Chapter Twenty-Two

"I've gotten a stranger mad at me. This is brilliant." The girl rubs her face with her hands before sitting down in a huff. Her books scatter along with her coffee which spills onto her thumb and index finger. She slurps it up, mouth away from her skin she says, "Wait...the stranger isn't mad! Just annoyed, I see." Ella grins while wiping the cracks of her hands.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting here for a straight hour." You aren't smiling.

Ella takes out a bag and pulls out two bagels. With a shift of her hand, her smile is small when she hands you one. "I made it from scratch," she says causing your anger to flush away. You look down to the bagel she places on your open textbook. "The cream cheese and coffee I didn't make from scratch." She laughs.

"Thanks..."

"Of course."

"This still doesn't answer my question."

Ella sighs. "I was hoping the delicious bagel would stop you from asking questions I don't want to answer." The girl moves the bagel made for you into her hands, shakes it, then plops it back down to crumb all over your work. You grit your teeth. She apologizes quick, noticing your jaw tense.

"It's been two weeks. I didn't see you for both work days in class...we could've been done our partner-portions in class by now."

"I was busy."

"You could've contacted me! I've been messaging you!"

"I messaged back yesterday," Ella whispers.

The tips of your ears burn. "Yes. You messaged yesterday to meet this morning and managed to be late!"

"I was baking your bagel."

"I didn't ask for this. I asked for you to be on time."

Ella's lips curve into a tiny smile. Child-like, she plays on embarrassment. "At least I didn't show...?"

"Ella!"

"Okay, I'm sorry," she sighs, "I've just got a lot going on. Alright?"

I do too! But you don't see me— "Fine," you say softly, trying not to burst flames onto a woman you don't know. "...Let's just—Let's just get our parts over with so the rest can be easier to complete alone."

There is something in the girl's eyes across from you that you don't catch. Sadness? Awkwardness? Both? Instead, you focus back to your textbook and wipe away the crumbs that block most words.

"I uh," the girl rummages through her papers and pulls out a stapled few, "I got some of my parts done in paragraphs, but I didn't understand how to format it for the final lab...maybe you could read it over and see if it's any good?"

You move away from your crisp and clean notes, and over to hers that are jumbled with doodles on sides of the page. Taking her notebook and her stapled sheets, you glance over what she has and once heightened shoulders slump vastly. You whisper, "Yeah, they're great. You did what you had to do."

Ella smiles when you give her back the sheets. "Okay good. I was thinking things were going to be brutal." She laughs, and you try not to smile. It feels wrong to smile at her laugh. You wonder how many times Taehyung has stared at her and admired that soulful ring in her voice, or the beauty of her chuckle. There's a drop in your stomach.

Clearing your throat, you say, "I can help you with the format when we put all parts of the assignment together. That way, you'll get an idea for next time and I'll have an eye on you for the remaining two classes we have together."

"I won't miss the last two."

"Okay." You don't bother questioning that. Do you believe she'll show? No. The doubt in your voice is available for everyone, especially her to hear.

Ella clears her throat now, "Can I see your portion?" You nod and hand it over. She reads through, smiles, then furrows her brows. She finds an error and you re-read with her, only say your thanks as you highlight and bring the sheets back to the side.

You work in silence. She works hesitantly in silence.

The next fifteen minutes, when you finish your page and scribbling of notes, eyes waft up to meet emerald ones that stare back. You double-take and ask, "Were you stuck on something?" Ella shakes her head and says, "N-No," then she stares at her book, "I was just thinking about something...someone." Your stomach twirls without the drop this time.

"Someone?" Your mind runs crazy as you ask this. It's been two weeks. Two weeks as Taehyung's friend. Closer and closer by days, every time he came to drop you off to Psych, your eyes went wild to see if Ella was near. For the weeks she wasn't, you suddenly jump to every time Taehyung has complimented or hugged you. She hasn't seen me with him, has she?

"It doesn't matter."

