The sharp pain in my side seemed quite evident as I smiled at Ellie when she widened her eyes.

"Liam!"

I laughed at the joke a little too hard before I snorted slightly which caused her lips to curve into a slight smile.

"My name is Ellie. Ellie Elizabeth." She held out her petite hand and I shook it softly. "That was a really weak handshake, mister." She roughly shook my hand and smiled big.

"My name is Liam," I replied and she looked up at me.

Her brown eyes lit up whenever I got near her. I remembered that about her the most. I adored how she constantly laughed at my mistakes. I remember how patient she was with me too. I remember she would send me meaningful messages when I was asleep or when she'd quickly turn away when I caught her staring at me.

But what I loved most about her was how she deeply cared about problems that didn't even have her in its roots. She always took time out of her day to take care of others. She put them before her and their needs were the priority.

"Does this make me look bad?" She twirled in her dress when I felt my face heat up and my heart race.

"Ellie not at all," I stated simply and she beamed.

"Shall we?"

I remember our first date. I struggled to ask her but she saw through my struggle and finished my question. She set the time and the day. She left me in charge of the venue which I was happy with. She didn't care that I forgot my wallet at my house. She didn't mind the pouring rain that showered us during dinner. She didn't lose her interest in me.

Instead, she laughed and said, "You owe me a free movie next time." I didn't think there was going to be a "next time." Instead of getting mad at me for picking an open roof spot, she embraced the rain that made her hair sag and stick to her face. She took off her heels on the walk home and jumped in the puddles, making the best of what we had.

She made the move on our first kiss. She kissed me in front of her house before saying goodbye. She kissed me softly and which such elegance. I loved how she kissed me before greeting me. Whenever I would get mad, instead of yelling at me, she'd cut my cussing with a kiss and a smile.

She tucked her hair behind her left ear with her right hand when she lied. She'd smile and her dimples pressed into her cheeks more when she did also.

I remember how she made wishes like a child. I loved how she would pick the dandelions and blow on the to make a wish. She'd frantically tug at my sleeve for a penny to throw into the fountains. She would countdown to 11:11 and she'd crinkle her nose up, cup her hands, and squeeze her eyes shut.

I remember the first time we made love. I laid in her bed when she sat up and looked at me. She kissed me, not with the elegance she always had, but this time was with passion. She succumbed under me for the first time in our relationship as we moved in a rhythmic motion.

Most of all, I remember the look in her eyes when I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She received the news before me. She slowly turned her head and looked at me. I remember her slight smile and she had tears silently pouring down her face.

"Liam it isn't that bad." She tucked her hair behind her ear and her dimples were the deepest I ever remembered them to be.

I widened my eyes and slowly stood myself up. I grabbed onto the counter and stumbled out of the room. I felt my life drain from me instantly and I sat in the hallway. I rejected Ellie's touch when she tried to reassure me.

I remember the last time I was able to walk and the pity that conquered her face. I felt my independence slowly strip itself away from me and she merely could only watch.

"I don't want you to see this happen to me."

"Liam. I don't want you going through this alone. Please, you can't."

"Ellie."

"I meant it when I said yes. I meant it when I promised I wasn't leaving. Now stop being stubborn."

Against my wishes, I allowed her to stay with me. She was the one pushing me in my wheelchair.

I remember the support she gave me. I remember the support she received from her friends and how they were her source of energy. I remember the constant stress I put her through but how she dealt with it. Being a year younger and trying to push through high school, she put up a fight.

I remember our last date. That is what burnt a hole in my mind. I remember me smiling through the pain, ignoring the red flags that were pulled up. I remember the little girl that admired Ellie's beauty and grace.

"Liam. You're being extra today," she joked.

"I love you, Ellie Elizabeth. I love you so much." I came to the realization that this was going to be it.

"Liam is something wrong?"

I shook my head and laughed. I laughed until I coughed into my napkin. She knew. She knew as soon as she saw my face when I folded the blood into the napkin that is was it. I was done.

"Liam!"

I only had her by my side the entire time. But so many people showed up to say goodbye.

I am sorry Ellie. I am sorry I couldn't win for you.

But my biggest regret is that I couldn't marry you. I am sorry that I couldn't father your children. I am sorry I couldn't be yours forever. But I am so thankful that you were mine. And as I lay here with you sleeping beside me, I know that it's going to be hard. And you're strong. I am thankful that you were the one I fell in love with and it was you who rode this roller coaster with me.

I love you, Ellie. I am sorry.

-

It was bittersweet for me. Reading his last letter he wrote. The last thing he ever wrote.

They told me to be strong that he wasn't gone. He was. It was hard.

Driving past the park we met. Walking past the restaurant where we had our first date at. Closing my door before kissing him. Laying in my bed that seemed to suck me and my happiness in it too. I stepped on those same streets without him. I ignored the dandelions now. 11:11 seemed to be the longest minute of the day. Sushi no longer held a favoring in my heart.

But the worst time in sitting in school knowing that everyone's life continued so easily. I hated looking out the window knowing that I wasn't going to see him and his cheeky smile. I wasn't going to hear his voice when I stood in the choir and looked over at the empty chair. I read the messages over that I memorized most of our conversations.

Ellie Elizabeth Schuyler. My name was to stay the same until the day I died. I knew I would no longer feel the metal press against my left finger.

I remember the last time he sucked his breath in. He smiled at me and I clutched his hand the tightest I ever have before. I knew that it was time and it was difficult. It was now that I wanted him to know how much he meant to me.

"Liam wait please don't go!" I bit my lip and the screen flatlined.

I shook my head and screamed as they pulled me away. I screamed his name and pleaded him to wake up. I kicked the nurse and bit the doctor when my friends grabbed my shoulders and looked at me in the eyes.

"He's gone, Ellie please."

Those four words strung together like poison in my mind. I lost feeling as I lost my everything.

I was told to let go. Can't a woman grieve?

I miss him. That's all I can say. It's hard to live here knowing that he isn't on this earth anymore. He's in the ground instead.

His parents sent for his body. He's in California now and I'm still in this bustling city in New York.

Ellie Elizabeth. The name of an early widow who never married. Ellie. The name of a woman who will never have a child. The name of a woman who lost the man she devoted every minute to.

I love him. I didn't make a mistake. I still love him. And I always will.

But this is goodbye. Until we meet again at least.

Liam Evan Odom.