The next day Julie, Amanda and the women finished up the cooking for a late afternoon meal.  The men watched sports and had a few drinks before dinner.  Julie thought it was going better than she initially expected.  Everyone seemed to get along and there were no conflicts.  She was hoping it would continue.

They were almost through dinner and Amanda noticed Julie was pretty quiet, but whenever anyone brought up her and Harry; she was quick to change the subject.  It seemed odd to Amanda.  But it wasn't long until she realized why.

"Just seems like 3 months isn't long enough to figure all this out.  Especially you, Julie. We know how the last relationship went."  Donna said.

"Not now mom.  Can we talk about this later please?"  Julie said.

"When?  It's not like we see you ever."  She said.

"I know.  So, can we just pretend we're happy that we actually get to do it.  You know why I can't come back home, and until now, you haven't wanted to come here."  Julie said leaning back.  She all of a sudden lost her appetite.  She noticed everyone looking at her.  She knew this would happen eventually.  She knew her mom would question her relationship with Harry.  She hadn't shared with her family quite how serious it was yet.  Because of Johnny, her mom questioned her every decision. 
"Can we then discuss this in private, please?"

"I think they should know, Julie."  She said to her.

"They know mom, probably everyone."  Julie said glancing at Harry.

"Everything?"  She asked her.

"Mom, please."  Julie begged.  

"Did you tell them why you finally left?"  She asked.

"No."  Julie said quietly.  "Please mom, this isn't the time."

"So, they don't know it took 10 days in the hospital and surgery to finally make you walk away.  You think you're in love, but we've gone through that before.  Seems like you said it right away with Johnny too.  Look how that turned out.  It's only been 3 months.  And he's away most of the time."  Donna said.  "I think maybe you should think about this."

"Harry is not Johnny, he's everything Johnny wasn't.  He's kind, and patient, and understanding.  He's gentle and believes in me more than I ever could.  When I'm scared, he gets it, when I'm overwhelmed and can't deal, he doesn't tell me how I should feel or what I should do, he just lets me freak out.  And yet he has not once walked away.  I have pushed him away so hard; I have basically given him every excuse to walk away, I have given him so many outs and he refuses.  He hasn't given me a reason not to trust him when he's away.  I told you long before things went bad that there was something wrong and Johnny had everyone fooled.  Everyone said I was just being unreasonable when I said he was bad for me.  He put on such an act in front of everyone and had me so scared, I couldn't even tell anyone the details."  She stood up.  "Now, if you would like to continue this we can do it alone because Harry and everyone else do not need to hear all your doubts.  If you have a problem with me then let's take this outside."  She took her plate and she looked at Amanda, she didn't want this to become a war tonight and she was afraid of Amanda trying to protect her.  She could see it in Amanda's eyes.  She just shook her head at Amanda.  "Please don't."  She whispered.  She set her plate in the kitchen and went to the door to wait for her mom.  She saw Harry stand up.  She just shook her head at him and opened the door to go outside with her mom.

Harry sat back down and looked at his hands.

"Sorry about that," Michael said.  "Mom's worried.  We all are, but mom doesn't have the best timing, and she doesn't have much of a filter when she thinks she's right.  I don't think it has anything to do with you personally.  I think she would feel the same about any guy she was with.  Especially since it's the first one since Johnny."

"I saw firsthand what he was capable of.  I get the concern.  But I would never hurt her.  Not like that."  Harry said quietly.

"You saw firsthand?"  Michael questioned.

"Of course, she wouldn't have told anyone.  Yes, he found her in Vegas about 2 months ago, maybe a little less.  The confrontation didn't go well.  Took quite a bit from Amanda, Niall and myself to get her through it."  Harry said fighting to keep calm going back to that memory.

"Well every time she was battered and bruised before she just hid until it was healed or made something up.  He scared her so bad she wouldn't even tell us the truth.  Please don't hold my Mom's outburst against her though.  In the end, we just want what's best for my sister."  Michael said standing up.  "I think we're going to take a walk now, see a little bit of LA if that's ok with everyone."  He, Katie and their dad walked out.

