#JustTheStrings

Kabanata 53

I felt like I was losing my mind. Dalawang araw na ang lumipas pero naiisip ko pa rin iyong sinabi ni Saint. And I knew I shouldn't think about it. We're done. He ended us. Dapat hindi na ako nag-iisip ng ganito. It would just end up with me being sucked back into that vortex. Kaya naman bago pa ako mabaliw sa kakaisip, naisipan ko na bumaba.

Pasakay na sana ako sa elevator nung magulat ako nung bumaba galing doon si Parker. Napa-kurap ako. Ilang beses.

"Good morning," he greeted with a smile on his face.

"Uhh... good morning din?"

He raised his hands and showed me a paper bag.

"Brought your breakfast. Kumain ka na ba?"

I shook my head. I couldn't consider cereals as breakfast. I needed rice... something I never appreciated nung sa bahay pa ako nakatira. Hindi man lang ako marunong gumamit ng rice cooker. Pakiramdam ko talaga magugutom ako sa unit na 'to.

"Ano 'yung dala mo?" I dared ask. Recovery Food kasi iyong nakalagay sa hawak niyang paper bag. Pakiramdam ko kailangan ko nang maka-recover sa gutom. Two days na puro cereals and oatmeal lang ang kinain ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit.

"Tapa de morning," he replied.

I felt like my eyes twinkled. Bigla namang natawa si Parker sa reaction ko. Pinapasok ko siya sa unit ko.

"Sorry, I'm not yet done unpacking," I said as I tried to keep things out of his way. I was really done packing. Natapos ko na lahat dahil sumasakit ang ulo ko kapag may kalat. Hindi ko lang talaga naitabi iyong mga ginamit ko kagabi nung nagpaint ako. Sobrang antok ko na kasi.

"You did this?" he asked as he pointed at the canvass that I just finished. I nodded. "You're really good at this," he said, still looking at the painting.

"Uhhh thank you," I replied. I still didn't feel comfortable taking compliments. I never really showed my art to anyone. I used to paint only for myself—whenever I was feeling extreme emotions. I didn't always feel like talking. Sometimes, talking felt overrated so I turned to art to express what I was feeling. It had always been that way since I was younger. Hanggang ngayon, nadala ko pa rin iyon. I really didn't know when I should verbally explain myself. I was more attuned to keeping it all in.

"Wait, I'll get plates for us," I said.

And since I still didn't memorize the unit, I stumbled while finding the missing plates. I couldn't believe I had been living here for a few days at hindi ko man lang alam kung nasaan ang mga plato! But Mama shouldn't know about this dahil sigurado ako na papapuntahin niya si Manang para samahan ako.

"There you are," I said. Nasa taas na cabinet iyong mga plato. Tumingkayad ako para maabot ko siya pero masyadong mataas. I was trying to reach for it nung—

Hala siya.

"There," Parker said as he reached for the plates. While I was in between his arms. And he was standing too close. I could feel him behind me. Nahigit ko iyong hininga ko. He was really too effing close. "Why are your plates there? Ang taas masyado," he commented. He didn't even notice that I was close to being frozen dahil sa posisyon namin!

I awkwardly smiled as he gave me the plates.

"Thank you."

He just smiled. Knock it off, Imo! Ano bang nangyayari sa akin lately?! I should really have a one on one talk with myself kung bakit ako nagkaka-ganito kapag nandito si Parker. Pakiramdam ko talaga ay dahil 'to kina Kuya, e. Masyado nila akong tinutukso na may pagnanasa daw ako kay Parker.

Naupo kami sa carpet while eating.

"Bakit ka nga pala nandito?" I asked.

"I'll teach you how to drive today, remember?"

Napaawang iyong bibig ko.

"Oo nga pala..."

"You forgot?"

I awkwardly smiled and nodded.

"I was busy with the whole moving thing and my new degree. It slipped my mind," I explained. "But hindi ka ba busy ngayon?"

"It's alright."

"Pero busy ka nga?"

"Medyo."

"Hala. Nakaka-guilty naman."

He smiled.

"Okay lang," he said. "I allotted 3 hours with you today. After that, I'd read my case digests and review codals."

Iyon pa lang iyong sinabi niya pero pakiramdam ko, ang dami na niyang ginagawa. How could he manage to make time for me kung ganito siya ka-busy? I really couldn't understand the new Parker. He was still the same in some ways... but also, he's different. And though I hated to admit it, I liked the new Parker. I liked him mature. I like him when he's serious about his future.

Auntie Kach asked me to look after Parker, and I was glad it all turned out fine. Kahit na parang hindi maayos dati, in the end, it worked out well.

"Parker..."

"Hmm?"

