I woke up it was late I had been asleep all day, I really just wanted to see Dom. I wanted him to tell me to stop being stupid, I just wanted to hear his voice. I got up my body felt achy and I had a headache but I ignored it.

I walked down the hall and to the kitchen, Will was asleep on the couch and I was surprised that he stayed here. I was hungry and I really just wanted something to drink, I grabbed a cup and filled it up with water.

I decided I would eat a bowl of cereal, I sat at the table and started eating my cereal when I heard my phone start ringing in my room. I hurried and answered it and walked back to the kitchen to finish my cereal. 

"Hello?" "Hey how is it going?" It was Alexa "What do you mean how is it going?" "I mean how is it going with you and Will?" "How is it supposed to be going?" "What happened?" "I can't pretend like it doesn't bother me that he is here." 

"I know it's hard Alessa but I really think you two need to talk." "There is nothing for us to talk about Alexa we broke up and I can't keep thinking on it because look what it did to me. I can barley talk to you or Julian without being reminded of him. I wasn't eating or sleeping and I seen the way all of you would watch over me. It's not fair to any of you or to me and it's definitely not fair to my mom for her to have to watch me."

I was crying now, "I need to let him go Alexa but I can't do that with him still around. I know he cares about me and I wish that I could give that back to him without wanting him to be mine but I can't." 

"I'm sorry Alessa." "I'm just gonna go." I say to her as I hang up the phone, I was tired of talking about this already. I cleaned the dishes I used and walked back to my room and laid back down on the bed.

I was tired of crying but I laid there and cried anyways, a few minutes later I felt someone get on the bed and start rubbing my back. We didn't say anything for a while, I turned to look at Will "You heard me talking on the phone with Alexa?" 

"Yes." I didn't know what to say to him so I didn't say anything at all. "If you don't want me to stay please tell me to leave." "I don't know what I want anymore, it's hard for me to be around you but I don't want you to leave. I want to return the care you are showing me but I can't just do it as a friend. I wish that I could because at least then you would still be in my life."

He wraps me in his arms and holds me "I'm here now Alessa can't that just be enough?" I want it to be enough for me but I really don't know if it is. I cry into his chest as we lay there on the bed, I start to fall asleep and I feel him move.

"Please don't leave." I say to him he puts his arms around me and I fall asleep. 

I wake up with the sun shining through the window Will was still asleep, if only I could have this again, have him again. I start to get up but he grabs my hand "Just lay here a little longer." He says to me I lay my head on his chest and lay with him for a little longer.

After about an hour we both finally get up I grab some clothes and take a quick shower. I was ready to see Dom, I pulled up my hair into a messy bun and went to the kitchen and got some water.

A few minutes later Will walks in he just has a pair of jeans on and I can't help but to stare "You almost ready?" He smiles at me "Yeah just let me grab a shirt and put some shoes on and we can go." I nod to him as he walks out of the kitchen.

Before we head to the hospital we go get breakfast for everyone, we walk inside and into the waiting room "Oh my gosh we are starving." Alexa says I smile and shake my head at her "I'm gonna take mom and Clarissa their food." I grab their food and head to Dom's room.

I walk in and Clarissa is sitting there talking to Dom, they both look over at me. "He is awake and you didn't call me?" "I said I wanted you to get some rest so we didn't call you." My mom says from behind me.

"You told me you would call if anything changed, when did he wake up?" "He woke up early this morning about 4." I didn't say anything else I just walked over to Dom's bed and I grabbed his hand and smiled at him.

"I'm so glad to see that you are awake." I was starting to cry and he slightly squeezes my hand. "Sit down right here." Clarissa says as she gets up I nod to her and sit down in the chair "Are you comfortable?"

He nods to me "Dom" I couldn't help the tears "It's okay Alessa, I am okay." "It's not okay nothing at all is okay right now. I was here that night they brought you in I thought I was going to lose you. It was the worst thing ever and they wouldn't let me see you, I'm just glad to see you awake and talking."

