A/N... here we go... this is the chapter I was talking about in the Foreword...

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Farewell

noun - an act of parting or of marking someone's departure.

Yeah ok...

"...and how does that make you feel?"

"How would it make you feel?"

Mr Jenson removed his glasses and wiped them on the front of his jumper, what he did when trying to keep calm. "Amy, you're going to have to say something of relevance at some point."

"I have been saying relevant things though." I said with a shrug. "I think it is quite relevant that I should be wary of you considering your job title is basically 'Psycho-the-Rapist'. I mean who wouldn't want to come and talk to you?"

Mr Jenson gave a deep sigh before turning to James. "Alright James, since you've been giving most of Amy's answers for her, why don't you tell me how this is making you feel."

He frowned. "This is making me feel very uncomfortable to be honest, now Amy's said you're a rapist."

It had been three weeks since the whole nearly jumping under a train saga, and I had been seeing the school psychotherapist for most of it, which basically I found as a bit of a joke really. I had less than a fortnight left at the school anyway. The exams were over, which I was half relieved, half horrified about. For the best part of them, I had simply sat tapping my pencil on the desk. One or two times I'd been removed from the exam for this. The therapy sessions were long, dull, and didn't work. However, I persevered for my mother's sake. I never opened up to Mr Jenson. I didn't want him poking and prying into my mind, no matter how upset I was.

Oh and for anyone wondering why James was with me, Mr Jenson had suggested that I bring him along, probably in the hope that it would make me feel more comfortable talking. Basically adults have 'bring your kid to work' day. Insane teenagers have 'bring your best friend along to see how crazy you are' day. As of yet, it hadn't worked, and I'd found James answering most of my how do you feel questions for me. Mr Jenson had almost gotten freaked out, when James answered every question for me, usually with the answer "she feels upset, how do you think she feels?"

"All right." said Mr Jenson, pushing his glasses a little further up his nose. "James, thank you for coming along, Amy, I'll see you in a few days."

I rose to my feet, silently, while James said a quick thank you to Mr Jenson, and we hurried out.

"Ok, that was the weirdest hour of my life." muttered James as we walked out of the school. "What now?"

I didn't answer. I was slipping back into 'I'm not in the psychotherapists room, I don't need to communicate' mode.

James continued burbling on about nothing in particular, while I just looked around the deserted roads and in the passing cars. Sometimes, I could've sworn I saw him whoosh past, but then I blinked and he was gone again.

"Amy, are you even listening to me?"

I jumped and looked around at him. "Sorry, what?"

"Well at least you're talking now." he muttered, looking at the floor. "I'm worried about you. I mean, I know it's hard but why can't you just tell Mr Jenson how you're feeling?"

I stared at him. "You are kidding right?" I muttered. "What am I meant to say? Am I meant to just come out with it, Xandrell was an alien and was killed by his jealous ex fiancé's army? I'll be lucky if he doesn't just phone for some doctors in white coats to chuck me in the loony bin and give me a jacket that lets me hug myself."

James shifted his shoulders slightly uncomfortably. "I'm not saying tell them... well... you don't exactly have to say that... I mean, that just seems way out there..."

"You don't say." I muttered keeping my eyes on the floor. "It's the truth though isn't it? That's what's so frustrating. The truth is more likely to get me put in a mental home than just keeping my mouth shut is."

James gave a deep sigh, so I looked up at him. "I just wish you could see it from our point of view Amy... I know you're really vulnerable at the moment... and it's almost scary watching you just like withering away. You need us at the moment Amy. You need all of us. We're all here for you, but you never see us there. We can't talk to you. It's impossible to say anything to you when you're like this. Everyone's really worried about you, where you're not opening up to anyone. I mean, you probably haven't even noticed, we were all falling behind on work and stuff, and even now, everyone's worrying. Tasha came to me the other day in tears, so imagine what it's like for me. You're my best friend, Amy."

I blinked at him, not sure what to say, whether to confirm he was my best friend too, or to tell him not to worry. I was slightly taken aback. James never poured his heart out like this. I opened my mouth, but then closed it again. Words just wouldn't come.

