I woke up the next morning not remembering coming to bed or how I even got to my bed. I was supposed to have everything figured out by now and everything only seemed to be getting worse. I was leaving in a couple of days and I still had so much to do, I haven't even packed. 

I couldn't think about that now I didn't go back and check on Dom last night. I hurried took a quick shower and made my way to Clarissa's. I walk in the door and Mom and Clarissa are in the kitchen cooking "Good Morning." I smile at them.

"Good morning Alessa." My mom says "I'm sorry I didn't make it back last night." "It's fine we got it covered." Clarissa says "Is Dom awake?" "Yes he is just watching TV." I nod to them as I make my way to the bedroom "Alessa?" I turn to look at them "Are you okay?" Clarissa asks me. 

Could they tell something was wrong with me? "Yes I am good." She smiles at me and I walk into the room "Good morning Dom." He smiles at me "Good morning." "How are you feeling this morning? Are you in any pain?"

"No I'm good mom and Clarissa cleaned me up gave me my meds, everything is good." I smile at him "So what happened you didn't come back last night?" "I know I started packing and just lost track of time." 

He laughs and shakes his head "Little sister you still can't lie to me, I know for a fact that you still haven't packed. So really what happened?" "I don't want to talk about it." "Why?" "Because I'm tired of crying Dom, I'm just tired." 

"Alessa it's okay." "It's not enough for me to just be okay Dom, I want to be happy again. I want to be happy with William and know that whatever we go through that we won't end up back in this situation again. Right now if we get back together it won't work because I don't know who I am anymore. I need to find me again and be better for me and for a relationship with Will."

"I know you know what is best for you Alessa but sometimes you let your emotions control your actions. I just want you to really think about all of this before you make any decisions, your happiness is one of the most important things to me."

"I know I let my emotion get in the way sometimes but I know what I need this time in order for anything to work. It's because of my emotions why I'm even in this situation in the first place, I've been so caught up in them for the past like 6 or 7 months now and it's been the worst. Spain is my do over, I can start over there and find myself again while I'm doing something that is important to me."

"Alessa you do understand that your feeling about everything right now may change?" "I know that Dom and maybe that's what's supposed to happen I don't really know. What I do know is that I love Will and I think no matter what happens when I am gone I will always love him. Yes I know that my love for him may change and if that happens then that is what is meant to happen and we will go on from there. Maybe our time together is over but I won't know any of this if I stay here, I know I won't ever be happy again if I don't do this."

"Talk to him Alessa and make sure that you two end on the same page and that you both understand the situation happening." I nod to him and he pulls me in for a hug "I'm so proud of you Alessa." "Thank you Dom." 

"So how has everything been with you and Clarissa?" "I know that all of this is hard for her and we haven't really talked about it and I know she won't say anything about it. I just don't want her to feel like she is in this alone and that I am here. I don't want her to feel like all of this has been on her either."

I nod to him "I guess I didn't make the situation better for any one. It was hard enough for me knowing that  you were gone. So I can only imagine how her and mom felt watching over me and the things they were feeling when you were gone too. It wasn't fair to them at all." "Alessa they love you so they would have done it anyways even if I was here."

"I depend on you too much especially when I am in my feelings you are the only one who can get through to me. I need to learn to do that on my own because you won't always be here."That's what older brothers are for Alessa." 

"Yes Dom but I can't always depend on you to help me I need to learn to do it on my own. Maybe if I had learned that before all of this would have went differently." "And maybe it would all have went exactly how it did Alessa." 

I smile at him and hug him again "I'm always going to need you Dom." He hugs me tighter "Okay but you need to go pack." I look at him and nod to him "I will see you later." He nods back and I leave the room.

"Hey are you hungry?" Clarissa asks I shake my head "I really need to go start packing my things." "You still haven't started?" I laugh and shake my head "Hey talk to Dom okay he is a worried about you." 

She nods to me "I love you." "I love you too Alessa." I made my way back to my house Alexa, Julian and William were sitting in the kitchen. "Alessa I was looking for you where did you go?" Alexa asks me "I was with Dom." I started down the hall to my room "Alessa?" I turn to find Alexa coming towards me.

"What's wrong?" "Nothing I just really need to start packing and getting everything done before I leave." "Alessa I know you better then anyone, what happened?" "William told me he wanted to get back together and things just got really complicated."

