Julie woke up to knocking on the door.  Amanda was still sound asleep on her lap.  Her head was killing her.  Ugh.  Stress and this whole situation.  Lack of sleep.  Life just seemed to go from one fucked up mess to another.  She heard a key in the door.  Must be Harry.  She realized it was really light outside.  She looked at the clock and saw that it was mid-morning.  She gently lifted Amanda's head and got up repositioning Amanda on the couch and started walking towards the door.  She stopped both Harry and Niall as they walked in.  "You could have called."  She said to them.

"Oh, so now I have to call to come?  Since when?"  Harry asked her surprised.

"Since last night, since you knew what's going on here."  She looked at him and then at Niall.
"We're not doing this right now."  She crossed her arms and stood in front of them so they couldn't walk further into the apartment.

"Oh, Jesus Christ.  It's like Paris in reverse."  Niall said as he looked her.  Julie had the same look on her face Amanda did when she was in protective mode.  This was not going to go over well.

"Whatever.  She's sleeping, and she's not ready to talk to you right now."  Julie said.  "So, you should just go until she's ready."

"Julie, let's not do this."  Harry said.

Julie rolled her eyes.  "Yes, let's.  I'm not ready to talk to you either.  I think we both need some time to think about things.  And right now, I just haven't been able to."

"Aren't you the one who said it wasn't even about us?"  Harry asked running his hand through his hair.

"Yes.  But you sure made it about us."  She grabbed Niall's arm when he went to walk around her.  "Not now, Niall."

"Yes, now.  You two need to stop doing this with each other.  We can work it out."  Niall said to her a bit angrily.  Which probably wasn't his smartest move.  He watched her let go of his arm, but he saw her hands clench into fists.  She was fighting back at least some sort of anger.

"There is no one, who wants you to work this out more than I do, Niall.  But she is NOT ready to deal with it.  You have NO idea how this affected her.  You CHOSE not to listen to her.  Her feelings matter.  No matter if you agree with them or not.  And YOU should have respected that.  She was trying to sort through the shock and the realization of what she believed SHE had caused.  And BOTH of you went straight to judging her for having those feelings.  Not for making a decision, but for even momentarily thinking about it.  And right now, NEITHER of you are going to make her feel like her feelings are invalid by starting your, 'you love me so you should just deal with it', shit.  Sorry.  Not going to happen.  Neither one of you can even begin to realize the shock that she went through when this all came to her.  So, you both can go stand on your pedestals elsewhere right now.  The 'I'm too noble to think about anyone else's feelings' is not going to play out right now.   And you need to accept that it was all so new, and it was scary, and that she had a million different scenarios running through her head."  She re-crossed her arms and just stood there.  Neither one of the guys said anything.  They both just looked at the floor like punished little puppies.  She didn't even feel sorry for them at that moment.  Ok, maybe just a little bit.  But she couldn't deal with it all.  "Yeah, I think you both should go."

Harry looked at her and licked over his teeth frustrated.  "I think we should talk about this.  But, apparently this is going to take longer than we have right now.  We have to be in the studio soon."

"Of course, you do.  Don't keep anyone else waiting."  Julie said turning on her heel and walking away.

"Don't do that.  You know I can't help it."  Harry said exasperated.

"Right.  But you're both ready to have a baby right now, totally reasonable."  She said not even turning around.

"That's not..."  Harry started, but Niall stopped him.

"Not going to do any good right now.  Trust me, I tried that once.  We should just go."  Niall said as he turned and opened the door.

Harry stood there for a minute.  He then shook his head.  "Yeah, guess you're right."  He walked towards the door and turned back to look at Julie.  She had her hands over her eyes, and she was taking a deep breath.  He didn't want to leave, but he didn't want to fight with her right now either.  There was no reasoning with her when she was being this unreasonable.  She was the one being unreasonable, right?  He walked out with Niall, and they went to the studio.  Should prove for a long day.

Amanda woke up on the couch and looked around.  Home.  She was home.  The previous day coming back and hitting her in the face with reckless abandon.  She saw JJ staring out the glass doors of their small balcony, coffee cup in her hand.  She looked stiff.  "JJ?"

Julie turned around and smiled a sympathetic smile at Amanda.  "Hey."  She said walking towards her.  She set her mug on the table and sat down on the coffee table in front of Amanda.  She took her hands.  "How are you doing?"

"I've been better.  Glad you're here with me.  I feel pretty alone."  She tried not to start crying again.

"You will never be alone.  Not while I'm breathing."  Julie said.

"I just thought, I don't know.  As much as I don't want to talk to him,  I thought Niall would try to stop me from leaving."  Amanda admitted.

Julie let out a breath.  "He was here this morning.  Both he and Harry came."

"He was?"  Amanda looked at her.

"Yes.  I made them leave."  Julie admitted to Amanda.

Amanda nodded.  "Yeah, probably for the best.  But I don't want to cause issues with you and Harry."