"Look." he said as we reached my house. "I'm going to leave you to it for a bit, give you some time alone... I'll come back if you want, but I feel like you need some time to think."

I stood on my doorstep and watched as he wandered down the path and away up the road, before I turned back and unlocked the door. Molly was propped up on the sofa opposite Nathaniel as usual. She held out her podgy little hands for me, but I walked straight by. I couldn't look at Molly in the eye these days. I hadn't been able to since prom. I saw so much of Xandrell in her little face that I just couldn't see her without wanting to do something I knew I'd regret. I wandered up the stairs and shut the door to my room.

"So how's life without me?" muttered a voice behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder. "I think you know as well as I do."

The voice gave a slightly dark chuckle. "Why should I have any idea?"

"Well, you're inside my mind." I said slumping down on my bed. "I mean look, you don't even make a dent in the bedcovers."

Xandrell cocked his head on one side and looked at me with his big dark eyes. "Maybe." he said in his annoying voice.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I whispered, looking back at the floor. "You don't even know how much it hurts me, every day of my life, if you're not there."

I heard him chuckle. "You were the one who said you weren't afraid to keep on living Amy." I looked up at him, and felt myself wanting to recoil. His face had melted again into the awful burnt bloody mess. "You're the one that wanted this." the hiss came from between his gritted teeth. Blood dribbled over his chin as he moved his sore lips.

"I didn't want this!" I cried, feeling, for the first time in weeks, a spark of emotion inside me. For the first time in a long time, I was scared. "I'm afraid Xandrell! I'm afraid! I don't want to go on living, please!"

"You're the one that did this to me!" he hissed as he began to dissolve slowly, his form becoming steadily fainter and fainter. "You killed me, Amy!"

"Amy?!" There was a hammering on the door, and somewhere far away, James' voice shouting at me. I barely heard him.

"I'm scared." I whispered, forcing my eyes closed and immediately wishing I hadn't. Behind my eyelids, he was there, the image was fresh. "I'm afraid to live Xandrell. I'm sorry! I don't want to go on... not without you... don't leave me..."

"I'm coming in, Amy!" yelled James' voice and my eyes snapped open. My lungs hurt as I drew sharp breaths. I felt beads of sweat running down my face.

"Jesus Christ." whispered James staring at me as he pushed the door open. "What in God's name happened to you?"

"He was in here." I croaked.

James blinked at me. "What?"

"He was here..." I whispered, my hand reaching out to where he'd been sitting. "Right here..."

James frowned at me. "Amy... he's definitely gone... you know that don't you."

I nodded slowly. "What happens after we die James?" I asked quietly. "Do we go to heaven? Or is there something else?"

He shook his head at me. "Why are you asking me that? I'm atheist."

"What do you think happens..." I repeated.

He hesitated before looking back at me. "I don't believe there's anything." he said with a slight shrug. "I just think like your dead and buried. What else could there be?"

I looked down at my toes. "I was just wondering... do aliens go to heaven? Where is he now? It scares me thinking that somewhere, he's more alone than he was when he was here..."

James sighed and closed my bedroom door. "You know that gravestone in the churchyard..." he said slowly. "You know the name on it?"

I frowned and looked up at him. "What of it?"

"I think they put the wrong name on it." said James slowly, moving towards me. "They can say Xandrell's gone, but I don't think it really was him that died that night. Let's face it. There's more his spirit here than there is yours Amy."

I was barely aware I was angered by this. I didn't feel myself spring forward. I didn't see my hand fly up. I felt the impact on my hand as it hit his face though. I saw the confusion and fury in his eyes as he looked back at me.

"You asked for it." I muttered, trying to give reason for my action.

"Stupid..." he whispered. "That's what you are. A stupid... human... female..."

I felt my heart jolt in my chest like I'd been given an electric shock. I stared at him. "What?" I whispered, feeling the blood draining from my face. "What did you call me?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I called you what you are... a stupid..."

"Please don't!" I whispered.

