Sadelle

The next day, I was already at the university before 7:30 AM. We have NSTP every Saturday and it's for three hours because we only meet once a week. I swear, I hate that freshmen college students can't choose their own class schedules. Why must we leave that to the department dean?

"Class dismissed. Goodbye, class," and after a long time, I can finally taste my long yearned freedom. We stood up and bid our teacher goodbye before students started leaving the room.

I heard an eruption of laughter from the front row, the one where Lizzy was sitting with her blockmate barkadas. They were talking about something funny one of our blockmates did earlier. "Kidding aside," the girl beside her spoke. "Sumali ka na, Liz, please..."

"Well...nahihiya ako, eh."

"Sige na. Mag-audition ka for Miss Intramurals. Mananalo ang ArtScies kapag ikaw naging rep natin. You're smart, active, pretty, and kind. Besides, a lot of people know you here at XU," the same girl replied to her and looked at our other blockmates behind her. "Hindi ba, guys?"

"Yup. Try mo lang. Wala naman mawawala..." one of them, a guy, encouraged.

The two other blockmates of ours, a guy and a girl, agreed with the previous statement.

Lizzy smiled, feeling flattered by their encouragement. "No na lang. I don't know what I'm going to do rin naman. Besides, they usually choose the juniors and seniors..." she protested.

"Still, just try! For experience na rin. Sige na, today ang last day of auditions," pag-uusig ng isa pang babae nilang kasama.

She was silent for a few seconds, deciding whether she'd give in to what our blockmates were saying. Her face lit up a little. "Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try..."

"Yes, girl! Let's go, auditions are held at the Faber Room," the first girl mentioned and they prepared to leave the room when Lizzy noticed me staring at them.

From a mixed state of happiness and excitement, Lizzy's expression hardened. Walang emosyon niya akong binigyan ako nang tingin. I gave the same intensity of her gaze at me. Makalipas ang ilang segundo, humupa ang tawanan ng mga kasama niya.

"Liz, aalis na ba tayo?"

That seemed to break her piercing stare at me and she turned to look at them, regaining her smile from earlier. "Yeah, let's go."

They were already close to the door when I spoke. "Lizzy."

She turned to my direction and let out a small sigh before giving her friends a quick glance. "Guys, una na muna kayo. I'll catch up. I promise," she suggested as our four other blockmates left us in the room, all their stares at me a combination of judgment and confusion.

"Sadelle, I'm only going to say this once more, do not talk to me ever again. What I said at the cafe last Wednesday, I meant every word of it." Like a lioness, she preyed with her purpose of speaking to me right away.

My brows unconsciously furrowed as I heard what she said. "All because I disagreed with you? Ano ka, bata?"

She blinked a few times, flabbergasted by my statement. Her circular doll-like eyes almost doubled its size, as she later on raised her soft-angled eyebrows at me. Her oval-shaped angelic face with a middle-bridged nose, prominent and wide cheekbones, and bow-shaped lips all formed the pissed expression of the girl in front of me now.

"I disagreed with you?" she queried as she ran through her hands on her black layered bob hair. "Sang...I don't even know where to begin," she placed her handbag on the chair close to her as she walked closer to my direction, her tall and medium-sized body frame walking towards me. "You always disagree with me. Always. Parang lahat ng gagawin ko, kakaibiganin ko, gusto kong subukan...lahat may sinasabi ka. You don't like this because it's so pretentious, you hate that because it's so pathetic. Everything doesn't reach your standard. Everyone is so annoying and stupid since they're not you. And..." she paused for a while, letting out a bitter laugh in the end. "I'm the one who disagreed with you? Ako yung umastang parang bata?"

Now, I was the one flabbergasted by everything she mentioned. She stood there, waiting for my reply, as the rays of the sun hit her olive-colored skin through the windows.

"What the hell are you talking about? I just said that it's not that deep. It's not rare for friends to have a business together. Then, you got all that from what I said? Where's all of this coming from?"

She shook her head at me. "See," she started as if showing me something visible to the naked eye. "you never get my point, Sang. The main issue isn't even about what happened at the book cafe. It's your treatment of me! Sang naman, best friends tayo pero bakit parang 'di ko ramdam? In fact, parang hanggang ngayon kailangan ko pang ipunin ang respeto mo bilang kaibigan ko. Nagtataka na nga ako kung best friend ba talaga tingin mo sa'kin o sidekick?" her emotions riling up as she continues with her speech.

