on spring break now!! hoping to write a ton and update a few more times!! genuinely having a ton of fun with this work conference arc
—

HelpMate

Swagger: okay ive had somewhat of a heart to heart with Coworker and i willingly admit that ive judged him too harshly

Swagger: he's actually a pretty cool guy

iMat: im so happy you went on a work trip and found jesus

iMat: IM having the worst hangover of my life

Tobi: its not a hangover if you just got high

iMat: we drank through half the liquor cabinet???

Zuckles: i thought we made sandwiches

Jay: you put a cookie between four slices of bread and called it an italian special

Zuckles: well i felt like a special italian

Tobi: you're definitely special

Tobi: fuck john marry the coworker !!

Swagger: he has a boyfriend

Swagger: whos OBSESSED WITH HIM GOD FUCK MY LIFE

Swagger: sorry was just thinking about what coworker said

Jay: and you're NOT gonna share with the class?

Swagger: no bc he said some personal stuff and i dont want to talk about his business like that

Zuckles: okay but like what if i want to know

Swagger: he will actually murder me

Tobi: okay but how would he know

Swagger: trust me. he'd know

—

BESTIEZ

Kryoz: just saw evan and brian staring into one another's eyes over a crazy nice lunch is it time to kill myself

Terroriser: im literally in this chat

Terroriser: if you want to gossip with scott do it in your own chat

Terroriser: also why do you act like you're on the cusp of some big grand scandal you know we're dating

Terroriser: arent you dealing with something anyway?

Kryoz: swagger is being a little jumpy i dont think he wants to talk about it

Kryoz: also it feels like hes avoiding me which is CRAZY bc HE kissed ME

Kryoz: i should be the one avoiding HIM yk

Four07: wow that is so weird

Four07: i wish i was there :( i wanna see all the drama firsthand

Kryoz: believe me i am SICK of the drama

Terroriser: well we're here for two weeks so get used to it

Terroriser: the same way im getting used to being stared at like i have two heads by all of evan's coworkers

Terroriser: ive overheard at least three conversations in the last hour talking about how bizarre it is that evan 1) has a boyfriend 2) is capable of having emotion and 3) might actually be pleasant to be around

Terroriser: but surprisingly no one's said anything to my face

Kryoz: swags said its bc everyone's afraid of him

Kryoz: no one wants to set him off or something

Terroriser: evan? hes harmless

Kryoz: one of the guys said evan broke some guys jaw last year at the holiday party but idk about the validity of that statement

Four07: im so jealous im not there

Four07: but id believe that evan's different around his coworkers

Four07: he seems like he could totally be a frigid bitch

Terroriser: watch it

Four07: just because i mention your boyfriends name does not mean im insulting him and/or flirting with him

Terroriser: okay so maybe im a little on edge

Terroriser: evan seems stressed

Kryoz: must be so stressful staring into your soulmates eyes and striking fear into the hearts of your coworkers

Terroriser: im serious

Terroriser: i wont say too much but its been a rough week and a half before we came out here and it seems like its wearing off but also he's just so closed off sometimes i dont even know

Terroriser: i am just trying to make this trip as stress free as possible

Kryoz: is that why YOU were such a frigid bitch the other night?

Terroriser: no i was a frigid bitch because you came banging on our door at three in the morning and wanted to wake evan up to deal with your stupid bullshit when the answer is that you should just fuck swagger and get it out of your system so you can focus on having a wonderful life with cam before it inevitably crashes and burns just like the rest of your relationships

Kryoz: okay im gonna pretend you didnt mean that and that you only said it bc youre stressed

Four07: is it because of the stuff with brock? bc that was super fucked up

Terroriser: part of it, he also got into a fight with one of his coworkers and ive never seen him look so ready to kill someone

Four07: oh wow

Four07: yk ig i never really thought about evan as someone to be like physically angry he usually just expresses himself through months long long cons and stuff like that, hes not really reactive

Terroriser: i just hope he feels better

Terroriser: ever since the stuff with craig it feels like hes been off

Terroriser: sometimes he gets this look in his eyes and i wonder if we're back to where we were

Terroriser: he just feels so far away yk?

Four07: he's taking his meds right?

