We said our goodbyes to Dom the next day, I thought I was okay with him leaving again. Truth was I wasn't okay with it at all, I was not okay with the whole situation in general. He knew he was leaving for weeks now and he did not tell me, I want so bad to be okay with him making that decision but I wasn't.

I kept thinking about it and it was only making me madder, I thought about how my mom and Clarissa knew and didn't tell me either. When we got back to the house I went straight to the room and laid down on the bed. 

I just wasn't okay that he was gone again and I don't know how long it would be until I could see him again. Clarissa came into the room "Hey I was just coming to see if you are okay?" I was just so mad that I snapped at her "I would be a lot better if you just left me alone." 

I could tell that this was not a reaction she expected she put her head down and walked out of the room. I sighed because not only was I upset I felt like a total bitch for snapping at her like I did. 

A few minutes later my mom comes in the room "Oh my gosh what do you want?" "I know you are mad but taking it out on everyone else isn't going to make it better." "I don't want to hear this shit mom, I am pissed that you two both knew for weeks he was leaving and didn't say anything to me.

Don't stand there and try and lecture me right now, all I want is to be alone can you understand that?" "He asked us not to tell you Alessa." "I don't care mom, for weeks I could have spent time with him and I got a few hours to spend with him before he left. I don't want you to come in here and tell me not to be pissed off because I am. Who knows when I will see him again."

"Alessa?" "I am done with this conversation you can leave now." I say to her I turn so that way my back is towards her, I heard the door open and close and I relaxed a little. I laid there in the bed just staring at the wall, I couldn't think everything was all jumbled.

I wasn't sure how long I had laid there but I was starting to fall asleep when I felt someone get on the bed. I turned to find William there "Please don't tell me that I need to apologize to my mom and Clarissa, I know I need too."

"I wasn't going to, I was just coming to see if you were okay." I kissed him on the cheek and I leaned my forehead against his and closed my eyes. "I am mad, I'm just so mad that he did that and I only got a few hours to spend with him before I had to say goodbye." "At least you got to see him Alessa doesn't that count for something?"

He hugs me and kisses my forehead "At least you are going to be with me." "I won't be back to New York for a couple of weeks." "What?" "Well I have some stuff to do here for a few days and then I have some stuff to do in LA and the meeting."

"So you aren't leaving with us tomorrow?" "No." I got up off the bed "So you were just going to wait to tell me this tomorrow?" "Alessa there hasn't really been a good time to talk to you today since we got back from the air port."

I thought that he would be there for me like I needed him to be and he just wasn't. This only seemed to make me mad all over again, "Of course because when I need you to be there for me your career will always come before me. Just like I needed you to come after me when I left you but again I came second and yet I waited for you. How dumb was I?"

I walked out of the room and slammed the door behind me "Alessa?" Alexa says "Leave me alone." I say as I run out the back door and to the beach. I wanted to scream and throw something but I just walked, I was mad and hurt and sad and I just wanted it to go away.

I walked for a while thinking about all the things that happened and how horrible I felt about everything that happened.  I sat down in the sand listening to the waves and the smell of the ocean was intoxicating.

I watched the sunset trying to get my thoughts together, I was angry at myself now for letting my emotions get the best of me, I was mad for the things that I had said to Will. It was so easy for me to just hurt him, this I didn't understand at all. 

Why had it been so easy for me to do that to him? Why had it been so easy for him to do it to me when he did? It still didn't make it right that I had taken my anger out on them, it wasn't their fault.

I don't think anyone had a fault in this but me, not even Dom because I knew he just wanted to protect me from myself and yet I wasn't sure anyone could protect me from myself. I sat their on the beach not sure what to do, not sure what I was going to say to anyone.

I wasn't sure I was ready to face any of them either, I sat there playing with the sand in my hands it was getting really late. I just couldn't make myself go back to the house to face them. I finally got up and started making my way back, my mom was outside on the patio when I got closer to the house.