"... human..."

"I'm warning you!" I said, my voice getting a little louder as I felt heat rising within me. I wasn't sure if I was angry, or hurting, or what, I just knew I didn't want to hear that last word. "I'll kill you James! Say the word, I'll rip your head off!"

James narrowed his eyes again, his lip curling in some sort of malicious pleasure. "...female..."

I screamed in fury and threw myself at him, I was barely conscious of my hand making contact with his face, all I knew is that every time I hit him, he said the three words again, and every time he said them, I felt that horrible overpowering need to hit him, to hurt him, to make him feel just a tiny fraction of the pain he was putting me through. I was using all the power in me, trying to make him stop. I didn't want to hear those words! I didn't want to hear anything! I wanted him to stop.

"Shut up!" I screamed as I hit him again and again. I could almost feel tears of rage welling up in my eyes.

"For God's sake!" he yelled grabbing my arms and pinning them to my sides. "What's the matter with you?!"

"What do you mean what's the matter with me?!" I screamed back wriggling, trying to get out of his grip. "You're the one that kept saying those words!"

"And that was reason enough to try to kill me was it?" he yelled, louder than James had ever yelled at me. I was so shocked that I stopped struggling and simply stood staring up at him. "Jesus Christ Amy, I'm meant to be your best friend! I was trying to help!"

"What's that on your face?" I said quietly.

He frowned at me, before wiping his cheek on the back of his hand. He frowned at the wet red smear on his hand. "Yeah, you made me bleed. Thanks." he said glaring at me. "You know, all I wanted to do was help. This is the thanks I get? You know what, screw it. You want to be a crazy psycho bitch, you be a crazy psycho bitch!"

As he turned to go, it felt like time had suddenly paused. It could only have been a nanosecond, but it felt like an eternity. I suddenly realised that my hand felt warm and wet and I glanced down to see James's blood spattered over my palm, fragments of his skin and blood under my nails. It suddenly occurred to me that I was taking out at least five weeks of pain on him... my best friend. James was right, when I was in this sort of position, I should be turning to the people that I know love me, and care about me, not trying to kill them. All I had been doing since prom night was push them further and further away. Was I just in pain, or was I becoming a monster?

I moved forwards and grabbed his hand so that he looked around at me. I bit my lip, feeling slightly embarrassed, not totally sure what to say. Finally, I decided I could only say what I really should say. "I'm sorry." I whispered, and I broke down into tears.

I looked at him through my blurred vision, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Uh... Amy, it's ok... it doesn't really hurt at all you know."

"D-Does that matter?" I managed to stutter through my shuddering sobs. "You're my b-best friend, and I'm t-trying to hurt you for trying to help me! I'm so horrible!"

"No you're not!" James told me defiantly, putting his arms around me and hugging me tightly. "You're just... not coping well."

I stood for about a minute, crying, clinging on to him, not wanting to go back to the cold way of life where I stood alone. I needed to know someone else was here. Just for a little longer.

"Are you ok?" he asked after my wails had turned to pathetic sniffles. I nodded into him, not trusting myself to talk in case I began sobbing again. He patted me on the back, comfortingly. "Good." he said after a moment.

"It's just occurred to me..." I said after several moments of silence. "How did you..."

"Know those words would get to you so badly?" James finished my sentence for me. I nodded again. James reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "He told me to give you this, should anything happen to him."

I shook my head at him. "You read something that was for me?"

He blushed a little. "My curiosity got the better of me I'm ashamed to say."

I stared at the paper. "I don't want it." I said defiantly, backing away from it to sit down on my bed. "I don't want anything from him. It'll make me go even crazier!"

James frowned at the letter, then up at me. "Want me to read it to you?"

"No!"

"How about just excerpts, and the poem he wrote for Molly?"

"Not really."

"How about the name at the end of it?"

"I'd rather you didn't."

He took a deep breath, as though he were trying to control his temper. "Ok, fine, I'm reading you the whole thing." he said opening up the paper and clearing his throat authoritatively. "To my sweet beloved Amy..." he muttered, pulling a slightly revolted face as he did.

