#WIAE Chapter 8

Hirap na hirap akong huminga pero narinig ko pa rin ang boses ni Night na sinisigaw ang pangalan ko. I couldn't exactly focus on anything—breathing alone was too much to do at the moment. My hand was clutched tightly on my chest. I was trying my best to keep breathing. I felt like I would die any moment soon.

Doctors and nurses crowded me as I closed my eyes.

The next few hours were torture. They kept on pumping the poison out of my stomach. Apparently, someone tried to kill me by putting poison in my soup. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang may galit sa akin na ganito katindi para gawin ito... Kagabi, sinubukan niya akong patayin sa sobrang lamig, ngayon naman gusto niya akong lasunin. Whoever did this was very keen on weeding me out from the world.

Sino ba ang may ganitong katinding galit sa akin? I was in this place for just almost a month but by the length the person who did this is willing to take, pakiramdam ko buong buhay na siyang galit sa akin. How could someone harbor such resentment?

By the time the doctors were done with me, I was so spent.

"Water," I managed to choke out. Agad naman akong inabutan ni Night ng tubig. Hindi na siya umalis pa sa tabi ko. Simula nung nalason ako, kahit isang segundo hindi siya umalis. He was watching me with hawk-eyes. Naiintindihan ko naman siya. Kung ako man ang nasa kalagayan niya, hindi ko siya iiwan. Every second felt more dangerous than the last.

After I was done drinking, tinignan niya ako.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "It's my fault. I should've checked the soup first."

Gusto kong matawa kay Night. How was any of this his fault? He was the one who found me when I was freezing to death. He was the one who called the doctors when I was barely breathing. If anything, I should be thanking him.

I wanted to speak up but my throat felt so dry. Walang kalaman-laman ang tyan ko dahil inalis lahat ng mga doctor. Baka kasi may maiwan pa na lason... Night said that the headmistress came by while I was sleeping. Kinakabahan siguro 'yun. My parents will have her head if anything bad happens to me.

Instead of speaking I just weakly smiled at him.

"Matulog ka na," I heard him say. "Babantayan kita."

With that, I was able to lull myself to sleep. The next few days were alright. Hinatid ako ni Night sa dorm namin at siya na ang bahala na mag-excuse sa akin kung bakit hindi ako makakapasok sa school. Kinausap niya rin si Cathy na alagaan ako. Kilig na kilig nga si Cathy nung kinausap siya ni Night.

Sabi ni Night, bukas na raw ang balik ni Avo. Kaya naman nandito lang ako sa kwarto, trying to regain my strength. Ayoko na mapansin niya na may kakaiba. Night tried his best para hindi na kumalat pa ang mga nangyari. I wouldn't let his efforts go in vain.

"I bought food," sabi ni Cathy sabay pakita sa akin ng takeout mula sa restaurant. "Don't worry, safe 'to." Kumagat siya sa kakainan ko. "See? Walang poison."

I smiled at her. Hindi naman niya kailangang gawin 'to pero ginagawa niya. Cathy's a nice person. Mabuti na lang at kaibigan ko siya.

Kumain lang ako at binigay niya naman sa akin 'yung notes na namiss ko. Kinikilig pa siya habang nagkukwento dahil si Night ang nag-abot sa kanya. Hindi naman kasi kami classmates ni Cathy; si Night at Avo ang classmates ko.

"Ang gwapo talaga ni Night!" she gushed. I was just fondly looking at her. Ang cute niya kasi habang namumula at nagkukwento kung paano inabot sa kanya ni Night iyong notes at assignments. "Kailan kaya sila maghihiwalay ni Laurie?"

Napasimangot naman ako. Hindi kasi ako pabor sa mga tao na hinihiling na maghiwalay ang isang couple dahil lang sa pansariling kagustuhan... Darating din ang para sa 'yo; you need not wish harm on others.

"Hay, anyway, babalik na raw si Avo bukas."

I smiled. Tomorrow, I'd see the handsome devil again.