"Amanda, Niall, maybe we should go."  Sue said.

"I'm truly sorry about all of this."  Harry said.  He had no clue it would go like this.

"It's not your fault Harry.  We will get through this too."  Amanda said hugging him.  She wished she could say something, but it was JJ's mom.  Oh, she would have a discussion with JJ later though.  They all said their goodbyes and left.  Amanda looked over at JJ and her mom.  "Niall, mom, give me a minute.  I'm sorry but I can't just leave."  She walked up to them.  "I'm sorry to interrupt."  She looked at JJ.  She knew JJ asked her to stay out of it but she just couldn't.  "I'm sorry, really, but someone has to say something."  She looked at Donna.  "Maybe you should stop being so hard on her."

"Panda.  Seriously.  It's ok.  Please don't."  Julie said.

"Sorry, JJ, but I have too."  Amanda said.  "She's gone through hell.  She's trying to pick up the pieces.  I understand you're concerned.  We all are.  We all want her to move on though.  To know she has people she can count on.  Harry has faced it all head on.  He loves her, I'm sorry you don't want to see that, but he does.  He has held her and helped her through a lot of issues already.  Yes, it's only been 3 months, yes, she has a lot to work through, yes, she's scared and pushes him away.  She questions everything already.  But she needs someone to love her, not question her.  Please just consider supporting her decisions instead of questioning them.  She didn't jump into this without her own questions.  I'm sorry.  I am.  But I think maybe you should be supportive instead of putting more questions into her head.  She doesn't need any help with that."  She hugged JJ.  "I don't want to leave.  But call me later.  Please."  She walked back and left with Niall and her family.

"I'm sorry mom."  Julie said looking at her hands.  "Sometimes Panda thinks she needs to protect me from everything."

Her mom looked at her.  "I don't want to see you hurt, watching what happened to you before hurt me more than anything.  He's a rock star Julie, one who is always on the road.  Always on the go.  Maybe he won't hurt you physically, but how can you say you love him when you hardly see him.  And so quickly."

"Because mom, we spend so much time on the phone all we can do is talk.  And learn everything about each other.  And he's been so supportive.  With my head, and the way I run, and react and push people away, he should have left a long time ago but he hasn't.  He holds on tighter.  Rock star or not, Harry is one of the nicest people I have ever met.  He may even be the nicest.  I need him mom, I just do."  Julie said.

About an hour later Julie walked in and to the kitchen.  Her mom went to her room.  Julie went to the fridge and got a bottle of water and sat at the counter.  She took a drink and rubbed her face with her hands.  She felt bad for Harry and about how uncomfortable everyone else had to be with that exchange.  She had just met Amanda's family and within a day, things went bad.  She was used to it but most people wouldn't be.  She really hoped Harry and Amanda's family weren't mad.

Harry came into the kitchen by her.  "Baby?  Are you ok?"  He asked.

Julie turned around on the stool.  "Yeah, I'm ok.  I figured it would happen at some point, I just didn't know it would in front of everyone.  I'm very sorry about it.  I'm used to it.  I'm just sorry you got pulled into it."

"Are you sure you're ok?"  He sat next to her.

"Yeah, Johnny changed a lot, well basically everything in my life.  I know you have a lot of questions and I will answer them, I promise.  I just need a few minutes please.  And I know this will be hard for you but no matter what she says, just let it go ok?  I know you want to protect me and I know you want to stick up for me.  But just, I don't want this to become a disaster of a Thanksgiving vacation.  And don't take anything she says to heart Harry.  She doesn't know you."  She looked at her phone. 

"Panda's been calling me nonstop, let me call her quick, and then I will come have yet another extremely uncomfortable conversation with you about my past; which I guess will never really be my past."

"Alright love."  He looked at her face.  "Hey, this isn't anything we aren't going to get through.  You and I, together, can get through anything."

"I know.  There were just certain things I was hoping I didn't have to go into details about, and now I don't have a choice.  I know what you're wondering.  It's going to be the hardest thing out of all of this for me to go into details about."  She took a deep breath.  "Ok, let me call Panda."

