MUSIC: Breakin' - The All-American Rejects

Ryan above^

/ / / /

Amelia's P.O.V:

/ / / /

It had been a few days since Abby was admitted to the Hospital and ever since, the only time Ryan and I interacted was when we gave Izzie to each other and when we had to go to bed at night. Even then, I had been sleeping on the sofa some nights because I couldn't handle the awkwardness that surrounded us. It was obvious that we wanted, no, needed to talk but both of us were too stubborn to be the one to crack first and bring it up. We both said things during the argument that we didn't mean and that we needed to apologise for but I didn't want to be the one to say that in case Ryan didn't agree. 

"Aaron, where's Ryan?" I asked when I noticed Ryan and Izzie were gone but her changing bag was still here.

"He's gone to Derek's, why?" He answered, half engrossed in the video game he was playing on his Play station.

"He forgot Izzie's bag which has everything she needs in it." I sighed. "Bloody dickhe-"

"Whoa! I'll call him, no need to call him names." Aaron said and paused the game as he went for his phone.

"There's no need." I said and headed to the kitchen as Aaron followed and started to look in the fridge. "He should deal with the consequences, plus he'll have to come back sooner or later anyway."

"Amelia?" Aaron asked angrily.

"Yes?" I asked. I was slightly worried, did I say something offending?

"Where is my stashed packet of chicken gone?" He asked. His voice was deadly quiet and I knew that meant that he was fuming.

Shit, I ate that.

"Uhh..." I stuttered. "How would I know?" I laughed slightly but it came out forced. He turned around to face me and he looked like he was about to attack me. I stood up and started to run to the living room.

"You're a crap liar!" He shouted and launched forward. He fell into me and we both landed on the sofa. He grabbed me and pinned me down by straddling my body.

"What are you going to do now, Mrs I'ma steal yo chicken?" He asked and by the grin on his face I knew he wasn't really that angry.

"It wasn't me!" I exclaimed and he looked at me blankly. "Okay! It was me! But I didn't know they were yours!" I said and he laughed.

"So you're saying you didn't read the note on the fridge that said, 'don't eat the chicken in the fridge because it's Aaron's'?" He asked and I looked at him, confused.

"There was a note?"

"Yes!"

"Okay! I'm sorry but I was hungry last night when I was making Izzie a bottle! Don't hurt me or i'll kick your arse." I threatened and he laughed.

"Are you really in the position to say that?" He asked and looked between us. He was straddling my hips and he held my hands captive above my head. "There's no getting out of this." He said and when he was finished I leant forward and kissed the tip of his nose. When he didn't move I laid back down and huffed.

"You really think I didn't know you'd do that? Although, I was expecting it on the lips." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"You're not good enough for that." I sneered at him and he suddenly got off of me. I sat up quickly.

"That was harsh." He said and I rolled my eyes again.

"That's what I am."

"I don't understand how Ryan's worthy of a kiss but I'm not." He said and I went to answer when Ryan walked through the door with Isabella on his hip. I immediately forgot about Aaron and turned to face him angrily.

"Aaron, take Isabella upstairs with her bag." I said and put emphasis on the word 'bag'. Aaron nodded and took Isabella from Ryan. We were both glaring at each other. I pointed my finger at him. "You."

"Me?" He asked in shock. His eyebrow raised sexily and I had to shake my head to rid the thought and focus on my anger.

"Yes you! You left Izzie's bag here!" I exclaimed and he laughed bitterly.

"I know! It was an accident! That's why I came back!" He shouted and I glared at him.

"You shouldn't have been so careless! It has everything she needs in it you idiot!" I shouted back and he stood in silence for a second with a shocked expression on his face before it turned to anger.

"Well if you thought it was that important you should have spent less time flirting with your new boyfriend and called me!" Ryan sneered at me and I laughed in shock.

"Who said Aaron is my boyfriend?"

"No one but it was pretty obvious by the conversation you were having about hooking up!" He shouted and I stepped back from him. He was jealous. I couldn't believe it. Ryan was jealous of Aaron. I laughed.

(a/n: play song now)

"Aaron isn't my boyfriend! And even if he was, why would you care?" I asked and he huffed slightly and pulled his hair.

