Fuck Witcha

Lui: okay so

Moo: absolutely not

Lui: no this is important

Moo: lets just go back to the other chat wtf are we doing

Lui: that literally wouldnt make any sense

Lui: this is a group thing we cant break up the group

Lui: ive decided and at least 80% of us have agreed that the camping trip is happening next month

Kryoz: thats awesome i think i might need to flee the country

BasicallyIGetFucked: wtf happened to you??

Kryoz: you dont wanna know

Fitz: is it The Thing

Kryoz: dont even talk to me

Kryoz: but yes

Terroriser: he woke me and evan up at three in the morning over his crisis as well

Kryoz: evan slept the whole time

Terroriser: after waking me up

Lui: you guys are sharing a bed?

Terroriser: no. there are two beds.

Terroriser: he threw a pillow at me :(

Kryoz: its true i saw the evidence

Kryoz: i think the more accurate thing to say would be a pillow and both of his shoes

Kryoz: anyways lets go camping in france

Kryoz: away from here

Lui: sadly its not in france

Four07: thank god

Four07: i dont have a passport

DaithiDeNoPrivilege: and this is a good idea??? we cant even have a normal convo for like ten mins

Lui: thats why i said at least 80%

Lui: so this trip is happening and its gonna be fine

-

Group 1

Blarg: WHEN IS IT MY TURN

Soup: SERIOUSLYYYYY

Cody: guys this is a WORK chat

Blarg: evan dude please whats your secret i need to know how you found a man that hot whose also like super obsessed with you PLEASE

Evan: what are you yapping about?

Blarg: I SAW YOU GUYS AT BREAKFAST WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Swagger: okay thats not creepy at all

Blarg: you're just bitter because your date is ignoring you!

Evan: im gonna have to talk to hr

Soup: bro blarg how do you still have a job here

Blarg: i cant believe the most miserable man i know has the hottest boyfriend ever this is so CRUEL

Blarg: evan please just one tip

Swagger: blarg fuck you my date is NOT ignoring me hes just not a morning person

Evan: yeah john is a terrible person to communicate with for like at least an hour after wakes up tho even then his communication is not great

Evan: also u put him in a weird situation last night didnt you?

Swagger: im not talking about that with you

Swagger: or anyone ever again

Evan: its fine john will probably hunt me down and tell me later

Blarg: can we get back to me

Blarg: evan

Blarg: i cant believe im saying this but HELP ME GET A MAN PLEASE

Blarg: and of course hes put his phone down and i just saw him with his man getting on the elevator oh my god im gonna commit

Soup: do you have like commitment issues or something?

—

HelpMate

Swagger: GUYS I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM

Jay: and we're in this chat why?

Swagger: bc cam doesnt check it and johns not here

Tobi: whats happening?

Swagger: ive been on this trip for exactly one (1) day and ive fucked it

Zuckles: aww it cant be that bad

Swagger: guys im about to explain some very personal stuff and i really hope you guys dont judge me and give me actual advice im like trying to be vulnerable

Swagger: and if you guys make fun of me im going to jump off the roof of this resort and forever alter the lives of like a lot of people so

Jay: okay dramatic much?

Tobi: we're here for you swags this is a safe space

Zuckles: can i judge you for it outside this chat?

iMat: what are we talking about?

Tobi: holy fuck mat i forgot you exist im ngl

iMat: so a guy can't get his own apartment anymore? harsh stuff guys

Zuckles: oh my god i forgot we kicked u out the roommates chat after you moved out

Swagger: okay so mats here thats cool anyways can we get back to my CRISIS??!?!!?!

iMat: dude calm down we're here

Swagger: okay so like we all know i had plans to dump cam right

Tobi: yeah

Zuckles: yeah

Jay: yeah

iMat: you and cam are DATING????

Tobi: oh this is awkward...

