Sadelle

We ended up going to the library after my little outburst earlier. We chose to stay in the old library rather than the new one, since, well, it was easier to get to - it was only on the second floor. It wouldn't take much time walking.

I looked at the scene in front of me as I saw the extended tissue packet to my direction, and heard Yuan discussing something with one of the council officers.

Is it weird and improper that I don't know who our council officers are? Besides, it's not like I personally interact with them or something, but I guess there's no harm in knowing the students involved in the politics of our college.

My vision went back to the small square-figured packet, then I looked at the person extending this to me. I was standing close to the table, waiting for Yuan to finish talking with his friend-slash-council mate discussing something on the guy's laptop. Yuan's left hand was resting on the guy's chair, while the other one was on the edge of the table while his stance had him bending a little.

The guy he's talking to looks familiar, I think he's our council president. I remember back when I had to look for him at their office. The woman in front of the president, the one who gave me deadly stares the last time, was now extending her left hand to me, offering me a tissue.

She looked at me when I didn't take a piece from the packet. Her eyes lowered down to the packet and back at me again, as if urging me to take one piece from it. Her expression didn't change, she gave me a look of combined indifference and deadpan.

Was it obvious that I cried?

The thought of it made me conscious and reluctant at the same time to take a tissue from the packet. There aren't lots of students staying in this part of the library, though students pass by this area to get to the new library and pass their time there. In the end, I chose to take a piece of tissue from the packet and with the lack of words to say, I just nodded at her. She returned the nod, but with a seemingly nonchalant response, before returning the packet inside her handbag.

The two guys didn't seem to notice the subtle, mute interaction between this mystery, presumably-angry-at-me woman and me. Goodness. What did I even do to this woman to render me deserving of such fierce looks? I don't even know whether to feel thankful for the gesture, or annoyed with her stare.

I ended up giving a quick run through of the space behind me as I sneakily and lightly tapped the tissue beside my eyes to make sure no tears were visible. This made me want to take my phone out and see if it looked obvious that I was crying earlier. I just didn't want to do it in front of unfamiliar people.

This action took no more than five seconds, and by the time I looked back at the table with Yuan's peers, I saw him tapping the council president's back. "Sige, Pres, dadagdagan ko 'yan mamaya. Na-send mo na rin naman iyong Google docs. Saka, ano'ng oras nga ulit bukas?" he queried, pertaining to something private to him and the other guy.

"8 A.M. sabi ng Faci, eh. Diretso na raw d'on sa Peace Park." The council president replied.

"Ah, sige. Sino ba magpi-print?"

"Ako na, may printer naman sa bahay. Para hindi na rin natin mas agahan pa bukas."

Yuan agreed with the other guy and looked a bit surprised when his eyes landed on me, as if realizing something. "Sorry, nga pala, guys, si Sadelle. Kaibigan ko," he introduced me as I saw both people on the table give me a look and a slight nod. "Sadelle, mga kasama ko sa council: si Jameson, president ng ArtScies, tapos si Gwyneth, pang-malakasang secretary sa council."

The other two gave a stifled laugh with Yuan's playful comment and I gave a curt nod to them.

Jameson looks like the usual serious student-leader: he has a pale complexion, neatly-styled side-parted black hair, natural-looking narrowed eyes, medium nose bridge, pinkish-brown heavy lower lips, and a soft edge on his jawline. Gwyneth, on the other hand, has a cool-toned brown skin. Her face is delicate with soft features: her rounded eyes that look predatory when she glares at you, small nose bridge, her cheekbones are sharp, heart-shaped rosy pink lips, narrow jawline, and a pointy chin. She also has shiny black, beautiful wavy hair, like waves of a jovial sea.

"Hi, Sadelle. ArtScies ka rin?" Jameson asked as he gave me an expectant look.

I nodded to him. "Yup, BS Biology."

"Oh," he replied, before looking at the woman in front. "Magkatulad kayong nasa natural sciences, Gwen. Siya Biology, ikaw Chemistry."

"Yeah. Nice to meet you, Sadelle," Gwyneth finally spoke and threw me a stare but I still felt a distance in her tone.

"Nice to meet you, too, guys," was the only thing I could say and Yuan took that as a cue to excuse ourselves from them before finding our own space to sit at.

When we were settled, Yuan and I sat opposite to one another. Then, I let my curiosity flow out. "Was it obvious that I cried?"

