.  I can see it.  There's nothing wrong with it.  I know it's not the time to overwhelm you with feelings, but I'm going to say that I'm amazed by your ability to get through all of this right now.  Your growth and your strength inspire me."

"Ok, stop now."  Julie said pushing on his stomach.  "I can't deal right now.  No more sweet."

"See, I knew it.  I could tell.  I know you; you're just going to have to deal with that fact."  Harry said kissing her again.  "I will be back in a little bit.  Anything in particular I can bring you?"

"If you know me so well, then I shouldn't have to tell you, now should I?"  She said raising her eyebrows at him.

"I love when you're mean to me."  He laughed and tapped her nose.  "Try and relax, love.  Do what you need to.  Cuz, when I come back, you're all mine.  Even if we just cuddle on the couch watching some RomCom's."

"Oh, you and your RomCom's.  You're too sappy for me."  She walked towards her bag.  "Harry," she glanced back at him as he was pulling his shirt on.  "We are NOT watching The Notebook."  She watched him stick out his bottom lip.  "No matter how cute you are when you pout."

"We will argue about it later."  He walked up and kissed her one more time.  "I love you.  See you soon."  He touched her cheek and left.  He was somehow ok with leaving her be for a while.  She had done better with this than he could have ever dreamed of.  She would never be one to need someone with her all the time.  And that was ok.  He never felt he would be the one to want anyone with him all the time either.  He was feeling it more and more with her though.  The longer they were together, the more he just wanted her with him.  He wanted to be able to come home to her every night and just share with her how the day had gone.  Good and bad.  He shook his head as he was walking down the hallway.  Wow.  He was talking like a whipped man.  And she had never even asked for more.  In fact, she was the one who never did.  It was all him.  He never would have thought.  He knocked on Niall's door.  He figured if he was going out he would see if they needed anything.

Amanda opened the door to see Harry standing there, alone.  "Hey, what's wrong?  Is JJ ok?"

"Um, yes?"  Harry said glancing at her and then laughing.  "Why does something always have to be wrong?"

"Well, you're knocking on the door, and JJ's not with you.  Usually that spells trouble."  Amanda said stepping aside.

Harry laughed.  "Well, not this time.  I got up just a little bit ago, and I could tell she needed some time.  You know how she gets.  She's feeling a bit crowded, a bit overwhelmed.  I noticed.  So, I offered to go out for a while.  Bring back some coffee and some food.  Figured since I was going out, I would see if you guys needed anything."

"She's ok though?"  Amanda knew how JJ was.  She understood what Harry was saying, but she wanted that confirmation.

"Yes, she's ok.  She's handled a lot this trip.  She handled a lot in Tahoe.  She's never pulled away.  I never felt she wanted to run.  I just figured it was time to let her sit back and sort through all of it the way she needs to.  I told her we would watch some RomComs later and just chill.  Of course, she had her typical reaction to that."  Harry laughed thinking about it.

"You mean she said you were too sappy and that she wasn't watching The Notebook?"  Amanda laughed.  Yeah, that was her JJ.

"Um, well that was specific.  How did you know all that detail?"  Harry asked laughing.

"Oh, I know you like that movie, and I know how JJ is when I suggest RomComs.  I just put two and two together."  Amanda said.  "Niall's in the shower. I don't know if we need anything, but I'm sure he's hungry.  He's always hungry."

"He is.  Ok, I will bring you guys some too.  It's going to be a bit though.  I'm going to look for something specific and give her at least a couple of hours.  So, expect it for dinner."  He leaned down and kissed Amanda's cheek.

"Something specific?  Well, doesn't that sound suspicious."  Amanda said raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, yeah, so I'm looking for something for her.  I can't help it.  She needs time, so what better way to spend it away from her than to do what I want to do for her."  He shrugged.  "See you in a bit."  He went back out the door.  Yes, he was going to do what he wanted for her.  She would probably tell him he shouldn't have, and she might tell him he was crazy.  But it wasn't going to stop him.  His mum always said he would spoil his girlfriend.  Well, apparently, she was right.

Niall came out of the shower and saw the door shutting.  "Who was that?"  He asked Amanda.

"Harry."  Amanda said turning towards him.

"Everything ok?"  He asked.

"Yes."  Amanda laughed.  "I asked him the same thing since he came here without JJ.  But he said JJ just needs some time alone.  Said her head's a little chaotic right now.  She needs her time to straighten it out."

"Well, it's great he knows that.  He seemed ok with it?"  Niall asked grabbing a drink of water.

"Yeah, he was really ok with it.  In fact, I believe he suggested it to her by what he said.  He seems good, at least when it comes to her.  Now he's out looking for something specific for her and getting them and us some food."