Swagger: yes we started dating, then i learned some stuff and had plans to dump him, he was meant to come on a work trip with me but i decided to take someone else instead

Swagger: fuck mat doesnt know john

Zuckles: omgggg john is awesome mate he's like zany and nuts and good people

iMat: okay so that told me nothing

iMat: but im following go on

Swagger: okay so basically i found out that cam was cheating on me

Tobi: WTH

Jay: didnt expect that

Zuckles: im too high to process this

Swagger: with john...

iMat: okay so

iMat: what the fuck

Swagger: no okay stay with me here

Tobi: i think im too shellshocked to even say anything

Swagger: okay perf so

Swagger: i found this out, which i lowkey suspected in the first place but anyways...after finding this out i thought the funniest thing ever would be to invite john on the trip instead of cam...

iMat: naturally

Zuckles: bc it only makes sense ur right

Swagger: problem is...im realizing that i kind of like john...like in that way

Tobi: mason do you still have some of that shit youre on

Zuckles: door is wide open brother

Zuckles: or mother idk

Jay: okay im processing this

Swagger: but like even tho ive decided to dump cam im still kinda into him yk

Swagger: but anyways

Swagger: last night i drag john down to the bar with me and some coworkers, saw that one coworker i mentioned in the other chat as well he was going out to dinner with his boyfriend, and john went to say hi

iMat: interested in the story with the coworker but i know thats not the point

Swagger: i kissed john on the elevator

Tobi: oh my god

Jay: WTF

Zuckles: im not high enough

Swagger: and then we walked back to our room bc ofc we're sharing a room i was originally meant to bring my boyfriend, but then he got a call from his mom so he took that and i went back into the room and i called cam bc at that point we're like still technically dating right

Tobi: you broke up with him over the phone????!?!?!!!???!?!!

Swagger: so yes

Jay: WTFFFFFFF

Swagger: but also no

Jay: save me a hit guys im on my way down

iMat: ive never been more invested in my life what happens next

Swagger: i get on the phone with cam, tell him i know everything and i wanted to wait in person

Swagger: okay wait actually i texted him first to break up with him and then he called me

Tobi: OVER TEXT

Swagger: yeah not my proudest moment but it was like a REALLY good RECIPROCATED KISS

Jay: okay what the fuck

Swagger: so im on the phone talking to cam for a while and we're like arguing okay bc ngl hes clocked me and my feelings for john

Swagger: we're on the phone so long that john comes back in the room, showers, and goes to bed

Swagger: anyways thats the context you need

iMat: THATS NOT EVEN THE MAIN PROBLEM???????????? okay what the hell someone tell me i have time to come over and get a hit

Tobi: yeah man come on

Swagger: okay ill wait

-

iMat: ready

Swagger: so it takes a while but eventually me and cam reach a mutual ground

Swagger: i.e. we are BOTH interested in john AND have feelings for one another

Zuckles: fuck man

iMat: so what exactly is the problem

Swagger: cam told me that earlier in the day (BEFORE i kissed john) he had asked him out on a date and john agreed

Swagger: a date they would go on after i broke up with cam btw

Swagger: so cam said that he'd be down for like a throuple thing BUT i had to be the one to talk to john about it and honestly idk if i have the courage or strength

Swagger: bc ive basically just made it so awkward on literally DAY ONE OF A TWO WEEK TRIP WITH MY WHOLE FUCKING OFFICE

iMat: dude just ask him its not that hard

Tobi: okay so like i get why you have to do it but also kind of fucked up thats a LOT of pressure

Zuckles: on DAY ONE MATE???? fuck man

Jay: okay but like if swags asks him and he says no??? what then

Swagger: john might have to camp out with my coworker and then coworker might murder me for it

Tobi: idk man evan seems like a chill guy based off what john's said

Swagger: john is his friend and i dont think he'd be very chill about having to share a hotel room with his friend when hes on a two week vacation retreat at a ridiculously nice resort with his boyfriend

Jay: dont they live together???? they'll live

iMat: dude regardless its not cool to just invade someone's space like that i mean im sure his coworker wants alone time with his boyfriend since yk they ARE on a work trip not just a vacation

Jay: ohhh yeah youre right

Swagger: i have to apologize for kissing him and let cam have him dont i

Zuckles: okay not to be that guy but like....cam DID have him first

Tobi: only bc he was CHEATING ON SWAGGER??????

Zuckles: okay yes thats fucked but also what the fuck else can i say about it? you cant tell me that what i said WASNT true

iMat: okay so def apologize for the kiss bc that probably caught him off guard

Swagger: ngl i did hear him sneak out of our room in the middle of the night...probably to talk to coworker oh god guys im SO FUCKED i have to SIT NEXT TO THAT GUY TONIGHTTTTTT

Jay: look swags just ask him to talk, maybe not in your room maybe like by the pool or something and just start with sorry, maybe be a little flirty and make a joke of it, like "look i know you've been screwing my boyfriend, but we've chatted and we both kind of think you're hot, so why dont we all bang?"

