#WIAE Chapter 22

It had been over a week since I started living with the Dieux, but I still felt out of place... Not that it mattered, because I really didn't plan on staying here for too long. Once everything had been taken cared of, I would be gone. I never really liked this place, and I was certain that I would never come to. Everything about this place screamed danger... Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit tingin ng mga magulang na mas mapapabuti ang mga anak nila dito.

And whenever I'd see Avo on the halls, he'd only look at me briefly before proceeding with whatever he was doing.

"Who are you?" I said as I continued looking at the picture on my hand. Ilang ulit ko na itong tinitignan pero hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin akong ideya kung sino ang tao sa larawan. I was sure that Oli and Avo were in the picture. Kahit nakatalikod sila ay makikilala ko sila... What was killing me was not knowing who the other guy was.

Tahimik akong nakaupo sa damuhan habang naglalaro iyong mga kaklase ko. We were having our PE class right now. And as a Dieux, I had the privilege to skip the playing part. There was too much skin contact. At nung akala ko ay nakaligtas na ako, nakita ko na naman si Night na papalapit sa akin. I immediately stood up and began walking the opposite direction. I didn't want to talk to him. Kagaya nga ng sabi niya, he was doing nothing but to mess with my head.

He was not only a psycho, but also a devil's advocate. I was sure that he's having all the fun in the world lalo na ngayon na halos wala ng araw na tahimik sa bahay ng mga Dieux dahil kay Ella.

Naglakad lang ako ng naglakad. I was slowly becoming comfortable walking outside alone... Maybe comfortable was too strong a word. But it was a start, at least. Nakakalabas na ako kahit papaano. And the necklace Sandra gave me provided some kind of assurance. Na kapag napahamak ako, someone would come to my rescue.

While I was enjoying my peace, bigla kong nakita si Avo. He was walking and people were going out of their way to make way for him. He just held that kind of authority. At ako naman... sinundan siya.

I hated it when he talks to me... but I hated it more when he ignores me. Maybe because he made me use to his attention. And now that he's pretending that my existence was null, I was suffering withdrawal.

Hindi ko alam kung saan pupunta si Avo pero sinundan ko siya. I was clutching on my necklace the whole time. May magkamali lang talaga na humawak sa akin ng walang pahintulot ko, I'd raise hell.

Pumasok si Avo sa isang maliit na building. He swiped his ID and it opened. I was hesitating if I'd follow him... but what was the use of me revealing my true identity if I wouldn't be able to take advantage? Kaya naman pumasok na rin ako. And it was just a huge room... with TV screens everywhere.

"Shit," I whispered to myself.

Realization hit me. It was really fúcking one of them who rigged the CCTVs that night. It was all pre-planned. The assault was pre-meditated. Bigla na namang bumalik ang galit sa puso ko.

I took a step forward. I looked at the screens. Every part of AdM was covered... and yet every time something happened to me, suddenly these cameras were of no use. Napakuyom ang kamao ko dahil dito. They're really messing with me.

"What are you doing here?"

Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip dahil kay Avo. He was standing in front of me. Hindi agad ako nakasagot. What was I to say to that? Na sinusundan ko siya? And that I just learned that one of his friends was behind the assault that pushed me to kill innocent lives?

"I..." I trailed. "I was checking the exclusive places for Dieux."

I didn't know if he believed my lame excuse, but that was the least of my concern now.

"There's nothing in here for you to enjoy," he said.

"Why are you here, then?" I shot back.

"Why do you care?"

I clenched my jaw. He's playing hard to get now?

"Bawal ba akong magtanong?"

Tinignan niya ako nang mabuti.

"Stop acting like you care, Boe. I have no time for your games," sabi niya at saka nagsimulang maglakad. Nilagpasan niya ako.

Was he really... done with me?

The thought hit me. Something inside me ached... but more so, realization dawned me. Hindi ko pwedeng hayaan na mawala sa akin si Avo. He's the key to all my questions. I didn't know if I should trust Night... pero alam ko na kailangan ko si Avo. Everything I had been through would be senseless if I'd lose him.

"Avo."

Saying his name took more courage than I thought it would. I never really liked begging for anyone's attention. I was raised to take what I thought was rightfully mine. But the game I was playing required more than just useless pride. Wala akong mapapala kung magmamalaki ako. I was playing with enemies whom I couldn't see. I needed to up my game.

And I needed all the strength I could muster... especially when Avo's looking at me like that. And he wasn't even saying anything, but he could make my knees go weak.

"Why?"

He only kept on staring.

"Why... did you do that?"

He didn't answer. I didn't know what to say anymore. How do you get back someone whom you had pushed before?

"Did you really just play me? Was it fun?" I asked.

I looked at him. He clenched his jaw.

"Do I look like I have the time to play, Belinda?" he said, his voice sent down chills down my spine. It was the first time he called me like that... and he made my knees buckled. And when he took a step closer, I hitched my breath.

"T-then why did you do it?"

Another step closer.

"What's the use of answering? You wouldn't even bother to listen."

I wanted him to stop getting too near. Hindi na ako makahinga.

"I... I'll listen," I said, in a desperate attempt to lure him in again. I closed my eyes and muttered Night's words... I don't need to be strong all the time. I only need to look strong. "So... talk."

Avo stared at me. Even with him this close, I still couldn't read him. There was so much hiding behind his eyes... Nababasa kaya siya ni Ella? Kasi ako, kahit ano'ng gawin ko, hindi ko magawa. And it was disheartening.