Terroriser: yeah ofc

Terroriser: but that doesnt just make shit go away, its pretty complex stuff here

Kryoz: well the stuff with craig was pretty bad, i mean he had to go to that facility and everything, thats an extreme step for him

Terroriser: yeah honestly for him to tell me he needs that it really put things into perspective

Four07: well good thing he has you now, im sure thats calming for him

Kryoz: yeah honestly i dont think ive ever seen him unhappy around you

Kryoz: he gets this crazy in love look when hes around you

Kryoz: i guess this means im gonna be using this chat a lot more if i cant talk to evan

Terroriser: you can talk to him, just dont go waking him up in the middle of the night for stupid shit

—

Now showing private messages between Kryoz and Four07

Kryoz: pretty intense stuff

Kryoz: maybe love isnt so great

Four07: dumbass

Four07: everyone who loves someone goes through stuff like that, your problems become their problems and vice versa

Four07: plus you didnt think evan would want to spend the whole trip talking to you, did you?

Four07: its bad enough to be on a two week long trip with your coworkers, then add a boyfriend on top of that and a last minute addition of a close friend, thats gotta be stressful

Kryoz: yeah

Kryoz: so what the fuck should i do about the swagger problem??? just fuck him like brian said? bc i feel like thats wrong considering what ive planned with cam

Four07: okay but like nothing is happening with you and him until he breaks it off with swagger right??

Four07: yeah ngl this shit is complicated maybe just kys

Kryoz: thats what im saying

Kryoz: fuck gtg

—

Four07: so what happened??? anything between you and swagger???

Kryoz: he literally said "come on lets go" and i thought that meant we're going back to the room to like hash shit out finally but no it meant he wanted to parade me around and introduce me to LITERALLY EVERYONE???

Kryoz: which is SOOOO unfair bc i didnt see Evan do that with Brian ONCE like only swagger and i went to say hi along with a couple other coworkers so like WTF

Four07: omg he wanted to show you off

Four07: what a mannnnnnn

Kryoz: unless hes doing what evans doing with brian and just wants to be a team player :(

Four07: okay but yk evan said that as a coverup

Four07: like those two are in LOVE

Four07: wait what'd they give you for lunch

Kryoz: FILET MIGNON AND TRUFFLE MASHED POTATOES

Kryoz: the appetizer was LOBSTER FUCKING BISQUE

Four07: holy fuck

Kryoz: yeah and before we sat down to eat it was like a social hour or something so they had these "grazing tables" and deadass there was a MOUNTAIN of caviar

Four07: WTH

Four07: wait was it good?

Kryoz: YES

Kryoz: fuck it i might just date swagger if it means im getting this shit all the time

Kryoz: brian is set for LIFE

Four07: evans not really a fancy guy tho

Kryoz: i looked up the brand of one of his shirts one time and deadass it was like $350

Four07: i spent like $200 on shoes one time

Kryoz: BROOOO

Kryoz: swagger just told me we have to "talk later" am i cooked

Kryoz: i just tasted caviar he cant send me home now can he

Kryoz: FUCK CAN I GET SENT HOME

Four07: okay like technically i feel like you can but also like you wont

Four07: think about how bad that would look for swagger to be parading you around basically day one and then the next day be like oh yeah i sent him home LMAO

Kryoz: see you think thats helping but its not

Kryoz: why did i just see evan down a glass of scotch in one go-

Kryoz: its getting bad here

Four07: you just gotta calm down

Four07: go eat more caviar

Kryoz: youre right

Kryoz: they just brought out the grazing tables again

-

Kryoz: I JUST GOT $600 HAM

Four07: okay so like im actually trying to live my life

Four07: WAIT SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS?!!?!???

Kryoz: YES

Kryoz: I WAS GETTING LIKE DELI MEAT AND CHEESE AND CRACKERS TO GO WITH THE CAVIAR AND THEN THEY PULLED OUT THIS LIKE DISPLAY OF MEAT AND ASKED IF I WANT SOME AND I WAS LIKE FUCK YEAH AND WHILE THEY WERE SLICING IT I ASKED ABOUT IT AND APPARENTLY ITS FROM SPAIN OR SOMETHING AND IT COSTS SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS

Kryoz: and then it was lowkey really salty but also one of the best things ive ever put in my mouth

-

Kryoz: UMMMMM

Kryoz: SCOTT

Four07: how can you not even like the ham

Four07: also sorry for taking so long im just trying to live my life

Kryoz: I DISTINCTLY JUST HEARD SWAGGER REFER TO ME AS HIS BOYFRIEND????