Yuan looked at my face, specifically in my eye area, before answering: "Hindi naman masyado, pero medyo namumula pa kasi mata mo. Why are you asking?"

"Nothing," I shortly replied as I took my phone out of my tote bag, went to the Camera, and checked to see for myself.

While checking, I heard Yuan speak as he was looking at me checking my state in my phone's camera. "Saka lang naman halata kapag malapitan. Kaya ka binigyan ng tissue ni Gwen kanina," he informed and I returned my stare back to him, putting my phone down on the table.

"Oh..." I paused for a while, realizing that he actually noticed us earlier, before continuing with another question. "Gwen, I mean, Gwyneth...does she not like me? Parang may galit siya tumingin sa'kin or something," I uttered, matter-of-factly.

Yuan's face brightened a bit. "Ah, hindi mo siguro naaalala. Nasungitan mo 'yon dati."

Surprised by the revelation, I raised my eyebrows at him. "Nasungitan? How so?"

"Don't you remember?" Yuan asked, his tone with complete astonishment.

My stare lingered at him, my raised brow slowly turning into a crease. "Tingin mo magtatanong ako kung naaalala ko?"

Yuan's eyes widened a bit, not expecting my answer. "Aba, bilis magbago ng mga emosyon, ah. May pinipindot ka bang switch?" I rolled my eyes at him, and he smirked to himself. "Teka, nabanggit ko na rin sa'yo 'to dati, ah?"

"When?"

"Hindi ko nga pala tinuloy, pero tutal, nagtanong ka naman, sasagutin ko na. Gwen was the girl who asked to share a table with you before. Mag-isa ka n'on, tapos nilapitan ka niya kasi halos puno na yung space sa cafeteria. Sinungitan mo ba naman, tapos nakita ko siya mula sa table ko. Inaya ko na siya sa table namin, mukhang 'di niya kasi kami napansin n'on. Kaya ayon, bad trip 'yan sa'yo."

I tried remembering the supposed event of my being snobbish and harsh to her. As I tried my best recalling past events, fragments of that memory came back to me. Right. It was the day after I bought Opposite Mirrors. Well...okay. I guess this one's on me. Fair enough, she has reason to be annoyed with me.

"So that's why I always feel her dislike for me. Mhm. Can't really blame her..." I truthfully answered.

Yuan took a few seconds in silence before answering. "Don't worry, Gwen is nice. Kita mo naman kanina, binigyan ka niya ng tissue. Si Gwen lang iyong tipo ng tao na hindi mabilis makuha ang loob. Mag-sorry ka lang sa kanya, sigurado naman ako gagaan ang loob n'on sayo," he assured me as he shared bits about her personality.

"Oh," I answered, nodding my head at his statement. "You seem to know her pretty well."

Yuan made a sign with his right hand, signalling that it's somewhere in the middle. "Tama lang. Magkaugali kasi sila ni Pres. Madalas ko kasing kasama si Jameson dahil sa council, at magkaibigan na rin kami mula pa last year, n'ong second year ako. Tapos, dahil secretary si Gwen, siya madalas kasama ni Jameson. Kaya ayun, madalas kaming tatlo magsama."

I realized I never knew anything substantial about Yuan's life - personal, academic, or even societal. Obviously, I know he's a student leader and is part of the council. That makes it obvious why he's usually with his council mates, and probably why he's quite known here in the university. It's like he has friends everywhere.

"Yuan, have you always been active in university councils?" my query was a mix of interest and fascination.

This isn't new information to me: Yuan is an active student. He's active as a school leader, joins sports, and has a lot of friends. I guess, before today, I never really found the motivation to know deeper about these things concerning him.

Yuan paused, thought to himself for a moment, before answering: "Hindi masyado, eh. Back in grade school, I tried selling school snacks. Para makadagdag sa baon ko. N'ong high school naman, ang alam ko, sa senior high na ako nagkaroon ng interes sumali sa school council. Madalas, class officer lang ako n'ong junior high school. Ba't mo natanong?"

"Well, I was just curious," I answered back. "Parang mahilig kang laging may ginagawa, ano?"

He gave a small smile at my statement, as if agreeing with my question. "Yup. Bata pa lang ako, sanay na akong may ginagawa. Most probably because I'm the eldest child, makes me feel like it's my responsibility or something of that sort.

I was surprised with his answer. Before today, I never knew he was the eldest child. More so, that he had siblings. How many younger siblings does he have? Besides, is he the type of brother who aims to serve like a standard for his siblings to follow? Was that what he meant by saying it's his responsibility?