I slowed my pace and I finally made it to the patio, she looks up and smiles at me. I go sit next to her "I'm really sorry mom." She hugs me tight "Clarissa and I both understand why you are angry with us. We should have told you Dom was leaving and you should of had more time to spend with him."

"He should  have told me mom and now he is gone and it could be another 2 years until I get to see him again." I sat there with my mom hugging me "I know it's hard for you Alessa, you aren't the only one of us that is feeling that way. I know you are mad for what we did but the way you acted today is not okay no matter how upset at us you are."

"I know and I feel horrible for how I acted with you and Clarissa especially Will." "He is really upset Alessa I don't know what you said to him but he is really upset." I shook my head "Is Clarissa still awake?"

"Her and Alexa are in the kitchen they couldn't sleep because they were worried about you."  I nod my head at her as I get up and make my way inside. Alexa and Clarissa were sitting at the table talking, they both look up as I walk towards the table. 

"Oh my gosh Alessa we were worried about you." Alexa says "Clarissa I am so sorry for what I said to you it wasn't fair and I'm so sorry." She smiles at me "It's okay Alessa I understand why you are upset at me." "No Clarissa it wasn't right for me to have talked to you or Alexa the way I did and I am sorry to the both of you."

They both got up and hugged me "It's okay." They both say "I need to go talk to Will." I say to them, I make my way to the bed room and I stand outside the door for a little while I take a deep breath before I walk in.

Will was sitting at the desk on his computer, I didn't know what to say, I sat on the bed trying to think of something to say. I played with my hands because he was mad I could tell "Will?" I say a softly he took a deep breath but still didn't say anything. 

I got up and walked over to him "Will I'm sorry." I say as I touch his shoulder "Don't touch me." He say as he stands up his jaw was tight and he had his hands in fists I took a step back. "I know saying sorry doesn't make what I said right."

He closes his eyes and shakes his head "If I hadn't already been feeling fucking shitty for how I treated you then, you pretty much tell me that this whole time since then has been a waist of your fucking time and you don't know why you got back with me."

"I didn't mean it like that." "The fuck you didn't Alessa, if you didn't then you wouldn't have said it. Is that how you have been feeling this whole time? Have I just been a total waist of time this whole time because from where I stand that's how it feels. You want to be mad at everyone because Dom left and didn't tell you fine be mad Alessa but this shit I'm done with it."

I stepped towards him but he stepped back "I said don't touch me. You knew from the beginning that this was my life, you knew what that meant when you got with me and you throw it in my face. This is my life, without music I am nothing, I couldn't just leave to go chase after you no matter how much I wanted too.

Even though I thought it was too late I still came after you because I love you and I realized that I couldn't be without you. Now I don't even know if I want this anymore because I can't handle this. I can't help but think that every time you are mad or we fight you will throw that in face. 

The one thing that I regret the most the one thing I can't forgive myself for and you know it and you throw it back in my face."

I fell to the floor and cried saying sorry wasn't going to fix this, nothing I said was going to fix how much I had hurt him. There was just one question lurking between us and I wasn't sure I wanted to know his answer.

"I know there is nothing that I can say that is going to make this better and saying sorry isn't going to make you feel better. I'm just sorry that I did this to us." "I think we need a break Alessa because all of this is too much for me."

I stood up "Okay." I say I start to gather my things from the room "Don't leave." I look over at him and I can't help the tears he grabs me and hold me tight in his arms "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I did this." 

He doesn't say anything he just holds me after a little while we both lay down. He held me in his arms but it felt different, it felt more like a goodbye. I did not want to say goodbye to him but it was going to happen because that is what he wanted and I needed to give him his space. 

Every minute that passed it hurt me a little more because I had done this to us. I didn't know if there would ever be an us again and I had done that. I couldn't sleep but Will had finally fallen asleep, I got up from the bed and made my way out to the patio.

I sat there with my legs pulled to my chest and my head on my knees. After a little while someone put there arms around me I looked up to see Alexa sitting beside me. "Are you okay?" I shake my head at her as I start to cry again.

"We are over Alexa and I did that to us." "Just give him time Alessa."