Sadelle

Having decided to go on a search for the previous owner, I was determined to finish the book. It's surprising how this book piqued the corners of my mind. This feels like entering a room full of radium but one wonder ignites - that being Marie Sklodowska Curie. It's weird how this book gets me questioning things, but I like having this kind of curiosity. This feels satisfying, in a sense.

Aligning with time, I felt like class finished faster today. Not that I'm complaining, I'd take a wow-it's-already-over class than a when-is-this-going-to-end class any day.

"Guys, check niyo messages niyo later ah. Para we can start conceptualizing na for the group assignment," one of my girl blockmates reminded.

She's my groupmate in an assignment we have for Fil 40. The presentation's scheduled next week and since we're the third group, I'm not agitated about finishing our assignment right away. Who knows, baka hindi kami maabutan ng oras next week?

My groupmates agreed with her. I just gave a small nod when she glanced at me.

I'm not really the type to volunteer for leadership positions. I already have my hands full with me, why would I still take responsibility for leading others? I'm not some life coach or something. Kaya na nila 'yan.

"Sige. Thanks, guys. Finalize na rin natin mamaya ang parts ng bawat isa..." aniya at isa-isa kaming nagsi-alisan pagkatapos.

I headed straight to the roofed bench I went to last Saturday. It was in an open space, but not crowded. I love that kind of polarity. Lizzy and her friends left class earlier. Just thinking about her and that I'm-your-second-choice fiasco she brought up is already making me go in a fume.

See, this is why I hate people. Untrustworthy beings. Making you feel the opposite when they just want an easy way out. To think I spent five - almost six - years of friendship with her! What a waste of my years.

This book, on the contrary, is something more deserving of my time. Pagdating ko sa bukana ng field, nakita kong may nakatambay nang mga estudyante doon. That made me choose another place to tambay. I'm not really the biggest fan of interacting with other people. I decided to go check the library but there were a lot of people to my liking.

Suddenly getting hungry, I decided it would be a good idea to stop by the cafeteria for a while. From the library, naglakad ako pabalik sa cafeteria ng campus. Malapit lang din naman. Madadaanan ko ang university church at nakita ko rin ang iilang mga estudyanteng nagdadasal sa loob. When I reached the cafeteria, I scanned the whole area - looking for what I want to eat. Naglakad pa ako sa kabilang dako nang wala akong makitang gusto kong kainin.

Finally, I saw a stall selling shaved ice desserts. I placed my things on the empty table in front.

"Hija, ano'ng sa'yo?" the woman vendor welcomed me as I stood in front of her.

I looked at the options she has at the top of the stall, the photos are plastered over there. "One Mais Con Yelo, Ate," I responded. "With extra corn."

"O, sige," she answered and told me how much I have to pay. I opened my wallet and handed her a one-hundred peso bill.

She gave me my change and I sat down while waiting for her to finish. There aren't lots of students in the cafeteria. I mean, I see others having their late lunch, making tambay with their friends, or just deciding to stay here for a while to pass the time. It's not as crowded as it usually is, similar to lunch time.

I took the book out of my bag and went on to read it again. The book isn't really thick, it's somewhere around 300 pages. By the middle part of the book, I already encountered the unfolding of the story's conflict.

Ulan's mirror self talks about the order of things and how there is a specific distinction to these orders. As a portal opens, the balance gets disrupted. Then, it dawned on this world's Ulan. Him in the mirror was talking about their situation: they have disrupted the balance between their worlds. By the knowledge of one's existence, the blissful ignorance was shattered.

'What are you trying to say? What do you mean by the balance getting disrupted?' Ulan asks, still confused by everything he's hearing.

'What do you think weighing scales are made for?' He replied, ignoring Ulan's question with another question. Ulan creases his brows. 'To weigh things?'

'What happens when you try to weigh things on a weighing scale?'

'You try to balance them, in order for the scale on both sides to be equal,' Ulan answers as he pauses after.

Ulan forms a thought in his mind, then looks at himself in the mirror and asks: 'Do you mean...something has to be removed in order to restore balance?'

'That depends on your perception of removal. How do we know things are out of our life? Is it because we see them move out of our lives? Or does it start with the belief of separating yourself from them?' Silence embraces the room.

'What happens if nothing gets changed? If you don't try to restore the balance?' Ulan of this world queries, adamant to know the consequences of such choices.

Him in the mirror's eyebrows raise. 'Well, what happens when you've had too much of something?'

'You burst...but how much time do you still have left to change things?'

Him in the mirror smiles. 'It's contradictory hearing both time and change together in one sentence. I guess that's an opposition that has existed since time immemorial. You never notice how much time you have until you're pressured to make changes, and you never know how much change can occur in certain durations of time.'

'Meaning?'