"Oh, it's not you; it's him."  Julie sort of chuckled softly.  "Guess Niall was right about one thing. This is definitely Paris with roles reversed."

"Why are you arguing with Harry?  You didn't have to have him leave."  Amanda said taking her hands from JJ and rubbing her face.

"Yes, I did.  This is our home.  You didn't need him here.  Especially when he was going on about the same things Niall was.  As soon as I said I understood what you were going through, he went all high and mighty.  Just like Niall.  Not understanding anything.  Apparently, having feelings isn't right unless you agree with him."  Julie said leaning back on her hands on the table.

"Oh, Jesus.  There isn't a baby.  Not from me and not from you.  Why does it have to be like this?"  Amanda asked.

"I don't know.  Trust me, I couldn't figure out why we were arguing about a hypothetical all of a sudden.  But none of that matters."  She stood up.  "What do you need?  Do you want coffee?  Or breakfast?"  She asked Amanda.

"You don't have to take care of me."  Amanda said standing up.

"Well, I want to.  Go take a shower, and I will have coffee and breakfast ready when you get out.  Ok, well it will be lunch, but since you just got up we will call it breakfast."  Julie said realizing it was already after noon.

"So technical.  I see this black and white brain thing now.  Makes a lot of sense."  She forced a small smile at JJ and went to take a shower.  She needed black and white JJ right now.  Even though she was proud of her for feeling more, for showing emotions and letting things out, sometimes she needed matter-of-fact, calm, and reasonable JJ.  Now was one of those times.  Amanda didn't like that JJ was sending Harry away.  But they could deal with that later.  She took a shower and then went out to the kitchen.  Breakfast smelled delicious.  "Wow.  What an amazing breakfast."  Amanda said looking at all the food.  JJ must feel stressed. Amanda remembered multiple meals that were extravagant when she wanted to keep herself busy.

"Yeah, sorry.  Got carried away."  She looked at Amanda's face.  "Yes, a coping mechanism.  Just enjoy it.  I needed it to keep busy."  She made herself and plate and sat next to Amanda.  They sat quietly both picking at their plates but not knowing what to say.

"You know what's sad.  All I can think of is how much Niall would be enjoying all of this food right now."  Amanda said dropping the piece of bacon she had in her hand and wiping her eyes with her napkin.  She was starting to cry again.

"I know."  Julie said.  She was thinking the same thing.  And about how Harry would have made fun of her for making everything as unhealthy as possible.  This relationship thing sucked.  She hated the way he was acting right now, but she couldn't stop thinking of him.

"I know I need to talk to him."  Amanda said pushing her plate back and leaning back against the stool.

"Yes, you do."  Julie said to her.  "But when you're ready.  Not before."

"When will I know?"  Amanda asked her.

"I don't know.  But you will.  You will just know."  Julie pushed aside her emotions and her feelings and looked at Amanda.  "Right now, you're going through your own doubts, your own thoughts, your own feelings.  He can't seem to accept and support that.  That means if you do it now, when neither of you are willing to compromise to each other's feelings, it will just be a mess.  You're allowed to have your feelings, and he should respect that.  He should understand that."

"So, I should understand his with that assessment, right?"  Amanda asked.

"Of course."  Julie said.  "But, the point is.  They both need to realize that it's not something they would ever understand.  I get where they are coming from.  To a point.  And I'm sure you do too.  And I'm sure you thought exactly that same thing.  How much you love Niall and how much it would mean to have something you two created.  But that doesn't mean they can act the way they did because there are other things running through your mind.  You never once dismissed that thought.  But by god, you can think and feel everything you need to."  She got up and took her plate and emptied it into the trash and put it in the sink.

"Yeah.  I don't mean to put all this on you."  Amanda said.

"Don't you do that.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  You've been there for me through so many things.  This is nothing."  Julie said.  She looked at all the food she had cooked.  Part of her wanted to pack it up and send it to the boys.  Just seemed natural.  She hated being mad at Harry and at Niall.  She was mad at them both.  She honestly never thought either of the guys would disregard their feelings the way they had.  "We just need a break from them I guess to re-evaluate."

"Do we?"  Amanda asked her.  She was confused.  She was counting on JJ for that steadiness.  For the matter-of-fact answer.  She figured out though, that she wasn't going to get it.

"Hell if I really know."  Julie admitted.  "I just don't know what to think honestly.  I'm surprised either of them showed so much disregard for our feelings.  I assumed they would at least put value in them whether they disagreed or not."

"Yeah.  I'd like him to see my side.  But we seem pretty far away on this."  Amanda said.  "I don't know what to do either."

"Well, I just think, which could be wrong, that it's a moot point.  I mean, there's no baby.  The test was negative.  Birth control is taken.  Likelihood of anyone getting pregnant is minuscule. Yet they seem to think because things go through our minds, it's the end of the world."

"Yeah."  Amanda sighed.  "We need to talk to them, huh?"