"I don't! What in the world gave you that impression?" He asked and took a few steps towards me. He stood a few centimeters from me and I stepped back but my legs hit the sofa. He advanced until our bodies were practically touching. "Listen here, Amelia. I don't care about you. I don't care about the guys. I don't care about my family. No one. I don't even care about myself.-" He sneered and I glared at him.

Ouch.

"But it's not my fault Amelia!" He shouted and I flinched. He noticed and leant back slightly. "And not to bring up the past again, but my father was a monster! He taught me to hate myself with every breath I take and it's not my fault that I grew up with him as a role model, as someone to look up to. It's not my fault that I grew up thinking that the way my dad treated people was okay. That the way he treated the ones he was supposed to love worse than the people he hated. I'm sorry that I don't know how to deal with my feelings and that I don't know when I care or when I don't. But it's not my fault." He said and stressed the last words. He slumped down onto the couch besides me and ran his hands through his hair. His face showed defeat but at that moment in time I didn't feel sorry for him. 

I was still angry. I was angry at him for the way he spoke to me during our last argument. I was angry at him because no matter how horrible he treated me, I still wanted to make things better between us. And I was angry at him because I knew what he said and was saying was true. I was angry at him because of the way he made me feel.

"Look, Ryan. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for your past and I'm sorry for bringing it up. But I haven't exactly had it easy either.  I was never with a permanent family, whether that was my own or a foster one. I was in and out, in and out of care for years. It was only a few years back that it stopped. I thought everything would get better. But it didn't. It got worse. The police had to get involved and  eventually my dad accepted the fact that he would have to take me in and become my parent for once in his life. I grew up way too early and didn't know how to handle it. So I understand when you say that you don't know when or how to care because I find it hard too. I really do. But there's a lot of stuff you don't know. That I don't want you or anyone else knowing because it broke me, in more ways than one. I was brought up around monsters too Ryan. Sure, I can barely handle myself, nor responsibility but i'm trying. And i'm trying to help myself when it comes to feelings and protecting the ones I love." I took a breath. I felt like crying. No one knew about that part of my life other than Derek and I was scaring myself with how easily I was telling Ryan these things. But I guessed that by doing that I was helping myself come to terms with the way I felt about Ryan and how much he meant to me. 

"So Ryan, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for the way i've treated you. I'm sorry for the way i've acted, because I know that this has been building up for a while, ever since our last argument and i'm sorry for that too. I'm sorry for that because you was right. I do run away from my problems when I don't know how to handle them but i'm working on it."  I said and sent him a small, upset smile. He was starring at me and I couldn't work out the expression on his face but I was too far in to stop. "This is me working on what you said. This is me trying to express how I feel and work things out. So please, just... Just..." I couldn't think of how to express what I wanted him to do. In fact, I don't think I knew what I wanted from him at that moment. I just wanted something. I sat down on the floor and took a few deep breaths to stop me from crying but it didn't work. Ryan was up in a flash and sat next to me. He held me to him tightly, he wouldn't let go and wouldn't let me pull away.

"I'm sorry too, for what I said last time. And i'm sorry for accusing you of being with Aaron. I don't know what I was thinking or what came over me, both times. You were right too. I don't let people in. It's because i'm scared Amelia. I'm scared, just like you, that they'll turn and they'll run, or they'll think of me differently. I don't want to let you in because if you leave me..." He trailed off. His voice was hoarse and I knew he was trying not to cry either. "Amelia... If you left me i'd be empty. And I know that doesn't make much sense but you're my best friend. You understand me more than anyone. And if you left me I don't know how i'd survive. I'd just become the old me. The one that ruined people's lives just to feel something and I don't want to be that person anymore Amelia. I don't. I want to be me. And you help me do that." He said and rested his head on top of mine. I was crying silently and I knew he knew but I was grateful that he didn't say anything about it. 

"I'm so sorry Amelia."

"Me too Ryan, me too." I whispered.

We sat there for a while after that, just holding each other. It was like there was a mutual understanding between us. We still had far to go but for now, what we had, was enough. And for once in my life I felt safe, and not scared; because I knew that the most hurt I could receive would be being burnt. And being burnt was better than being killed.