For six hours today I was with:
A 13-year-old boy
An Autistic 12-year-old boy
C (11)
E (9)
And an 8-year-old girl with mutism
A Staffordshire Terrier
A 16-week-old English bulldog

1. So right at first it was just C, E, and I. And C is kind of a high-stress individual. He can't stand clutter or dishes in the sink. It actually gives him major anxiety.

He said to his sister and me, "Try to avoid using dishes—it's paper and plastic or nothing, guys."

Then when he finally had the house clean to his liking, he said, "See, E, when people are coming over you have to set up the environment. Then when there's a mess, it's the guest's fault."

2. Then when all the kids got there it was major chaos and noise for hours. I drove the two girls just up the street to get something and we observed a big package on the front porch. When we got back a few minutes later, it had been ripped open and the boys were upstairs screaming and slamming each other onto the wrestling mat.

Me: *yelling up the stairs* DID YOU OPEN THE PACKAGE?

C: Yeah, it's a new wrestling mat! It said "sports mats" on the box so we opened it!

Me: Don't you think that's a Christmas gift?!

13-year-old: THANK YOU! That's what I said!!!

*Momentary pause*

C: It was M's (12-year-old) idea!!

Then all the boys got in this chaotic panic, that resulted in C calling his mom and saying, "Hey, we got this big, long package. Do you want me to open it?" When he got off the phone, he reported that his mom said, "No, it's not for you. It's something for dad. Leave it alone." (Proof it was his Christmas gift.)

All three of the boys ended up stuffing the mat back into the box and taping it back up, then arguing over whether it looked tampered with. E was trying to make things better and saying, "We could say we didn't know it was a Christmas gift."

C: Oh yeah, it says "sports mats" on the box. I take wrestling and you take gymnastics. But we had nooo idea it was anything for us. *gestures like his mind was blowing*

So finally they got it fixed and then one of the boys said, "Guys, wait, they won't be home for hours. Why didn't we play with it for awhile and THEN pack it back up?" They all realized their "mistake" and were disappointed but decided it was too risky to reopen the box.

3. C and E's mom had pizza and cheese bread delivered to the house, and literally all five kids, but especially the boys, descended like vultures, and by the time I got my plate there was one piece of cheese bread left.

Me: Really? You left ONE piece?

12-year-old: Be glad we left any!

C: Um, excuse me? YOU be glad you got any because that's my dad's money that bought that cheese bread.

4. The 13-year-old was obsessed with the dogs and wanted to bring the puppy upstairs.

C: Um no. He'll pee everywhere.

13-year-old: I'll take care of him!

C: "I'll take care of him?" That's what you say to your parents when you're begging for a pet, not to your friend when you want to break his house rules.

5. Then at one point they were playing sardines and two of the kids were in the shower, and I found them and joined them (yes I was playing) and then C came in.

12-year-old: Quick! Get in the shower with us!

C: GET IN THE SHOWER WITH YOU? DO YOU REALIZE HOW WRONG THAT SOUNDS? DUDE?!

Then somehow that led to all the boys talking and C started saying, "My average pee is around fifteen seconds but one time I drank so much water it literally took me two minutes and I was like this" and he mimed waiting impatiently. And followed that up with, "Another time, it took me so long to poop I watched an entire 30-minute Netflix episode on my phone."

The 13-year-old said, "The average person spends three years of their life in the bathroom, THREE YEARS!" And was looking from the boys to me.

C said, "THREE YEARS?!" and he looked straight at me and said, "Did you hear that? A WEEK would be long! A MONTH would be long! But THREE YEARS?"

6. This is shorter than the others but E changed her pants/shorts twice and then during hide and seek I found her under the bed in red Christmas pajama pants and a tropical-color summer tank top.

Me: Did you change again?

E: Yeah. I always go through a lot of styles to get my fashionable look. But I think this one will stick. *Flipped her hair*

That's all I can remember for tonight and anyway this is getting enormously long.