"Of course, you're my best friend! Wouldn't you have realized that by now, given that we've been in this friendship for five years already?" I shot back at her.

"That's the thing!" Lizzy's patience broke and she raised her voice at me, enough to envelop the whole room but not loud enough to disrupt the whole floor. "Sang, we're best friends. You don't have to ask me to defend you because I'll do it on my own. You don't have to ask me to stay with you because I would choose to stay by your side. I just wish I'd been given the same kind of treatment. I'm not sure if I was really your best friend, or out of everyone, I'm just the one you tolerated the most, that's why you spent most of your time with me. Lots of people ask me, now and even before, why we're best friends. They're so curious why I always put you first and I always said it's because you're my best friend. Siguro ang pinakamasakit dito, pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa ko, saka ko lang napagtantong second choice lang pala ako ng best friend ko..."

Her eyes look moist. She tried to stare straight at my eyes but couldn't do so, resorting to giving all her might staring in another direction except me.

At a loss for words, I couldn't even think of what to say. Paano ko naman siya naging second choice? She's the only one I consider my friend!

"Ling..." before I could even finish what I was about to say, she interrupted me and gave one deep sigh.

She turned around, grabbed her bag, and faced me again. "For my sanity, please don't ever talk to me again, Sang," she pleaded with a tone that demanded much desperation before leaving me alone in the room.

I went out of the room and saw a glimpse of her back as she was walking through the ramp going to the second floor. We were on the third floor of the Aggies building for our NSTP class.

Our conversation didn't clear anything up for me. Truthfully speaking, it sparked more confusion. That's how she felt during our whole friendship? I didn't try to make her feel that way? And if she actually believes that I was treating her like a second choice, why didn't she say anything to me? Parang...lahat kasalanan ko.

I hoisted my backpack onto my shoulders and decided to pass through the ramp. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own as the next thing I knew, I was passing by the CSG office. Just a few steps away from it is the Faber Room. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I decided to check out the auditions happening at the moment.

Hindi ganoon karaming tao ang nasa loob ng Faber Room pero mahahalata mong may nangyayari sa loob. Probably because it's the last day of auditions, as I heard earlier. I decided to check around the back door and not their front door since I thought it would be more obvious of me doing so.

The room is huge and wide, it's divided into three different parts used by three different colleges. We also have private rooms for each college council under Arts and Sciences by the passageway behind, but the Faber Room seems to have become a second tambayan for the ArtScies students involved in extracurricular activities. Near the exit door, I see a wide table with three students sitting behind, there are piles of papers in front of the right-most student. There are chairs designed in the side of the room adjacent to one another. By the door, I see some students peeking at the students auditioning. There was sufficient space for me to see what was going on inside without being noticed by the people from the room right away.

"Okay, Lizzy Sarmiento. Nandito ka ba?" the guy in the middle asked. He was between two girls.

I heard Lizzy speak from the inside. "Yes, I'm here," she informed them of her presence.

The girl from the left-most seat replied. "State your name, age, program, and which college you belong to."

Lizzy gave her bag to one of our blockmates as she stood in front of them, behind the table, making me see part of her back. "I'm Lizzy Sarmiento. Eighteen years of age, a freshman of the BS Biology program. I'm from the college of Arts and Sciences." She said as she started the audition.

The three students interviewed her some more. They made her do some poses, asked a few more questions and then later on, discussed privately amongst the three of them. While I was still looking at what's happening, I saw someone come out of a passageway from my peripheral vision and head straight inside the room.

"Guys, remember, hanggang 12NN lang tayo ngayon. Wala nang auditions sa hapon, okay? May meeting pa tayo mamaya sa college gimmick para sa Intrams..." I heard him remind the three students as his wide back and tall frame took my attention.

"Yes po, kuya Yuan. Malapit na rin po kaming matapos. Mga dalawang auditionees na lang po natitira."

"Good. And Leila, give me the files of today's auditionees later during the meeting. We're going to have a final deliberation," he added as he heard the three students agree with him. He turned around and greeted some students by the door.

"Uy, Yuan, busy ah..." one of the guys by the door said and high-fived him.

He chuckled. "Sakto lang," his short reply made the guy laugh.

"Lakas ng vice president! Takbo kang president next year, ah," sagot ng isa pang lalaki na tinawanan niya lang bago bumalik sa pinanggalingan niya kanina.