'People don't usually realize the wealth they have with time, but when something happens that changes the trajectory of their life, they usually ask to be given more time. A little more time to fully experience what they've wasted over the years. Then, when they get accustomed to these changes and want to keep having them, they barely notice time moving on. You focus too much on your changes, you lose track of how you spend your time.'

'There's probably a compromise for that, right?'

'The thing with time is it helps make sense of the world we live in. How do we actually know at which point of time we are in? Time is everywhere: from the past, to the present, and the future. How do we even know what constitutes this time?'

'You're saying time is a concept, then? Something humans created to help them live in this world. To make sense of everything we experience and categorize our situations. Riding on that belief, are we under an illusion?'

Ulan's mirror self takes a deep sigh. He seems entertained by the thought of Ulan from this world heavily interacting with the realities of time and change but not actually realizing the depth of these two.

'Let me put it this way, for a world which runs on the productivity of its people, time is of an essence. Time, in this world, is synonymous to worth. Excessiveness makes people take you for granted, and inadequacy makes them chase you.'

'In that case, you're talking about time being an asset. It's a resource you can use for and against you. How does change enter the picture?'

'Change and time, contradictory as they may be, actually hold more in relation to one another. Change begins once you take more control of your time, and time becomes more valued once you evaluate the changes you go through. Does this mean they both belong in a finite box? Can you put limitations on time and change?'

Towards the end of the chapter, both of them realize what this means for them. In every action, there will always be a reaction. One touch can create a ripple effect. For balance to be restored, someone will cease to exist. The question here is...what changes should and would occur to trigger that situation and how much time do they have?

Again, I read the annotation at the end: If time is an illusion, why do people pressure themselves with a timeline? Yet, if it exists, why do people waste their time with misaligned priorities? The same goes for change. If it's needed in our lives, why do people fear it? If it's something we have to go through, why do we try to postpone its coming?

Do we fear the unknown? Perhaps, do we try to control things to our preferred reality? What do these changes we encounter in our lives mean?

I guess only time will tell...

Someone cleared his throat beside me. "Excuse me, Miss," a deep and stern voice brought me back to the noise of the campus cafeteria.

I blinked a few times and looked at the direction where the voice was coming from. I saw a tall guy hovering over me. His stare felt like they were poking needles on my skin. "Order mo. Kanina ka pa tinatawag ni Ate, 'di ka nakikinig," he informed and extended his left hand holding my order closer to me.

I looked at the vendor behind me and I saw her interacting with another student and didn't notice me looking at her. Then, I returned my gaze back at the guy. Closing the book, I got my Mais Con Yelo from him.

"Thank you..." I replied with the Mais Con Yelo in my hand.

He nodded at me, his black, slightly wavy, mullet hair brushed by the gentle breeze of the wind as we were close to an open space with gazebos behind. His thick round brows as if making themselves known paired with his black deep-set eyes. The middle bridge of his nose seems to match well with his seemingly well-sculpted philtrum down to his wide lips. I noticed the prominence of his jawline as he had a rectangular face shape. He looks approachable, but stern at the same time.

Giving me a curious look, I noticed his honey-skinned tone with the natural light coming from behind him. I also noticed the band-aid he has on his left cheek. My gaze shifted from his face down to his arms and to his hands before seeing that he's holding another Mais Con Yelo.

Napalitan ng pagtataka ang ekspresyon ko. "Yes? I already have my Mais Con Yelo, thank you," I told him as I slightly raised it.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa hawak na Mais Con Yelo, bago bumalik ang tingin sa akin. "Akin 'to, Miss. Magkatulad lang tayo ng binili..."

I raised my brow at him and nodded, looking in a different direction afterwards. I started mixing my Mais Con Yelo.

However, he was still standing beside me. I raised my gaze at him. "Do you need anything?"

He shook his head and pointed to the book with his free hand. "Is that yours?"

I looked at the book, and then returned my gaze to him. I gave a small nod, not understanding why he's asking if it's mine. Obviously, dumbass, it's mine. Kita mong nandito sa table ko, 'di ba?

"Yeah, it's with me, isn't it?"

He nodded, a hint of a smirk visible on his face. "Okay," he retorted before leaving my table and heading to the exit going to the back of the cafeteria.

My gaze followed his back until I lost sight of him turning to the staircase at the left.

"What a flake," I told myself before I took a spoonful of my order.

I decided to leave the campus after having a short snack. Might probably finish reading this book at home. Hence, I left the university and went to the place where we wait for jeepneys. It was almost four in the afternoon and there wasn't much traffic yet. It's like the calm before the storm, you need to take advantage of this moment before it becomes a battlefield of commuters here.

Hindi ako natagalan maghintay ng masasakyan. Just less than ten minutes of waiting, a jeepney arrived and I was able to have my ride. I sat somewhere in the middle and a few minutes later, the jeep left and started its route.

