#WIAE Chapter 20

I looked at their expressions. Tinignan kong mabuti kung paano sila aakto sa sinabi ko. Sandra warned me to be extra-careful... that deciding to come back to this place was almost like waging a war against all their families. I didn't like war. I didn't like chaos. But I also didn't like people not paying for what they did. And whoever ordered my assault needed to pay the debt.

"What?" Ella said, her face contorted. "What the fúck are you saying?"

"That I am also a Dieux? Didn't you hear the first time? Bingi ka na rin ba, alongside being pathetic?"

Napatayo siya at saka malakas na hinampas iyong lamesa.

"You bitch!"

Hindi ko siya pinansin at saka binalingan si Night. My chest was heaving in pain with the proximity. I felt uncomfortable having someone so near... But I needed to pretend that I was alright. I needed to show them that the assault didn't do anything to me. That rather than destroying me, they just unleashed the devil inside me.

After all, even Lucifer was once an angel.

Huminga ako nang malalim at pinalakas ang loob ko bago ko kinausap si Night. Siya lang ang pwede kong kausapin sa lamesa na 'to. I still wasn't talking to Avo. I needed to plan my move first. I realized that he was the deadliest man in this academy and I needed to take that seriously. Lorenzo was not an option, as well. I was not in the mood to play sarcastic with him. And I didn't even need to consider Fuji. My mere existence was enough to put him in a sour mood.

"Are you done with this party? I need help to fix my things," sabi ko sa kanya. Night's expression remained unfazed. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba hindi ko lang talaga mabasa ang iniisip niya, o kaya naman ay dahil alam niya na talaga dati pa... He had always been helpful. At sinabi niya sa akin iyong tungkol sa Memento Mori kahit na nung nagpapanggap pa akong Deuxiéme. It was a possibility that he already knew of my real identity even before divulging it.

"Why?"

"I'm transferring to the house," I informed.

"What?!" Ella shouted.

Binalingan ko siya.

"Will you please stop shouting? Nandito lang ako sa harap mo," naiinis na sabi ko sa kanya. Ang lakas ng boses niya. Binalingan ko si Night. "So? Do you want to help?"

Night looked at me, as if he was studying me.

"Something's changed," he whispered.

"Nothing changed, Night. I just realized I needed to play the game."

'In order to find the culprit,' I reminded myself. It was my goal. I needed to find the one who did that to me. I should always remind myself why I came back to this horrid place... At hindi ako dapat magpa-apekto sa bawat tingin ni Avo.

Tumayo na ako at nagsimulang maglakad. As I was walking outside, I saw Laurie looking at me. I wanted to come and talk to her... but I didn't to trust anyone. I was done with that. I was done trusting anyone. I was sure she'd understand.

Tahimik lang akong naglakad hanggang sa makarating ako sa harap ng tirahan ng mga Dieux. It was still as massive like the first time I saw it. I didn't want to live here, but I was left with no choice.

"Are you sure you're going to live here?"

I faced Night and nodded.

"Bawal ba?"

"Mapipigilan ba kita kapag sinabi kong hindi?"

I shook my head.

"Then let's get moving before Ella arrives," he said. Naninibago ako na hindi siya nagtatanong.

We started our way to the house. I was about to open the door when he held the knob at the same time. I flinched when his touch grazed my skin. My heart jumped inside my chest, and started racing. I closed my eyes and calmed myself. I should stop reliving the memories. I wouldn't be able to function, if I would flinch at the slightest touch.

"S-sorry," I quickly apologized.

Naka-tingin siya sa akin... at ngayon, alam ko na alam niya na na mayroong mali. But he didn't say anything.

"I don't know what happened to you," he said, looking straight into my eyes. "But if you want to be taken seriously, never apologize. Correct your mistakes, but never apologize."

I pursed my lips.

"Thank you."

"And never thank anyone."

"Are you telling me to get rid of my emotions?"

He looked at me, and nodded.

"Feelings are weakness, Estrella. If you want to win the game, set aside your feelings."