This is also presumably the reason why he's a smooth talker. His experience of having siblings made him used to interacting with other people. Maybe, they're the kind of relatives who enjoy doing things together. A picturesque image of an active and involved family entered my mind. That explains why he seems so...busy.

"And you have lots of connections because of it?"

He creased his eyebrows a bit at my questions. "I'm not sure I can call it connections, the more appropriate term is friends and acquaintances. Saka, mahilig akong makipag-usap sa mga tao. Bata, kaedad ko, o kahit matanda. Gusto kong nalalaman ang bagay-bagay sa ibang tao." A reminiscent smile plastered on his lips. "Ikaw, Sadelle, ah, nagtatanong ka na tungkol sa'kin."

"Ano naman ngayon?" I shot back at him with a raised brow.

I earned a chuckle from him and the silence emerged between the two of us. Yuan's eyes fixated on me, and by the looks of it, I knew he was thinking about my outburst earlier.

"Okay ka na ba?"

Questions like this don't usually come my way. Lizzy used to ask me from time-to-time if I'm alright but I always give her a generic answer. Aside from her, I don't have many people I hang out with who would be able to ask me this question. Besides, I don't think I even asked myself this question.

Clearly, I'm not one who likes to ponder on my emotional states. The latter stayed as states for me, something you just felt which would later on pass by, hence the reason I never delved deeper into analyzation of my feelings. It could be because putting my feelings under the microscope of introspection didn't sit right with me. There's this feeling of consciousness and uncomfortableness. I didn't like that.

Yet, as he asked me the question, I urged myself to gauge how I feel about the transpiration of events today.

Well, let's see: I went to school today appreciating the good weather and unknowing of what would happen with my conversation with Lizzy. Afterwards, it seemed like an illusion was shattered. The sun seemed to cast all its assertion on me, and I was unveiled by what's actually the state of things. My gaze shifted to the window beside us, showing the students on the outside. I gazed at the radiance the sun is providing us today. From here, I could still see its glory but the pain of being scorched is inhibited by the protection of being inside the library. The ache of its memories are still there, but somehow, I feel protected.

"Yeah..." my weak attempt to delude both him and me didn't work in the slightest bit.

He nodded and stayed silent. His stares tell me he doesn't buy my answer, but my explanation is not for sale. Hence, he didn't try bargaining for an answer anymore. Silence enveloped the small space we're occupying for the next minute and I felt myself squirming in my seat unnecessarily as though the space I held was getting smaller, more constricted, and harder to breathe in.

"Well...it's not my best day today, but I'll pick up." I found myself adding this answer as if to prove something I'm not even sure is evident to me.

"There's no question about that. Besides, it's not necessarily a cause-and-effect situation to cry and then immediately feel relieved. Hindi naman lahat ng pag-iyak, nakakagaan agad ng loob." He explained and I felt a certain kind of caress from within, which for some reason, made me feel lighter.

"I guess..." my mind was blank. It's as if I don't know how to push through with the conversation, but there's this part of me that urges me to speak more. Indulge more. "Naaalala mo ba yung poem na ginawa ko?"

Yuan nodded, a hint of recognition passing through his face. "Oo, yung para sa best friend mo. What about it?"

"Yeah, that's the one. To put it simply...hindi ko na siya best friend. Well, if I'm being more honest, she's not even my friend anymore," a hollow smile registered on my lips, but my insides just felt hollow, like an attic left unopened for years and now full of cobwebs and the eerie feeling of unused furniture left inside.

Yuan opened his lips, thinking of something to say, only to end up mum as he pondered on his seat like a clueless audience to a show.

"Mabait ba siyang kaibigan?" he questioned.

I nodded to him, almost immediately. It was as if my senses knew what to do before I could even comprehend the question. "She is. Was. Very."

"Hindi ko talaga alam ano ba tamang sabihin sa mga sitwasyong ganito, kahit gusto ko pang tumulong. However, I guess having had a good friend like her, it wasn't a loss. At least, you had her as a friend in your life, even if in impermanence." He enlightened and I found myself nodding back.

I gazed at Yuan's face and noticed that the band-aid on his left cheek was now gone. I looked at the spot it used to occupy, trying to see remnants of the wound it may have had, but didn't see anything.

I tilted my head a bit, unable to restrain my curiosity. "The band-aid on your left cheek...where is it?"