Kinabukasan, maaga akong nagising. Mabilis akong naligo at nagsuot ng uniform namin. Pati sa uniform ko, cautious na ako. Hindi ko naman kasi alam kung saan na ako biglang aatakihin. Kung nagawa nga nilang lasunin ang pagkain ko, ano pa ang pumipigil sa kanila na baka kahit uniform ko, lagyan ng kung ano.

I just really wish na mahuli na kung sino ang gumagawa nito... Ayoko naman na mabuhay na palagi na lang nakabantay sa likod ko. This was the very reason why I abhor the life I grew up with. The constant danger and threats were maddening.

Pag hakbang na pag hakbang ko pa lang sa labas ng dorm namin, nakita ko na agad siya.

"Hi."

His hands were inside his pockets and he was looking at me like I was the best damn thing in the world. Nakangiti ako habang naglalakad papunta sa kanya. Ilang araw ko lang siyang nakita pero pakiramdam ko, miss na miss ko na siya.

Maybe he was right... Time isn't measurement enough when it comes to love.

"Hi," sagot ko rin sa kanya. "Umitim ka."

Kumunot naman ang noo niya. "Does it bother you?" parang nag-aalala na sagot niya. Gusto ko naman na matawa. Para bang ang importante ng opinyon ko sa kanya. And that made my stomach do a little somersault.

Umiling ako. "Kumain ka na ba?" I asked to deviate the topic. Hindi naman talaga siya umitim, pero nagkaroon siya ng kulay. Masyado kasing maputi itong lalaki na 'to. He was almost pale. He looked nice—with colors in his cheeks. Nakakabuti pala sa kanya na lumalabas... But I really didn't dig the idea of him out while it was the most dangerous time in our world.

Gusto ni Avo na sa restaurant kami kumain pero umiling ako. Baka kasi magtaka siya kapag hindi ako makakain dahil sa paglason na naganap. Instead, sinabi ko sa kanya na bumili na lang kami ng pagkain sa convenience store. Hindi naman siguro nalason ang mga pagkain dun... Grabe naman kung pati iyon ginawa nila para lang mamatay ako.

In the end, napilit ko rin siya. We bought sandwich and we ate it while we were sitting on one of the benches.

"Did you miss me?" he asked. Muntik na akong mabulunan sa kanya. Ano ba namang tao 'to! Inabutan niya ako ng tubig at saka hinagod ang likuran ko. "Are you alright?"

Tumango ako matapos kong maubos iyong tubig. Tinitigan niya ang mukha ko.

"A-ano?" sabi ko dahil naiilang ako sa pagtingin niya sa akin. It was like I was a specimen under his microscopic eyes. Nakakailang.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "You look thinner. And paler. What happened while I was away?"

As if on cue, lumakas ang tibok ng dibdib ko. Tama nga si Night; mapapansin nga ni Avo. Pero kailangan kong galingang magsinungaling. Ayoko na mag-alala pa siya. Nandito na naman siya... sigurado ako na safe na ako. He was my safety blanket. He made me feel secured.

Umiling ako. "Wala naman."

"You sure?"

"Namiss lang kita kaya hindi ako makakain kaya siguro pumayat ako," I said. Parang gusto kong sabunin ang bibig ko sa mga salita na lumabas mula rito. God! Kailan pa ako natuto ng mga ganyang salita? I must be so desperate to draw him away from any speculations for me to say such words.

Agad naman na inilagay ni Avo ang kamay niya sa pisngi ko. "I'm here now, alright?" he said and I was hypnotized.

Matapos naming kumain ay dumiretso na kami sa room namin. The room was chaotic as usual. Nung pumasok kami, wala namang nagbago. Nakita ko na nandun na si Night sa pwesto niya kaya pakiramdam ko, nakausap niya na ang mga classmates namin na 'wag ipaalam kay Avo na dalawang araw akong absent.

As we sat down, nagsimula ng mag-usap sina Night at Avo. Kakadating lang pala kasi talaga ni Avo mula sa labas. At ako agad ang pinuntahan niya. My heart fluttered.

"Did anything happen while I was away?" he asked Night.