Mas lalo akong napatingin sa kanya. Night... surely knew a lot of things. I should keep him close. Lalo na at nakikita ko na paparating na sila Avo. Bigla akong kinabahan. I was scared, but I needed to pretend that I was strong.

Nung malapit na sila Ella, bigla akong hinatak ni Night sa tabi niya. He whispered, "You don't have to be strong all the time. You just have to look strong." And then he put his hand on the small of my back. My system screamed, but I held it all in. "In Omnia Paratus. Ready for anything. Show them, Estrella."

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko na napatingin sa kanya. He knew about my family! He fúcking knew! Ang dami kong gustong itanong kay Night pero hindi ko nagawa dahil nasa harap ko na sina Avo, Fuji, Lorenzo, at Ella.

"Are you fúcking serious?!" sigaw ni Ella nung makita niya iyong ilan sa mga gamit ko na nandito pa sa labas. "Bakit ka titira dito?!"

Huminga ako nang malalim. Was she this slow? Ilang beses ko ba na ipapaliwanag na Dieux din ako?

"Because I belong here," I calmly replied. No emotions. I shouldn't show them anything. That would be a weakness. "I am an Estrella. This is my place. I am taking it."

I picked up my luggage and began walking inside, with Ella shouting behind me. I couldn't blame Night if he's outside all the time. Kung ako man ang araw-araw makakarinig sa sigaw ni Ella, malamang ay nasa labas din ako palagi. I was about to go inside and look for a vacant room when she slapped me. I felt the stinging sensation. My jaw clenched with anger.

"Who do you think you are?! Bigla ka na lang pupunta dito at aasta ng ganyan?!"

Agad akong pumasok sa loob at mabilis na hinanap iyong kwarto ni Ella. I opened the door and went in. Hinanap ko iyong damitan niya at mabilis kong pinagbabato. I was supposed to nicely ask for a vacant room, but she left me with no choice.

Ella's jaw dropped.

"You're kidding me." I faced her, my face void of any emotions. "You bitch!" sabi niya nung makita ako na binabato lahat ng gamit niya sa sahig. I began rummaging through her things and found her jewelry collection. Agad kong binuksan iyon at saka inihagis sa sahig. One of her necklaces broke and the diamonds spread on the floor. Hindi pa ako nakuntento at saka humanap ako ng gunting at isa-isa kong ginupit ang mga damit niya.

She was about to charge at me when I pointed the scissors at her.

"Slap me again and I will stab you with this scissors, Ella. 'Wag mo akong subukan," I said through gritted teeth. I was tired of being pushed around by her. If she slaps me, I'd slap her back and slam her head against the wall. Hindi na ako papayag na gawin niya sa akin iyong mga ginagawa niya noon. I was done playing the underdog.

Agad niyang tinignan si Avo at Fuji, asking for help.

"Tell her to stop, Avo..." she pleaded. She held on to his arms. "Avo, please... She can't do this! She can't throw me out of my own room!"

Avo was only looking at me. He wasn't saying anything, but his eyes were boring a hole in me. And still, I couldn't read him.

"Fuji?" Ella said nung hindi sumasagot si Avo.

"Just... just give this room up. It's not worth it," Fuji replied. Tinignan akong mabuti ni Fuji. His eyes screamed anger, but he wasn't saying anything about it. Night was right. Everything was just a facade. I should play the game like how they're playing it... I shouldn't be at a disadvantage.

Agad na hinila palabas ni Fuji at Lorenzo si Ella. Night looked at me and then started to walk away... leaving me with Avo.

"We're not yet done," sabi ni Ella pero hindi ko na siya pinansin. I was tired with her antics. And I just wanted to rest. But how could I? How could I with Avo here with me?

"May sasabihin ka ba?" I said. "Dahil kung wala, you can leave. I want to rest."

But he didn't budge. He just stayed there, standing and looking at me.

"Boe..."

I shot him a look.

"Belinda, Avo. That's my name." Because Boe died when I did all those horrible things.

