Sadelle

"Good afternoon," I greeted as I faced the woman from yesterday.

I had to go back to this book cafe after my one afternoon class as I needed to inquire about it. Well, I'm not really fazed about whatever's written in this book. However, this has got to be the most awkward day I've had in my life.

She turned to look at me after she finished arranging something behind her. "Ay, good afternoon, Ma'am," she replied with a hint of surprise. Her face shows recognition of who I am.

I nodded at her and raised the book. "Miss, there's annotations written in this book. I would like to have a refund for it," I mentioned.

Obviously, I was late to class last night. Kung hindi ba naman ako minamalas kahapon, napansin pa ng lahat na huli akong pumasok sa room. They were even in the middle of a quiz when I went inside. To make matters worse, the professor didn't allow me to take the quiz because I was tardy. I didn't really mind it. Last night was like a fever dream I refuse to acknowledge materialized in reality.

"Ah...yes po, Ma'am. Pupuwede ko po ba itanong bakit niyo gustong ipa-refund?" takang tanong n'ong babae sa akin.

Lizzy didn't talk to me the whole time last night. I went to her after class and wanted to clarify the scene she did here in the cafe last night but I was ignored. I could even pass as a ghost with how driven she was by ignoring me. She wouldn't even throw a single stare in my direction.

Ridiculous.

All because I disagreed with her last night? She's ending the friendship over that? What was all that monologue about not treating her as a proper friend? I'm her best friend, aren't I? How is it making sense for me not to treat her right when I'm supposedly the best of all her friends? That's why we're best friends in the first place, we understand each other best.

What nonsense is she giving me right now?

May tumikhim sa harap ko. "Excuse me po, Ma'am, bakit niyo po pala gustong magpa-refund?"

I blinked as I tried to push my thoughts out of my mind. "There's annotations in it." I answered shortly.

Panandaliang natahimik ang babae sa harap ko at binigyan ako nang naguguluhang tingin. It's as if I said something so absurd. "Uh...tawagin ko lang po yung may-ari para kayo na lang po mag-usap, Ma'am..."

"Okay," I replied and went back to my thoughts.

Today was no better as for all our classes, Lizzy never tried to interact with me. Seems like she's even running her own teleserye as our blockmates were curious why she didn't sit beside me. Goodness. What are we, a loveteam going through a rough patch and our fans crying to all the gods and goddesses out there to save our relationship?

Parang ewan. If she didn't like what I said, she could've just told me. It won't even take more than a minute.

"Good afternoon, what's your concern?" the owner, the one Lizzy interacted with from last night, asked as she went to the counter.

The woman was behind her.

I nodded at her. "Good afternoon. I would like to have a refund for this book, Ma'am."

"May I ask why?"

"It has annotations in it. I was under the impression I had bought a used book without writings."

She nodded at me, understanding my concern. "Oh, that's unfortunate. Actually, all our secondhand books here have annotations. I find that it makes it more personal for the customer to buy a book and also read the thoughts of its previous owner. Makes it feel like two unrelated people have a connection through a book," she answered, letting me know of their policy in her cafe.

You buy a book to read the book itself. If I wanted to read other people's personal thoughts, I would've bought a diary. Isn't this common sense? Daming arte ng mga tao sa mundo. Nakakairita.

In the end, I just gave her a short nod. Bakit ko pa kakalabanin 'to, eh, ito yung may-ari?

"Oh, I didn't know. Thank you for clarifying," was all I could reply to her.

She smiled at me and turned to the cashier behind and talked to her about something before looking in my direction.

"Cy, ba't mag-isa ka?"

"Ask your annoying friend. Sabi ko susunduin ko tapos umaayaw. Bahala siya d'on," an irritated voice of a woman from behind spoke and I saw the owner go in the voice's direction.

I turned around and saw both of them talking about whether their CCTV's already fixed and other stuff I don't really care about. I walked ahead of these two women and headed out of the cafe.

My best friend's not talking to me, and I'm stuck with a good-for-nothing book. In all honesty, I have no plans of going back to this book cafe. If I just had another place to go to, I would not even imagine going back here. What am I going to do with all those books?

Smell them? Bond with them?

I still have my sanity intact, so I'm more than sure not going to be seen spending time in a place surrounded by books. Yet, compared to people's invasive stares, the books do give an advantage. They're just there. Boring things consisting of matter which sometimes lands awards.

I looked at the book and scrunched my face. "Guess I'm stuck with you," I couldn't help but mutter.