His eyes widened a bit, not expecting my reply. As if on cue, he touched the part of his cheek that had the band-aid before and gave a small chuckle. "Ah, 'yon ba? Nasugat ako n'on, eh. Natalsikan ng mantika habang nagluluto, tapos ayon, nagkasugat."

With all the things he's doing here at the university, he's also someone who prefers being active even at home. Not to say that cooking shouldn't bother him, I just thought he was the kind of student totally engrossed with his college responsibilities and lets it eat his time.

"Oh, that's why. Sa totoo lang, akala ko dati parang accessory mo lang 'yon. You know, some people have this kind of need for a certain edge in their look. You seemed like one."

He chuckled again. "Lakas naman talaga ng trip mo, Sadelle. Ano tingin mo sa'kin, bad boy-wannabe? Pero, hindi naman kita masisisi. Kahit ako, naastigan sa mukha ko nang may band-aid, eh."

I gave him a furrowing look. "Gusto mo takpan ko ng band-aid 'yang bibig mo?"

"Brutal," he replied with a jesting smirk. "Some people might need a certain edge in their life, but you seem to be an unusual case of an edge first and then the search for a human being." He teased as he earned an eye-roll from me.

We stayed for another half hour in the library before deciding to part ways. I initiated it, saying I wanted to go home and wasn't in the mood to stay here at the university. Yuan respected my decision, despite having tried to entice me by watching the Mister and Miss Intramurals competition later. I told him I might watch it online, but frankly, I'm not sure I have the energy to see Lizzy even from a laptop screen. I did sense hesitation from his side, wanting to assure if I was genuinely feeling better now. Albeit subtle, I appreciate the gesture.

Here I am now, at home, alone in my room, facing my study table with empty stares. Someone might see me and think I've been sitting here for minutes or hours and it wouldn't make a difference. This isn't my first time not having friends, but something about this hits different than my previous experiences. I used to think familiarity meant ignorance; repeating patterns affect less the more they occur. Supposedly, one gets used to the feeling and it becomes a norm. The norm, then, extends into being a mindset. I was alone, I got used to it, and it was fine.

However, familiarity is a window where one ideally appreciates the scenery, then stumbles and falls into the abyss of confusion, anger, and hurt. The vision of familiarity, then, becomes entangled not with ignorance, but that of emptiness. Later on, the question arises: was all of this familiarity, or a gradually-developed emptiness that's swallowing your emotions from within?

The afternoon passed with me watching a few episodes of a series I'm currently binging, preparing food for dinner, and deciding to take a walk around the subdivision. I passed by different households and it never occurred to me how these houses never looked familiar, nor do the people who live in them. I don't even remember if I had any memories interacting with people my age in this neighborhood.

Speaking of, even my mother doesn't seem to have lots of friends or acquaintances in our subdivision. She's always either at work, or out somewhere with her workmates. This has been a norm for us, and it never occurred to me how isolated we may have been to our community.

I started becoming more conscious as I continued walking around the subdivision. Maybe leaving my phone inside the house wasn't a great idea. I'm finding the urge to skim on it now, just to appease this certain feeling of consciousness within me. The sun has already set, but the surroundings aren't dark yet. The indigo sky with its subtle luminance was now dooming over the place, as the golden glow of the sun took its rest. I'm guessing it's half past five now. I pass by some people from time-to-time, others just standing outside their houses conversing with their neighbors, while there are others playing sports, and some children playing tag with one another.

Looking at them, I notice some people giving me a glance before carrying on with their own activities. I debated whether to approach them, make small talk, or just go on and continue walking. Besides, do they even know I live here? Are they even familiar with me and my mom? If they were, would they have cared about our existence, then?

I decided to walk back home after a few more minutes of walking around. When I arrived home, I took the house key out of my pocket, inserted it in the key hole, twisted the knob open, and entered the house. I took the key before closing the door behind me.

Turning the lights on, I was welcomed by our empty living room and kitchen. Besides, I wasn't expecting Mom to be home yet. Her car is not in the garage, and the house is dark all throughout. I turned the lights on outside at the garage. Dinner was already prepared, and placed under the mesh food cover. I went up, and stayed in my room for a while.

I saw my laptop and phone resting on my study table as I entered my room. I turned the latter on, and checked the time with the former. It was quarter to six. After my laptop finished loading and showed me my home page, I clicked on a web browser before it led me to a search engine. Then, I typed the website where I'm currently watching my series. While waiting for it to load, I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of all these.