"Ok, fine, give it here." I sighed holding out my hand. "If you're not going to do it properly, don't do it at all."

James handed me the sheet and I flattened it out to read the message.

'If you are reading this, then I can only assume something has happened to me... most likely, I am home... or maybe gone back to Maleof Stagri... or maybe none of these things and I've just popped down to the shop and you've found this lying on the table from when I quickly scribbled it down. Anyway, for all intensive purposes, let us assume that something has happened to me.

As you can probably tell, I have no experience with writing letters.

I have expected for a while that my people would invade. We can sense it in the air, those sorts of things. It was through fear, and a need to keep you and Molly safe that I tried to distance myself from you for a while, but I know that failed miserably. I don't want to keep pushing you away. Maybe that's the reason I'm so ineffective at it.

First of all, Amy, I want you to know that since we met, you have been my whole life. I cannot think of a single moment, when I've been in your presence when I have not felt safe, and complete. Even when I knew I annoyed you, or the fact that sometimes you treated James and Charlie with more friendliness than you did, and I thought ever would me. Even when you irritated me back, and I called you a stupid human female, which I knew annoyed you... maybe it was just because you look cute when you're irritated, or maybe I just wanted attention, I don't really know myself.

Secondly, I want you to know that everything that was mine is now yours, including the inheritance of the Lokah crown... however I can only assume that you and Molly will be cut off from the family, and it'll be passed to one of my cousins. I don't know how the line will work in this circumstance. However, the Vederic is yours, and the little money that you parents gave me as allowance. It's a rather pitiful inheritance, I must say, so I apologise for that.

Thirdly I have always noticed, Amy, that you are incredibly emotional, however much you insist you're not. If something has happened to me, then God forbid it, you'll probably cry. On Maleof Stagri, we believe that when we go home, we experience what some of your people would call heaven. Essentially paradise for each individual. It's different for everyone and everything, depending on what the person would enjoy doing in life. However, I am straying from the point. If something does happen to me, I don't want you to cry your life away. Yes, I may well be gone, but Amy, you are still there. You're still alive. And you need to enjoy every second that you are in your life. After all, think about how quickly it could be over, hence why I have written this letter. If it happens, that I do go, I want you to do the living for both of us.

There is little more I could say to make this situation any better. Don't be sad when I go. Just know that I will always love you, no matter where I am, and I will not blame you for anything that happens to me. It'll not be your fault! I'd like to think that maybe, from time to time, you'll spare me a thought. Maybe, look at the sky, and think that maybe there's a star up there, that's shining a little brighter because of you. But if that makes you sad, then don't. I want you to be happy Amy. And I want Molly to be happy too.

I'm so glad that I met you. I love you more than anything or anyone in the whole universe.

Xandrell'

I read and re-read the letter several times before looking up at James. "You read this?"

He nodded. "I was nearly sick at certain points, but yeah, I read it."

I sat back a little, the words going around in my head. "He doesn't blame me." I whispered. I closed my eyes for a second before opening them again, expecting to see his melted burnt face... but there was nothing... there was just the back of my eyelids.

I looked back up at James. "And there was something for Molly?" I said slowly.

"Yeah." he said, rooting around in his pocket and pulling out another piece of paper.

"Did you read that too?"

He blushed a little. "Might have."

I rolled my eyes and took the piece of paper from him. "Is this another one that you nearly retched at?"

He frowned. "If it had been for anyone else, then possibly..." he shrugged. "...but considering it was for his daughter..."

He trailed off, whether for dramatic effect, or because he just didn't know what to say, I didn't know. I frowned at him before opening up the piece of paper.