You nibble on your lip. It's a habit Taehyung's has...a habit you've caught on for yourself after finding yourself staring at his lips time and time again. Once—mid-last week, Taehyung noticed you staring at his lips and kissed your cheek as a goodbye when sending you off into your apartment. Pela tried to talk to you that night, but you couldn't function much; bubbling, bumbling, and bloated from the dinner he brought you to... (with Jin of course, not alone).

"You're distracted," you whisper, "Who...?"

"You're Oki's ex-girl...?" Ella twitches on the bench as she asks.

Your bottom lip twirls away from your teeth. Blood rushes under the skin you bit over, circling and creating a darker tint to the lip-balm you flapped over. Parted, jaw loose, you nod slow and say, "If this is about..." Ella licks her lips. You continue, "About the two of you and what happened..."

Ella stares to her textbooks, squares her shoulders, and tilts her head when looking back up. You notice the stance and it's one you do whenever Oki's around you. One that screams 'I don't care' when, you do. You stare away and speak.

"I don't care that you've slept with him. What he does—who he does now is none of my business." You fish for hair to bring behind you ear but do nothing but an awkward dance of fingers by the nape of your neck.

"...He misses you." The image Ella provokes softens.

"What did you get for question four on page eighty-one?" Your shoulders square, your head tilt.

The girl sighs. She nibbles her lips the same way Taehyung does. You blink wildly, clear your throat, and finally feel the muscles around your stomach sink. "I-I," you shut your eyes, "I don't know if I've got the answer right."

Ella slumps into her work, mumbles her sightings and you listen and try to notice what you've got in contrast with her. When moving on to the next question, before you can start, Ella breaks in and says, "So you and Tae, huh?" The voice isn't mean, nor is it nice.

Your heart picks up. Staring over as if you're casual in all ways, you furrow your brows and ask, "Tae?"

"Taehyung."

"Oh."

Ella smiles. "It's been two weeks. I'm sure you must've did your research on me after our initial meet..."

"I didn't resear—"

"Here, if it helps, I'll admit I did some digging of my own. Which is when I found out about Oki and you. I asked him, and he started to get teary eyed and bam. Done deal."

They still talk? Not that it should bug me, I mean. "Yes, I did get a little curious."

"A little?"

"I didn't ask Taehyung, but I did ask his friends."

"Does Taehyung know you're my partner?"

"Yes," you say, "I didn't lie or hide it. There's no point in doing so."

Ella goes quiet.

You breathe in a long breath of air and only then notice how fast your chest rises.

"Are you two a thing?" Her voice is soft.

I... "No," you say, "We're just friends."

Ella nods. Staring at her long hair and the way she shifts back on the bench, you clasp in another breath when waiting for a threat, mock, or bitter laugh at least. When hearing, seeing, and feeling no distaste from the girl across, surprises hit you hard. "Good," Ella says, "He could use healthy friends."

She works in silence. You work hesitantly in silence.

As you finish and start to pack up, you thank her for the bagel that you take no bites from yet. She looks at you and waits for your bag to fill before standing and getting her tote bag packed. Ella's smile meets your way and she promises to be there next week. You give her a doubtful smile without control, and her eyes sink away to a car that honks in the distance.

You stare over her shoulder and see a blur of the person in the car. The sun blares off the tinted windows and hits you strong in vision. Blinking, you grasp the features of the woman before you.

She's taller once standing beside you, but petite. Her hair falls in a pointed V down to her butt, layers harsh. There are freckles that run along her naked shoulders, in a tank that drapes her bra-less torso. Ripped jeans are like white glue to her hourglass figure, painting a picture of what beauty forms only rarely. Her eyes are light. Her lips pout. Cheekbones highly pressed once she shapes a smile, you take in a last longing note and see why Taehyung fell for her. With that body, that face, and that voice? Your smile saddens when Ella waves you out of inner thoughts and traps you into reality.

"See you around!"

"Not around Ella! Tomorrow, same time!" She's running away as you shout.

