#CTG41 Chapter 41

I remained silent as I was trying to fix my top. I could hear Iñigo trying to buckle his belt. Naka-tingin lang ako sa harapan ko. I wanted to speak up about what he's doing—about him getting out of his way to... punish me. But this was what I signed up for.

Nakita ko siyang tumingin sa relo niya.

"Lunch time's almost over."

I grabbed the bag from the front seat bago ko binuksan iyong pinto. I dusted myself before I made my way towards work.

Pagdating ko sa trabaho ay mabilis na nawala sa isip ko si Iñigo. I was drowning in things that I needed to read that the thought of him quickly vanished...

And it certainly didn't help that he's always kicking me out of his car every time he'd get off. He's just trying so hard at being an asshole.

"Guys..." pagtawag ni Wilson. Agad kaming napa-tingin sa kanya. "Lumabas na 'yung result nung appeal..." he continued. We were all looking at him, waiting for him to say something, anything. "Na-grant 'yung appeal."

Mabilis akong naka-rinig ng sigawan ng mga tao. Granted there could still be an appeal to the SC, but this was still a win... And every little victory deserves to be celebrated. Hindi pa ako masyadong matagal dito pero nararamdaman ko iyong saya nila. I knew that with every case, they invest everything they got... Kasi hindi lang naman simpleng papel ang hawak namin—we, somehow, control people's lives... and that's pretty scary, but that's what we signed up for.

After congratulating Wilson, mabilis kaming bumalik sa trabaho. There were still people that needed defending—and that's what we're here for.

Nang papatapos na ang trabaho ay nakita ko na nagtext sa akin si Iñigo. He was asking me if I was free after work—which was weird because he basically made it his mission to only see me during lunch time para isang oras lang kaming magkasama. He's really taking the parameters I set way too seriously.

I was about to text him that I was free when Wilson asked me kung gusto kong sumama sa kanila. They'd be having a dinner in order to celebrate the granting of the appeal. I pursed my lips. I wanted to see Iñigo... but I also wanted to celebrate with them...

To: Mr. Borromeo

Sorry. Work.

"Okay," I told Wilson before hitting send.

Nang matapos na kaming lahat sa trabaho—matapos ang pilitan dahil may iba na ayaw sumama dahil mas gusto nilang tapusin iyong ginagawa nila, which was impressive because their commitment to this cause was something—naka-rating na rin kami sa resto. It wasn't some expensive restaurant. There wasn't even a menu handed out—kinailangan pa naming pumunta sa harap para basahin kung ano ang meron and we had to individually place our orders.

But it was a nice change of pace.

The people I work with now were much simpler... dahil halos wala na rin naman kaming sinu-sweldo. Almost all the cases we handle were pro-bono.

But they're really nice and helpful people and I respect them all so much.

There was a pares available and I got that. At least kahit hindi ko kasama si Iñigo ay parang nandito na rin siya.

While waiting for the food to be served ay nag-usap sila tungkol sa isang case na hindi ako masyadong familiar dahil matagal na nilang inaayos 'yun bago pa man ako pumasok. But I sat there, listening to all their opinions... They're certainly smart people. If they wanted, they could definitely land high paying corporate jobs. Pero nandito sila.

I guess at the end of the day, it really boils down to personal choice.

"Guys..." Trina said, her hands placed over her mouth nang magsimula kaming kumanta ng Happy Birthday para sa kanya. Wilson, who excused himself earlier, came back carrying a chocolate cake. It was just a small cake. Naiiyak si Trina habang tinanggap iyon. She made a wish before blowing the candle and then hugging and kissing Wilson.

I want... something like that.

* * *

"Cha, may naghahanap sa 'yo sa labas."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Okay..." I replied before putting down the paper that I was reading. I was feeling restless. There were rumors na any day daw ngayon ay lalabas na iyong resulta ng BAR exam. There were also rumors na ngayon daw iyong pinaka-mababa na passing rate. There were all kinds of rumors and it was making me go insane.

Mabilis akong naglakad palabas. As much as I wanted to stay here, the allowance they were giving me wouldn't be enough to support myself. Even my condo rent wouldn't be covered with the allowance.

I wanted to pass the BAR... but more importantly, I wanted to top the BAR. More opportunities await those who top that fucking exam.

My lips parted when I saw Iñigo leaning against the post outside the building. He looked so... out of place. He now looked like he belongs in those highrise buildings—sa suot pa lang niya at sa sasakyan na minamaneho niya.

"Let's have lunch," he said.

"I can't," I truthfully said. Dahil aalis na ako next week ay inaayos ko na iyong mga naka-assign sa akin para maayos ang transition. I knew that my officemates already had enough on their plate so I wanted to finish everything para hindi na sila mahirapan pa.