It's been barely two weeks since you finally came,
Yet it's possible you'll never know my name.
And my heart breaks when I know it is true,
And I ponder on what I won't see you do.
Will I see you ride a bike? Will I hear when you sing?
Will I see your first tooth? Will I see you wear a ring?
When you take your first steps, will I be there?
When you go out one evening, will I compliment your hair?
Will I comfort you when you break your favourite toy?
Will I tell you not to go after another boy?
Will I ever see your splodgy works of art?
Will I hold you when someone breaks your heart?
Will I tell you not to chase the latest fad?
Will I be able to hold you when you are sad?
Will I watch you run off on your first day of school?
Will you annoy me when you break all the rules?
Will I ever tell you to wipe away the excess makeup?
At your wedding, will I be raising a champagne cup?
Will I drive you crazy and make you mad?
Am I going to be there to be your dad?

Even though I'm not there, if you ever feel blue,
Just remember sweetheart, that Daddy loves you.

I stared at the poem for several moments, and it was only when James held out a tissue box for me that I realised I was crying. Really, five weeks of nothing, and now I flipping weep fest. I'd never even thought about what we'd miss out with Molly if something happened to either of us...

... what we'd miss out with Molly...

I paused and looked up as I realised... how long had it been since I'd gone to Molly and cuddled her close, and let her know she was loved. She'd been alive for about seven weeks, five of which, she had been effectively parentless.

"I don't think he'd have wanted you to be moping like this."

I looked around at James. He'd sat down on the bed beside me. I'd almost forgotten he was there. "I daresay he wouldn't. But life isn't everything what we want it to be. We want world peace, but there are still people who would want to kill everyone. We want aliens to little green men in flying saucers, but I mean, look at what's happened."

James paused and frowned at the floor for a moment. "In my opinion, aliens are like strip teases."

I stared at him. "What?"

"Well everyone's seen one, but very few admit to it."

I frowned at him. "Any particular reason you said that?"

He shrugged again. "I thought it might make you smile."

I blinked, totally straight faced. "By likening aliens to strip teases James? Jesus."

He sniggered. "Sorry." he muttered. "You used to laugh at things like that."

I looked at him... I had used to be like that... "Do you think about those days often?" I asked.

He frowned. "What?"

"Like... the time before Xandrell came..." I said slowly. "Do you ever wish I'd not gone out on my bike that evening, and never met him... do you ever think maybe it would have been better?"

James frowned at me, before looking at his knees. "Actually, I don't think it would. I mean, Amy, before everything that happened at prom... he... he changed you. You weren't the same ultra happy girl you were like five years ago, but you weren't unhappy and quiet and, you know a bit weird, like you were after that prick destroyed you. You were so happy, you were always smiling. You were always happy to see us, because you thought that Xandrell was like the raw end of the deal really didn't you? I miss that Amy you know. We all do. We miss your smile. You don't need him to be that person again. In fact, if you don't want to, you don't have to be that person again. I just want my best friend back."

Slowly he got to his feet and made his way towards the door before looking back at me. "You know the school concert is next week. Tasha says she's pulling herself out. You can still go on if you want... I'll leave you to it then, shall I?"

I looked up at him. "I don't think I will..." I said slowly.

He frowned. "Will what?"

"The concert." I said with a shrug. "Don't think I'll do it..."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I don't think I can sing the old song..." I said looking down at my toes. "I don't feel the words anymore... I just don't think I have it in me to sing just yet. I just... I wouldn't really feel it, you know."

He cocked his head on one side and gave me a little smile. "Some of the best songs in the world don't have words you know, Amy."

I sighed before looking up at him and giving him the best smile I could muster. It was a bit pathetic really.

He chuckled. "Keep practising." he said with a grin.

I nodded once, before moving across the room and wrapping my arms around him. He seemed slightly startled at first and tried to take a step back, before sighing and hugging me back. "I really should go."

"Feeling a bit unmanly with all the emotions flying around?" I muttered, trying to smile.

He shrugged. "Sure lets go with that." he muttered, before smiling at me and raising his hand in farewell and closing my bedroom door.

I stood in the middle of the room, frowning after him, trying to think. I closed my eyes again, experimenting. There was nothing there... I opened my eyes, frowning. Had all of my grief from the past five weeks all been a result of guilt? Had I unconsciously been taking on the full burden of his death on my conscience?