"Yes! That's what I meant! Text me!" She giggles and slams the door behind her. The car vrooms away obnoxious.

Your textbooks are tight against your chest. You sigh.

-

Your textbooks are loose against your chest. You hold your breath.

"This is good, where'd you get this?" Taehyung eats the bagel Ella gave you this morning from the napkin you wrapped it in. As he chews and smiles brightly at you, a painful smile cascades over your face.

"From that café we go to," you lie, not wanting him to frown the first few seconds into seeing him, "...Pela bought it for me."

"Do they have more?" He moans as he swallows, "I could really use another one. Haven't ate the whole day."

"Nope. No more for the day. Breakfast is over."

Taehyung chuckles and nods in agreement. Then his brows jump, his body shifts in a twirl, and he slaps his hands over the bag that is on a hood you're both familiar with. Jin's van.

"I got you your sweater back, you left it in my room when we were studying last week," Taehyung mumbles while eating. He pulls out your zip-up hoodie that holds black roses by the chest. Tossing it into your lap, you fold it and squeeze it into your bag, pulling out a few books to hold into your lap along with your textbook. "Thank you," you say, zipping your bag up.

Your notebook slips off your textbook, slaps your lap, and aims for the ground. Taehyung's palm pushes against the side of your lap, holding onto the book and propping it back up with a cocky grin. "Fast reflexes," he mumbles, not noticing how you breathe from the tingles you get from the touch of his skin on yours.

"You coming tonight?"

"What?" you ask, moving to touch the back of your hands to your warm cheeks.

"You dancing?"

"Oh," you swallow hard and dream out of your little breakdown. "Y-Yeah, I just need to go home and change."

"Why? You look beautiful."

Your body starts to heat all over again. "Thanks," you say gently, "But I don't look presentable for a club. Slightly underdressed."

Taehyung munches on the last of his bagel. Walking back from the hood his butt slides on, he pops off and the van wiggles underneath the weight being lifted. He takes an exaggerated step back, squints his eyes, and casually looks you up and down. "Let's see...you've got the skirt, sure the shirt isn't the skimpiest but—" He smirks when you threaten to throw your book at him. "Your hairs up but that can easily be solved by your fingers."

"I need to do my makeup."

"You look beautiful."

"Yeah, to you. But what if I want another's attention today?"

Taehyung swallows the last of the bread. He chews slightly slower, his smile falling a faint bit as your book lands to your lap. "You lookin' for a rebound?" He teases. There's something in his eyes that you can't focus on long enough without getting flustered.

Looking away, you shrug your shoulders. "Not exactly...how long do I have to wait until another I date isn't considered a rebound? You're a big-shot-wingman, right? Tell me."

Taehyung's lively smirk is back as he jumps to sit next to you on the hood. "Depends, you over your ex?"

"I don't gush over him anymore," you say.

Taehyung nods, "The question was if you're over him, not whether you gush over him."

You pucker your lips. "I'd say I'm at the verge of not caring anymore."

"That doesn't sound like you're over him." He nudges your shoulder with his. "Just sounds like you're tired of hurting and wish for time to swallow you up. Trust me, I don't need to be a big-shot-wingman to know what that feeling is."

"Have you gotten over Ella?"

Taehyung's smile falls but it doesn't vanish. "I'd like to think I have."

"Was she really the love of your life?" You stare at his cheek, then jump to his eyes that look your way with difficulty.

"No. She wasn't." He smiles sad. "I used to think she was, but no. I don't know. What is love really without obsession?"

You snort. "For one, those are two different things."

"Love and obsession?" He laughs a little too.

"Yes. Love carries respect, boundaries, and—well, sanity for the most part. I'd like to think," you smile with teeth and gums louder than ever. "Obsession," you shrug mid-laugh, "I don't know about that one, don't think I've ever gotten obsessed with someone." You nudge Taehyung's shoulder this time.

He nudges back. "Lucky you," the boy sighs.

"You couldn't have possibly been obsessed with Ella."

