ineffable
(adj.) too great to be expressed in words.

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CASSIDY

Softly, I shut the glass door of my bedroom and take a seat on the hard stone floor. The cold air of the night ruffles my long hair as I hug my knees and my cheeks get wet. I'm up on the balcony that has a side view of our swimming pool.

It's times like this that I love the darkness. I may avoid them most of the time, but when the world is all against me and I have no where else to go, a black abyss will always welcome me no matter what. It calms me and is the only thing that can carry me away from reality and humans.

What has happened to my life?

Three days ago was the last day of school. I wanted to burn my iPad in peace; perhaps enjoy the summer and wait for school to come back going to River Valley High.

And little did I know that the last day of class would be the last day of my normal life.

Logan Chase, out of billions of people got my iPad, I went to his house, and in three months time, I'm expected to go to school with him. I know I shouldn't feel sad, and I feel like trash that I can't explain how I feel. I've grown up loathing the word love and everything related to it that up till now I still despise it, even if Logan was my crush already.

Don't you think that this whole thing mistakenly crept out of a fairytale and got sucked into reality? Of all the bad and wickedness and villains in this world that always unfortunately affect me, it's like the universe cleared up it's fog and made the tracks go correctly and the wind sail smoothly, for something like this to occur. I don't know if I want it or not, and that fact drives me crazy.

If you've been told you're whole life not to cry, then that's not comepletely right. In my opinion, crying is better than cooping up all your emotions and you're not allowing yourself be free. Letting it all out will make you stronger than caging it all in.

Mainly, the biggest problem of mine right now isn't Logan -- as big as a worry he is to me. It's Meadows High School.

I really really really don't want to transfer schools. It'll help me be a step closer to my dream, but right now, I'm not fully accepting that yet. I don't want to the past to creep back up to me. Although I'm stronger and so much better, I can't bare to let what happened years ago get a chance to crawl back into my present; I'm forbidding it.

I jump as the door creaks and footsteps are heard. I try to hide, but the person's already saw me.

"Cassy dear, are you okay?" she asks in a soothing voice. I wish she weren't here, I'm not in the mood to talk at all. But is space really what I need, or to let it all out?

My mom sits right next to me and pats my shoulder. I try controlling the strange anger that's inside me -- why am I mad?

"How'd you know I was here?" I ask. The balcony is the least, to be honest. Sometimes I reach our roof just to isolate myself, but I'm too tired to do that at eleven in the night.

"I'm your mom, I know everything." uh huh, so untrue. She and dad may know me as well as Alaine, but no one knows everything about me.

"Dear, I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have shouted at you -- I know that it's hard with a new school, and I want you to know that at the end of the day, the choice is all still with you," she says. I do nothing but let her talk to the air.

"Cass, I just want you to have an open mind and not close your options. Meadows High School will help you so much as a writer, and that's been your lifelong dream! We both know how important it is to you. Changing schools isn't that bad, and Logan will be there to help you out, I saw that he's being friendly to you."

Mom rubs my back gently and I really try not to burst, as this should make me feel better.

"But mom, what if sixth grade happens all over again?" I ask, finally daring to face her straight in the eyes, and refusing to show tears.
"But Cassidy, how will you ever achieve your dreams? You want to become a writer but --"
"Mom, please stop returning the questions to me!" I finally say, unable to control my anger. She always does this every single time and although this really should make me okay, I don't think it ever does.

"You always give back the questions to me; could you just please tell me the straight up answer and not make it all rumbled like a puzzle or riddle?! You know that I'm loving every year of high school, but it's not as happy as it seems. I-it's so stressful a-and what more, if. . . if I change schools? I'll have to adjust all over again, and. . . and it all might happen again. . . " I say, crying harder than ever.

Mom's words don't help as much as I expect, want, and force them to.

"What happened back then?" she says innocently.

"Mom, you know what happened! Sixth grade!" I say, rubbing my face and the bottom of my shirt.

My dreams do matter a lot and I've been doing everything. Mom giving the decision to me is so much more difficult. She could just pick one school and I'll face the consequences after -- mother knows best. And though I don't want to transfer to Meadows High School because of adjustment and Logan, I have to go if I want to be a successful writer.

Everything good needs a sacrifice. And in achieving my dreams, it always feels that everything I do will have to steal the essence of my happiness even if I keep it inside of me and preserve it. Something, someone, will take it away from me and it's happening all over again. I do this just for my future because I have a big goal, and I'm not like other kids who waste their damned lives.

"Cassidy, I reccommend you to research about the school. Don't close your mind because I know that Meadows High can help you. A lot. And Logan will be there, honey." she remarks straightly. With that, her hand pushes up from the floor and she storms quietly away after kissing me on the forehead.

Sometimes, I all wish that I could be like when I was eight. No Logan. No pressure about the future. No annoyance with parents. No stress with school.