Night closed the book he was reading. "Nothing. Binantayan ko si Boe like you asked." Kaya naman pala palagi siyang nakasunod sa akin. Minsan nga, naaawa na ako kay Laurie... Ayaw ko naman na agawan siya ng atensyon ni Night. Minsan nga sinabi ko na na okay lang ako at puntahan niya si Laurie pero ayaw niyang pumayag. Si Night talaga 'yung tao na loyal at may isang salita. I'd bet that his loyalty to Avo wouldn't waver.

Tumango naman si Avo. Dumating na ang professor namin at nagsimula na kami na mag-aral. Pero sa kalagitnaan ng lecture ay biglang nagkaroon ng announcement.

Attention to the students of Academia de Mondragon: this Friday night, the annual welcoming of the new students will be held in the auditorium. The same rules apply: the old students would have to wear black and a mask and the new students would be dressed in white.

Attendance is mandatory.

Isang beses pa na inulit iyong announcement. Mabuti na lang at halos patapos na rin iyong lecture namin. Agad akong nagtanong kay Avo tungkol sa welcoming na tinutukoy sa announcement.

"Ano ba 'yun?" tanong ko sa kanya. Ayaw niya kasi akong sagutin. Mas lalo tuloy akong na-curious. Since ayaw naman akong pansinin ni Avo, bumaling ako kay Night. "Ano 'yung welcoming na sinasabi, Night?"

"Don't bother, wife. You won't be attending," sabi ni Avo. Tumayo na kami at naglakad palabas. Nagmamadali ako dahil ang bilis nila maglakad dalawa. Si Night, humiwalay ng landas. Mukhang papunta siya sa building nila Laurie... Mabuti naman. Palagi na lang kasi ako ang inaasikaso ni Night, e.

"Ano ba kasi 'yun, Avo?" I was incessant on asking. Mas lalo na hindi sinasabi sa akin, mas lalo kong gugustuhin na malaman.

Kanina ko pa siya kinukulit. Paulit-ulit ko siyang tinatanong, pakiramdam ko nga naiinis na siya sa akin, e. Pero kasi habang mas ayaw niyang sabihin, mas magpupumilit ako. Kaya dapat talaga sabihin niya na lang.

Finally, he stopped from his tracks.

"It's a tradition in this school," sabi niya.

"Oh, tradition naman pala. Bakit ayaw mo akong papuntahin?" I asked him.

Tinignan niya ako nang mabuti at saka nagbuntong hininga. "You don't understand."

"E 'di ipaintindi mo sa akin," I said, half-annoyed. Ayoko sa lahat e 'yung may tinatago sa akin e obvious naman na. Para akong pinagmumukhang tanga.

He sighed. "It's the night when the Dieux will choose the Quatrième that they will enslave."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "You do that?" hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. Alam ko na baka nakapatay na ng tao si Avo... na possible naman na may binubully siya... But I always try to believe in the goodness in each person. And being slapped hard by the reality stings.

"Why?" mahina ang boses na sabi ko. I tried to mask the disappointment in my voice but I couldn't. Iniisip ko pa lang na may tao silang pinapahirapan, naiinis na ako. Isipin mo, isa ka lang tapos pagtutulungan ka ng lahat ng Dieux? Paano naman 'yun?

"It's tradition," he answered.

Hindi na ako sumagot. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. All this time, I was just fooling myself na mabuting tao si Avo. He wasn't the person I imagined him to be. He's just like the monsters my mom told me about.

"Hindi ba pwede na 'wag mo ng gawin 'yun?" I asked him but I was met with stony silence.

"Don't go, alright?" Instead he said.

I looked at him. "Why? Because you don't want me to see the horrible person that you really are?" Hindi ko alam kung saan ko nakuha ang lakas ng loob na sabihin iyon sa kanya. But I really couldn't deal with what I just discovered. Why the need to enslave someone? What good do you get from that?

"Wife..."

I stopped from my tracks. "What?"

"Are you mad at me?"

I shook my head. "Do I have the right to be mad at you?" I said and then looked at him with dead eyes. "I'm just one of your puppets."