Four07: my life can wait

Four07: BOYFRIEND?????????

Four07: EXPLAIN.

Kryoz: okay so as you know he first DRAGGED ME TO EVERY TABLE LIKE A PARADE JUST SAYING HI and then i went back to my big back activities at the grazing table

Four07: yes of course

Kryoz: and idk where he is at that point right bc he kinda just let me go back to the table by myself but im eating so i dont rlly care like the event is almost over and im pretty sure ive eaten a fourth of the caviar

Kryoz: but like eventually im bored/full and so i decide to go talk to brian and evan bc theyre alone and they look like theyre about to leave so i think maybe this is my chance to escape to the hot tub

Four07: oh i love a hot tub

Kryoz: and as im walking to their table i catch a bit of conversation here and there and one of these conversations has swagger bc ig he was there the whole time??? idk

Kryoz: and he spots me and waves me over so i mean fuck me i have to go over right?

Kryoz: and he turns to whoever the fuck hes talking to and hits em with "oh have you met my boyfriend, john?" like WHATTTTTTT

Four07: TO YOUR FACE??? JUST LIKE THAT???

Kryoz: YES DUDE

Four07: oh my god and he hasnt even asked you out hes just kissed you once and thinks youre locked down

Four07: WTFFFFFF

Kryoz: so then i have to make small talk after that until finally i cant take it anymore and i fake a migraine and now im holed up in our room trying to figure out what the fuck is happening

Four07: omg get out of there king im so serious what if he comes back to like beat the shit out of you

Kryoz: YOU THINK HED BEAT ME UP?!:!!:!:!:?!&,

Four07: no but i didnt think he'd call you his BOYFRIEND EITHER SO ATP ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Kryoz: FUCK my stupid gay life

Kryoz: scott if i suddenly die dont believe it unless i dont contact you with 72 hours of my "death"

Four07: okay i think faking your death for a second time is a little much

Kryoz: im so cooked scotty

Kryoz: FUCK I THINK HES COMING

Kryoz: would it be too crazy to pretend ive killed myself

Four07: why is that your first instinct

Four07: why is not just to pretend to be asleep

Four07: or assert dominance by walking out and pretending youre gonna catch a movie

Kryoz: what would i do without you my sweet scotty boy

Four07: probably kill yourself

-

Now showing private messages between Swagger and RoastMasterV2

Swagger: i think i fucked up

RoastMasterV2: oh god not you too

RoastMasterV2: are brian and i the only ones actually having a good time on this trip?

Swagger: youre having a good time? im shocked

Swagger: also scared bc you havent retaliated against blarg

RoastMasterV2: his time is coming.

Swagger: terrified !!

RoastMasterV2: so what have you done this time

Swagger: okay well i may or may not be introducing John as my boyfriend

RoastMasterV2: okay so to be clear all that has transpired between you two is a kiss outside an elevator and neither of you have broached the subject since?

Swagger: yes that is correct

RoastMasterV2: LMAOOOOOOO

RoastMasterV2: WHAT A FUCKING LOSER

RoastMasterV2: HOLY FUCK

RoastMasterV2: LMFAOOOOOOO

RoastMasterV2: this is the funniest shit ive heard in a while

RoastMasterV2: oh my god i think you just healed something in me

RoastMasterV2: hold on im gonna show brian

Swagger: NO DONT

Swagger: im not proud of it i swear

Swagger: WHAT DO I DO DUDE

RoastMasterV2: yeah he thinks ur a loser too

RoastMasterV2: youre fucked

Swagger: JOHN THINKS IM A LOSER????

RoastMasterV2: no brian does why would i be talking about john

Swagger: BECAUSE I AM IN CRISIS AND HE IS HIDING IN OUR ROOM WITH A "MIGRAINE"

RoastMasterV2: for fuck's sake

RoastMasterV2: go up to your room

Swagger: WHAT DO YOU MEANNN

Swagger: evan

RoastMasterV2: go up to your fucking room and await further instruction

RoastMasterV2: or should i drag you there myself?

Swagger: im going holy shit