"I know it sounds crazy...when you think of obsession those weird movies about a psycho harassing another like some stalker comes to mind—" he stops when you laugh and nod. "But I mean," Taehyung shrugs, "Although most of us don't go to theatrical jumps like that, we do have our rock-bottoms and I hit mine with Ella. I got obsessed with the thought of having a girlfriend...having her, that when I lost her it ate me up."

You didn't know what to say to that, so you just listened.

"I don't know," Taehyung smiles bright. It's the first you've seen him smile so big after talking about Ella and his heartbreak. "There have been moments with other women...where I, I guess, where I've found myself wanting to try. Ella hasn't scared me away from love or the thought of it completely—I used to mope and think I'd never—but I don't think I'll never again."

You smile soft. "Was there ever a girl after Ella? A girl that you almost tried with?"

Taehyung chuckles, nodding. "There were a few."

You grin large. "Aw!"

"It doesn't matter, let's move on."

"Tell me about them."

"Nah," he says, "I barely remember."

You roll your eyes. "Taehyung, you're blushing so hard right now. Who were these women?" A laugh rummages out when the boy's head dips down to your shoulder shy.

"Come on, at least tease me with one."

"Fine," Taehyung mumbles, hair falling away from your shoulder when his breath hits it away, "I remember one. Her name was...okay, no lie, I don't remember her name, but she had big uh—" Taehyung makes a face as if realizing he's talking to a woman and not horny men. He clears his throat and says, "She was pretty."  You wave him off and ask, "Was it big boobs or butt?" Taehyung smiles and points to your chest and you slap his finger away before telling him to continue.

"Anyway," the boy rings, "We started dancing while Khalil got with her friend. It started off as a night 'taking one for the team' to genuinely wanting to spend time with her. She played the clarinet and I listened to her play a piece back at her house." You laughed. Taehyung grew confused.

"What?"

"While your friend was getting his clarinet blown, you were—" Taehyung cut you off with a roll of his eyes himself, "Yes, well how can you blame me? I play the saxophone myself...I get curious when others with instruments get involved."

"You play?" You laugh dims, your eyes sparkle in excitement.

"Yeah..." He flushes and before you can ask him more about it, Taehyung says, "There was another girl named Harry. She had curly hair that kept whacking me in the face as we danced. I found her hilarious...I guess she was the first to make me laugh a lot."

"Did you go home with her?"

"No, just talked for a while in the men's bathroom of the club."

"Romantic."

"I know right?" Taehyung grins.

"Were there any others?"

The boy nods. "About two more. Dancing, and little quirks that intrigued me. I don't remember much detail though."

"What scared you off?"

"I was scared to commit to another again..."

The nibbling is back. "What about now?"

"I don't know," Taehyung says slow, "When and if I find another woman who intrigues me, I'll see how I feel then. Maybe I am ready but don't know it yet."

Right, hasn't found her yet. Your shoulders sulk slight as you nod and force a tiny smile. "I hope you find who you're looking for," you say, and he shakes his head. "I'm not looking," he says. You don't say anything more until Taehyung opens conversation.

"What about you? Any boys making you feel as if you're ready to move on?" Taehyung's eyes bounce to your cheek, then to your eyes. The same way you gawked his way for long.

"Yes," you answer honest, heart picking speed when feeling his breath wave to your ear.

"How many?"

You think for a moment. One, an obvious, while another, not so much. "Two," you answer.

Taehyung's brows jump. "Two? Who?"

You purse your lips and try not to smile. "Not telling."

Taehyung chuckles. "Oh, come on! I opened up!"

You giggle, "Just some guy from my morning class. He's also in Pela's tutorial. I don't know his name though. He's really smart and has great conversations...plus cute dimples on his cheeks when he smiles. I've found myself staring."

Taehyung nods. He thinks to himself for a second, itches his throat with a hum and asks, "...and the second guy?"