"Hindi ka ba nagsisisi na naglaw ka?" Napatingin siya sa akin. "Kasi 'di ba, hindi mo naman 'yan gusto dati?"

I just had to know. What changed his mind. What caused this 360 degree change in him.

"Things change, Imo. I only learned to appreciate law when my mom died... Kasi ganon 'yun, 'di ba? You'll only realize the importance of something once you lost it?" he said, staring directly at me.

Napaawang na lang iyong labi ko. I knew I shouldn't have asked that question.

Pagbaba namin, pumunta na agad kami sa basement para hanapin ang sasakyan ko. I still had no idea what my parents got me. I just knew it was a BMW based on the key fob. Kaya pagdating namin sa basement, I clicked on the fob and then the car alerted.

"That's my car!" I said, almost jumping in my spot. Napa-tingin sa akin si Parker at napatawa. I smiled wider. "Let's go get my car!"

I almost ran hanggang makarating ako sa sasakyan ko. It was a dark gray BMW and it looked sleek. I was glad my parents didn't get me a girly car!

"It's pretty," I said in awe.

"Yes, it's beautiful."

I was about to nod in approval nung mapansin ko na sa akin naka-tingin si Parker. Agad ako na nag-iwas ng tingin. I still didn't feel comfortable when he's like this. I wished he'd tone down whatever he was doing. I already made myself clear that I could only offer friendship. Hindi naman kasi porke tapos na kami ni Saint and somehow I was already over him, ready na ako na magkaroon ng boyfriend ulit. I wanted to enjoy life without depending my happiness on anyone.

At saka masama na bang maging single ngayon? Dapat ba may lalaki palagi?

Pagpasok namin sa sasakyan, si Parker muna sa driver's seat dahil hindi naman ako marunong pa.

"I'd rather we use another car for practice," he said as we were buckling up.

"Pangit ba 'to?" I asked, worried.

"No, it's actually really good so I'm afraid you'd crash this car."

Napa-simangot ako.

"Hindi pa nga ako marunong magdrive, na-judge na agad ako."

Natawa naman siya sa akin.

"I'm just saying. Baka mabangga mo 'to. Sayang naman 'yung brand new BMW mo."

I shrugged.

"Then be a good teacher, so that I'd be a good student, right?"

Napailing siya sa akin.

"I don't know what Europe did to you, Imo. I really have no idea."

Parker drove out the car hanggang sa makarating kami sa subdivision namin. Doon kami pumunta sa block na wala pang masyadong mga bahay. Nagpalit kami ng pwesto ni Parker. Agad niyang sinuot iyong seatbelt.

"Nakaka-offend ka naman. Feeling mo ba papatayin kita?"

Tawa lang siya nang tawa. Kanina niya pa ako tinatawanan!

"First step, make sure the car is closed and that you're wearing your seatbelt," sabi niya habang kinakabit ko iyong seatbelt ko.

"Alam ko na 'yun," I replied. "Hindi naman ako tanga para malimutan 'yun."

"I know. I just want to make sure. Baka umaandar iyong sasakyan tapos bukas iyong pinto tapos mahulog siya."

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. He just looked matured, but he's still a bully. Hindi nagbago iyon sa kanya. Mas malala pa 'to kung nandito sila Kuya. Sigurado ako na pagtutulungan nila ako dahil hobby yata nila iyon.

"Next, adjust the car. Ayusin mo 'yung side mirror at saka iyong upuan. At saka abot naman ng legs mo 'yung pedals, 'di ba?"

"Ay grabe ka na! Abot ko!" sabi ko at saka tinapakan ko iyong isang pedal tapos bigla kaming umandar. "Oh, my God!"

Biglang sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Nagpapanic iyong buong sistema ko dahil sa biglang pag-andar. At mas lalong nanlaki iyong mga mata ko nung makita ko na konti na lang ay tatama na kami sa poste sa harap namin. Oh, my God! Tama nga si Mama! Ako ang makakapatay sa sarili ko!

"Step on the brake!" Parker shouted.

"Hindi ko alam!"

"Yung nasa kaliwa!"

"Ano ang kaliwa?!"

"Imogen, you'll kill us both!"

"I know! I'm sorry!" And then Parker did the unimaginable. He dived in and pushed the brake himself. Nanlalaki pa rin iyong mga mata ko. His face was near my— "Oh, my God!"

That was all I could say as his head lie in between my legs. Mapuputulan yata ako ng hininga.

--

Minutes already passed, but I was still in shock. Kahit si Parker ay hindi maka-tingin sa akin. We were both alive, and so was Momo—the name of my car. Pero hindi pa rin ako maka-galaw. I was not shocked because of our near death experience. Mas hindi ako maka-move on sa ginawa ni Parker.