"Goodness. What kind of life is this?" my tone was that of mixed confusion and melancholy.

My life is so...empty. It all dawned on me. I don't even have hobbies I like doing, friends I hangout with, and activities I participate in. This was all fine for me before...why am I feeling overwhelmed by all of these now? My way of living brought me satisfaction. It provided me with a sense of predictability which works well for me. Why am I having these contradictions now?

I was happy...was I?

"Ma, puwede po ba tayo lumabas ngayong Sabado? Gusto ko po panoorin yung bagong animated movie ngayon..." the image of my ten year old self when I asked Mom for us to spend time together entered my mind.

I looked at my mom, who was busy typing something on her laptop, her expression stoic and focused on what she was doing.

"Ma?" I called her attention.

She blinked a few times, as if out of the mechanical trance of her work. "Sorry, ano 'yon, Sadelle?"

I started playing with the hem of my shorts as I sat down on our bed, hearing our small television play what drama was scheduled right now. The television was placed on top of our transparent plastic cabinet drawer. Mom was near the door, close to the curtained window to gain more internet access as she sat on the chair by our foldable kitchen table.

"Palabas, Ma. Manood tayo ng palabas..." I repeated for her to hear as I looked at her with expectant eyes.

She gave a small pause, cleared her throat, before giving me a small smile. "Anak, hindi pwede, eh. May kailangang trabahuhin si Mama sa Saturday. Marami pinapagawa boss ko sa'kin. Hindi pwedeng hindi sumunod si Mama."

Defeated, I nodded at her and tried to plaster a weak smile so she knows it's fine with me. "Okay po, Ma."

"Sorry, Sadelle," she continued, her eyes fixated on what she was typing on the laptop. "Babawi si Mama next time. Nga pala, kumusta naman si Charmaine?" she queried about her boss' daughter, who's also my classmate.

I don't like Charmaine. She always picks on me, and makes me feel like we owe our lives to them. Just because my mom works for her mom, she makes it seem like I'm also obligated to work for her approval in some sense.

"Uh...hindi ko po alam. Bakit, Ma?"

She gave me a questioning look. "You don't know how your friend is doing?" there was a hint of surprise in her tone.

I shook my head at her, thinking of an alibi. "Okay naman po siya, pero hindi ko naman araw-araw tinatanong kung okay lang pakiramdam niya."

That earned a small laugh from my mom. "Hindi naman 'yan ang ibig kong sabihin, Sadelle. Kumusta naman ang pagkakaibigan niyong dalawa?"

"Ah..." I nodded, understanding the question now. "Okay lang po," was my short response which earned a loving smile from her.

"Her mom is nice to us, and I'm happy she's also nice to you. Nakakatuwang malaman na may nakakausap ka naman sa school," she went on and looked at me before I gave a small nod and a smile which I wasn't sure if it even looked like one.

She went back to focusing on work as I roamed my vision around our space. We have a small apartment with the bathroom beside the bedroom, with a few meters of space in between for our night stand.

Once you step out of the bathroom, you're faced with the mini-kitchen space we have consisting of the sink, portable stove, rice cooker, and other basic cooking essentials.

The apartment isn't spacious, given that Mom can't afford to rent for a high-luxury place and we can't afford to have our own space. However, this place was enough. Mom and I sleep in the same bed. I liked it that way. I love being close to Mom. I love seeing her often, granted that I don't see much of her anymore as she became more busy with work.

I returned my attention to the television and saw the actors having a fight scene with another. My brows slowly formed a crease, before I looked to my right and saw the book I borrowed from the library. Whoever invented libraries and borrowing cards deserve an award because every time I read a book, I always feel myself transcending into a different world and becoming one with the story, as if I'm part of the characters.

I smiled as I opened the page I last read the previous time and continued reading from there. Isn't it so wonderful the comfort books provide? They're like a blanket of healing and attention you'll never experience any insufficiency on.

I wish my mom, like a book, also provided me with more attention than other people...

A notification ring from my phone brought me back to reality as I looked at what it might be. I saw that it was a message notification. Clicking the notification, it brought me to another application and I saw Yuan's name on the message box.

Yuan: Hey, are you feeling better now?

I blinked a few times, taken aback by the unforeseen consideration that he might message me now that he has my socials.

I typed a reply.

Sadelle: Yup. I'm feeling better. You didn't need to ask, but thank you.