I caught a glimpse of his side profile and realized that he looked familiar. I just can't remember why he looks familiar. Ah, whatever. It's not important. I won't rack my brain for futile reasons like this.

I decided not to stay any longer and went down the stairs. Pagbaba ko, nasa likurang parte ako ng cafeteria dahil konektado lang naman ang mga building dito sa university. Deciding to go inside the restroom in front of me, I checked my phone to see what time it is.

11:10 AM.

Still too early to have lunch.

I placed my phone inside my left pocket and fixed my hair in front of the mirror. My hair length has always been a few inches past my shoulder. It's been that long ever since I can remember. I don't like having really short or long hair. The former seems too bitin, while the latter is just excess usage of shampoo. The perfect length for me is just in the middle. Long enough to tie it in a pony tail and short enough that once loosened, I don't get burdened by the heat.

Compared to Lizzy, I have a lighter complexion. I always feel like a standout radish next to her. She has this natural brightness that draws people in, but I tend to give the opposite charm. She smiles, I grimace. Her doll-like eyes are the opposite to my hooded eyes. My naturally arched eyebrows make it seem as if I'm always judging people, which for the most part, I am. I have a high nose bridge which my mom says I got from my dad but I don't really remember his face as I was still too young when I last saw him. I got my mom's prominent jaw, thick lips, and square-shaped face. My face is more angular compared to that of Lizzy's. She gives more of a soft image, and I tend to appear more intimidating with my strong features. I also have a small scar by the side of my left eye.

Given that I don't like doing physical activities, I have a slender figure. Well, I have body strength, it's just as clear as daylight that I'm not an athlete. I'm close to Lizzy in terms of our height, she's probably just an inch or two taller than me. We're both tall, and that's why she usually gets invited to join modeling gigs, pageants, and competitions. She would invite me to join her but I'd always opt out. I never saw the importance of those things. It was a waste of time. She, on the other hand, thought of the opposite as she enjoyed interacting with people and just being out there...seen by everyone.

"Saan tayo kakain ng lunch?" my thoughts were interrupted as two girls entered the restroom.

I gave my reflection one last look as I went out of the comfort room and got my phone from my pocket. Five minutes have already passed. Deciding to place it inside my bag, I made my way to the field. The field isn't really my favorite tambayan but I didn't feel like going to the library. Since it was a weekend, I didn't see a lot of students. There were a few students towards the end of the field but it seems like they were having a photoshoot session as someone kept on posing. I looked at which roofed benches were free and I saw one near the Faber Hall. It was on the other side and I still had to walk by the sideway.

"Fine, wala namang tao..." I whispered to myself as I walked my way to the free bench. While walking, I passed by some students having their lunch or just talking with one another by the benches.

When I reached the spot, I placed my backpack on the table and sat down. I decided to continue reading Opposite Mirrors and went to the last page I read yesterday.

The story continues with Ulan falling asleep at nighttime and waking up during the wee hours of the night and going to the mirror again.

'If I'm really you from a different universe, does that mean we're the same person?' Ulan of this world asks sometime during the middle of their conversation.

Him in the mirror shrugs. 'That depends, do we have the same world?' he asks Ulan.

'Rhetorically, let's say we have the same world. Are we the same person, then?' Ulan queries the second time.

There was a short period of silence. 'What constitutes things being the same? We could both have the same world but different experiences. We could also have the same experiences, but different mindsets. Further, we could have the same experiences but different intensities. There are lots of possibilities, really...'

'So...you and me, we're not actually the same?'

'How are we so different when you are me in this world, and I'm you in a different world?'

Their conversation goes on about how we define our similarities and how we push our differences. Someone may be this kind of person, but you're that kind of person. You guys are different, hence there should be a distinction. Kapag hindi mo gusto ang ginagawa ng isang tao, mali siya at hinding-hindi mo siya magiging katulad. The barrier is built high just to protect yourself from this idea that someone's disparity is in no way an affiliation with you.

At the end of the chapter, another annotation is written: People love to categorize themselves so much, and then hate this distinction they created for themselves. If white is opposite to black, why does the darkness transition to the light? Why do we like to separate two things that are bound to each other? Does opposition mean one thing being right and the other being wrong? Is opposition the removal of an option? Rather, is it the limitation of people and ideas?

Are people two sides of a coin? Or a head-and-tails situation in which you toss and shout which side you want to be in?

