I've been debating what I should do for the past two days... I've become even more depressed that I'm concerned that it is showing...

The pain is even harder to bear... it's almost like I can't breath. I'm scared that if I tell someone, that they'll be mad that I'm not happy. I'm scared that they won't understand. I've gotten to a point where it's hard to get up in the mornings. it's hard for me to put on this act that I have had the whole time I've been here...

These people have been telling my to just wait as well but they've been saying those two words for a different reason... they tell me that they have a surprise for me... I had hoped that it would come soon because I'm worried that I can't make it more than a few days. I keep asking when it will come, but they just keep saying, "Just wait."

I wish I could just wait.