I was waiting for him to talk, when he made my heart jump out of my chest. He trapped me in between his arms, forcing me to look at him.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why?" I returned.

"Why are you asking me this now?"

I knew he'd ask that question. Sandra warned me. Night warned me. I was not playing with people lower than me. I was playing with equally dangerous people... and with Avo, I just had to play my card.

"You hurt me," I answered.

Maybe he didn't love me like Ella... but he liked me. He cared for me. And I should use that. Or exploit that. Anything to get me what I wanted.

His eyes softened, and even then I knew I already got him.

"I like you, Avo... Even when you hurt me, I still like you," I said, staring intently in his eyes. I willed myself to cry, and tears began to brim. I knew I got him. "Why did you have to do that? Bakit mo ako sinaktan kung si Ella pa rin ang gusto mo?"

I was breaking him. I could see it in his eyes.

"Did you really even care about me, Avo?" I said, my voice croaked. "Or was it all a game to you?"

Avo looked at me, like he was contradicting himself. What are you hiding, Avo? I had all these questions inside me. I needed to get him back in my life. I needed access in his life. So even if touching him made my heart painfully race inside my chest, I held his face.

"Explain, Avo. I'll listen."

Nakatingin siya sa akin, at saka dahan-dahan na ibinaba iyong braso. I was no longer trapped.

"What do you want to know?"

I smiled.

"Everything," I replied. "Why did you tell me you wanted me the first time you saw me?"

Would he tell me about Oli? Or would he tell me another lie?

"You reminded me of someone," he said, looking intently into my eyes. My heart started beating erratically. It was Oli.

"Who?" I dared ask.

"Just someone."

I pursed my lips.

"Someone special?"

"A close friend," he shortly replied. He was being honest, but he was omitting the things I wanted to know. But I shouldn't push too hard. "You just reminded me when I saw you."

"Just because of that, nagustuhan mo ako?"

He looked at me again. I hated that look. Na para bang gusto niya talaga ako. Alam ko naman na hindi. Like me, he was just playing the game... And I didn't even know whose side he was in.

"If I say yes, you won't even believe me."

I smiled.

"You're right. Pero bakit mo iniwan si Ella?"

Avo smiled. For the first time, I saw him smile. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko... but everything monumentally stopped. And the only thing I could focus on was his smile.

"It was an order."

And then he turned his back on me and started walking away.

--

Pagdating ko sa bahay, wala pang tao. I didn't know if it was a good thing... I didn't like it when it's too silent. Alam ko na kahit nasa lugar ako ng mga Dieux ay hindi pa rin ako ligtas. Mas lalo na ngayon na nalaman ko na malaki pala talaga ang kontrol nila sa mga nangyayari sa loob ng eskwelahan na 'to.

I was about to go inside me room when I noticed Laurie standing by the door.

"Laurie?" I asked. She looked at me. "Why are you here?"

Hindi agad siya naka-sagot.

"Are you looking for Night?"

She blushed. Unbelievable. Laurie's blushing because of Night. Sa ilang linggo na magkasama kami ni Laurie, alam ko na matapang siya. She didn't even shed a single tear when her family died... and here she was, blushing profusely because of some guy.

"I don't think he's here," I answered. "But I can stay with you while you're waiting."

Naupo kami. I sat a bit far from her. I hope she didn't notice.

"Kayo na ulit?"

She shook her head.

"Ah... bakit ka nandito?"

"We'll hang out."

"And by hang out, you mean..."

Laurie looked at me and smiled. I didn't like the smile. She deserved so much more.

"Laurie, I know it's really none of my business but—"

But even before I could tell her what was on my mind, she cut me off.

"Night and I, it's never going to happen, Estrella. He's Night. He's an heir. I'm contented that I'm getting whatever I can get from him. I can't be too greedy."

I didn't know what to say to that.

"Is he really worth it?"

She smiled and nodded.

"He's worth it," she answered. "There's more to him than what you know, Boe."

But I wasn't interested to know more. What I knew of him was enough to creep me out. Pero bago ko pa man masabi iyon, dumating na si Avo. He looked at me, and I stared as intently. Were we okay? Pwede ko na ba siyang kausapin ulit? Hindi ko alam kung ano ang susunod kong gagawin... but I needed to make my move. Before Ella sabotages everything.

"Laurie... were you here 3 years ago?"

Napatingin siya sa akin.

"Did you know Oli?"

Something felt different. She nodded.

"What happened when he died?"

"I wish I can tell you more... but it was a secret within the Dieux, Boe. All we know was that he died when he sneaked out."

Napaawang iyong labi ko.

"He died outside?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko. It was unlike Oli. Yes, we weren't close, but I knew him enough to know that he was never the one to disobey our parents' orders. Alam ko na hindi siya papayagan na lumabas dito.

She nodded.

"Oli and Avo sneaked out... But only Avo returned alive," she said. "It was a news then. If someone of lower rank dies or goes missing, it wasn't much of a big deal... But when a Dieux dies, imagine the havoc it caused back then."

Biglang sumikip iyong dibdib ko.

"I think it was the time when Avo and Ella started the on and off phase of their relationship," she continued. "That's the only thing I know. But if you really want to know what happened, you should ask Avo."

I stood up and said goodbye to her. And started to walk my way to Avo's room. I really needed to up my game. Even if being near him was enough to suffocate me.