*Phil's POV*

I'm on my laptop anxiously awaiting Dan's response. I still feel really bad about doing this but I just want to make sure Dan is ok. If I find out everything is fine and it's just a minor thing going on I'll leave him alone and respect his privacy. I just can't help but feel that it's worse than what he's letting on and that's what I'm afraid of...

From llamadude:
Ok, so just be prepared for a major venting session... a couple years ago I got really depressed and started to cut myself, then my friend (I told you about him) helped me stop. I was never as thankful to him as I was then and I was really glad to have him in my life. I've been clean since then. At least until last night. I started cutting again and he caught me. I was so disappointed in myself and felt awful and embarrassed that he had to see me do what I did. I know that he must want an explanation, and I feel bad leaving him in the dark like this. But if I tell him the reason behind my cutting I feel like it could ruin our friendship and I would hate not having him in my life. He's the most amazing person and I hate to disappoint him. I actually think you would really like him if you met, you guys have a lot of things in common. You actually remind me of him in a couple ways... maybe that's why I feel so open talking to you. I usually wouldn't open up about this sort of stuff to someone I just met.

I stared, dumbfounded at my computer. I didn't know Dan thought so highly of me. He usually just bugs me a lot and jokes around. I actually felt kind of flattered and had butterflies in my stomach for some unknown reason.
I shake my head to clear out my thoughts so I could focus.
What did Dan mean by ruining our friendship? He said something like that earlier before but what was so bad he couldn't tell me?
I start to type back a response to "llamadude".
If he wasn't going to tell me, he might be more open to telling "cheeselover".

From cheeselover:
Your friend seems pretty cool, and I'm really sorry to hear you started it up again but don't think poorly of yourself I'm sure you're a great person that is just going through a rough patch. I was just wondering what you meant by ruining your friendship with him and what you meant by "he would think it was his fault for you cutting". Was it his fault? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable I was just wondering.
From llamadude:
Don't worry, it's good to talk about it and thank you for what you said. I don't think I can quite tell you the bit about the friendship ruining yet but I can tell you some stuff about why I started. I was just feeling really worthless at that point and I felt like fucking crap. It felt like there was a shitstorm of bad stuff inside me making me feel bad about myself. The reason I think my friend would feel like it was his fault was because I just kept thinking I was worthless and he shouldn't have to deal with a crap friend like me. He deserves to have a friend much better than me. In fact, I think the best person in the world wouldn't even be good enough to be his friend. I just got lucky to have him in my life and he should just realize he could do much better. I'm a failure and I feel bad that he had to deal through all my shit. I'm such a fucking crybaby huh? You probably think I'm over exaggerating but if you met him you would know just what a great person he is. So that''s along the lines of what I was thinking while I was cutting. I wish he would see just how awful I am and try to find someone actually worth his time. But at the same time I'm glad he's the one to help me through everything, because in the end he's the only one who truly makes me feel happy. Sorry for the deep stuff, but thanks for listening, it's really helping.

I can't believe Dan thinks like this. He is the most amazing friend I've ever had! I would never want anyone else! I decide to type something back to him before going to his room to talk to him.

From cheeselover:
I'm sure he thinks of you as a great friend as well. Don't sell yourself short! He would be crazy not to think you were amazing and if I were you I would talk to him about this. He would probably tell you that you are a great person. Unfortunately though, I have to go now but I'll tty tmrw. I'm really glad you could open up to me, goodnight :)

I sent the message and shut my laptop heading over to Dan's room. I didn't really know what I was going to say but I didn't care. I opened his door and walked in.
He was on his bed in his pyjamas with his laptop on his lap, his hair curling a bit... He actually looked kinda cute.
Phil. No. Stop. Dan is your friend!! Stop thinking like that!
Dan looked up at me when I walked in, he had a bit of a surprised expression to his face.
"Hey Phil!" He said, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
Just then I realized I didn't have an excuse to be in his room.
I just knew I had to hug him. Just then I thought of a pretty believable excuse, considering it was me.
"Uh, hey Dan. I was just wondering if maybe I could stay with you tonight cuz' I feel kinda scared after watching American Horror Story." I say. I look a bit pleadingly at him and start shuffling my feet, hoping it seems believable.
Dan just smiles kindly and nods his head, shutting his computer off and putting it on his bedside table.
"Sure thing Phil." He says.
Before I realize what I was doing, I go over to where Dan is siting on the bed and lean down and hug him.
At first he freezes, seeming surprised but then soon hugs me back.
We stay like that for a while before Dan breaks apart to look at me.
"Phil. I think it's time I told you why I did what I did last night." He says.
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Thanks again to anyone who is reading this! I really appreciate it!!! Feel free to comment and/or leave suggestions 😊
Ily all <3