Wala akong makausap kanina. Well, I'm not much of a talker myself but I talk to Lizzy...and she wasn't talking to me earlier. Complete deadma. Hindi pa nakatulong na ang blockmates namin ay parang may sumpang ayaw baliin na hindi rin ako kinakausap. Well, the latter doesn't really bother me. I doubt I'd hear anything sensible out of their mouths, anyway.

The thing is...I don't like the looks they're giving me. Looking at us like they want to prey on our current situation and add more fire to it. The whole morning was just unbearable for me. I had to pretend I was reading this nonsensical book when I was just flipping through its pages mindlessly. People still continued looking at me but at least something caught my attention, the annotations I see while flipping through the pages. That gave me an exit to do something out of their radar. Lizzy's told me this a lot of times before, that other people find me confusing.

Confusing being the nicer term she likes to go for instead of difficult. I know what people think of me and that's fine with me. That's exactly my point, for people of their kind to stay away from me. Stupidity is already spread out in this world, I wouldn't want to waste time befriending them.

One stupid person is enough, two is an abomination. A group of stupid people is just a clown circus at this point.

I decided to go to the library since I have nowhere else to go. Besides, I decided I'd just do an advanced reading for General Chemistry. Malamig din naman sa library, hindi na ako lugi. When I finally reached the library and went up to the second floor, I immediately found a free space near the window.

I placed the book I bought last night on the table and stared at it for a few seconds. "Who would even publish this kind of book?" I uttered to myself as I placed it inside my bag and took my Gen Chem book out and went to the part of the book we're about to discuss.

Friday came and it was already two days since that out-of-character scenario Lizzy did at the cafe. To no one's surprise, I still wasn't talking to anyone. I throw occasional stares at Lizzy just to see if she's looking at me, but the girl acts like she's in a battle with Medusa - staring directly is forbidden. This is completely foolish. What am I, some kind of forbidden apple from the Tree of Life?

"Pupuwedeng maki-share ng table? Wala na kasing ibang free space, eh," a petite woman asked me when I was having lunch in the campus cafeteria.

I stopped midway from eating my lunch which I bought from one of the stalls in our university. I'm having shawarma rice modified to suit Filipino cuisine and my water tumbler beside my food.

Scanning the area, I turned to look at the woman in front of me. She seems like an upperclassman. "Hindi."

"W-What?"

I raised my left brow at her. "Bingi?"

She tilted her head to the side, in disbelief of what she heard from me. She even blinked a few times. "Excuse me?"

I placed my utensils down and looked at her straight in the eye. "So, you're not deaf. Are you perhaps stupid? I already said no, that means you're not allowed to share with me."

Before she could even respond, a guy went near her and her face lightened up. Kakilala niya yata. Whatever. He mentioned something to her and she looked in a certain direction before smiling.

"Tara," the guy said and I happened to look at his face.

He shot me and the table I'm in a quick look. His brows furrowed a bit and his stare lingered a bit on my face.

I raised my brow at him. What are you still looking at? Leave with your girlfriend and give me some peace.

Hindi ako nagtagal sa cafeteria at matapos ang ilang minuto ay tumayo ako't tinapon ang lalagyan ng pinagkainan ko. My next class is not until 6PM tonight. I still have a long free time and I'm dreading it.

Shall I go home and come back to the university somewhere around 5PM?

Ah, seriously. I'm really getting annoyed at Lizzy. She's disrupting my schedule because of her act right now. If our professor didn't tell us he would be an hour late two days ago, then we wouldn't have gone to that book cafe. Hence, if we never went there, she would've never blabbered that much and we wouldn't be having whatever situation this is right now.

In the end, I decided to stay at the library. I was hoping to pass my time there until 6PM but after almost an hour of staying, I got bored so I decided I'll just go home and come back later.

Hindi naman ako natagalang makauwi. It isn't rush hour yet. Kahit na nasa uptown ang bahay namin, nasa kuwarenta minutos lang ang itinagal ng sinakyan ko bago nakarating sa harap ng subdivision namin. Kapag gabi, madalas kasi akong abutan ng isang oras o higit pa dahil maraming tao ang nakapila para makasakay at dahil na rin sa traffic.

"Magandang hapon, Ma'am," one of the security guards greeted me and flashed a smile. I only gave a small nod in return.

There's a carpool that goes around the subdivision since it's quite big. It's like having subdivisions within one big subdivision. That's why I always ride to our subdivision and then walk to our house.

As soon as I saw a carpool pass by, I hailed for it to come my way. Agad akong sumakay papasok. Then, when it reached my subdivision, I gave the driver my payment and got off. Pinapasok ako ng guard dahil kilala na nila kung sino'ng mga nakatira dito, at sino ang mga bumibisita lang.