"One hour lang?" tanong niya.

Sinusubukan ko naman na magkita kami pero ewan ko...

I just wasn't that excited to see him anymore.

I was happy when I was with him, but when he's not around, it's okay... There wasn't a void anymore.

And I wasn't sure what changed.

All I knew was that the night I saw Wilson gave that cake to Trina, it was like something inside me lightened up—na pwede pala 'yung ganon...

Hindi pala dapat toxic palagi.

Kasi ang hirap na nga ng trabaho namin... pati ba naman sa relasyon mahihirapan pa rin ako?

And he's not changing...

And I wasn't changing...

No one wanted to compromise.

Saan kami mauuwi nito?

"May tinatapos kasi ako," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Kahit 20 minutes?"

"Iñigo—"

"Please? I miss you."

My lips parted.

I... didn't expect that. Hindi na kami madalas magkita. We're working in different places. We're both extremely busy.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know that's a violation of the provision," he said and then took a step to get closer to me. "But it's true, anyway... I miss you, Charisse Faith."

He was staring at me.

Like he wanted to pull me close.

But there's a line he's not crossing.

"Okay. 20 minutes."

He smiled. I saw him fist his knuckle. And then his eyes kind of sparkled.

Tumingin siya sa paligid. Fast food lang ang malapit sa office ko. Kumakain pa kaya siya sa ganoon? Looking at him now, he's so different from the Iñigo I first met years before.

"Tara," sabi niya at hinawakan ang kamay ko.

We went to the nearest fastfood and he ordered more than what we could eat. I thought he'd want to talk, but he's just really staring at me.

"Stop that," I said.

"What?"

"You're staring."

"Ang hirap mo kasing kitain."

"Busy nga kasi ako."

"Busy din naman ako, pero kapag gusto ko, may paraan."

Silence.

"Palabas na raw iyong sa BAR."

"I know."

"May plan ka na ba?"

"Yes."

Silence.

"Pwede ko bang malaman?"

I looked at him and he looked genuinely curious.

"I'm considering some firms," I began. "But we'll see once the results are out."

I didn't want to be too hopeful. Baka mababa nag score ko. Baka hindi ako pumasa. O baka topnotcher ako. I'd never really know. Ayoko munang isipin.

"Sa Sunday midnight daw lalabas..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, sabi sa akin."

Free kaya sila Jax nun? Puntahan kaya namin si Rory sa Pangasinan?

"Cha—"

I wasn't able to look at him because I felt the phone inside my pocket vibrate. Mabilis ko iyong kinuha at tinignan.

"Sorry, hinahanap na ako," I said, standing up. I grabbed the burger that was still untouched. Wala akong pagkain mamaya. Sayang naman. "Thanks for this," I said, kissing his cheek before I rushed back into the office.

* * *

"What... happened to you?"

Napa-hawak ako sa buhok ko. "Why?"

I got a short bob. It's easier this way. Hindi magastos sa conditioner. Wala talaga akong pera nitong mga naka-raang linggo dahil wala akong sweldo.

Umiling siya. "Nothing... You just look different."

I shrugged as we ordered coffee and bread before proceeding to the Supreme Court. It's probably easier to just wait at home and read the results through the Internet, but we promised from way before that when the results arrived, sabay-sabay naming hihintayin ang pangalan namin habang nagfa-flash sa screen sa harap ng Supreme Court.

"Try calling Rory again," Jax said.

We went to Pangasinan yesterday to drag Rory back to Manila, but we couldn't find her... Kaya naman bumalik kami sa Manila ng hindi siya kasama. Si Yago naman—he needed to take the BAR again because he forfeited his chance when he didn't attend the second week.

I was really looking forward to this... Kaming dalawa lang pala ni Jax ang matutuloy.

It was almost 12 at night but I couldn't still contact Rory. Wala na kaming nagawa at dumiretso na kami sa Supreme Court. We sat on one side while anxiously waiting for the results. Nakaka-kaba pa rin kahit alam mong ginawa mo naman na lahat.

"Kinakabahan ka?" I asked Jax.

"Yeah."

"For sure topnotcher ka."

Sasagot pa sana si Jax nang biglang magka-gulo sa paligid namin. Nagsimula na iyong presentation. Ramdam ko iyong panlalamig sa buong katawan ko.

Tumayo kami ni Jax at lumapit sa gitna. Huminga ako nang malalim. Pakiramdam ko ay matutumba ako sa sobrang hilo.

Shit.

Five years of my life.

It all boiled down to this.

"Holy—"

Jax enveloped me into a hug.

"Congrats, Ms. Top 8," Jax said, laughing as he was shaking nervously. I guess even someone as smart as him ay kinabahan pa rin sa resulta.