You look to Taehyung's eyes and work your fingers on your lap. Straightening the books, you force a hint of bravery when you allow your chest and arms to be free. Nothing is hugged at your chest when saying, "Well...you."

Taehyung swallows hard. His smile falls fast. He kills any ounce of joy in his eyes when gawking over in surprise that isn't true. It's as if he's seen this answer, as if he's been preparing, and the way he opens his mouth makes you panic. His lips twitch and he's about to give the similar rejection a few boys have given to you in your life. You save the embarrassment by whispering, "The time on the hood when you were high and drunk. I know it didn't mean anything to you...don't worry. No use of sweating about it since we're friends now." Then you smile and pretend a little grain of your heart didn't lie to rot.

Taehyung glances away from you. His head falls, and his hands rub gently at his jeans. "So, it did mean something to you, huh?"

"For a moment." The honesty that leaves you is shocking. Your chest rises like this morning with Ella, but anger is no where to be found. Anxiety.

"...I'm sorry..." And that's it. That's the 'I can't see you more than a friend' revelation.

"Again," you chuckle and make sure not to create a waver, "I'm over it. We're friends now, right?" A nudge is shared when you hit his shoulder. Taehyung looks up from his thinking, stares at you, then finally nudges you back. "Right," he says.

"Right what? You two ready to go?" A new voice interrupts. Attentions brought forward, Jin waves his hands in annoyance and you smile, plopping off the hood of the van. Taehyung is forced off when Jin grabs his arm and drags. "How many times do I have to tell you? No sitting on my love," He pets his hood, angles his neck, and like children, Taehyung and you who jump into the back seat.

"Who coming tonight?" Taehyung asks, putting on his seat belt.

"Hoseok, Yoongi," Jin shrugs, "Oh, and I think Jimin might come."

Seeing Taehyung's face change, you distract yourself in the movement of the van before saying, "Is it okay if I invite Pela?"

Jin smirks, "She's already coming. I'm pretty sure Hoseok invited her already."

Taehyung's head whips. "Huh? What? Hoseok's interested in Pela?"

"Nah, not interested, they're just talking...they partied once before from what I remember." Jin turns out onto the main road. Then he grins again and says, "I don't know, I think they'd be cute."

You smile, oblivious to Taehyung's panic. "I think so too."

Taehyung swallows hard and sulks into his seat. "Jimin gonna be there too?"

Jin laughs, "Finally right? That kid ain't been out for a while."

"Shit," Taehyung grumbles under his breath.

You, enthralled by your phone and the messages that ring up, you hover your fingers around your keyboard and speak to Pela.

You
Hey 😁

The text bubbles form immediately.

Pela
Heyy!

You
I heard you're coming tonight with Hoseok!

Pela takes a moment. The text bubbles make their way and you nibble on your lip.

Pela
Yes! I'm waiting for him to pick me up and we'll be out to meet you soon.

You type. Then you erase. Glancing over at Taehyung who looks out the window, you stare down to your screen again.

You
Do you have the number of the cute guy in your class?

She's fast to reply now.

Pela
Cute guy?
(Delivered 3:04 p.m.)
Oh the cutie with the dimples in my tutorial?

You
Yes, him...
(Delivered 3:04 p.m.)
Happen to have his number?

Pela types. The bubbles show. Then they disappear. The bubbles of nerves in your gut explode when she writes.

You
I can tell you're freaking out.

Pela
Of course I have his number! I'm texting him now! Consider it done, he'll be at the club and you can flirt with him all you want. Yessssssss. Mama approves. 💓😭🙏😍🍆

You try not to smile at the next emojis Pela throws your way. Flustered, the blush that creeps on your face subsides when you quickly type your thanks, tell her you'll meet her soon, and stare up from your screen and out your window.

As you stare out, hesitant eyes stare at you from his side of the seat. Taehyung no longer bothers to pretend he was enjoying the views out his window, and instead, focuses on the view he's been wanting to gawk at the entire time. You.

I'll ask her to dance with me tonight, Taehyung thinks.