"Fuck."  Julie said.  "Yes.  There's no bigger fan of you and Niall together than I am.  But I'm just not sure I'm ready to wrap my head around any of it.  But yes, you should talk to Niall."

"And you should talk to Harry."  Amanda said.

Julie looked at Amanda when there was a quiet knock on the door.   She walked to the door and opened it.  She once again looked at Harry and Niall standing at the door.  This time Harry didn't use the key that he had been given. 

"Can we come in now?"  Harry asked her.  When she stepped aside, he walked in with Niall.

Niall went straight towards Amanda.  "We need to talk.  No more avoiding it."

"Yeah, I guess we do."  Amanda said looking towards JJ and Harry.

"Alone."  Niall said firmly.

"Of course, Niall.  But I caused trouble between them too.  Don't think I'm not going to worry about it."  She shook her head.

Julie overheard Amanda.  "Not your fault."  She walked towards her room.  "Don't even go there.  It apparently is a much bigger issue than you."  She leaned back against her bedroom door waiting for Harry before they went in and closed the door.

"Do you need anything?"  Niall asked Amanda.

"No, I'm fine."  She walked towards the couch but didn't sit.  "I still don't know what to say to you."

"Yeah, ok.  I'm not sure what to say either.  But we have to say something."  He walked towards her.

"What do we say when we don't agree?  On something like this?  Like you can't understand how horrible I felt.  How scared I was.  That I would think of things other than just happily having your baby."  Amanda said to him.

"That's not exactly how I meant it.  But when you said options...."  Niall started.

"Yes!  I thought about EVERYTHING!"  She took a deep breath to calm down.  "Look, I get where you're coming from.  To a point.  But you don't seem to understand how hard, and how difficult, it was for me to get through this.  You think you're right and that's it.  That's not how this works.  Sorry to say."

"I understand you have your own thoughts and your own feelings.  Don't think I don't.  But how can I listen to you say there's options for a baby we would have made?  I would never."  Niall said.

"Yeah, you're noble, Niall.  I get it.  Sorry, I'm not.  Think of me anyway you want.  I won't change the fact that I can't handle that thought right now.  And if you can't accept that, then I don't know what to do."  Amanda said sitting on the couch.  The room became awkwardly silent.

Harry watched Julie lean up against the dresser.  She looked even worse than she had yesterday morning.  "Are you ok?"

"Not really."  She said pulling her hair back out of her face.  "Sort of in a pretty big fight with my boyfriend.  Bit stressful."

He sighed.  "Yeah, but that's not it.  I could tell prior to yesterday.  I questioned you yesterday morning."

"And I told you I wasn't feeling the greatest, but it wasn't a big deal."  She said.

"Well, then what is it?  You're losing weight, and you look pale."  He said to her.

"Stress, Harry.  I've been stressed for months.  I'm going through so many different emotions constantly I don't know which way is up.  Everyone sees the change for the good, but no one bothers to see how hard it is, or how much it takes of me.  Which is fine.  I'm working on it.  But it's hard.  I'm fine.  I will be fine."  She said to him pushing herself off the dresser.  "But will we be fine?"

"Really?  You're taking a fight and wondering if we will be fine?"  He asked her.

"Seems a pretty big thing when you question my feelings, or for having feelings.  Over some hypothetical scenario.  But the biggest thing is why you would think my feelings are less valid than yours."  She said.

"I don't think your feelings are less valid than mine."  Harry said to her.

"How else do you explain questioning my understanding of what Amanda was going through?"  Julie said.  "So, you've experienced being a female in a very unexpected or fragile situation?  So, you know exactly how we should feel if something like that is a possibility?"

"Of course, I don't."  He said.

"Then I don't get it."  She said to him.  They were standing across the room from each other.  Looking at each other.  Neither knowing what to say, nor what to do.

"Yeah, neither do I."  Harry said looking at her.  The distance between them was heartbreaking.  Opposite sides of the room just staring at each other.  "Guess I should go."

"Yeah, guess you should."  Julie said.  She bit her lip to stop her lip from trembling.  She crossed her arms and just stood there.

He took a step towards her but then stopped.  There wasn't anything to say right now.  "I'll see ya, then."  He said as he turned and left the room.  "Niall, I'm outta here."

"Yeah, I might as well come with you."  Niall looked down at Amanda who had sat on the couch and was looking at the floor.  He thought about hugging her, but decided against it.  He turned and left with Harry.  They walked to the car in silence.  The studio seemed like a haven to run to.  Neither of them knew how this was going to work out.

Julie walked to her door and leaned against the doorframe.  She saw the door close behind Niall and Harry and looked at Amanda who looked at her.  Neither of them could cry.  They just couldn't.  This situation was difficult.  How would they get through it?  Together.  That's how.  Julie walked to the couch and climbed onto it with Amanda.  They just sat in silence.  Together.  They would figure it out. 

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