Niall swallowed hard when Amanda said Harry was out looking for something for JJ.  "Um, well, see..." he stuttered.  He shook his head.  "Am I supposed to be out getting something for you?"

Amanda laughed.  "Well, there's no pressure.  And I'm not going to ask for it."

"Sorry, guess I'm new to this whole boyfriend thing.  I've got a lot to learn."  He said walking up to her.  "But, just know, anything you want.  You got.  You mean the world to me."

"I know, my prince, I know."  She kissed him.  "I'm good.  And we get to spend the day being lazy, and Harry is even bringing us dinner.  I'm ok with that."

"Let me guess, RomComs and cuddling?"  Niall laughed.

"How'd you guess?"  Amanda giggled.

"Cuz, you were talking to Harry, and I see the TV already has them up on the screen."  Niall said laughing and glancing over to the TV.

"Oh, yeah, well."  She laughed and took him to the couch.  "Harry was talking about it so, sounded good to me.  I'm not JJ. I enjoy a good RomCom."

"Yeah, maybe you and Harry should watch, and JJ and I can hang out."  Niall said.

"No, besides, JJ doesn't watch much golf either."  Amanda said pulling him down onto the couch with her and laying her head on his shoulder.  "You can even pick."

"Oh, ok.  I've got the perfect movie."  Niall said taking the remote and typing it in.  "Tin Cup.  Fits for us both.  A little romance, a little comedy, and a bunch of golf."  He laughed when Amanda groaned.  "It's perfect."

A few hours later, Harry came back to the hotel.  He dropped off Niall and Amanda's food and talked to them for a few minutes.  He then went back to the room.  He let himself in and was met with silence.  The only light on was the one by the couch, so he set everything down on the counter and walked over to it.  He saw Julie sitting there, back towards him leaning against the arm of the couch, writing in her notebook.  He hadn't seen her do that in quite some time.  He hadn't been sure she even still did.  He was still curious what she wrote in there, but if it gave her what she needed then he was all for it.  "Hey, baby."  He said quietly.  She was so into it, she hadn't even heard him come in.  He didn't want to scare her.  When she put the pen into the notebook and closed it, he continued.  "I haven't seen you do that in a while."

"Yeah, I still do.  Just, mostly when I'm alone."  She said as she set the notebook on the table.  She smiled as he lifted her legs, sat down, and put her legs over his lap.  "That's when I feel I need to get things out the most."

"Are you ever going to tell me what you write in there?"  Harry asked.

"I know you want to know, Harry.  And it's not really a big secret.  You should know how good writing can be for you.  How good it can be just to put words down on paper that maybe you wouldn't say out loud.  Sometimes it's just a way to make sense of things.  I don't always write anything specific.  Sometimes it's poems, sometimes it's lists, sometimes it's just chaotic feelings, sometimes it makes no sense at all.  It's just, always been a way to keep a little part of me through the chaotic parts of my life.  And well, they were almost all chaotic parts."  She took a deep breath and picked up the notebook.

Harry listened to her closely and understood what she was saying.  He felt the same way when he wrote.  He then watched her pick up the notebook.  He watched her tap her fingers on the cover and then look at him and then back at the notebook.  He kept quiet though.  He could tell she was thinking.  He wasn't going to push her.  His eyes widened as she opened the notebook and paged through it slowly.  Was she really going to show him?

"Like I said, it's nothing all that amazing.  But, I've never trusted anyone, the way I trust you."  She stopped on a page and concentrated on the words.  She meant what she'd said.  She trusted him more than she trusted anyone.  She gave Amanda her poem on her birthday.  Maybe it was time to let Harry see just a little bit more into her than she'd let anyone else.  "I wrote this, when I came back from therapy.  After we had talked but before Tahoe.  When I wasn't sure if you would come back or not."  She kept looking at the notebook.  This was huge to her.

He watched her.  Listened to her.  Couldn't believe what she was saying to him.  That had been a very difficult time for him.  He was pretty sure it had a difficult time for her too.  She was about to share with him something she'd hidden for so long and something she wrote during a very difficult time.  He put his hand on hers which was on the notebook.  "You don't have too, baby.  It means a lot to me that you would even think about it."

"No, it's ok.  Yeah, it's hard.  But, maybe it's time.  Maybe not all of it.  But something.  Besides Amanda's poem which I wrote purposely for her.  I've never let anyone into this notebook, or any notebook on purpose.  I've never wanted to.  I want too.  It's just, difficult."  She turned the notebook towards him and handed it to him.

He took the notebook but never took his eyes from her face.  "Baby, are you sure?"