Just pure happiness and relaxation I am craving for at each drop of a tear from my puffy gray eyes.

☆ ☆ ☆

By the time I wake up, it's ten in the morning. I thank the gods that my eyes aren't ugly anymore; I look normal already.

The problems of last night have washed away, and I will go to Meadows High School.

Not because of Logan -- no, no, no, -- but because of me.

Who cares if I have a difficult time -- I believe in myself and I'll find a way out like always no matter how hard it may be. I'm going to study there and I'll try my best.

Like any other morning, I grab my phone from my bedside table. But like the past few days, this one doesn't want to loose in the race of nearly killing me.

My heart feels like it's suddenly dropped to the floor and stopped
functioning.

A message notification. Logan Chase sent a message.

Or is it the other way around? Is my heart feeling suddenly alive and running around?

Never, never, never in a billion years would I have expected Logan Chase to text me that I feel like I want to cry again. It's one of my famous dreams of him; I can't believe it's real.

Logan: 12 noon at Meadows High School. I'll be there at your place.

Wait, what?! Logan's coming over?! How the heck does that kid know where I live? (he's older than me by a couple of months, because he was born on March, but still.) I am so dead.

Internally freaking out, I run to the shower and take a bath. I choose an outfit (which seriously took me a long time cause really, I need a whole day to plan!) and eventually settle for denim overalls and a maroon shoulderless top inside. I put on my pink Nikes and comb my hair. Bracelets, earrings, watch, and bag is all done -- all that's left is my hair, so I nicely braid and style it in a jiff. By the time I'm finished, it's actually. . . twelve thirty.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. I run downstairs on the humongous staircase as Knoxx and Toothless trail behind me, only to jump in shock.

Logan Chase. . . inside my house?

Utterly impossible. Completely unimaginable.

He's seated right there on the black couch in my white and gray living room, facing his iPhone casually. Did any one of the workers let him in?! And it's a Tuesday -- mom and dad are at work!

"You okay there, Cass?" he asks, not looking up from his phone. Ugh, why does he have to be eye candy?

I didn't know he noticed me from here!

"How did you get in?" I ask slowly, nearing the coffee table where Logan's faced. I take a step down, but as soon as I do, I realize that my shoelaces are untied, and I trip, making me painfully fall to my knees and then back, my right Nike flying away.

Logan notices. His eyes are fixed on me. Logan stands up. He's closer and closer. Logan gets my hand and pulls me up. His hands are so warm and I feel so strange. Logan sees the shoe. Logan laughs.

Cassidy's heart is dead.

Why is this happening to me???!

"Hi Princess Cinderella," he says, as I get my shoe before he does and who knows what.

"Ew, stop that," I say, making sure to secure my footwear. Did he just nickname me? No, no, no. . . not happening.

"What? Why? I don't know a girl that doesn't like nicknames," he says.

"It's so cliché," I reply, rolling my eyes. As cute and as nice he is, he's so annoying. That makes him even better.

No Cass, no, snap out of it.

"Anyways, you haven't answered my question. How did you get in?" I ask, taking the farthest seat away from him in our living room. It's a little bit bigger than Logan's and I'll be able to face him better if I'm far away.

"I have magical powers to open doors," he says.

"Yeah right," I say.

"Ugh Cinderella, your mom told me to get tour you around Meadows High. She instructed Hazel, one of your maids, to let me in since she knew you'd take forever having to prepare, and she got that right, princess." I can't help but smile even though I'm fighting it.

I will never ever be with Logan; but I think I can live being friends with him. I'll at least try.

"Stop it Logan, that's so weird, and again, cliché!" I tell him, standing up and punching him in the shoulders, which almost kills me because I nearly lost my balance and I might've fallen into him again.

Why am I so clumsy when it comes to him?!

"Don't deny that you like it," he teases. Ugh, not that much to be honest. It's annoying.

"Can we just go now?" I complain in front of him.

"Oh I dunno, who was the one who took a decade to prepare and tripped in the stairs of her own house?," he taunts jokingly, putting away his phone.
"It takes time to choose something to wear, you know! And my shoes. . .were untied!" I say, thankful that I am concealing the butterflies in my tummy.

He pulls out my hand and we head out the door, and I pet Knoxx and Toothless a sweet good bye as they stare at me with their vast buttony eyes.

I see the black car that kidnapped me, and I ride inside the front with nervousness once more. I can't believe this is happening; it's too good to be true. This; everything that's happening to me; it's too expensive and I can't afford it despite the riches we have, but how did I get it?

☆ ☆ ☆

Herro herro! I can't believe I've mad it to this part of the story. . . it took me more days than the usual time of me writing a chapter. So much has been going on with life -- not negative, but I was super busy.

I totally ship Cassidy and Logan and watch out for the next chapter, because someone's about to get a teeny tiny bit sad again!

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