My hand somewhat instinctively reached up to my keyboard, as it always did when I felt a need to vent my feelings. I thought of him, and of all the good times we'd shared, all the times he'd made me laugh, the times he'd irritated me, all the times he held me, the times when he had teased me, and I'd teased him...

I heard a familiar tune and glanced down at my fingers. They froze and the music stopped. I frowned and concentrated on Xandrell again. My fingers began instinctively moving and his sweet lullaby filled the room once again. Suddenly, I could vividly hear his voice, so close, singing the words I'd heard him whisper when he held me in his arms the night he...

I quickly moved my fingers from the keyboard, but his voice wouldn't go away. His soft, sweet, gentle voice. I felt a pang in my chest. It was strange hearing his voice now it wasn't scathing and harsh. I felt my eyes sting, and a lump swelling in my throat. I suddenly wanted to be near the only thing that reminded me of him more than anything else.

I leapt across the room, yanked the door open and sprinted away down the stairs into the front room where Molly was lying on the play mat burbling to Nathaniel. I scooped her up and held her close.

"I'm sorry Molly!" I whispered, feeling tears beginning to spurt down my cheeks as I hugged my baby close to me. "I'm so, so sorry."

She looked up at me, her emerald eyes full of understanding, before she gently touched the side of my face. "It's ok Mummy." she whispered. "Everything's ok."

When my teacher, Mr Barber, asked whether I'd like to pull out like Tasha, I'd shocked my friends by giving him a definite no. The day of the concert seemed to come around much too quickly. Almost before I realised it, I was sitting at the back of the hall between Tasha and James, waiting for my name to be called.

"So what's this song about?" James asked, as he had several times already this week.

"Uh..." I replied as I had every time this week. "Call it a surprise."

"Is that the title?" asked Tasha, glancing up at me.

I was about to answer when Mr Barber shouted my name from the front of the hall. Tasha gave my hand a squeeze while James patted me on the shoulder and muttered "good luck."

I made my way slightly hesitantly toward the front of the hall. This song, I would have never played before... all I had to go on was the memory of his lullaby... I was screwed. I was basically improvising!

Mr Barber was nattering away to the audience by the time I'd reached the beautiful grand piano that sat at the front of the hall. It was his pride and joy, this piano. I ran my fingers over the weighted ivory keys as I sat down on the piano stool and tried out the pedals. I heard Mr Barber repeat my name and a few people around the hall muttering. I closed my eyes. This was it. This was for Xandrell... my fingers instinctively began to flow over the keys as I thought his name...

I could see his face, with his beautiful dark hair hanging just over his mysterious dark eyes... I could hear his soft, gentle voice whispering in my ear... I could smell the sweetness of his breath drifting up my nostrils, and I felt calm... I could feel a tingling rush over my lips, and the burn deep inside me I felt when he kissed me, and that desperate urge to kiss him back.

I wished he could have really been there, to listen to me play his lullaby. I wished he could have wished me luck as I moved to the front of the room. I wished I could have kissed him for a little bit of courage...

... but too often, life is made up of wishes... wishes which can never be, and eventually we end up wasting our lives chasing a fairytale, being too adamant to stop believing. Wishes and dreams which we hope will make our lives better, when all they really do is bring a certain pain. Maybe it was time to stop believing in fairytales, and wishes coming true... and above all, love. All that love was to me now, was four letters which had broken me down and destroyed me too many times. Had it been me that murdered Xandrell, or love? Because that's all love really is. Something which can take lives, create life, make us do crazy things... it is basically a drug which every person in the universe is naturally addicted to. It is evident everywhere you look. At first, Xandrell had lashed out at people trying to show me they cared. Kaelen attempted to murder me to make Xandrell hers. I had always been jealous of Sophie, Tasha and Lucy for being that much prettier than me, and more able to find someone... maybe our need to be loved sometimes overtakes us, as it had me so many times.

But no... how could that be true? I had so many people who loved me, and cared for me, and it instilled no bitter feelings in me. My family loved me dearly, as did my friends. I had Molly, and in some ways, I still had him. Sometimes, I felt him so close, I had to look over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't still there.