Yuan: Ayos lang 'yon. Kaibigan din naman kita. I just wanted to make sure.

I thought about his reply, trying to see if there's any sense of denial from our supposed friendship. In doing so, I find no harsh feelings opposing this reality. I guess...I also agree with him.

He's my friend now.

Sadelle: I know. Thanks, Yuan. You have fun watching the competition, Vice President!

Yuan: Thanks, Miss-Not-My-Concern. I-stream mo na lang yung competition, kung gusto mo lang naman.

Sadelle: I think I might. Hindi pa ako sigurado.

Yuan: Do whatever you want. Buhay mo naman 'yan. Basta ArtScies na mananalo rito sa competition.

A low chuckle escaped my lips as I read his reply. Of course, we have Lizzy as one of our representatives. Why wouldn't we win?

Sadelle: Obviously. Malakas candidates natin, especially our Miss Intramurals.

I decided to turn my phone off after replying and gave more thought to my realizations the whole night as I ate dinner, welcomed Mom home, watched a few more episodes of my current series, until the time I went to bed to sleep.

The weekend passed like a blur. I did end up watching the livestream of the Mister and Miss Intramurals, but it was on the following day, so I was watching a replay. Lizzy ended up being the first-runner up and the representative from Nursing won the title. I also saw congratulatory posts from our college council's online page. There was also a separate post for the Intramurals sports the Arts and Sciences have placed on.

We won the championship for Soccer, and got second place for Frisbee. I don't remember how it was for the other sports. There was also a livestream last Saturday for the awarding of the players, both as a group and those with individual titles. I saw Yuan's photo as part of an appreciation post for the ArtScies Soccer players. Then, at the end of the album, there was a group photo taken inside the covered court. Yet, I didn't see him there.

Monday came and my week hasn't exactly started great. For some reason, my phone alarm didn't ring today. Perhaps, it did and I didn't hear it. Anyway, I woke up later than my usual waking time and I messed up cooking my own lunch. The egg rolls didn't turn out the way I wanted them to be, and that annoyed me. On my way to the university, the jeepney I rode in broke down and it caused me minutes of delay.

I arrived at Xavier University at almost half past one-thirty in the afternoon. I was walking and running at the same time so as not to get late to my only class for today.

Talk about a streak of bad luck.

I went to our usual room and to my surprise, I saw no one inside. I went inside the room thinking it odd that no one's still here yet, but perhaps people are running late today. Sitting in my usual place, I checked my tote bag and rolled my eyes to myself.

Could this day be any worse?

I forgot to charge my laptop last night and was too preoccupied earlier that it didn't occur to me to charge it today. The only thing consoling me now is that I only have one class, and I could use a notebook to take notes.

Minutes passed and I was starting to wonder why none of my blockmates are here. Even our professor isn't here. What is going on?

Looking for my phone, I searched inside my bag, took it out, and tried checking our block's group chat. The university wi-fi connection wasn't working well, so I had to switch to a mobile network. I even had to leave the room since there wasn't much signal inside.

Right away, I went to the application and checked for any messages in our group chat. There, I saw a message from our professor earlier today stating that we won't have a synchronous class and that she had given us an assignment due today. I checked our school portal and saw the assignment in one of the categories. Clicking on it, it led me to a different tab showing a video which we had to watch which was almost half an hour long. She assigned us to make an analysis about the video with a minimum of two pages, stating our resources by the end of the paper.

"Goodness gracious!" I muttered under my breath as I read the guidelines and saw the deadline.

It was due today at exactly three in the afternoon!

I only have an hour and fifteen minutes left! I started pacing outside the classroom as I thought of solutions to my dilemma. The network connection isn't strong, which means if I use my phone, there's a high chance I'll be late in passing. My laptop is not with me right now. How about going to a computer shop? There's one right in front of the university, but it's always full of students.

There are other computer shops within the vicinity but I'd have to walk there and that would take time. I could ride a public vehicle, but it would also take time waiting for customers. How about riding a taxi, then? I find it too expensive to drive around a place which is just within the vicinity!

"Seriously, Sadelle! Next time, magbasa ka nga ng messages mo," I couldn't help scolding myself as I realized I didn't have the abundance of time and passing a late assignment wasn't a goal for me.

I tried searching for familiar names in my message box, blockmates I could ask for help with, but there was no one I'm close with aside from Lizzy. I'm not sure I can message her now, so she's out of my choices.

Who can I ask for help?

