#COMM

Chapter 47

"Maybe he'll just get more mad at me," Jasper said as we both watched JJ angrily march towards the shore. I shook my head. Maybe Addie was right—my son's indeed a drama queen.

"No, he'll be fine," I reassured him again. Hindi ako sanay na ganito si Jasper. With JJ around, he seemed like a sheep. Na para bang takot na takot siyang makagawa ng pagkakamali...

Jasper sighed once again bago siya sumunod sa anak niya. I stood here, watching from afar. Alam ko naman na magkaka-sundo agad sila. JJ surely couldn't hold a grudge for that long. Jasper wasn't a bad guy. JJ would realize that himself.

"You two," I said, my hands on my waist. "Stop this non-sense."

JJ rolled his eyes as he played with the sand.

"JJ, you're his son," sabi ko sabay turo kay Jasper. "Stop being mad at him. You're his spitting image!"

Hindi pa rin gumalaw iyong bata. I pulled him up, and started to throw him to the water. "Mommy!" sigaw niya nang ihagis ko siya doon.

Jasper's eyes widened—he was probably shocked. Bine-baby niya kasi si JJ! Dapat dito sa batang 'to pinapagalitan para hindi ganito na sobrang maarte. Tatalunin pa yata niya si Psalm sa dami ng arte sa buhay!

I could already imagine the two of them coming up with ways to annoy me more! Parang ayoko na bigla ipakilala si JJ sa mga uncle niya.

"Siobhan—"

"Let him," I said.

JJ got out of the water, looking at me as if I betrayed him. "What? You don't know how to swim?"

"Because you won't teach me!"

"Here's your father willing to teach you!" sabi ko sabay turo kay Jasper.

"Ugh! Fine! Teach me!" JJ said, angrily marching again. He seriously looked like an enraged penguin with the way he's walking.

Naupo ako sa shore habang pinapanood ko silang dalawa na maglaro sa tubig. Jasper was holding JJ. He looked very carefuly na akala mo bigla na lang tatangayin ng alon si JJ kapag nabitiwan niya ng konti.

"Mommy, join us!" JJ shouted. Napailing na lang ako. Kanina, sobrang madrama niya. Ngayon, parang masaya na siya ulit.

I bit my lower lip. They looked like they're having a lot of fun. And I wanted to join the fun... but it's their time. I just smiled and waived at them.

I stood up para magsimulang magprepare ng kakainin namin. I proceeded to ask around para magtanong kung saan pwedeng maka-bili ng pwedeng lutuin. I wasn't that great of a cook, but I could cook a little. I really learned a lot of things back in Paris. No one would do them for me, so I had to learn them myself.

"Hi," I said to a guy who was sitting on a fallen trunk of a coconut tree. "Do you know where the nearest market is?" I asked. Kanina pa ako naghahanap ng tao, but he's the only one around. May mga magkaka-tabing rest house dito sa beach.

The guy turned his head towards him and his lips parted for a little while. I awkwardly smiled at him. He cleared his throat.

"H-Hello," he said. "There's a market if you walk straight there," he continued, pointing at the end of the road. "It's a ten minute walk from here."

I nodded. "Oh. Thank you!" I said. I was beginning to walk when I heard him talking, so I turned to look at him.

"I can walk with you if you want," he said, smiling uneasily.

I shook my head. "No, thank you," I said, immediately declining. I just didn't feel comfortable talking with strangers. I guess Justin already got me jaded about meeting new people...

"But—"

"Siobhan."

Our heads both turned when we heard Jasper speak. Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mapansin ko na wala siyang suot na pang-itaas. Droplets of water were falling from his hair down to his body... And his face... he didn't look happy.

And even my son was frowning—his arms were crossed over his chest.

"H-Hey," I said. Why was I suddenly feeling nervous?! "Are you done swimming?"

But I felt like they didn't hear me dahil pareho silang naka-tingin doon sa lalaki na kausap ko kanina. What the hell was happening?! Bibili lang naman ako ng lulutuin!

"Where are you going, Mommy?" JJ asked. He was asking me, but he was looking at the guy. I sighed. He always does this! Kahit nung nasa Paris pa kami, whenever he'd see a guy talking to me, it's like he's got this protective mode and he'd do everything to drive the guy away. Parang extended member siya ng Protection Squad.