Tobi: i dont think thats the way to do it

Jay: but it'd get the job done wouldn't it?

Tobi: touche

iMat: i dont think this is what swagger is asking for guys...

Zuckles: would it be tasteless to send him an invoice for this?

Swagger: we live in the same house???

Zuckles: okay??? and this is still a service its your fault for using the work chat

Swagger: id have better luck talking to my coworker

iMat: actually can we go back to that part?? idk who this guy is

—

Now showing private messages between Swagger and RoastMasterV2

Swagger: evan

RoastMasterV2: im not doing anything crazy this trip bro, my boyfriend is here

Swagger: no thats not why im texting

RoastMasterV2: im literally going to see you at lunch in like an hour or so

RoastMasterV2: is there a bomb here or something?

Swagger: no

Swagger: i just need a little advice on what to do with the situation i find myself in

RoastMasterV2: the shit with john??? no fucking way im not touching that shit

RoastMasterV2: also just deal with your shit??? i cant always fix your problems

Swagger: evan please

Swagger: just this one thing

Swagger: ill book you and your boyfriend a reservation at this like super nice restaurant and you can order whatever you want on me

RoastMasterV2: anything?

Swagger: i dont care even if you spend like two thousand dollars just please

RoastMasterV2: what do you need?

Swagger: you know john pretty well, is it a mistake to ask him to date both me and cam?

RoastMasterV2: you need advice on whether or not to have a throuple?

Swagger: i just want to know if itd be stupid to ask, because i do like him and ofc i still love cam, but if its a terrible idea id step back and let those two be together, yk?

RoastMasterV2: okay

RoastMasterV2: well i can definitely say that i dont think john would be outright opposed, and i think he'd give it a shot

RoastMasterV2: but ive known john a while, and we've gotten up to some crazy shit and ive seen him through at least one serious relationship so ill tell you this

RoastMasterV2: in my opinion from what ive observed, john wants to be chosen. 100% a first choice, which might look a little different in a throuple but, he wants to be someone that somebody thinks about above anyone else. because i saw his struggle with his ex, which is weirdly similar to whats happening here, and in the end his ex just kept choosing to prioritize someone else, and it fucking sucks. john deserves someones full attention. and yeah, hes a lot sometimes, hes nosy, and hes also a bit of an asshole, but hes one of my best friends and i care about him

RoastMasterV2: if you cant see yourself prioritizing him, or taking care of him, or staying with him even when something else comes around, then dont ask him

Swagger: you think a throuple is hard to maintain? is that too much to ask of him?

RoastMasterV2: unfortunately i think hes into it

Swagger: why unfortunately

RoastMasterV2: bc he'll ask me for advice even more than he already does

Swagger: ??

RoastMasterV2: i was in a throuple for a little bit

RoastMasterV2: if you tell anyone about this ill kill you btw

Swagger: WTF

Swagger: YOU WERE????? literally when

RoastMasterV2: around that time we planned that thing in canada

RoastMasterV2: but one of them ended up cheating on us so like that was kinda traumatic

Swagger: wait but i thought that

RoastMasterV2: no actually youre right it was before that because the thing in canada was about my ex's new boyfriend

RoastMasterV2: the throuple was during the time i got kidnapped

Swagger: how do you find time to do anything

RoastMasterV2: thats enough questions

RoastMasterV2: bottom line is that having two boyfriends is a lot more work than just one boyfriend but above all you NEED communication and trust

Swagger: i feel like the sex would be awkward

RoastMasterV2: i cant help you there

RoastMasterV2: i let the other two handle it

Swagger: okay what does THAT mean

RoaatMasterV2: im on the spectrum of asexual

Swagger: oh

Swagger: OHHHHH

Swagger: so you're telling me that you have a GORGEOUS man who's obsessed with you and its not even about the sex like he just LOVES YOU AND YOUR PERSONALITY??????????

RoastMasterV2: i guess so

RoastMasterV2: also i said i was somewhere on the spectrum so

Swagger: i need to start going to church