I continued reading more chapters of the story. There isn't much action happening in here, but for some reason, I can't seem to put it down. More surprisingly, I can't help but be more curious about how this ends the more I read it. It's awakening a thought I never imagined would interest me in my life.

Who was the previous owner of this book?

If people are two sides of a coin, does it mean we're both good and bad? Perhaps, there's just good people and then bad people? Considering this analogy, if I analyze the truth, is it both a reality and a lie? Ibig bang sabihin nito may mga katotohanang totoo para sa'yo, pero peke para sa iba? Katotohanan pa rin ba ang tawag diyan?

This book is giving me a headache. I feel like I'm dissecting some sort of puzzle with no answers. It's like I'm being given an assignment for a book review when all I wanted to do was relax. Yet, all these annotations I read are making me think.

I placed the book down and stared at the middle of nowhere. My mind shifted to my conversation with Lizzy earlier. She said I treated her like a second choice. She did everything for me, but I always took her for granted.

Was I a bad friend, then? Yet, I considered her my only friend. How would my supposed terrible treatment of her be justified? Why would I want to drive out the only friend I have?

There's just one side to this: she chose to end our friendship. She wanted to do nothing with me anymore. Hindi niya na ako kailangan sa buhay niya. Pinagmumukha niya lang na kasalanan ko. This is pointless. Just thinking about all this is making me want to laugh at myself for how foolish the whole situation is.

Nang mag-isang oras na akong nakatambay, naisipan kong umalis at kumain na ng tanghalian. Natigil ako sa kalagitnaan ng libro. I decided to eat home since there's no reason for me to have lunch here at the university. I have no class later.

I got home at half past one in the afternoon. "Oh, you're home," salubong ni Mama pagbukas ko ng pinto.

I shut the door and gave her a nod. "Yeah. Ano po'ng ulam?"

My mom pointed to a paper bag with a print from a well-known local fast food chain. "This one. Tinamad akong magluto, kaya nag-order ako ng delivery," she explained.

I placed my backpack on the sofa and headed towards the dining table. My mom stood when I sat down. "Sadelle, pakitapon na lang 'to pagkatapos mo kumain," she uttered, talking about the container of the food. "I have to go to work in a few minutes. I have an urgent meeting today."

Nilabas ko ang pagkain ko bago kinuha ang lalagyan nang pinagkainan niya para iligpit.

"Yes, Ma," I agreed.

I grabbed my utensils from the kitchen before settling on the dining table. My mom was walking around, doing her own business before going up, grabbing her handbag, and then going down again. "I have to leave. Call me if anything happens," she says her usual line to me.

I nod, not looking at her. "Will do. Bye!" the next thing I heard was the door shutting behind her as I continued eating my lunch.

About a minute later, I heard the door open once again. "Sadelle, pa-sara ng gate, please." Mom requested.

I stood up, walked outside, and saw that the gate was already open. My mom's car was already turned on. The driver's seat was open and she pointed the gate at me before going inside. I nodded at her and waited at the side before I saw her driving backwards out of our garage and then leaving.

Isinara ko ang gate pagkatapos noon at bumalik sa pag-kain ng tanghalian.

Nothing much happened the whole weekend and like a snap, it was already another week. Monday na ulit.

Thankfully, I only have one class for today and it starts in the afternoon. I woke up at 10 AM today. Kind of wish this was an online class since it's just one class for the day but I'm good with going out, too. I could use the sunlight since I'm not a big fan of the outdoors.

This time, I prepared early to go to school. I decided to wear white long sleeves, a calf-length black skirt, and black Mary Jane shoes. For today, I decided to wear a white tote bag with my essentials. I decided to bring the book with me as I may want to read it after class.

As a final touch, I decided to wear a simple white headband and complete my look.

I arrived at our room and saw that some of my blockmates were already there. I saw Lizzy in the front row again with the same people from last Saturday. I sensed that they felt awkward when they saw me enter the room.

Oh, please. I don't have the plague with me. Isa pa, hindi kayo si Lizzy so huwag kayong ma-drama na parang kasali kayo diyan.

I made my way two rows behind them and sat near the window. Goodness. How fast does an hour and a half pass?

Not long after, our professor for Wika, Kultura, at Lipunan arrived and she started teaching us about today's lesson. In the middle of the class, she gave us an activity related to what she taught. The whole time, I only had one thought while we were having the class.

I needed to know who was the previous owner of the book.

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