I looked at the guy and awkwardly smiled at him. "I'm sorry," I said before I pulled JJ and Jasper away bago pa may kung anong mangyari. I dragged them back to the rest house we were renting. "What was that?!"

"Who was that?!" JJ snapped back.

I groaned. "JJ!"

"Mommy!"

I pulled my hair because JJ's frustrating me! I looked at Jasper for help, but his brows were still creased. What was his problem din?!

"JJ, that was very disrespectful," I told him. Hindi pwede na ganito siya palagi. I knew that since it was only the two of us, I kinda let him do whatever he wants... but it's different now. Nasa Pilipinas na kami. Marami siyang kamag-anak dito. This attitude wouldn't work here.

JJ crossed his arms again. "You're being disrespectful, too, Mommy. How can you talk to some other guy when my Daddy's here?"

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. What the fuck was happening?!

My lips were parted widely. Words escaped me. But bago ko pa man maka-usap muli si JJ, he already marched back in his room, and slammed the door after him.

"What's happening?" I asked, looking at Jasper for answers to my questions. Jasper was intently looking at me. "And please..." I said, once again remembering that he's standing before me topless! My God! Ano bang nangyayari sa Zambales?! "Wear something."

But it seemed like my words were lost in oblivion because Jasper didn't even move an inch matapos kong sabihin ang mga salita na iyon. He was still staring at me. And my eyes... my eyes couldn't stop looking at his biceps. Ugh, Siobhan Margarette!

"Siobhan," he said. I felt the hairs on my nape standing on their ends as I heard Jasper saying my name.

"W-What?" I asked, starting to feel my heart beating faster as I let myself get drowned in his eyes. I kept on reminding myself that whatever it was that I was feeling, it should stop...

He's with Helene. And they had Kylie to take care of. I should know where I stand.

"Do you really still love me like you said?"

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Where was he heading with this kind of question?!

"W-What?"

"Do you still love me?"

"Jasper—"

"Just answer."

I took a step back. I needed room to breathe. And I needed not to look at that fucking body while he's asking me questions like that!

"It's not simple—"

"It's simple. Ask me if I still love you," he said.

Umiling ako. "No."

"Siobhan—"

"Jasper, what are you doing? You said it yourself—you have Kylie and Helene to take care of. Gusto mo lang naman na maging maayos kayo ni JJ, 'di ba? I'm already working on it. You'll get your son—"

"I don't only want my son back. I want you back."

My lips parted.

My heart began to race.

My entire system flipped.

"Jasper—"

He took a step forward, and with it, he took my breath away.

"For three years, I took care of them. I forgot about myself. I forgot about you. I felt guilty because it's my fault that they're like that—"

"Jasper..." I said, my heart breaking. Why did he keep on blaming himself for things that were out of his control? Helene wasn't like that because of him. It was an accident. And Evan... He didn't want Evan to die... Sigurado ako na kung pwede lang, Jasper would take the bullet for him...

"But I don't want to spend the rest of my life sacrificing. I don't want to be miserable. I want to be happy. You make me happy. You hurt me, but you're still the one who's making me happy."

I could feel tears escaping my eyes as I stared at him while he was saying those words. It felt like my chest would explode from everything that he was making me feel.

"Jasper, it's not just about us."

"It's about us. We're the one who's going to be in this relationship—not others. Stop thinking about them. Start thinking about us. You, me, and JJ."

Hindi ako maka-sagot. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Masyadong mabilis.

"How about Kylie, Jasper? Gusto mo siyang ampunin, 'di ba?"

He nodded. "I want to... but only if it's okay with you."

"Jasper," I said, my heart aching. "Don't put that burden on me. If you want to adopt her, it's fine with me. She's Evan's daughter. She's family."

Unti-unti siyang lumapit sa akin. Hinawakan niya ang mga kamay ko. Tinignan niya ako sa mga mata ko.

"You're my family. You're the only one that I'm willing to break the rules for. Siobhan... before you came back, I was willing to hate you for the rest of my life for leaving me like that... You promised to be with me. You promised to love me... but you left. You left when I needed you the most. You weren't there when I lost my best friend.

"But you came back... The pain, the anger... They all disappeared just because you came back."

He cupped my face and stared into my eyes.

"I'm gonna ask you again... Do you still love me?"

I closed my eyes as tears escaped from them, and nodded. "Yes."