"Yes, Harry.  I'm sure.  But I'm gonna just let you read it without being here.  Just, promise me you'll just read that page and nothing else yet."  She took her legs from his lap and stood up.

"Of course, I promise."  He said watching her.  She nodded at him and then walked into the bedroom.  He knew he would find her at the windows looking out when he went in there when he was done.  It took a minute before he could start reading it.  He was still shocked she was letting him read something so personal.  It wasn't a poem.  He could tell right away by the format.  He took a deep breath and started to read.

How did I get here?  From a lonely girl, in a horrible relationship, to a girl in love with a superstar.  From someone who swore once she got out of her hell, she would never fall for another man, to someone so deep into a new relationship, that now that it's over, she isn't sure how she will go on.  From running so far, pushing everyone she cared about away, to wanting nothing more than to run to another country and beg him to come back.  What have I done?  What will I do?  How will I live knowing I lost the only person I ever believed loved me?  I lost him from my own fear.  My fear of actually losing him.  How sad is that?  I was so scared to lose him that I decided to lose him on my own terms.  I lost him because I'm so scared of someone else hurting me, I just hurt myself first.  How do you explain to someone that you love them so much that you can't let them love you?  But that's how I work.  That's how I protect myself from all of the pain I've gone through in the past.  I let him in too much. I let him get to the part of me that can hurt.  I didn't want to do that, but I did.  I tried everything to make it just be casual.  To keep him far enough away to just have fun.  But he's so deep into my heart.  He got in before I even realized it.  And now, all I can do now is hope.  Hope he sees enough in me to understand.  Hope he sees through the darkness, the wall, the pain, enough to forgive me.  I didn't know how to hope.  I gave up hope.  But then he came.  He came when I felt there was no hope for me.  He gave me hope.  He made me smile.  He showed me kindness, and love.  He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.  I need him.  Oh, god.  I NEED HIM.  I need you, Harry.  I love you.  I hope you can feel that.  I hope you come back to me.  I've never hoped.  I hope for nothing more.  Please......

Harry closed the notebook and saw a tear drop onto the cover.  He knew she had been in pain.  He knew she had struggled with feelings, and never believed in herself.  That week after her phone call to him, she'd never tried calling him again.  He didn't know how to take that.  To know that's what she was feeling, that's what she was writing.  What she believed and hoped for meant the world to him.  He thought she somehow didn't care if he came back.  Or at least he thought she could just go on without him.  This proved that even before he came back. She'd wanted nothing more.  This notebook showed more feeling than she was capable of speaking.  He'd promised her he wouldn't read more, but he wanted to.  She wrote it out.  To figure it out.  This meant a lot to him.  He set the notebook down and went into the room.  As he thought, she was standing at the windows looking out.  It was dark out and in the room so that she would be seen as nothing but a silhouette from the outside.  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back to him.

"It's all true, Harry."  She said to him without turning around.  "I've never had hope until you.  You gave me hope, you gave me love, you gave me life.  I know I had to do some of it for myself. I know that.  But if you hadn't been there to show me it existed.  If as soon as I ran I didn't realize how much I just wanted to be back in your arms.  If I didn't miss your voice and your face.  I would have never gotten the help I needed.  You give me hope."  She turned around finally and looked up at him.  Tears were forming in her eyes.  "I have hope.  And that's something I never thought I could ever feel.  In fact, I thought I could never feel again.  And I feel.  So much."  She said fighting back her tears.  "And being here.  And being able to get through your anger, your emotions, your outbursts, and not once thinking I wanted to leave.  Not once thinking you were going to hurt me.  Is something I never thought would happen.  You may not be perfect, in anyone else's sense of the word.  But your imperfection is perfect for me."

"I can't explain any of this, Julie.  I don't know why I felt the pull I did towards you.  Why I couldn't let you go even when you seemed to want nothing to do with me.  But I couldn't let you go."  He cupped her cheek.  "I think I've loved you since the moment Lottie told us about your quip about my pants."  He kissed her.  "Sometimes, you just know.  There is no one who brought me in the way you have.  I don't think I ever could have just let you go.  Even though I didn't know it at the time, I don't think there was ever a question as to whether I would go to Tahoe."

"I love you, Harry."  She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her cheek on his chest.  This feeling right now was one she never wanted to let go.  She would show him more writing, eventually.  Slowly.  But for now, it's what she needed him to know.  There was never any doubt she wanted him.

"I love you, too, baby."  He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.  He was sure there was more in that notebook.  But for her to open up even that bit for him was more than he needed.  He was in love more than he thought he could be at 21.  What was he going to do?

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*the story is complete fan fiction