I frowned down at the black and white keys, grinning at me like an old friend smiling toothlessly. It hadn't really occurred to me until now how much of an impact he'd had on my life. James was right. He had made me happy... happier than I'd been in a very long time. He'd brought me Molly... he'd brought me all those memories, like the view from the very top of the oak tree. How many people could say they've seen the sunrise from there? Especially now that there was no magnificent tree to see from the top of... it had only just really occurred to me that I missed him...

I frowned down at my fingers, still caressing the keyboard of the beautiful grand piano. This felt strangely easy all of a sudden. It almost felt like it did all those times before... it felt like the part of me that had been missing wasn't quite there... but it felt lifted, weightless... unusually un-tethered... I felt like I was soaring through fluffy white clouds up towards the sunshine... for once, things didn't seem so bad... for once I felt... free...

... I felt free... for the first time in so long... my knees suddenly ached, in the way they had used to when I felt an unconscious need to go out on my bike. My fingers were moving easier now, elaborating everything I played. I felt wonderful, so suddenly, it was like some sort of miracle.

Finally, I felt myself coming down, leading the song to a natural stop... my fingers held the notes in place and I felt the song swirling around me, floating away... drifting out of the window, and away forever.

The audience clapped politely, more in a way that they were glad the song was over than anything, but at the back of the hall, I heard a small minority applauding like crazy, and I knew it was my friends. I hopped up and dashed to the back of the hall, back to them.

"That was so good!" said Tasha, hugging me as I sat down. "How long did that take you to write?"

"About ten seconds." I muttered a little uncomfortably. "That's the first time I've ever heard that song too... sort of..."

"You made that up on the spot?" hissed James. "Bloody hell Amy!"

There really was little else in the concert. James, Lucy and Lewis did their clarinet trio, which as it turned out by the end was a duet, since Lewis mucked up his part and stomped offstage in a huff, which got a few laughs. The whole concert was over fairly quickly though and time had to be made up with speeches from teachers. It didn't seem like very long before we were back in the music room about ten minutes after the end of the concert.

"This is really the end isn't it?" said Charlie sadly, putting away his saxophone. "I mean, after tonight, and the results... we're off to college... we'll barely talk."

"Of course we will!" said Sophie poking him gently. "Don't be such a big girl's blouse, Charlie." Charlie gave a yelp of laughter before poking Sophie back.

"But he's right..." Ceci muttered as she put her flute case into her bag. "After tonight... when do we see each other again? When will things be like they are now?"

"Well they won't will they?" I said pointedly. "Things are never going to be the same again... we haven't totally realised it but all of this... it's been like living in a dream... we see our best friends every day... we have everything we really want... from September, it won't be like that at all will it?"

"Well of course not." shrugged Tasha. "I mean... you and James turn seventeen then."

"That's just scary." muttered James. "We're old."

"Hmm..." I said slowly. "Well you say you're desperate for us to all stay together. I suggest we just do that. Meet up regularly, do whatever, it'll be a laugh."

They all voiced their agreement, gradually leaving me alone with my thoughts. I slowly began to think about all the good things in my life, like my group of friends for example, always being there to pick me up when I was down, and just to let me be myself. I was lucky having some of the best friends in the whole world... and I had my little Molly too. I had so much to be looking forward to. So much of an adventure ahead of me, which I knew I'd have everyone I cared about beside me on every step of the way...

I glanced out of the window, up at where the stars where winking at me through the dark clouds beginning to drift lazily across the ebony skies... almost everyone...

"maybe there's a star up there, that's shining a little brighter because of you"

I smiled a private little smile. Everyone may have believed he was gone, but I was never going to be alone again was I? Maybe it would be nice though, this way. Maybe it would be comforting to feel like he was always watching over me... maybe it would be slightly creepy... maybe I'd teach Molly to think this way, so she was never alone... maybe I'd keep this secret to myself... maybe I was crazy... maybe I wasn't...

'Maybe...' I found myself thinking. '... just maybe...'