"Well this wasn't how I planned my coming home to go." He smiles, I wanted to return the smile but I couldn't. "Are you sure you are feeling okay? You're not in pain or anything?" "Alessa I'm fine really. Enough about me though I want to hear about you." 

"Dom we can do that some other time." "Look I don't like being here and I want to know how everything has been going with you." I was kind of surprised that my mom or Clarissa hadn't told him what's been going on.

I look over at the both of them "We are going to go get some coffee." Mom says as her and Clarissa leave the room. I stayed silent for a little while as I played with my hands "I have really needed you these past few months to knock some sense into me or something." 

"What happened?" "The day you left I was so mad that I didn't get more time with you. I thought I was okay then we got back to Will's house and I just wasn't. I said somethings to everyone but Will got it the worst from me. He broke up with me, I shouldn't have said those things to him." 

I was crying now "I tried to be okay with it I really did try but I couldn't let him go. I still can't let him go, I was starting to accept that we weren't together but then one day I seen he had a new girlfriend. Then I decided to go out one day after one of his shows with everyone I thought it would make me feel better. Then he showed up said he wanted us to be friends." 

I laugh "I told him there was no way I could ever just be his friend because I still love him. I couldn't watch him love someone else the way he used to love me. Things just haven't been the same since then, there is a hole that only he can fill. I just threw myself into work and school I wasn't taking care of myself the way I am supposed to.

I got to the point where I just stopped talking to everyone especially Alexa and Julian because they reminded me to much of him. I can't be here and be okay so I applied to finish my last year of schooling in Spain and I got accepted. I'm supposed to be leaving in a couple of weeks but I still haven't found a place to live and if I don't then I can't go."

"I'm sorry that I haven't been here for you, and I'm sorry that all of that happened because of me." "No it wasn't because of you Dom it was because of me I did all of this to me and to my relationship. I really wish I could accept him as just a friend because then at least the hole in my chest might not be as big."

"Alessa it's not that you can't accept him as a friend, it's that you don't want to accept him as a friend because you are punishing yourself for messing it all up. He loves you Alessa that I know for a fact same as you love him, but maybe you two need to love each other at a distance.

That doesn't mean it's going to last forever but it's a way for you two start over. Maybe you two are only better as friends and maybe you will end up together again. Don't punish yourself because you love him and don't punish him because he loves you. He could be hurting just as much as you but you can't stop your life because of it."

Maybe all this time I had been punishing my self because of what I caused. "Alessa if leaving here is what you need to do then do it. Go to Spain do great things but don't leave here with any regrets." 

Had I been punishing myself all this time? Was I really willing to let William go completely? Of course I wasn't I was still holding onto him but I didn't want him to be in my life because I thought maybe it would some how be better if I just forgot him.

Maybe I've just been selfish not thinking about how he felt about all of this. I knew I hurt him, it hurt me to know that. It was the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him but it was also one of the easiest things to do.

Why was it so easy for us to hurt each other? The question I didn't have an answer to. Me leaving at this point seemed to be the best idea for me. I needed to clear my head of all of this. The only other thing on my mind was  will I let William back in as just my friend?

Dom had a point about this maybe being a new start for us. Maybe it was the end of everything for us. I didn't have the answer but I knew I couldn't leave here without finding out if we could just be friends.

Dom was right I couldn't leave here with regrets, I needed to talk to Will but I was scared that all the feeling I still have for him will keep me from him because I don't want to hurt anymore.

I had been unfair to him when all he has done is care for me and I couldn't accept that he was no longer mine. I think I just needed time to think through this all before I made decisions.

If I had thought about everything that day we broke up I wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe all of this would have happened anyways, later on in our relationship.

Maybe we both really needed to change to be great together. So many thoughts as to why it happened but it was really all just because of me. I couldn't change that but I could make it right for me and for him and that's what I will do.