He kissed her.  "Ok, I will wait in the bedroom for you."

Amanda picked up her phone as soon as it rang and saw it was JJ.  "It's about damn time.  Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.  I was hoping with everyone there she wouldn't bring it up but I was expecting it.  Johnny has changed my relationship with everyone.  She wants to protect me but she's not very good at showing it.  I'm probably a lot more like her than I'd like to admit.  There's probably more I need to tell you.  I just need to get through this visit without everyone hating me, and then when Harry and Niall leave you can question me all you want.  Because right now I'm going to have to go explain all of this to Harry, and I really wish I didn't have too."

"I thought you told us everything."  Amanda said.

"You know what happened.  Just not some details which, I wasn't going to bring up to be honest.  There may have been a specific moment that made me have to walk away.  You know what, so that I don't have to do this twice I'm just going to put you on speaker."  Julie said walking into Harry's room.  "Are you still there, Panda?"

"Yes, can Niall listen too?"  Amanda asked.

"Might as well.  You would just tell him anyway."  Julie said as she set the phone on Harry's dresser and leaned against it.  "I know what all of you are wondering.  But believe me if you thought what I told you before was difficult, this just, you aren't going to want to hear it."

Harry stood in front of her and held her hands.  "Let us help you.  Please?  That's all we want to do."

"When I told you after Vegas, that I've had worse.  I meant it.  And I was scared.  I didn't leave sooner because I was so scared of what he would do when he found me.  But the last day I was with him...." She paused. "I don't want to do this."  She said.

Harry could tell she was heading towards her safe place.  She was trying really hard not to feel anything.  "Baby, you are safe here.  He can't hurt you anymore."

"He's never stopped hurting me.  Can't you see that?"  She said.

"I know, JJ."  Amanda said.  "But letting go, and letting us help you can only start to ease the hurt."

"I don't want to do this.  I'm so tired of ruining everything whenever we're together."  She looked at Harry.  "Every time, my past ruins something."

"Nothing is ruined, baby.  We will get through this just like I said.  Together.  All of us."  He looked down at her.

"I, I really don't know how to tell you all this."  She took a deep breath.  "He came home that night, and I, of course, was trying to make sure his dinner was done on time and perfectly.  But I was running behind because I got off work late.  So, of course, he was angry."  She said going right back to that day.  Almost like she was reliving it.  "I was trying to keep him calm and get everything done and I hurried too much.  When I turned around I knocked his favorite glass out of his hand and it broke.  I knew at that point something was going to happen.  I was ready for it.  Of course, he hit me.  But when I went to turn to clean it up, he had a piece of glass still in his hand.  When I turned around I ran right into the glass piece and it went into my stomach pretty far.  I was shocked and all he could say was you can't blame this on me.  I was bleeding and cut pretty bad, and he wouldn't call for help because he was worried about getting blamed.  He left.  I was on the floor glass still in my stomach, bleeding a lot, and in a ton of pain.  When I fell another piece of glass got stuck in my shoulder."  She crossed her arms and started pacing the room.  She was extremely uncomfortable and she had never spoken about this in detail to anyone except for the investigators.  "I honestly thought about just giving up.  Never getting up off the floor because it would have all been over.  I would never have to deal with any of it again."

"Julie."  Harry said.  He once again was taken aback at the things she was telling him.  He wondered if it would ever end.  He wanted to take her in his arms but he knew when she went back there; she pretty much avoided contact.  He didn't want to scare her.  "Baby."

"Let her finish, Harry."  He heard Amanda say quietly through the speaker, he could hear the tears in her voice.  "You know she won't if she doesn't keep going."