I arrived home before 5 P.M. When the clock struck five, I was already in my casual house clothes and in my slippers. Mom isn't home yet. She usually comes home around 8-10 P.M. on weekdays. If she's extra busy, she sometimes comes home at midnight. During weekends, she's usually home by 6 P.M. not unless she has an urgent meeting to attend to. I think Sunday's the only day she stays at home the whole day.

We let each other do our own thing. Mom...enjoys spending her time working. I never really tried changing that as this was the set-up I grew up with. Hindi naman ako pinapabayaan ni Mama, pero nasanay na akong halos wala siya rito sa bahay. I learned to do household chores at an early age because of that. She doesn't leave me in the dark and not do things for me. I guess it just naturally happens when you're mostly on your own.

I never really remember how things were when my dad was still around. I only have a few memories of him, and the ones I have are slowly becoming more vague. He died when I was in preschool. I'm not really sure if there was much difference from our life back then when he was still alive compared to now, with only me and my mom present.

Before getting back to reading, I cooked dinner for me and my mom first. I decided to cook Adobong Manok for tonight. It didn't take me long as I'm used to cooking this dish already. This is actually my favorite Filipino dish.

After placing a mesh food cover on our viand, I made sure to check if I turned the rice cooker off. I cooked enough rice for me and my mom until tomorrow morning. I didn't have to cook a lot since we're not big eaters.

It was already ten past six when I finished. Since I wasn't feeling hungry yet, I decided to go up to my room and stay there for a while. Mamaya na ako kakain.

My room isn't that big but it seems spacious. I like it that way. I don't like having lots of things. It makes the room look messy for me. My room only has my bed, a study table and chair, wardrobe, and my vanity table in it. I have one small window in the room. Even if I don't like going outside, I like having a bright environment. Hence, my room's interior design is all white, with a touch of a few earthy colors.

I took the book from my bag and relaxed on my bed. The story continues with Ulan and himself in the mirror discussing the disruption of their world's balance. They keep on talking about how they'll fix the issue of one of them leaving their world. Things escalate in the story, and Ulan's mirror self steps into this world. The tension arises as only one of them can continue existing in this world.

Then, as I continued reading towards the end, I reached the dreadful point both characters have discussed in the earlier parts.

One of them leaves this world.

Ulan pushes Ulan back into the mirror and a blinding light appears, it's like everything became distorted and then, things started to make sense later on. Both of them were covering their eyes from the impact of the light as slowly the broken pieces of the mirror started to become whole once again. Ulan is pushed away from the mirror and slowly opens his eyes, seeing his reflection in the mirror.

He's wearing the same clothes he wore the first time he met himself in the mirror. He looked exactly the same, but something about him felt different. Confused, he scanned his vision around his whole room and saw that everything was the same.

What happened to his other self? Did they succeed? Were they able to restore the balance? What happens now? Does he just go on with his day and pretend nothing ever happened?

He opened the door of his room and heard someone knocking at his front door. Going down, he checked to see who it was and saw that it was a friend who he had an argument from before visiting.

'Why are you here?' he asked upon opening the door.

His friend laughed at him. 'We're going to watch a movie, remember?'

This was disturbingly familiar.

The friend enters and sits on his couch. Ulan, still confused, remained looking at his friend from the door. His friend motioned for him to close the door so they could watch the movie already.

As they start watching the movie, Ulan was still baffled about everything happening at the moment. This was the same day as before! It's like he's experiencing the same day twice. Only something feels different about him now, he just can't pinpoint what it is exactly. This feels like a second day for him to go-through his choices of a situation that already happened.

'You see, in this movie, I think the end justifies the means. I mean, sometimes, there will be casualties involved but if it's for the greater good, it's all worth it, right?'

Ulan looks at his friend and realizes what change he has been feeling. It dawns on him: no two days are alike, even if it's the same day.

Finally, I read the annotation below: The world is an opposition, but people themselves are a puzzle to solve too. We find our own kind confusing, when we can't even distinguish who we are. Yet, in every maze, one thing present is direction. Confusion, enlightenment, and even apathy all have direction. The difference lies in the state in which each direction goes. The main point here is you are the host. The compass of your life lies in which direction you take. In every decision of doing something, and even choosing not to do it, is a direction you take. The compass helps, but it'll never move unless you take your own step.

I got interrupted when I heard the gate open from downstairs. Just in time for when I reached the last page of the book. Leaving the book on my bed, I came down to greet my mom.

No one else would come visit the house, so it's obviously my mom. I opened the front door and saw her parking the car. Lumabas ako para isara ang gate sa likod.

"Did you already have dinner?" tanong ni Mama pagbaba niya ng sasakyan.