I bit my lower lip. God... Was I really crying?

"Thank you," I said. "Mas mataas ka kaya—"

Pero napa-tigil ako sa sasabihin ko nang mapansin ko si Katherine na naka-tayo sa isang gilid. She was looking at us while holding a bouquet in her hands.

I took a step back and excused myself.

I hope Jax could lower his pride this time.

* * *

The offers came in like a flood.

Jax already knew where he wanted to work so he accepted the offer without hesitation... and now, we're here at his condo for his housewarming slash birthday dahil kuripot siya.

Rory wasn't here. I didn't even know if she already knew that she passed the BAR. Hindi siya nagpaparamdam.

"This is sad," sabi ko sa kanya. Kaming dalawa lang ang nandito. Tatlo lang naman kasi talaga ang kaibigan niya—nasa US iyong isa, tapos iyong isa hindi mahanap.

Jax shrugged. "Maingay kapag marami."

I nodded. He's right.

While Jax was trying to cook something, the phone rang.

"Good evening. Sa lobby po 'to. May nagrerequest po kasi ng access. Katherine Arellano raw po."

Shit.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. What would I even do? The last time, during the results, I saw Katherine weep at whatever Jax told her... And looking at Jax, it seemed like he's really not the kind of person who'd change his mind easily.

"Jax," I called while he's trying to boil pasta.

"What?"

Huminga ako nang malalim.

"Nasa baba si Katherine."

Nakita ko siyang natigilan ng sandali.

But only for a split second.

Because right after, he's back to boiling those damned pasta.

"Papa-akyatin ko ba?"

Hindi siya sumagot.

Damn stubborn guy.

At least be a man and tell her face to face that it's over para matapos na at makapagsimula na silang pareho.

* * *

I accidentally fell asleep on Jax's couch. He was still sleeping when I decided to leave. Pagbaba ko sa lobby ay natigilan ako nang makita ko si Katherine na natutulog sa couch... while holding a box of cake.

This was stupid.

Utterly stupid.

But I didn't have the heart to wake her up. I just wished she'd stop this because it's saddening... Nakaka-awa na siya sa ginagawa niya para kay Jax... Gusto ko silang magbati pero parang impossible na sa ngayon dahil ayaw talaga ni Jax. It would take something drastic for him to talk to her.

I still felt guilty for what happened back then...

But at that time, it was for the best.

Pero iyong desisyon nila ngayon, that's on them.

* * *

Nang maka-balik ako sa condo ay naging busy na ako sa pag-sagot sa mga email sa akin. I replied to a lot of congratulatory message from my blockmates and former workmates and brothers and an email from my college asking me if I wanted a teaching job.

None from my father.

Baka dahil hindi ako top 1.

But I shouldn't dwell on that.

I passed... and topped.

This was the dream.

I was in the middle of doing my research on one of the firms when my phone vibrated.

From: Mr. Borromeo

Free today? I wanna congratulate you in person.

From: Mr. Borromeo

Kahit 20 mins lang.

To: Mr. Borromeo

Busy

From: Mr. Borromeo

Punta ko sa condo mo. Kahit sa coffee shop sa baba lang. Please.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago pumayag. Nagpalit ako ng damit. I only wore a black leggings and white shirt and carried my laptop bag. I was in no mood to get out today. I wanted to read the offers and bask in my success. Dahil kapag tinanggap ko na ang trabaho ay tuluy-tuloy na iyon.

Pagdating ko sa coffee shop ay nandun na agad si Iñigo. Ang bilis naman.

"Hi," I greeted.

"Hi," he greeted back.

He already had a coffee in front of him. He was saying something but I was looking at the menu, trying to figure out if today's the day that I'd try something else other than iced Americano.

"I'm done. Ayoko na. Itigil na natin," Iñigo suddenly said. Agad akong napa-tingin. "I barely even see you anymore."

My face was filled with confusion for a moment before I figured out what he was trying to say.

I looked at him and nodded. "Okay."

His jaw clenched like he didn't like what he heard from me. What was he expecting? That I'd beg him to stay? Why would I? I perfectly knew what I got myself into.

"That's it? Hindi mo man lang ako pipigilan?"

"Ano ka? Bata?"

His lips parted at my response. I reached for my bag and was preparing to leave. I shouldn't even be here with him. Ayoko na nakikita kami sa publikong lugar. Hindi naman sa nakakahiya siya kasama, pero ayoko lang na makita kaming magkasama. The law community is surprisingly small... Ang bilis kumalat ng balita.

And Iñigo... had a reputation.

