YIKES

Moo: hey guys

Kryoz: hwy are we in thdi chat

Fitz: bro what is up with your spelling

Kryoz: fuckdk yiubbb

WildHoe: jesus are you having a stroke or something

Kryoz: im gonnanak fucckkkdjeig kill yoush

Moo: i have critical information to share with the group

Fitz: meaning?

Moo: well so marcel is talking to brian bc brian wants to get a new car and marcel knows about cars and stuff

WildHoe: i know about cars too why didnt he call me

WildHoe: wait nvm i just heard myself

Moo: yeah so they were talking and like in the background i could hear evan bc like duh why wouldnt i and i was only half paying attention bc cars

Moo: but then i realized that like brian kept saying shit like "hold on i gotta help ev real quick" or "no let me do that" and "ev just go lay down" so like

Moo: i feel like we may be back

Kryoz: thasgshs crazyyzmd

Kryoz: ph my god

Kryoz: fucidk wiat

Fitz: bro what the fuck

Kryoz: im gonna break your spleen in half

WildHoe: anyone else just got insanely horny

Moo: so does no one care

Kryoz: dude maybe we just need to leave them alone i mean if they want to get back together they will and if brian just wants to be an overly protective roommate thats cool too OHSKS MY GODOSK

Fitz: seriously what fhdiks

WildHoe: oh my god

Moo: the stupid is contagious

WildHoe: no its not that

WildHoe: wait

Kryoz: NOTHING IS HAPPENING YOURE JUST HIGH

WildHoe: ohhhhhhhh

Moo: wait now im interested in this

Moo: WAIT NVM

Moo: GO TO MAIN CHAT

—

Fuck Witcha

Moo: BRIAN

Terroriser: if you have something to say you couldve just asked me i was literally on the phone with your boyfriend

Moo: DID YOU JUST SAY YOU HAD TO HELP EVAN BC HE DROPPED HIS CRUTCHES???

Four07: wait hes on crutches??

Kryoz: WAITSJSKA WHATSUSI

Lui: whats up with him

WildHoe: i think the stupid is finally rotting his brain

Terroriser: well yeah he dropped his crutches i had to help him??

Four07: hes on crutches????

WildHoe: yeah wait wtf

DaithiDeNoPrivilege: crutches???

Lui: yeah doesnt he still have a cast for his wrist too??

Terroriser: no he already got that off like a week ago

Terroriser: the crutches are new

RoastMasterV2: occupational hazard

RoastMasterV2: no need to make a fuss

Kryoz: bro what kind of job gets you CRUTCHES like weren't you fine last night????

Four07: you saw him last night??

Fitz: sus

Kryoz: no i was texting him you freaks

RoastMasterV2: yeah but i got called to go find this guy we needed to question and hes hard to find so we had to move fast

Four07: HE BROKE YOUR LEG???

RoastMasterV2: no??? we were chasing him down and it turned into a literal chase and i sprained my ankle

RoastMasterV2: nothing that crazy, 42

Four07: WHY DID THE NUMBER CHANGE WHAT THE HELL

RoastMasterV2: i got four of my coworkers in trouble last night bc of my injury, so you can move up the list

Terroriser: wait you didnt tell me me that part

RoastMasterV2: it wasnt anything crazy

RoastMasterV2: bc im in a senior position im very valuable and my injury will prevent me from doing last minute jobs like last night so i get 10% of any overtime those four might accumulate during my recovery period tho i feel like they'll inflate the numbers a bit bc two of them were new hires

Four07: wtf is your job

RoastMasterV2: its actually very boring

RoastMasterV2: i prefer not to think of it

Jon: you were not this busy before

RoastMasterV2: the upcoming merger has us working a lot more, usually its pretty slow

Lui: wait why are your coworkers on this list of yours

RoastMasterV2: i hate All of them.

Terroriser: wait send me how much ur overtime is i wanna know if its worth the injury

RoastMasterV2: my coworkers 10% is enough to cover the bill for the urgent care but the company is taking care of that anyways so it doesnt matter

RoastMasterV2: i can show you once the paycheck hits my account or whenever i do my time

Kryoz: PRISON??!!

RoastMasterV2: no???

RoastMasterV2: when i sit down and log my working hours into an excel sheet so that way i get paid properly for what ive worked

RoastMasterV2: yk like at a job

Fitz: wait wtf hes like actually corporate

Moo: yeah idk evan does NOT give corporate

Terroriser: tell me about it bro you shouldve heard him on the phone earlier

Terroriser: totally different guy !