That's when I realized I didn't have dinner yet. Speaking of, what time is it now?

I shook my head. "Hindi pa po, Ma."

Her eyes widened a bit. "Really? 10PM na. Nagluto ka na ba?"

I nodded at her.

"Good to know. Kumain ka na ng dinner, sa labas na ako kumain kanina kasi may dinner meeting kami..."

I gave my mom another nod and followed her inside the house. She went up straight to her room and I was left in the kitchen. I started setting the table before having my own dinner.

After dinner, I washed the utensils I used and covered the viand before placing it inside the refrigerator. I also made sure to check the rice and wipe the kitchen table before going back to my room. Upon entering my room, I checked my phone on the bedside table and saw that I had a lot of notifications from a messaging application.

I read the headline of the group message: Fil 40 Assignment - Group 3.

As it turns out, I was the only one who wasn't able to reply in our group while the others started finalizing their parts and how we'll go with our assignment. The leader mentioned me and assigned me a certain part since I was the only one not replying.

I sent my message to the group:

Okay. Will do my part.

Then, I placed my phone on the bedside table again and got my laptop from my study table. Giving one last look to the book, I decided to start my search for who was the previous owner.

How do I find out who owned it before me? I thought to myself for a moment before realizing the answer.

"Good afternoon," salubong ko sa clerk nitong book cafe.

I saw the woman arranging something from behind the counter. When she turned to look at who greeted her, she was slightly surprised to see me. Parang lagi 'tong nagugulat pag nakikita ako, ah.

"Ay, good afternoon, Ma'am."

It suddenly felt like a déjà vu when I raised my book to show her my purpose.

"I want to know who was the previous owner of this book," I replied, determined to complete my search.

Since it's Tuesday today, my class ends at 4:30PM. Same as yesterday, but I only have one class every Monday. I had three classes today. I was in my PE uniform as I had PE class this afternoon.

The woman behind the counter nodded at me, looking dumbfounded by what I said.

"Uh, teka lang po, Ma'am, tawagin ko lang po yung may-ari," she told me as she went to the cafe area and a few seconds later, I saw her following behind the owner.

The owner, dressed in a light pink, flowy dress with white sandals gave me a knowing smile. "Hi, it's you again. How may I help you?"

I showed her the book. "I'd like to know who was the previous owner of this book..."

She looked at the book in my hands and then asked to take it. "Please wait for a while, I'll check it in our records."

I waited by the counter for a few minutes. Medyo natagalan pa nga ang paghihintay ko at nakaramdam na ako ng inip bago ko nakita ang may-ari na lumabas ng storage room. She gave me a short smile before motioning for me to wait a little more as she checked on their computer behind the counter.

"Miss," she called my attention as she looked at me. "I apologize for this inconvenience but the book isn't recorded in our inventory. I don't see any information about this book, or the owner who gave it to our café." She explained and called the clerk to come closer.

I looked at them as they were having a conversation about the book. The owner was asking the clerk how much she sold the book for and the clerk answered that she just followed the price range of the other books in its category since she couldn't find any price tag. Then, the owner looked at me.

"Miss, may I ask when you bought this book?"

I cleared my throat. "Last Wednesday, October 13."

She nodded at me and started searching for something on the computer again. Then, giving up, she returned to me.

"Sorry for waiting, I really couldn't find any information on this book," she sounded disappointed and confused at the same time.

I just nodded at her and replied: "That's fine. Thank you," before turning back and leaving the book café.

Now, what do I do? As it turns out, there's no information about this book or who was its previous owner. Will I still search about it on the internet? What will I even search about?

This is a bummer.

Kung kailan naman may librong nagkaroon ako ng interes, halos wala pa akong malaman tungkol doon. May nanloloko ba sa akin?

I stared at the book some more before deciding to search about it at the school library. I know it's a reach but whatever, I'll push my luck. Pag-angat ko ng tingin sa dadaanan ko, bigla akong may nabangga.

"Aw!" I exclaimed as I felt the intensity of the collision.

Sino ba 'tong tanga na 'di marunong tumingin sa dinadaanan niya?

"Sorry, Miss," a familiar deep and stern voice spoke.

I looked at him and realized that it was the guy from yesterday! Seriously. How small is Cagayan de Oro? It's only the second day of the week and I've already seen him on both days. What nonsense is this?

Annoyed, I gave him a piercing look. "What are you, an idiot? The road's wide enough, watch where you're going."

He looked at me for a few more seconds before nodding, seemingly disinterested with what I just said.

"Yeah, sorry," he replied as he hastily walked past me.

I rolled my eyes as I fixed my tote bag and started walking again when I realized something. Why does my hand feel empty? I looked at both my hands, checked the road, and even my tote bag. Something's not right...

I lost the book!

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