When I reached our house, I opened the gate and saw that our car's not in the garage. Well, my mom always brings her car to work. That's a no brainer. Baka mamayang gabi pa 'yon umuwi. I closed the gate afterwards and got my keys from my bag before getting in the house.

My mom and I live in a two-storey house. We have ample space for one car in the garage, a small garden in front of the house. We don't really have a lot of plants. Magkatulad kami ni Mama na hindi magaling mag-alaga ng halaman. Tama na iyong damo lang. The house isn't that big and on the inside, the interior is mostly minimalist with a mixture of white and gray colors. Ayaw ni Mama ng masyadong maraming gamit. Makalat daw. Ako, kuwarto ko lang naman ang hilig kong tambayan.

I relaxed myself in the living room for a bit after turning the lights on. I opened my bag and saw this sorry-looking book again.

"Who in their right minds would publish a book...looking so dull?" I couldn't help but talk to myself. I threw it on the space beside me and reached for the remote on the center table in front of me.

I started switching channels, trying to see which one might entice me while waiting for my next class later tonight. To my demise, it felt like I was doomed. Nothing was entertaining. I turned the TV off and decided to take a nap instead and was about to go to my bedroom when I realized I might be too lazy to go out later. I decided to stay in the living room and tried to take a nap. Clearly, no matter what I do, none of these things seem to be working in my favor.

Kahit simpleng pag-idlip hindi ko pa magawa. Ano ba.

I tried to see if I was hungry so that I could have some snacks but I wasn't feeling the slightest bit of hunger inside me. Out of options, I noticed the book again.

I squinted at it. "Opposite Mirrors," I read its title.

Wow. This is how bored I am.

I reached for the book and noticed something at the bottom part of the cover. The name Yon Gallare is written. Is this person the author? His name is as boring as his book.

Oh, well. Here goes nothing.

I turned to the first page of the book and was met with a short dedication:

to writing,
a hobby i'm bold enough to have but coward enough to show

Is this guy in his right mind? If he's scared of showing it, then why publish it? I can't even comprehend how these people's minds work. The lack of common sense is becoming increasingly concerning nowadays.

Then, I noticed something written in black ink just a few spaces below.

What good is people's fascination at my supposed greatness when it's only for chosen things?

I really don't understand annotations. What are you replying for? Does this look like a message box to you which the author can leave on read and give a reply?

Flipping through the next page, I saw a short description of what the story was about. Apparently, it's a rhetorical idea of whether or not people are walking contradictions or are we just mirroring one another.

The first chapter starts with a guy fighting with someone. They seem to be in the main character's house. The scenario starts simple with two characters relaxing in the living room and then it escalates to a fight. The main character, Ulan, doesn't seem to like what his friend was saying about a certain political issue and they start to have a conversation about it. Ulan tries to be understanding of his friend, but towards the end of the chapter, he just loses it. He can't comprehend the apathy of his so-called friend and decides he can't take it anymore.

Morality has always been a gray issue, his friend says, but Ulan begs to differ. Morality is synonymous with one's character. It's not something that dissociates itself. The character serves as its host as morality serves as its compass.

With no proper host, the compass itself can't find direction.

As his friend leaves, Ulan furiously goes to his room and slams the door. Bearing uncontrollable anger, he punches the mirror.

I shifted on my seat as I reached the last page of the first chapter. I see another note written in black ink at the last part: Anger isn't the opposite of tranquil. Anger stems from pride. It's the evolution of one's ego without heed for comprehension. Anger, therefore, comes from the disruption of tranquility.

The next chapter surprises me. When Ulan punches and cracks the mirror, he opens up a portal. He sees himself in the mirror, but it's not him. It's an alternate of who he is in another universe.

"Holy..." surprisingly, I was curious what would happen next.

Ulan starts talking to his other self in the mirror. The author describes it in a way that makes it seem as if they're opposites as the Ulan from this world seems to have a lot of issues with how he lives out his principles in life and the Ulan from the mirror seems to be the person whose seemingly perfected the way of interacting with people and still maintaining the totality of his principles.

Ulan talks about how frustrating it is to connect with people but still feel as if they don't understand you. He says it feels like people see you, but don't look at you. You are the vast ocean but people keep on staying in boats, avoidant of immersing themselves in your depth - unfolding the waves of your consciousness.

'You see, our perceptions are like glass. What we see may be inverted but that's not the issue. Like a glass, we magnify our vision. We focus on what we want to see. Say, this mirror, it's broken but you don't seem to be fazed by it. I seem to have your attention rather than the crack you see right in front of you,' the Ulan from the mirror says.