RoastMasterV2: i was talking to my boss?? how else should i speak??

RoastMasterV2: whatever enough about me dont you all have your own lives

Kryoz: you know i dont

RoastMasterV2: i actually think im done hearing about your life until i can run again

RoastMasterV2: having to deal with whatever the fuck is going on with you while im confined to the couch or my bed will land me somewhere i just got out of for very different reasons

Kryoz: so is this a bad time to tell you i just texted you....

RoastMasterV2: im Going to kill myself

Terroriser: no you are NOT

Four07: brian why do you have the most unhinged bf

Terroriser: ?

Terroriser: im not dating anyone

Four07: bruh my fucking phone is dumb as hell i was talking shit about someone the other day and automatically put "bf" after "unhinged" thats completely my fault

Moo: who are you talking shit about

Moo: and why are you not TEXTING ME ABOUT IT???

Kryoz: wait so we're just moving on from that???

Lui: yeah why not

Kryoz: how does a phone automatically type like that??

RoastMasterV2: if i type the phrase "im gonna fucking kill you" it automatically puts "john" at the end of it btw

Terroriser: crazy text to get at like 9am btw

Four07: WHY IS HE SENDING YOU THAT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING???

Terroriser: he usually wakes up early and threatens me idk what to tell you

RoastMasterV2: he knows what he did

RoastMasterV2: im still mad btw

Terroriser: please dont start this again i nearly burned down pastas kitchen when i made those cookies

Lui: who tf

RoastMasterV2: pasta is our neighbor. shes very nice.

RoastMasterV2: wait guys what about our camping trip :(((

RoastMasterV2: i think i have to kill my coworkers

—

Now showing private messages between Four07 and RoastMasterV2

Four07: OMG IM SO SO SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO IT SLIPPED

Four07: that was so fucking dumb evan im so sorry

RoastMasterV2: just dont make it a habit and be happy they bought your excuse this time

RoastMasterV2: also i just took some meds so i might fall asleep or say something weird btw

Four07: seeing you two interact knowing your together completely changes the chat idk why everyone doesnt know

Four07: but again im really sorry ik ur dealing with a lot especially with this injury

RoastMasterV2: not to mention i have to go to court soon

RoastMasterV2: not for a crime i committed btw theyd never catch me

Four07: wtf

Four07: wait why are you going to court

RoastMasterV2: i dont feel like getting into it, 42

Four07: stop calling me that

RoastMasterV2: stop reminding me why ur on my list then

Four07: i just want to make sure ur okay

Four07: also are you seriously on crutches

RoastMasterV2: yes

RoastMasterV2: it was so stupid how i got them anyway

Four07: what happened?

RoastMasterV2: my coworker made himself look like a complete dumbass so i pushed myself to compensate for him and i tripped and now look what fucking happened

Four07: so it IS broken?

RoastMasterV2: no its just a sprain but i am missing out on SO MUCH potential overtime

RoastMasterV2: like at least five figures

Four07: WTF???

Four07: how long you been at this job

RoastMasterV2: since before we dated

Four07: pretty sure i would've remembered if you had a job

RoastMasterV2: i dont do much i told you and also i am very discreet

RoastMasterV2: you only know now bc my bf has a big mouth and just had to tell people that i pay for everything for him

Four07: does he really not pay for anything?

RoastMasterV2: he covers some stuff im just quicker about putting my card down i mean what else is money for

Four07: plus hes taking care of you now right

RoastMasterV2: yeah but hes got his own shit to do so i feel bad

RoastMasterV2: hes already done so much and im just piling it on

Four07: well if you ever need help im here

Four07: seriously ill help with whatever

RoastMasterV2: and what if i told you i killed one of my coworkers and chopped the body into little pieces and just need someone to take it to an incinerator?

Four07: id say send the coordinates and ill have it done within the hour

RoastMasterV2: i think im gonna consider committing mass amounts of crime after this convo

RoastMasterV2: but first im gonna take a nap these meds are wearing me OUT

Four07: have a good nap !!

—

Now showing private messages between Terroriser and Four07

Terroriser: is there a reason youre texting my boyfriend

Four07: didnt take you as the jealous type

Terroriser: im not im just messing with you lmao

Terroriser: tho wtf is up with trying to make me look like a gold digger who doesnt pay for anything?

Four07: and youre reading evans texts bc...?

Terroriser: he said i could??? he was showing me ur convo anyway but he went to sleep so he just gave me his phone

Four07: ok freak

Terroriser: why are you trying to make me out to be the bad guy?