We stared at each other, with no one wanting to give up. But I wouldn't. I held the gaze for as long as I could. He should know that I wasn't the same girl he used to play for a fool. It had only been days... but those days changed me. And the things I did... I could never take them back.

I was just like them now. I was no better than them.

--

Morning came and I decided not to eat breakfast with them. I seriously didn't want to deal with Ella. Even her face was enough to destroy my day. I decided to stay inside the room and just arrange my things. At magplano kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. I still wasn't familiar with this house. Ilang beses pa lang akong nakakapunta dito kaya hindi ko pa rin alam ang pasikut-sikot.

It was already three in the afternoon when I decided to go out. It was a dead time. I was sure that they're done eating. I was famished. Pagpunta ko sa kusina, agad kong naabutan si Night. He was by the kitchen island eating a spoonful of Nutella.

"Night..." I called his name. He shot me a glance. "Are there things I need to know?" Kumunot ang noo niya. "I mean, as a Dieux..."

There were things that only them knew. That was one of the reasons why I decided to reveal my real identity. I should be able to use all resources. I was sure that Memento Mori was but one of the many things that they get to enjoy.

"Ah, yeah. One, we rule this school," sabi niya at napailing lang ako. "Two, there are lots of hidden passages everywhere. And three, the walls have ears."

If they have ears everywhere, they must've heard my cries. Mas lalo lang namuo ang galit sa puso ko tuwing naaalala ko na isa sa mga tao sa bahay na ito ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagkaka-ganito.

"You don't need to ask me things, Estrella. You'll learn along the way," sabi niya. Alam ko na wala akong mapapala kay Night. Kung ayaw niyang sabihin, hindi niya sasabihin... Might as well investigate myself. Pero bago iyon, kakain muna ako dahil nagugutom na ako.

"There are no food," he said bago ko pa man mabuksan iyong ref.

"What?"

"Ella threw away all the food when you burned her things."

Napaawang iyong labi ko. She did that?!

"I seriously can't live with girls. Ella is headache enough, tapos dumagdag ka pa," sabi niya habang nilalagyan ulit iyong kutsara niya ng Nutella. "If you want to eat, go outside."

Natigilan ako. I couldn't. I still couldn't go outside alone. Pakiramdam ko ay bigla na lang may hahatak sa akin para dalhin ako sa kung saan. I was trying to fight the fear but it kept on creeping back into my system. Iniisip ko pa lang ay parang sumisikip na ang dibdib ko.

"A-ah. Sige, may aayusin pa ako," I said and then made my way back to my room. I should just wait until dinner. May dadating naman para magluto.

My stomach was already hurting from hunger but I was fighting it. I really couldn't step outside. Gusto ko pero... hindi ko magawa.

"Hey."

Napatingin ako sa pintuan. Night was standing by the door, holding his jar of Nutella and two spoons.

"I don't know what your problem is, but you want to eat? I can't finish this alone."

"You want to share?"

He shrugged.

"It's about to expire tomorrow, so might as well share with you," he said and then went inside. Binigay niya sa akin iyong kutsara at saka naupo sa kama. He was at least a foot away from me, and that made me calm down. I didn't want him too near. It would feel like suffocating. "Bakit ka nandito?" he asked.

"I belong here."

"I know. But what changed your mind?"

I kept silent. I didn't want to discuss about it. My chest felt like exploding just by thinking about it.

"How long have you known?" I asked him instead.

"What? That you're a Dieux?"

I nodded.

"Since the beginning."

Napaawang iyong labi ko.

"H-how?"

My parents kept me in hiding for so long. Majority of the world didn't even know that I exist. Paano niya nalaman iyong tungkol sa tunay kong pagkatao?

"Oli told me about you," he said. I held my breath. "He used to live here. Before he died." He knew my brother... "And you're his spitting image, you know?"

Mas lalong umawang ang mga labi ko.

"Kilala mo siya?"

He nodded.

"I used to know him, but Avo knew him better. He was his best friend."