The Ulan of this world replies. 'Are you saying I'm one-sided? That I refuse to see other people's beliefs and just focus on my own?'

'Ah, now that is a perception. See, that's where its beauty and destruction lies. For rational beings capable of deeper intellect and holistic interaction, why do people love to categorize things so much? Why does it have to be this or that? Can't it possibly be both this and that?'

'Then that's being neutral. You can't form an idea from not actually having a side. Like the mirror, it can't possibly be both broken and whole at the same time.'

'What makes it broken? What makes it whole? You see me, don't you? Doesn't that mean it's whole in a sense?'

Their conversation went on with understanding how our perception sets our analysis of things. They further discuss how if the truth is absolute, why do we like to rationalize which ones we accept in this world. The Creator is real because people believe in Him and at the same time, religion comes from the presence of an Almighty. With that, faith predetermines religion and without the former, would the latter even have been conceptualized?

Why are atheists thought to be lacking faith when not believing in a Creator is still faith in the non-existence of someone or something?

Towards the end of the chapter, I saw another annotation.

Are opposites really the loss of the other? Or is it the denial of another? Is light the absence of dark, or the denial of its presence? What constitutes our emotions? Is it just the rise of our feelings, or does it also involve what we see in our surroundings?

Takot ka ba dahil nararamdaman mong takot ka? O, takot ka ba dahil nakikita mong maraming natatakot sa paligid mo? Magaling ka ba dahil walang nakakatalo sa'yo? O, magaling ka ba dahil walang nag-isip tumalo sa'yo?

I continued reading some more until I realized that I haven't checked my phone in a long time. Kinuha ko ang phone ko sa loob ng bag at tiningnan ang oras. Gulat ako nang makitang 5PM na pala.

Goodness. I'm going to be late! I just hope there's no traffic yet...

I seem to not learn from past events these days because as hopeful as I was, I still arrived at school late. The plan is still to go to class but I'm not going to stress about it anymore. Instead, I'll just walk. Besides, no matter what I do I'm already late. Things seem to keep on surprising me right now because I found myself getting Opposite Mirrors from my bag. It's like my hands have a life of their own and it's telling me to continue reading.

Our class is at SC 308. Sucks for me, I passed at the entrance from the SEC Mall. Iikot pa ako papuntang Science Center. Or, since I'm already late, I might pass at the Aggies building na lang. Besides, the two buildings are connected. So, I went with my idea while still holding the book. Nasa may third floor na ako palipat papuntang Science Center nang matigil ako at tiningnan saglit ang libro para malaman kung saang pahina ako natigil.

"Ano'ng sabi ng mga taga-CSG? Approved na ba?" a feminine voice spoke but I couldn't see who it was.

They were on the other side of the stairs and I heard them approaching.

"May pinapabago ulit sila sa budget proposal. Mahuhuli na tayo sa sched nito, eh," another voice spoke. It was a man's voice.

"Sige, 'san tayo magme-meeting? ABC? Malakas wi-fi d'on," another guy spoke.

"Huwag. Kakabukas lang n'on, marami pang tao pumupunta. Baka wala pa tayong makuhang space. Hi-Beans na lang muna tayo..." another voice of a woman spoke.

The three agreed with her and I saw them coming my way. The light in the staircase was already on so it wasn't dark and I could clearly see their faces. One of the two women's faces turned sour when she saw me. I saw her let out an exasperated sigh as she passed by me.

The other three she was with became silent when they saw me, as if they knew me or something. The guy at the back even stared directly at me and at the book I'm holding.

Sino ba 'tong mga 'to?

Wala kayong karapatan tumingin sa akin.

I raised my brow at the guy again before my gaze lingered on them even as they walked downstairs and left my sight. Why do the two of them look familiar?

Oh, right!

That woman was the one from lunch earlier. What is with her? Has she still not moved on from it? Lunch time's been over for hours. That guy she was with earlier...this is the second time he gave me that same look.

Is he a robot or something? He stares at people weirdly.

I shrugged the thought off of my mind and checked the page I stopped reading earlier, placed it inside my bag, and went inside the lecture room.

"Mariano, you're late again," our professor mentioned as soon as he saw me entering the classroom.

I nodded in his direction. "I apologize, Sir. This will not happen again." I replied as I looked at Lizzy sitting in the second row with an empty chair beside her.

She's still not looking in my direction as she talks to the other person beside her. I carried on and sat two rows behind before our professor went back with his discussion.

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