---- [W -> D] ----

W: We get it! You're adorable! Stop showing off!
D: You can never be too sure

----

D: I love you
D: I don't love you, your aunt took my phone
W: You don't love me?
D: ...
D: We'll talk about this later

----

W: Robbie?
D: I'll be there in five minutes. if not, read this again

---- [The Three Muskequeers] ----

R: Why do we have to be here again?
R: And why do we have to "behave"?
D: Because Bruce said so and you don't want to be that guy who goes around embarrassing himself and making his friends pretend they don't know him
W: You guys, I'm right here
R: What?
W: Your talking about me like I'm not even here
D: We weren't talking about you
W: Promise?
R: Yeah
W: Alright, sorry, I'm cool, I don't want to be that guy who's too prideful to admit when he's wrong and can't back down and probably pops his collar
R: Guys, I'm right here
D: Dude, he wasn't referring to you,
R: Look, it's not my fault that I'm so strong and tall and all-around better than you guys
D: Dude, nice try
W: Hey guys, if we want to get out of here before the rush hour we should avoid the high way,
R: Why?
W: The cops are looking for homicidal maniac
D: I'M RIGHT HERE GUYS

---- [W -> D] ----

D: I bet I can get you to say red
W: Bring it on
D: What colour is the sky?
W: ....Blue
D: HA! I win, I told you I could get you to say blue
W: No, you said red
W: .....Wait did you just.....
W: Damnit
D: BOOM!

----

D: My day was just made
W: What kind of dog was it?

----

W: If you teach your parrot to say 'parrot' it's probably the closest you'll ever get to owning a Pokémon
D: Okay so every time someone comes over they'll tell Jason's parrot 'your a bird' and then he would say it back, one time I was home alone and very quietly I heard it say 'I'm a bird' and I dropped a plate

----

D: If you're ever sad just yell "FOOTBALL" as loud as you can and throw whatever your holding
W: What if it's a baby?
D: Did I stutter?

----

W: What are you doing?
D: Laying in bed
W: That's it?
D: I'm eating cereal
W: And if I were laying in bed next to you?
D: I'd be eating cereal
W: And if there was no cereal?
D: I'd be eating whipped cream

----

D: Don't save my name as anything sketchy
W: Okay dude, I got you

----

W: Send me words of encouragement so I don't kill anyone
D: There is no Netflix in prison

---- [D -> B] ----

B: The worst possible thing you could do would be to take things into your own hands
D: Okay, I've got this Bruce

---- [W -> D] ----

D: It looks like we're going to have to take things into our own hands
W: Got it

----

D: Corals die if they get stressed so if I was a coral I would be dead
W: What do corals even get stressed about?!
D: Current events
W: Get out

----

W: Lasers were once a huge scientific discovery, now we use them to play with cats
D: Computers were once a huge scientific discovery, now we use them to look at cats
D: Conclusion: Science was made for cats

----

W: My favorite words are 'Rob' 'canceled' and 'pizza'
D: Rob canceled free pizza
W: Why would you even say something like that

----

D: (/•.•)/ TO THE WINDOOOOW!!!!
W: Are you okay?
D: \(•.•\) TO THE WALLLL!!!!
W: Guess not

----

W: Want to hear a bird joke? They always quack me up
D: This will be emusing
W: Right? And to think, Roy told me to crow up
W: ...Okay, I'm out of bird jokes
D: Well, this is hawkward...

----

D: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR LOWERCASE CLASS
W: And here we capitalist
D: Dude

----

W: Robbie!
W: I'm so hungover...
W: I can't hold my liquor well
D: Tsk, tsk- I know how to hold my liquor
D: With two hands, So I don't drop it

----

D: Dude, why aren't you picking up when I call you?
W: I can explain
D: Well...
W: I really like my ring tone
D: It is literally my laugh
W: I know!

----

W: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's move immediately" why are elephants more advanced than us?
D: We do have a specific noise, it sounds like "there are bees here, let's move immediately"

----

D: Hey, let's talk about soap
D: Ajax soap
D: Their slogan is "stronger than grease"
D: And at first I was like "Yeah, that makes sense, 'cause it's dis- wait"
D: Ajax was a Greek soldier who was renowned for his strength
D: Ajax was stronger than all of Greece
W: Someone who worked at Ajax has waited 70 years for you

----

D: There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
W: You know, only a fraction of people will find this funny
D: Hey, some people appreciate jokes, some don't, the division is clear

----

W: Dude what happened to your face?
D: I got in a fight
D: What's your excuse?
D: Nice
W: Did you just 'nice' your own joke?
D: You would too, if you could make jokes
D: Nice

----

D: A wild heterosexual has appeared
D: You use your pride
D: It has limited effect

----

W: True strength is forgiving someone who was never really sorry
D: Ok, not to be dramatic, but I would literally rather die

----

D: My goal is to get everyone in the world to hate me but also tolerate me. Like a raccoon that shows up every night and knocks over your trash bins while also looking adorable as fuck

----

W: It's stupid!
D: Nothing we've done so far has been un-stupid and we're still alive, aren't we?
W: I can't argue with that but I feel like I should

----