"You don't want to get back with him?" "Of course I do I just feel like now it's to late, somewhere along the line of all this craziness I lost myself and I need to find me again before I do anything. I want to be happy with me first, I love him I know that but it hurts right now I want to love him and it not hurt anymore. Maybe I'm just not meant to love him, I don't really know but I have to figure it out."

"Have you talked to him since then?" "No but I will soon." "Everything is going to be okay Alessa." I nod to her and smile and then I walk into my room. "Mom?" I say as I walk in and see her in there "What are you doing?"

"Well I can see that you haven't started packing so I started for you." "You don't have to do that." "I know I don't but I want to." I walk over to her "Mom are you okay?" She looks up at me, her eyes are watery and she smiles at me "I'm so proud of you Alessa you have no idea. I'm going to miss you." 

I wipe the tears from her face and I hug her tight "I'm going to miss you too Mom, so much." She helps me pack for most of the day and then she leaves to go check on Dom. I told her I would be there soon to go check on him too.

I was sitting on my bed putting some last things in my suitcases there was a knock on the door. "Come in." I say there was a charge in the air like it was like I knew it was William who had walked in. 

I could feel him close to me now I looked up and he was right in front of me. He puts his hand on my cheek and I lean into it "Can we talk?" he says softly and I nod to him. "I just need to go check on Dom first." 

"Okay I will go with you and then we can take a drive." I nod to him and he drops his hand. My cheek felt cold I got up and we walked over to Clarissa's. We both went to go see Dom and he just looked at the both of us. 

"It's okay Clarissa already cleaned it." "Did you take your meds?" He nods to me "Can I talk to Will?" I look at him and then at Will, I nod and then leave the room. Why did he want to talk to him? I was a little nervous about this. A little while later Will walks out of the room I walk back in there.

Dom smiles at me "I will see you later." He says to me and I nod to him, we walk outside and get into his car. We had been driving for about 10 minutes and neither one of us still hadn't said anything. 

"I can't take this silence anymore, what's happening with us?" "I don't know William I really don't know." "What do you want Alessa? Tell me something because I told you what I want." "What I want is to be happy, what I want is not to feel the way I do now." "What can I do to make that happen?"

"That's the thing Will you can't do anything I need to do it." "So you don't want to be with me?" "That's not what I'm saying." "Well then what are you saying because that's how it sounds." "I'm saying that somewhere in all of this I lost myself, I don't know who I am anymore." 

I play with my hands and he grabs on of them. I look at him "I know that I love you Will but we won't work right now not while I feel like this, us being together won't work. I need to find myself again and be happy I want to be better for me and for us. We both deserve to be happy." 

"You are my happiness Alessa." "And I want you to be mine again Will." We pulled into a parking lot and parked, he put his head down "I don't make you happy anymore." He says softly and I could feel the pain he felt saying it.

I put my finger under his chin and make him look at me "I didn't mean it like that Will because since you have been here is the happiest I have been since all this happened. It's complicated because you make me happy but the hurt is still there too. I want to be happy and it not hurt anymore." 

"So you don't want to get back together?" I could tell he was a little angry and it hurt me. "I'm sorry." I say to him and he pulls his hand from mine I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. "Please understand that I can't right now, I am leaving the day after tomorrow and I don't want to leave feeling like this."

"What about the way I feel does that not matter to you?" "I know you are upset and I'm sorry Will I am so sorry, but do you see us now we can't be in a relationship like this. If we get back together now it won't work and you know it won't. We both need to find ourselves again Will we need this."

"I know what I need Alessa and that is you." "I need you too Will but my need for you is only hurting me more. It's not supposed to be like that, I need time to understand all of this because I still don't understand."

I grab his hand "I love you William Singe can that just be enough for now?" We sat there and I watched as he tried to figure everything out in his mind. After a little while he squeezes my hand "I love you Alessa and I want you to be happy because we both deserve that. Maybe we both lost ourselves in all of this but I don't want this to be a goodbye.  I don't want to feel like you are saying goodbye to me, I want you in my life anyway I can get you."

"I'm not saying goodbye Will I'm saying I want to start over from the beginning. Let's just be friends for now and see where it goes, I'm always going to love you Will whether it be as my boyfriend of just a friend you are always going to hold a special place in my heart." 

I didn't feel like we had everything settled but we were in a good place right now and I was happy with that. We went back to the house and he helped me finish packing the rest of my stuff. I looked around my room and how empty it looked this was it, it was actually happening and I was nervous about it.