"But there was a small part of me yet, that just couldn't give in to him.  That just couldn't stand the thought of him spinning it all around again and getting sympathy for something he basically caused.  So, I somehow managed to get to the phone across the room and call for help.  I was taken to the hospital and right to surgery because it nicked an artery and I was bleeding internally a ton.  I was in the hospital 10 days and during that time I decided I was leaving one way or another, as far away as I could.  So, I left everything but 2 bags full of things, and moved to LA.  Because if I would have stayed, the next time, or the time after that, I may not have made it out alive.  I was seriously scared for my life."  She sat down on the bed.  Her hands shaking.  She clenched them into fists to stop them.  "Mom's having a hard time with it taking that much to say something or get me to leave, and that they didn't pick up on it sooner.  Not only did I let him ruin me, I let him ruin everyone I loved."

Niall spoke up for the first time.  "Sounds like you did try to tell them.  Sounds like no one wanted to hear it, or see it."

"Sort of, Niall.  I mean I did tell them something wasn't right but I didn't tell them to what extent.  For all they knew I was getting bored with things in general.  I never said he hits me or he tells me I'm worthless."  Julie said sighing.

"Why isn't he in jail?! For the rest of his damn life?!"  Amanda shouted through the phone.  "Seriously!!"

"He was for a while.  For assault.  I could have lied.  I could have probably said he did it on purpose, but it wasn't on purpose and I didn't want to become him.  I didn't want to be the one to ruin anyone's life with lies.  I'm not sure everyone was convinced it was an accident.  But it was.  I had a restraining order, but apparently, they thought since I was in LA it was no longer needed.  After Vegas, I got it reinstated but it can only do so much, and only after he violates it; which means he would have to get close enough.  It may never be over."  She put her hand on Harry's cheek when he sat by her.  She knew it would hit him hard.  He hadn't said a thing and tears were running down his cheeks.

"I'm coming back there."  Amanda said.  "I will be there soon."

"No, Panda.  I'm fine.  I've got Harry."  She said hugging him to her.  "We will be ok."

"We are going to talk when everyone leaves JJ."  Amanda sighed.  "You will tell me everything damn it.  No more surprises!"

"Just enjoy the time you guys have with your families.  Don't worry about me."  Julie said rubbing Harry's back.

"I'm going to worry about you, damn it.  I love you."  Amanda said.

"JJ," Niall said.  "You know you should take more credit for saving your own life than you do, right?  You decided to change it, save it, move on.  Go to a new place and try to start new.  You did that.  No one else.  You give us, and even Harry, too much credit.  You are strong.  You are resilient, and you are a much better person than you will ever give yourself credit for.  So, friend, I'm going to keep reminding you of that every day of your god damn life."

Julie looked at the floor through Niall's speech.  She never gave herself credit, and she never would.  She thought she took way too long to leave.  That if she was stronger it would have ended a lot sooner.  "I think you give me too much credit Niall.  I love you too, Panda.  I will see you both soon and please apologize to your family for me."  Julie said.  After the call disconnected she addressed Harry.  "Babe.  It's ok.  I'm ok."

He held her tighter.  "I should be comforting you.  I should be the one telling you it's ok.  The scars.  On your stomach and your shoulder.  That's what they are from aren't they?"

When he pulled back she looked up at him.  "I knew what was coming.  I told you it wasn't pleasant. And yes babe.  A constant reminder of what was."

"Wasn't pleasant?  Julie, you could have..."  He said to her astounded.

"But I didn't."  She interrupted him.

Of course, she was calm and unemotional.  Damn her past.  "Baby, don't hide from me.  Please.  Please keep talking to me.  Please keep letting me in.  I'm so sorry I didn't discuss this before inviting everyone."

She sat up straight and faced him and took his hands.  "Don't.  You had the best intentions.  Harry, you have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met.  That's one of the reasons you're so good for me.  You know how to love with everything you have.  I would NEVER change your heart.  What you thought you were doing is the most amazing thing anyone has ever tried to do for me.  You constantly do things to make me feel like I'm wanted.  Don't ever change that.  I NEED that.  You show everything I've been so scared to show or see for years.  YOU saved me Harry.  YOU saved my life.  We all just don't have families like yours.  Sometimes the support isn't automatically there."

"Please keep talking Julie."  He put his hand behind her neck.  "Please let me in.  All of it though, not just the minimum you think will satisfy me."  He looked her in the eyes.  "You and I can work through anything, I believe that."