Four07: im literally not

Terroriser: right...

Terroriser: well anyways good save in the chat earlier

Terroriser: ig when ur not a dumbass like john u can actually get away with things

Four07: so how have u been getting away with shit

Terroriser: im not afraid to fight you actually

—

YIKES

Kryoz: and THATS why they banned me from south america

Moo: why cant you do anything in a normal way like what happened to hey guys hows it going

Fitz: you need to get laid

Moo: what the fuck??

Moo: i need new friends

Fitz: eat shit

Kryoz: bro wth???

Fitz: dont bro me

WildHoe: yo cam is on one today huh

Kryoz: hes always pissy

Kryoz: but today hes mad bc his boyfriend told him he couldnt come to his work thing anymore

Moo: work thing?

Fitz: and idk why im uninvited like wtf is that about

Fitz: its not even like the event isnt happening anymore its just that he doesnt want me to go with him anymore like wtf is that crap

Kryoz: they were having a whole argument in the roommate chat about this

WildHoe: okay so like whats the point of bitching about it in our chat

Fitz: everyone else bitches in this chat why cant i

Moo: so ig you guys are like breaking up huh

Fitz: we're gonna talk more when he gets here on friday but honestly why else would i not be invited all of a sudden

Kryoz: maybe hes cheating on you

Fitz: okay fuck you

Kryoz: what fucking ever dude

Kryoz: go fuck yourself actually

Kryoz: eat shit and choke on it

Moo: something wrong john?

Kryoz: im just sick of people acting like they care and then switching up for no reason at all

Kryoz: like whats the fucking point in trying to create something new if all youre gonna do is bitch about what you dont have with someone who fucked you over

Kryoz: im so fucking over it

Kryoz: talk later

Moo: woah

Moo: i guess everyone has a limit

WildHoe: seriously what is that guys problem

Fitz: yeah seriously he needs to lighten up

—

THREE AMIGOS!!

RoastMasterV2: what the fuck have i told you about adding me to random groupchats swagger

Swagger: youre always so cold

Kryoz: hey guys

RoastMasterV2: john?

Swagger: thanks for the information evan i really appreciate it

Swagger: john how would you like to join me on a trip

Kryoz: what

RoastMasterV2: well this is fun and all but why am i here

Swagger: evan you should add your boy we can make it a double date

Kryoz: what is going on

Swagger: i know you've been hooking up with cam

Kryoz: what

Swagger: and yeah that stings but im dumping him so now i want you to come with to our work conference

Kryoz: work conference?

Kryoz: WAIT YOU TWO WORK TOGETHER???

RoastMasterV2: our companies just merged

Kryoz: oh my god

Kryoz: wait so what does this mean

Swagger: so you accept??

Kryoz: A THOUSAND TIMES YES???

Kryoz: wait whyd you tell evan to add his boy...OMG WAIT

RoastMasterV2: contain yourself

Kryoz: WAIT WAIT WAITTTTT

RoastMasterV2: dont tell anyone this time

—

YIKES

Fitz: and now hes saying that he wont be back in australia for like at least a month so what the fuck am i supposed to do

Moo: wow and you cant talk over the phone??

Fitz: he says that this is an "in person conversation" but like he wont be home for so long whats the fucking point

Kryoz: yikes dude

WildHoe: oh ur back

Kryoz: yeah i had an enlightening time and have seen the light so im BACK

Moo: sus...

Kryoz: so a white boy cant even be happy anymore

Kryoz: cuz woke

Fitz: im gonna strangle you

Kryoz: you cant actually i already promised my neck to evan

WildHoe: weird way to talk about your kinks btw

Kryoz: thats disgusting

Kryoz: evan is not a degenerate like me

Kryoz: and hes not even into me...

Moo: we dont know that

Kryoz: i text him like everyday hes had plenty of opportunities to make a move

Kryoz: and anyways that would be awful bc im already in the middle of like a love triangle square thing so

Fitz: ???

WildHoe: a triangle?!??

Moo: theres no way you got three people to be interested in you

Kryoz: that hurts but in my head you said something really nice and wholesome and i dont have to cry myself to sleep tonight

Kryoz: gtg new love interest texting

Fitz: WHAT

WildHoe: WHAT

Kryoz: jk its just evan you guys are SO gullible

Moo: wait yeah why are you two so pressed about johns thing

Fitz: yeah tyler

WildHoe: ME?? bro you got a whole BOYFRIEND ABOUT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU and youre getting all worked up over what john has to say

Fitz: fuck you

WildHoe: THERE YOU GO AGAIN !