"Yuan!" my face lit up like a light bulb with the idea. I went to our messages and checked if he was online.

I saw a green circle beside his name. He is online!

Sadelle: Yuan, free ka?

Yuan: Bakit?

Sadelle: May I ask for a favor?

It took him a minute before sending a reply.

Yuan: Ano meron?

Sadelle: I don't know who else to ask. I forgot my laptop kasi, and my phone's connection is so slow. Hindi rin ako sure if may vacant space akong aabutan if I go to a computer shop. I have an assignment due at 3 P.M. today. If it's alright, may I borrow your laptop?

I waited for a few seconds, my attention fixed on my phone, hoping he would let me borrow his laptop, before seeing his reply.

Yuan: Punta ka rito sa office. Dito mo gawin assignment mo, mabilis din connection dito.

I hurriedly went straight to their council office and saw him inside when I knocked by the door.

He raised his gaze from his phone and saw me. "Sadelle, upo ka rito," he suggested as he tapped the monobloc chair close to him.

Looking around the room, I saw two other students inside with him, two girls. They didn't look familiar to me.

"Mga council volunteers," Yuan informed as he saw me throw them a glance. "Tambayan na namin 'tong council kapag may free time o naghihintay ng klase."

The two girls gave me a friendly smile as they continued conversing on the couch about a certain class they have.

Yuan was sitting by the rectangular table in the middle of the room. I saw a laptop placed on the table near him. I'm guessing that's his laptop.

I gave the two girls a small nod as I passed by them before sitting on the chair beside Yuan. Right in front of me was the laptop, the search portal was already opened.

"Okay lang?" I clarified with Yuan.

He furrowed his brows at me with a smirk. "Ipapahiram ko nga, malamang okay lang. Saka, gawin mo na assignment mo, alas-tres deadline, hindi ba?"

I nodded at him and pressed one of the shortcut buttons with the school's portal logo on it. It led me to a different website and I logged out of his account, before logging in onto mine. Then, I opened another tab and went to a software application to type my analysis for later.

"Medyo mabagal nga lang yung laptop. Kapag may pinindot ka, maghihintay ka lang muna ng mga ilang segundo bago sumunod yung cursor. May kalumaan na kasi 'to," Yuan explained, pertaining to his laptop.

"Don't worry, that's fine," I replied as I didn't mind whether it was slow or not.

I'm just thankful he's lending me his laptop right now. Goodness. I hate submitting late assignments, and any chance to pass on time will be my main focus.

Curious, I looked at Yuan. "You don't have a class?"

He held his phone to my direction, showing an article. "Asynchronous. I'm reading an article required for our lesson."

"Oh, okay," I replied and he went back to reading. Placing my bag on the table, I took my earphones out and raised it to him. "May I?" I referred, using it for his laptop.

He gave me a sideway glance before looking at his laptop and nodding, realizing what I meant. "Yeah, sure."

I plugged it on the audio port and waited for almost a minute before seeing the notification of the earphones already plugged in. Then, I started playing the video which I'm required to make an analysis on. To save time, I played it twice faster than its original speed. I needed to finish my assignment on time, I'm not taking any risks.

When I finished watching it, I placed my phone on top of my bag and started working on the analysis right away. From time-to-time, I had to take a pause as Yuan's laptop would freeze for a few seconds, and then carry on again. All the time, I kept on chanting I will not be late while making my assignment.

Time passed and finally, I was down to my last sentence. After finishing my essay, I did a quick proofreading to make sure there were no mistakes or lacking words. Then, I saved the file and downloaded it on Yuan's laptop.

"Sadelle, dito ka lang muna. Magre-restroom lang ako," Yuan mentioned and I saw him walk out of the office, leaving me alone.

The other two girls left earlier at around half-past two. They bid us a quick goodbye, which Yuan responded for the both of us. I could only give them a silent nod and an unsure smile.

While waiting, I hoped for Yuan's laptop to stop lagging. "Please, please," I whispered to myself and his laptop. I don't want to be late. I will not be late in passing my assignment.

Then, a notification popped that the file was already downloaded. I closed the software tab. Then, before passing the assignment, I went to check his Documents application to reread my analysis and make sure it was ready to be submitted.

I waited for another few seconds before the application opened and I saw the different categories he had saved in his laptop. I moved the cursor a few more times making sure it won't lag while I'm submitting my assignment. I had to do this a few more times as it kept on lagging.