"I can't.  Not anymore.  Not right now.  I'm sorry."  Julie said standing up.

Harry looked at her.  "Please.  You have too.  You can't keep holding everything in.  Pretending you're ok."

"I am ok."  She said crossing her arms and looking at him.  "I am."

"Julie, you are not ok."  He said standing up.  "You need to talk to someone.  And I don't just mean me, or Amanda, or Niall.  Someone who knows how to help you."

"Don't, Harry."  She stepped back.

He stood and looked at her.  He had to stop now.  She needed her space.  He could tell.  "I'm not leaving you alone.  But I will stop for now.  I will just be here.  I get you need your space now.  One day though, I'm hoping that you come to me and let me hold you instead of closing yourself off and wanting to be alone.  I'm waiting for that day as patiently as I can.  I love you.  Please remember that while you sort through tonight."  He grabbed his things to take a shower.  He knew she needed her alone time.  He knew she needed to sort through her thoughts and her feelings.  It was how she was.  He did hope one day she would come to him first instead, of hiding in her head, but for now it's how she dealt.  He would let her.  They would find a way to let her do this when she needed too.  He sighed and then got in the shower.

Julie opened the patio door off Harry's bedroom, walked out and sat in the chair.  She looked up at the sky.  God, this would never end.  And now Harry wanted to send her to a shrink.  She didn't want to talk to any stranger about this.  She was living, she was getting through it.  Right?  She didn't need anyone else's help.  She had Harry and Amanda and Niall.  That was all she needed.  Maybe it was time to stop telling them so much.  She could work it out herself.  She stared up at the sky.  How could she let it get this far?  How could she bring this into all of their lives?  What was she thinking?

As Amanda climbed into bed, Niall wrapped his arms around her.  "So, are you ok?" He asked her.

She sighed.  "No, I'm having a really hard time with JJ's mom giving her such a hard time.  I tried to be calm when I talked to her before we left, but it was hard.  I wanted to scream at her.  I keep learning more and more about why JJ is the way she is.  Seems she's never really had any support in anything.  It's no wonder she hides EVERYTHING."  She laid her head down on Niall's chest.

"Princess, she's gone through hell for a very long time.  Things aren't going to get better overnight.  It honestly hasn't even been that long since she first told you, us, any of this.  We have to get her to fight for herself, believe in herself, before things are going to improve.  We see how good of a friend she is, especially to you.  She doesn't see it."  Niall sighed.  "She needs more help Amanda, I think it's time we all face the fact that maybe we can't give her the help she needs."

"What do you mean, Niall?"  She picked her head up and looked at him.  "You don't think I can help my best friend?"

"No, Amanda, that's not what I said.  Of course, she needs you.  Probably more than anyone.  But she also needs someone who knows how to deal with the trauma."

"I think I know trauma Niall."  Amanda said getting up.  She rubbed her face.  "Look, I get what you're saying.  Her PTSD is through the roof.  I understand that.  But I also know her.  As soon as someone mentions her talking to someone outside of us, she's going to freak out.  Or run, or hide.  Or all of the above.  We have to find a way to get her help without chasing her away."

"Maybe we have to do what's right for her, instead of worrying about how she's going to react to us."  Niall said.  "Maybe it's time to let her be angry at us so she gets the help she needs, the help she deserves."

Amanda stood up.  "Yeah, maybe.  Right now, I just can't think about losing my best friend.  So, I'm going to sit outside for a minute.  Alone.  Please."

Niall sighed and lay back on the bed.  "Yeah, of course.  Whatever you need."

Amanda wasn't angry with Niall.  She knew he was right.  She knew that it was time to get JJ the help she needed.  She knew she wasn't qualified to get her through this.  She wanted too though.  She really was terrified that she was going to lose part of her best friend if she pushed her too far, too fast.  She looked at the sky.  "God JJ, please just let us get you help and get you through this.  I'm so sorry.  I'm just so, so sorry."  She couldn't help the tears from falling.

*if you are enjoying the story please vote/comment/share. I would love to be able to respond.

*the story is complete fan fiction