I can't do it anymore... I just can't... it's getting too hard to hide... especially since the family is still being sweet to me... they make me feel even more depressed because of how happy they are...

They tell me how happy they are that I'm with them... they say that I am such a sweet girl... they don't even see how badly this depression is eating me up inside. I have problems sleeping at night and I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore.

I tell myself that it's because of him... I tell myself that if I forget him, this will go away. I can't keep lying to myself... it isn't fair to me or to them... I said that he needed to just wait but I think the waiting may be over...

I found a knife... I haven't used it in any way yet, but I'm tempted to use it right here and right now...

I wish I could go to someone to tell them how I'm feeling...