"Huwag mo akong pinag-titripan. Please lang," I told his laptop with controlled frustration and felt stupid for doing so.

I clicked the heading Downloads, but it was taking too long to load. I tried clicking other headlines to speed up the process. Trying not to lose my patience, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Makisama ka. Parang awa." I was begging to a non-living thing at this point.

Then, another tab opened and I looked for my assignment only to see another file in here. I checked the headline of the said folder and saw this: Dela Torre.

I must have mis-clicked this from earlier. I was about to close the tab when I saw the file's name: Opposite Mirrors - Yuan dela Torre.

That caught my attention. Why is his name there? Didn't he tell me his uncle wrote the book?

Unconsciously, I found myself clicking the file and after a few seconds, it brought me to another tab. My eyes widened when I realized it was a manuscript!

On the first page was a large heading of the title and a smaller heading of the author's name: Yuan Rigon Gallardo dela Torre. I couldn't move my eyes from the screen!

He...was the author?

"Oh, ba't parang nakakita ka ng multo diyan?" he uttered upon coming back from the restroom.

Unable to answer, I only gave him a dumbfounded look. "You..." my words hang in the air, like wind expecting its force to breeze someone. "Wrote Opposite Mirrors?"

From a playful look, his face shifted into an expression of seriousness as he walked faster to me, looked at the screen, and snatched the laptop away from me.

"Sino'ng nagsabi sa'yong pwede mo basta-bastang tingnan ang files ko?" his voice was laced with authority and a certain iciness.

"I-I didn't...I was–I mean–I wasn't checking on your files!" my astonishment was causing me to stutter with my sentences and I felt like a robot trying to learn how to speak for the first time. "Nag-lag kasi kanina. I kept on clicking different things hoping it would make it go faster. Hindi...hindi ko sinadya. Believe me! I just saw the file and I was about to close the tab, but then I saw your name with the title and I got curious. I mean, you told me it was your uncle who wrote it, but then I saw your name, so I was confused. Then, unconsciously, I found myself clicking the file, and then the next thing I know–"

"Calm down, Sadelle," Yuan's voice boomed over me like a command which knows no rebel.

I looked at him and saw him with a concerned and questioning look on his face. "I wasn't...snooping on your files."

He placed the laptop on the table, sat down and slanted the chair to my direction, before nodding at me with the same expression on his face. "Okay, I believe you," he cleared his throat. "Grabe. Ang bilis mo magsalita kanina. Para kang rapper. Hindi ko alam kung papatapusin kita, o mag-aalala sa bilis mong magsalita. Up until this moment, I never imagined you could talk that fast!"

My worry from earlier was replaced with annoyance when I heard his answer. I narrowed my eyes on him. "Ako ba pinagloloko mo?"

A look of startlement registered on his face. "Oh, pinagbibintangan mo naman ako ngayon. Hala, baka nakakalimutan mo, pinindot mo 'tong file ko, ah!"

"It wasn't on purpose," I reiterated and went back to being confused. "And also, you were the writer? You didn't even bother telling me that?"

His eyes escaped my gaze and creased his brows a little. "You didn't need to know..."

"I didn't need to know?" I repeated, with exaggerated emotions. "After your make-believe story that your Tito wrote it? Ano 'yon, joke time? Besides, if you wrote it, who the hell is Yon Gallare?" my tone was demanding as I pressured him with all these questions.

"It's me!" he answered with the same kind of intensity as me, as if it was dumb of me not to realize it. "I mean...it's a combination of my name. Pen name, gan'on."

I huffed at his answer. "Combination of your name? What the hell? Hello, sana sinabi mo na lang sa aking ikaw yung nagsulat? Anak ng combination na 'yan. Then, don't call me Sadelle Mariano na lang. Call me..." I paused as I tried thinking of a ridiculous combination of my name. "Sarita Greno!"

He turned to me, looking at me as if I said something pathetic. "Sino si Sarita Greno?"

"It's me, Yuan or Yon, or whoever you are! It's a combination of my name: Sadelle Clarita Gregorio Mariano!"

His look turned into amusement. "Luma naman ng second name mo. Clarita."

"Nakakahiya naman sa'yo, Rigon. Don't you even try changing the topic, you wrote Opposite Mirrors?" I went back to my initial concern and still had the same shock and confusion in my tone.

He scrunched his face at me. "Oo, pero hindi mo puwedeng sabihin sa kahit kanino. This is our secret."

I never saw this coming.

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