"Well..." I trailed. "Maybe that concludes our driving lesson for the week." I was looking straight ahead while drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. "Let's just continue this next week. I'll just use Uber again."

Kung marunong lang siguro akong pumito, pumito na ako. The silence was driving me crazy. Why was I so stupid? Sa sobrang kaba ko kanina, nalimutan ko na kaliwa nga pala ang Tagalog ng left. I was so ashamed of myself!

"Alright," Parker said. Hindi pa rin siya maka-tingin.

He drove me back to my condo. We awkwardly said goodbye. I wished we'd get over this incident because it's just really crazy! Wala namang may kasalanan sa aming dalawa. It was an accident—cause by me, mainly. He just did what he had to do dahil kung hindi, malamang ay nasa ospital kaming dalawa ngayon!

Umakyat na ako sa taas. I decided to just sleep dahil pasukan na sa isang araw. I needed to get all the rest I could get because I had a feeling that once the classes started, things would start to get crazy.

I did all I had to do and then when I was about to read A Thousand Pieces of You, my phone rang. There was a Facetime request from Kath. I immediately accepted.

"So, I have a news."

"Okay."

"And it's about You-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko.

"Sino 'yun?"

Kath rolled her eyes. "Duh! Si Saint! The ex! The jerk who believed in his best friend!"

Kailan pa naging si Voldemort si Saint? As far as I was concerned, he was Draco Malfoy... and they were both jerks. In different levels. But nice, also. Complex characters.

"So? Gusto mo bang malaman?" Kath asked. She was wearing face mask and her hair was up. Mukha siyang poodle, but I didn't think it was a proper topic.

Umiling ako. "Tapos na kami. Ayoko na pakielaman iyong buhay niya," I honestly said.

"But this is juicy! And I'm sure it will affect you!"

And that only strengthened my resolve. I didn't want anything to do with Saint anymore. Kung nagawa ko ngang pigilan ang sarili ko na tignan ang profile niya para malaman iyong sinasabi nung dalawang babae, I could resist Kath and her gossips. I was done with Saint, and that included news about him.

"Nope. Nada. Zilch. Kaput. Non. Hindi," I recited in different language so that Kath would know the height of my disapproval. "Kath, break na kami ni Saint. Alam mo kung bakit mahirap magmove on iyong ibang mga babae? Kasi kahit hiwalay na sila, nagsstalk pa rin sila sa social media. Trying to know everything there is to know about the ex. E ex na nga, 'di ba? Dapat past na. Paano ka makaka-move on kung bawat post niya, sinusubukan mong i-decode?"

Napaawang iyong labi ni Kath.

"Kaya please, 'wag mo na akong idamay sa fascination mo sa GDL brothers. I had my time, and I'm done with it. Move on, okay?"

Napailing siya.

"I have no idea what Europe did to you."

Hindi ko rin alam... but one thing's for sure. I learned to love and appreciate myself. Without needing anyone's approval and validation.

--

When Tuesday came, I woke up early. I took a bath and carefully planned what I was going to wear. I wanted to dress for myself. I wanted to feel good. I was going to claim that today's going to be a great day.

I ate my light breakfast. Sa school na lang ako kakain ulit dahil sigurado naman ako na magugutom ako agad. I grabbed my art stash. I was thinking of getting two of everything. Isa dito sa unit ko at isa na titira sa trunk ng sasakyan ko dahil nakakatamad kung dadalhin ko pabalik-balik, e, nasa 19th floor ako. Iniisip ko pa lang ay nahihirapan na ako.

Sa weekend pa naman ulit ako tuturuan ni Parker. Magtitiis muna ako sa Uber ng isang linggo... At sana naman ay okay na kami ni Parker sa weekend. Ayoko talaga na awkward pa rin kami... kahit sobrang awkward naman talaga ng nangyari.

I was holding my bag and sketch pad on one hand, my art stash on the other. Isinara ko na iyong pintuan ko at maglalakad na sana ako papunta sa elevator nung may magsalita sa likuran ko.

"Need help?"

Bigla akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko. Holy heavens. I knew that voice. Humarap ako. And there he was.

"Good morning," he said, getting things from me.

"A-ano'ng ginagawa mo rito?"

He smiled. My chest heaved.

"I just bought the unit next door. I'm your neighbor."

Napaawang iyong labi ko.

"You're kidding, right?" sabi ko habang napatingin sa katabi kong unit. The last time I knew, it was vacant! Paano'ng nabili niya?! And how did he know that I was living here?! Did Finley sell me out?!

Umiling siya.

"I'm going to win you back, Mary. By all means, I'm going to have you in my life again."