Luke's POV

Three days later and multiple voicemails from Delilah. Two visits from Ashton. Three texts from Michael. Five calls from Calum. All unanswered.

Lucy left a drawing of me holding a balloon in the mailbox yesterday. She wrote "Sorry, Lukey," with the R's written backwards.

I haven't talked to anyone but Ashton and my dad. Ashton is trying to make the situation better. He's helping a little. My dad still isn't sure of what to say, but he's getting better.

Ashton says Delilah feels really sorry, and I'm sure she does. She should be. She should know not to pick up her phone while driving. Ashton's been talking to her too. He's trying to get us to make up. He doesn't like seeing us like this.

I just got so scared when Delilah picked up her phone. I pictured her swerving off the road or crashing into something.

I pictured the worst in that split second.

Within a second, my heart started racing, my breathing quickened, my head became light.

I was afraid of losing her. That's why I left. I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to relive everything that happened with Delia. The way for me to solve that problem was to leave.

So I left and started walking home. I didn't make it too far because I had to sit down on the sidewalk so I didn't pass out. I had to call Ashton to come help me.

And now it's three days later, and I realize leaving will not solve my problems.

I can't distance myself when I get nervous or mad.

I force myself out of bed and get dressed in something other than my pajamas. I write down my thoughts in my notebook. I've filled up a lot of pages the past few days. These have been my loneliest days in awhile. I don't like feeling like this.

I find myself walking to Delilah's house. It's like I'm in a daze, and this isn't real. It's like I'm not still upset with her, and there's not a lot of voicemails with her apologizing to me on my phone. I've listened to every single one a few times.

I walk around the neighborhood a few times, debating if I actually want to face Delilah. I want to, but at the same time, I don't. I'm not sure if I'm ready. I've always been good at abandoning my problems. I'm not good at fixing them. Half an hour goes by before I finally get to her house.

I hesitantly knock on her front door and hope that she's home. She should be.

I wait for what feels like forever until the door slowly opens, and Delilah is staring back at me.

"Luke?" she asks quietly, sounding confused.

"Hi," I whisper, looking down at the ground.

"Hi."

"Can we talk?" I ask, unsure of what to say. It's like meeting her all over again. I hope she doesn't notice how red and puffy my eyes are from all the crying I've been doing.

"Yeah, of course. Come in. No one else is home."

I slowly walk inside, it's like her house feels foreign. It's only been three days since I haven't talked to her, but it feels like much longer.

"I'm sorry," we both say in unison.

"You shouldn't be sorry," Delilah says.

I sit on her couch, and she sits beside me, but not too close.

"Yes, I should be," I say.

"Luke, you honestly have-"

"Just listen for a second. I need to say this before I regret coming and leave before getting this off my chest." It sounds harsher than I intended it to be. I'm not very good at things like this.

"Okay," she says quietly.

"What you did really scared me. It made me really upset. I was, I am, afraid of losing you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you." I take a deep breath. "There comes a point when you realize that deep breaths, or worry rocks, or clenching your fists repeatedly doesn't help your anxiety. You realize they're just distractions to take your focus away from your anxiety. They're not really taking it away. They just distract. But then you find something that really does help take it away. For me, that's you. You don't distract me from my anxiety. You help me through it. But when you picked up your phone, you caused a lot of anxiety for me, really quickly. I hadn't felt like that in awhile. It scared me because I'm not used to that. Sure, I'm used to feeling butterflies or something when I'm with you, but never actual anxiety that causes me to have a panic attack." I take another deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is that you help me. It scared me when you were the cause of anxiety, though. Usually when things make me nervous like that, I let them go forever to avoid more anxiety. I realize that I don't want to live without you. And three days ago, I got so scared and thought I might lose you. I'm sorry for ignoring your calls. I was just afraid and upset."

Delilah stays silent for a second and gently reaches for my hand. Her eyes look watery. "Luke, I really am so sorry. I don't know how many times I can say it. I made a really big mistake. I'm probably going to make some more, and you will, too. But I don't want mistakes to end our relationship or cause us to not talk for days. I don't want to lose you either. I honestly thought you were never going to talk to me again."

She looks down at our hands and quickly wipes under her eyes. I have to wipe mine, too.

"Don't make me cry. I've cried enough the past three days," I whisper.

She laughs lightly and nervously. "Me too."

We sit silently for a few seconds.

"I forgive you. I forgave you yesterday. I was just too nervous to talk to you," I tell her.

She smiles a little and a tear streams down her face. I wipe it off with my thumb.

"I promise I'll never do anything like that again," she says.

"You better not," I say jokingly. I move a little closer to her.

Neither of us say anything for a long time.

The past three days have been some of the worst days I've had in awhile. I didn't feel like myself anymore, I felt like the old Luke. The one who hated everything and everyone. I don't like feeling like him. He's not me. It's like he's a different person.

All I've done the past few days is cry and fight with my thoughts and think about my life. I realized how much I like Delilah.

I don't think right now is a good time to tell her though.

I also need to start doing things for myself. I can't depend on others for everything for the rest of my life. I've been so dependent on others the past few months, and I need to start doing things on my own. I'm not sure where to start though.

Delilah hesitantly leans her head on my shoulder. She looks up at me, and I look down on her.

"Luke?" she whispers.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I never meant to."

"I know. But it's okay now."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. There's some things in life I will never be able to walk away from, and you're one of them."

Delilah opens her mouth to some something, but closes it and just gently kisses my cheek.

I know I made the right decision in coming here. If I hadn't, I may have lost her forever.

I don't want to lose another person I love.

they almost said it but didn't oooohhh

if you're confused with this book, make sure you have read Remember to Forget first.

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ily

-ashley