"It was nice while it lasted, Iñigo," I said before I stood up and left. Mabilis kong inisip kung ano ba iyong mga dapat kong gawin ngayong araw. I just passed the BAR and I had five job offers from law firms. I wanted to study them well because when I commit to something, I give it my one hundred percent. Ayoko lang na mapunta ako sa trabaho na hindi ko gusto.

I was doing a mental list of the pros of accepting the offer from the Palma & Palma Law Firm when I felt someone holding my arm. Agad akong napa-hinto.

"What?" I asked him.

"Seriously? You won't even ask me why?" he asked, frustrated.

"No. You asked. I gave you what you want. Ang gulo mo."

He was breathing deeply. I could see it by the aggressive rising and falling of his shoulders. I could never understand him... But maybe it's because I never really did try... anymore. I knew this was just a temporary arrangement.

"My God!" he exclaimed.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to fight for me!"

Natawa ako. "Seriously?"

"Shit, Cha! Robot ka ba?!"

Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagtawa ko. Was he seriously mad at me for giving him what he wanted? Siya itong nagsabi na ayaw niya na... tapos magagalit siya sa akin at sasabihin na gusto niyang ipaglaban ko siya?

I wanted out.

I was just waiting for him to say it first.

"You said you're done—"

"I'm done with this game! I want this to be real!"

I pursed my lips as I stared at him. "But I don't want that."

I used to think that he's the best...

But I'd seen better.

I wanted better.

I didn't want to compromise everything I stand for just to be with him. That's unfair. That's me changing everything I believe in just so I could accomodate him into my life.

And it's not supposed to be like that.

I thought it's supposed to be like that.

But it's not...

I'd seen relationship—healthy ones. Not the toxic one that we had. That's not what I want in the long haul. I didn't want to end up one day hating him. Kasi nararamdaman ko na roon na ako papunta.

His lips parted. He looked so surprise. Did he really think that I feel something for him? After all this time? Malinaw naman 'yung usapan namin. Hindi naman kami batang dalawa.

"Do you want me to forward to you the copy of the contract? The one that you signed? And I got notarized?"

"What the fuck?! You got that notarized?!"

I nodded. "Yes. Do you want me to send you a copy? Para maalala mo kung ano 'yung usapan?"

He combed his fingers through his hair with palpable frustration. I could never really understand men... They're weird... They do one thing and mean another. I wish they'd just tell me what they really want. I hate wasting time like this.

"Charisse Faith Viste," he said, staring into my eyes. "Date me. Please."

"No."

Why does he like making me repeat myself? I already turned him down before... Why was he asking the same question again? Wala namang nagbago sa sitwasyon naming dalawa. Ganoon pa rin ako... Ganoon pa rin siya... Kaya bakit magbabago ang sagot ko?

"Why not?!"

"I don't like you that way."

"Why? Because of Jax?! For god's sake, he's still not over Kitty!"

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko.

Why... was he involving Jax?

"No," I calmly replied.

"Then why?"

I looked at him.

He's everything I hated.

His shortcuts... I hated that. I work hard for everything that I have. I hate how he's using the easy way to get through law school. I hate how he's using the 'it's just work' card every time he knew himself that he's doing something questionable.

I didn't want to defend him against myself forever.

This was the only option.

At kung ayaw niya na... then it's been fun while it lasted.

But I didn't want to tell him that. I valued him enough not to be brutally honest with him. Mabait si Iñigo...

So I wanted to hear it come from him.

That we're ending this.

"I just don't see a future, that's all," I said as I looked at my phone. I needed to finish my research. I didn't want to go to the interview unprepared. I still needed to read about the history of the firm, the vision, the mission, who the partners are. I needed to study. Not studying would give me anxiety.

"That future again! Can't you just worry about now?"

"No, sorry," I replied. "Are you done?"

He didn't say a word, but he continued to stare at me. I didn't know what was going on in his head. Why was he doing this? The last time I checked, he had a list of girls who were willing to have this 'relationship' with him. Lalo na ngayong marami na siyang pera. Isang beses na akong nasabunutan dahil sa kanya. Isang beses nasampal. Isang beses natapunan ng frappe.

There's no shortage of girls for Iñigo Borromeo.

I didn't even know why he's making a fuss over this. He didn't even give me a second glance nung una niya akong nakita.

"No, I'm not yet done," he said.

"Please say what you need to say, may gagawin—"

But my words were cut off when he kissed me. In public. This is against the contract!

"I'll see you tomorrow, Atty. Viste," he said, caressing the side of my lips with his thumb. He was smiling. I couldn't move. "I'll pick you up after my review, okay?"

He was already leaving, but I managed to shout, "No!"

He waved his hand and shouted as he was walking away. "I'll see you tomorrow. Wear something nice."