her;

            "No-one round here's good at keeping their eyes closed.
                      The sun's starting to light up when we're walking home."

                             - Lorde, Glory and Gore

           I was the biggest idiot there is. I don't even like him. I haven't even acknowledged him since last week and now I'm talking to him like that. Oh my god, what is wrong with me. I trashed everything that we could've been, but how was that even humanly possible? I don't even like him. But I do. With every glance we shared made me feel like I was on cloud 9. But I couldn't like him, not him. He is the worst possible choice in this dead town.

            I liked him. I did. I had to admit it. But at the same time I knew that liking him would be the most regretted decision in my whole entire life.

            We would be like a carved heart in the sand that would only last minutes until the waves crashed on to it. We would be suffocating someone with words until they end up killing themselves because the words finally dug themselves far enough into their skin. We would be a tragedy, but I still got weak to my knees, jaw dropped and everything, when this stranger boy walked by me.

            I knew who he was for a while and I always had a little crush on him. But ever since I heard of him and Hannah, I knew I had to start acting up if I needed him that badly. Talking to him today was a step, but it wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough.

             He was drugs, alcohol, parties, and sarcasm. I was boring, enthusiastic, faded, and a bit of a sad person. There was nothing interesting about me, but him, Lucas, he had the life every teenage boy wanted. Good grades and still could be hungover on Sundays, I mean how?

           The bell rung and people fleeted the room in the matter of five seconds. I gathered my stuff and placed it all into my bag before leaving the old lady behind. Making my way out of the school, I plugged in my earphones and hit shuffle. The soft music began to hum in my ears as I saw the bus stop. Sitting down on the bench, another old man --about sixty-- seated himself next to me.

             I smiled up at him before paying my attention back on the road. The old man smiled back before looking away. The old man let out a sigh which made me turn my music down in response.

            "Alfred," He smiled, letting out his hand. I took a grip of it, shaking his fragile hand slowly.

           "Anna," I let go of his hand before placing it back on the bench. Leaning forward, Alfred leaned backwards. A small chuckle leaving his lips as he did.

           "What are you doing taking a bus? You look old enough to drive." He asked, a smile still lurking on his lips. A small shrug leaving my shoulders.

            "Oh come on, I'm not the one to bite. Knowing old me, you would end up killing me before I could." His remark made me sneak a small chuckle. In return, his smile got a bit wider; only showing off the teeth he still had left.

             "What are the flowers for?" I asked as I noticed the different types of colors peeking from behind him. He let out a soft, quick sigh before laying them upon his lap.

              "For my wife. Today would mark the day she said goodbye." He hummed, licking his lips. My eyes got wide and my heart softened as his words seeped into the air.

               "Oh, I'm so sorry."

               "No, it's fine. 4th year without her. I think I'll be okay." He grinned at me and turned back to the road. I decided to mock his actions and do the same; awaiting the bus.

     ✗✗✗

           The bus had came and the old man had seated himself in the way back. He stared out the window for the longest time. While on the bus, when he sat far from me, that was when I could finally analyze the withered out man. He had to be in mid 60's, but at times he looked to be in his late 50's. His black beret hugged tight to his round head which was just above his grey, thin eyebrows. His light, blue eyes seemed to never leave the window. They looked to have a twinkle in them, something which could've indicated that he was crying.

          But in all matters, the old man, who was named Alfred, seemed to be an overall nice person. Buying flowers for his deceased wife and trying to make me feel better was only little things he's probably done. Alfred looked to be someone you could talk to for hours. Alfred looked to be someone you could look forward to. His wife must've felt very lucky to have a man like that.

       Now a days, the boys are trash. Impolite and disgusting didn't even feel like words that stretched far enough to cover half of the boys covering the surface of the planet today. It was upsetting knowing that the girls weren't much better. Trash as well, but some so snobby they had to attack at other people then themselves. And if you didn't receive who I was hinting at then you obviously haven't been listening hard enough. Snobby, hateful, and destroying. In other words, Hannah.

            "Where have you been?" My mother questioned as she placed a lid over the sizzling pan. Her eyes darted her way towards me, a hand on her hip, "I've been searching for you all day!"

              "Detention." I scoffed, throwing my book bag to the side as I placed my books on the table.

               "Huh-uh." My mother hummed as I laid my books down. I rolled my eyes and let out a groan as I picked them back up. Walking away and up the spiral staircase, I started to become more tired as I hit the third floor.

            My room was part of the attic of a lighthouse. No, we didn't live near a beach or anywhere to deal with sand. My mother had it built back in '96 and ever since then, she has loved it. But once she had me, she ran out of room and stuffed me in the attic. And let me tell you, it wasn't very pleasant getting smacked in the head every morning by a piece of wood that was holding up the roof.

          I placed my books off to the side and cracked my maths open. A fresh sheet of lined paper laid on the page, bookmarking what I needed to do. Grabbing my chair, I pulled it towards the desk, and turned on my lamp. Taking out a pencil, I began to work on my homework.

             But Alfred's past and my thoughts collided together.

              All I could ask myself was if I really wanted to start dating someone, especially Lucas, and if I could handle losing someone.

               Because let's be honest here, Lucas wasn't looking for a relationship. Hell, I didn't even know if I wanted one, but I knew that it would be impossible to decrease my feelings for him. It had to happen though, it had to.

               So that night my thoughts fought each other and I came to conclusion that it wasn't worth it.

                None of this was worth it.